Past Tense

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A few minutes ago, I killed myself
It's the best decision I ever made
I guess it's sort of sad when your only friend
Is the cold and unforgiving touch of a blade

Finally, the cement blocks are off my feet
For the first time in my life I know what it's like to rise
It's beautiful, I haven't smiled like this since I died
I knew there would be salvation in my own demise

So I guess this is what omnipresence is like
I can see everything that was supposed to matter to me
I can't wait to see the look on your face
Once you stumble across my blasphemy

There I am, I guess now you care
Now that I'm gone like you wished I was
Those tears of yours are a few years too late
Let's see how much good that ambulance does

I guess the guys at school heard the news
That I fell asleep in a body bag
Please don't cry, I thought you were cool
It wasn't you that made me wave the flag

Grandma, come to think if it you were always there for me
I can't stand seeing you like this
The farther I'm falling from the earth
The more I realize how much I'll miss

Toby, man's best friend, you knew me the best
When I came home angry you'd cheer me up
I guess where I'm going you can't follow me this time
I'm really gonna miss my little pup

Mom...I guess I forgot how it used to be
Before he came and ruined it all
We used to be best friends
I can still hear your voice from down the hall

I can only guess at how long its been since I felt the blade
A minute, an hour, a year, I don't know
It's more cold and lonely than anything I've ever known
This fall from grace is worse than the life I left below

This isn't what I wanted, its not what I meant
I was supposed to be happy, to be free
But this freedom means nothing
Without any of you by me
Here I am once again, with the blade in my hand
Did that really happen? It felt so real...
As I sit in the tub where this whole nightmare started
I get up, catch my bearings, this is absolutely surreal

A few minutes ago, I think I saved my life
By crying myself to sleep with the worst intention
I was so close to losing everything I never knew I had
Was it a coincidence? Or maybe divine intervention





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.Boo. said...
Dec. 11, 2010 at 11:39 pm
bittersweet. dont ever stop writing
 
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