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Broken Girl

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This girl is broken
She cries many tears
She wants to be whole, She doesn`t want to hurt
This guy broke her
She will never be the same
She`ll never smile like she use to
Never walk the same way
Never look like her
You will always see the sadness in her eyes
But she will never say how sad she is
She will lye, even if you see tears running down her face
All she will say is
“im fine”
And walk away, And when you see her go
You will see the pain
You will see how dark the road is for her
But you don`t care
You just turn around
Leave the darkness
And go to
The bright of the world





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amyxu said...
Jun. 5, 2009 at 11:43 pm
This one definitely gets better toward the end. I agree with other reviewers that it's a bit cliche to start with. But good job! Hey, if you have time come check out my poems:
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/112350/Dancing-On-The-Rooftop-At-Night/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/112348/The-Statue/
 
amyxu said...
Jun. 4, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Very insightful. I love the way it wraps up at the end. There could be more figurative language and more poetic devices used throughout the first few lines. But overall, good job. Here's a few of my poems if you want to take a look at them:
TeenInk.com/raw/Fiction/article/113385/The-Awakening/
TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/112350/Dancing-On-The-Rooftop-At-Night/
 
lovethinsthingssss said...
Jun. 4, 2009 at 3:34 pm
i don`t think its cliche. it sounds like a very important subject. this is how a lot of ppl feel.
 
bluejay31 said...
Jun. 2, 2009 at 1:19 am
I like it too. I agree with Ryan that it's a little cliche, but it was good overall! Keep it up! :)
 
Ryan M. said...
May 30, 2009 at 1:57 am
I like it and love your wording. Just a little constructive criticism that its a little cliche. But i write cliche stuff too so HIGH FIVE XD
 
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