You Were Never There In The First Place

April 24, 2009
Looking through old photos and notes
reliving every last memory.
Seeing the smiles on both of our faces.
Wondering where mine came from
and how it stayed there for so long.
5 minute talks on the phone
about nothing, meaningless.
Seeing each other every so often
was just not enough.
41 months was not enough to make it last.
The promises never came true
and the smiles all had to end at one point.
All around my room is a reflection of you.
From pictures & cards on the wall
to the pandas you bought me for every occassion.
I can feel the emptiness in my heart
ready to be filled once again, by you
or maybe even someone else.
Forgiveness takes time, love takes time.
everything takes time.
Time to form and time to break.
I search for tears but i can't cry
I am a blank slate ready to be covered
with love and even some hate.
I search for the pain inside
I feel the emptiness in my hand,
no fingers mixed in with mine.
But all this emptiness isn't new...
it's something that has been felt for awhile.
All the pain that was built up as been released;
there is no more weight on my shoulders.
And once again i search for pain
but all i find is hope.
And thats when it hits me
I can't even miss you...
because you were never there in the first place.





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