I know what awaits me in the morning
maybe that is why I do not seek sleep.
I do not want to go through the motions
of pretending that I am still awake.
My eyes are open, that's not the issue.
I stumble through the darkness of daylight;
the sun casts no shadow on all the pain.
Humanity is less disappointing
under a blanket of blue velvet sky.
It is quiet at hours like this one.
I'm not filled with Christmas nerves or worry.
There are no crowds to make my pulse quicken:
It's just me, a pen and four white walls.
There could be other possibilities
because my antisocial tendencies
and cynicism cannot fully explain why
I am afraid of dreams that are not nightmares.