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Awaiting

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I swept away the issues and dreamt
Of all the time I spent
On all this hating
I was just waiting
For something wrong to become right
My family watched me at the sight
Where I thought I was never to return
While all these burn
All the these marks on me
They may hurt and these wounds may squirt
Out the crimson poison from me
It hurts before it gets better, you’ll be
Awaiting my arrival
Smiling even though on several
Occasions I took my happiness away
I’ll try everyday
To find another way which will
Let me heal slowly no more will the chill
From my black clothe that surrounds
My heart I refuse to break apart
Into pieces again and again
I will send
The disease and fleas
That fester inside my soul
That tries to eat my whole
I will send them away
They may come out
But no more will I scream and shout
At myself as I look into the mirror
To see myself tearing up fast
You’ll always be waiting for me to come
There will always be some
That would love to assume
That they can bring me doom
Just trying to bring me down
You’re wrong
I can be strong
When I want it
I may be misguided and have a fit
Against myself
I so confused whether to continue
Or like me, through
All these trials
Long ago I followed
And served others
With no care or bothers
About me
I may have been spoiled
But they feelings boiled
Over and I expressed it in ways
That I shouldn’t have
I guess that why I continued, I knew I was ‘bad’
I know this is a belief of mine
‘If I look like crap
Feel like crap
I am crap’
Old beliefs
Which used to strangulate
My lungs





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