Broken Dreams

May 18, 2009
By XOLyssamarieXD PLATINUM, Bellingham, Massachusetts
XOLyssamarieXD PLATINUM, Bellingham, Massachusetts
27 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be not deceived if I have veiled my look I turn the trouble of my countenance merely upon myself"


Something she can’t handle
What you say to her, she takes to heart
She could be burning bright, like your candle
But instead, you choose to part

Do you know what you did to her?
She doesn’t show her emotion
All she does is go home, cry, and listen to her cat purr
It’s like a curse, like a potion

Sometimes she says she is done
Take a walk in her shoes
Was it fun?
She feels like she wants to blow a fuse

Why did you have to part?
You ripped out her heart


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This article has 5 comments.


on Oct. 27 2009 at 8:18 pm
XOLyssamarieXD PLATINUM, Bellingham, Massachusetts
27 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be not deceived if I have veiled my look I turn the trouble of my countenance merely upon myself"

Indeed, i felt as though the cat part didnt fit but i really couldnt find another word to put there and rhyme with her

tor10jax GOLD said...
on Sep. 1 2009 at 7:33 pm
tor10jax GOLD, Livingston, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 144 comments
I like this poem over all, but it looks like it could use a bit more revision. The cat part could probably go. "She feels like she wants to blow a fuse" seems sort out of place in that stanze but it belongs somewhere in the poem.

Keep writing!

amyxu said...
on Aug. 12 2009 at 4:12 pm
Hey I was browsing Teen Ink and came across your poem. This is a very strong piece. I like it! One suggestion, the phrase "and listen to her cat purr" kind of breaks the rhythm. It draws the reader's focus to a cat, instead of the crying girl. In my opinion, that is. You may want to take it out. But all in all, I think this is a very well done poem!!!

Lindsey_O GOLD said...
on Jul. 12 2009 at 8:56 pm
Lindsey_O GOLD, Marshfield, Massachusetts
11 articles 0 photos 180 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words slide off the lead,
creating permanent marks;
writer's secret code.
~Lindsey O'Connell

that was so deep! I really liked it!

on Jul. 9 2009 at 1:32 am
XOLyssamarieXD PLATINUM, Bellingham, Massachusetts
27 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be not deceived if I have veiled my look I turn the trouble of my countenance merely upon myself"

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