Ocean

Deep and misunderstood.
Turbulent, ever changing
Never still. Or predictable.

A mother and a sister.
A temptress and a murderer.
The tides both pull and push away.

Secrets are hidden deep
Where no man has ever gone.
In watery dungeons of mystery, hate and love.





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despurlock This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 29, 2009 at 8:56 pm
I really love this piece! It beautifully describes the ocean and how it can be many things to many people! I love your words choice ("a temptress" "a mother"). This is a beautiful piece! Great job!
 
ElizabethW. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 29, 2009 at 11:12 pm
It started out as a poem to describe a woman actually, and I was going to do more metaphors than just the ocean. But then it sounded so good this way. Do you have any suggestions to make the metaphor more noticeable?
 
despurlock This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 30, 2009 at 9:44 am
Personally, I wouldn't change the poem. I'm really funny about that stuff b/c I hate to change a poem once its written down (aside from minor changes) but that's just me. I'd be afraid to change it because it is already so beautiful. I'f you wanted to add in some more metaphors though, you could start describing a women right off of the last stanza but connected and then break off into other stanzas. That way it shows that they are really connectede though they seem diff... (more »)
 
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