I like to look at the stars at night because they remind me that there are much bigger and better things out there than just us, bigger than high school, bigger than this s*** hole of a town. Sometimes during a traffic jam I'll look around myself and see hundreds of people, with lives and lovers and jobs and regrets, and I wonder what's on their mind. Do they think the same things as me? Or is there really no one who constantly thinks of how this world is nothing but an endless wheel of despair? Probably just me. I try to be happy, I really do. I constantly strive to treat the world better than it’s treated me, but every time I'm just engulfed into the darkness again. I feel like optimism is kind of like novocaine, the more sorrow you have, the more it moves through your numb body just to be pushed down and before you know it the medicine's worn off and you feel everything all at once. And maybe, just maybe, the only way to stop the pain is stop feeling all together and become a carcass. I don't know, I'm just a dumb teenager. But no one will ever know, and I think that's the most depressing thing of all.
I fear the unknown
June 12, 2013