Hello I am Artemis Fowl
And I may come off as a big jerk
Like that one guy named Simon Cowell
But with a bigger smirk
Sure I have a superiority complex
But I can do that for I have no quirk

You may be curious as to why
I am writing to you Minerva, honey
You were probably expecting a friendly “Hi!”
Because you thought I was a nice guy
Well, truth be told, that’s a lie
So just know I’ll be coming by
To take back what is mine

Just know that I have friends
By the name of Mulch, Foaly, and Holly
Who’ll probably help make you
Regret your actions and folly
For no one can outwit the great Artemis Fowl
Especially not a 12 year old genius
Who seems not too jolly

But also to let you know
Particularly in chapter five or four
I’ll have the “hots” for you Minerva Paradizo
But at the end you’ll definitely like me more
Especially when I get freed from that Limbo