Your heart is an overwhelmed machine

August 7, 2012
By NinaQ GOLD, Seattle, Washington
NinaQ GOLD, Seattle, Washington
15 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
Pick your heart up off the floor
Sometimes, there are things you can only do alone
You can cry for now but just become stronger the next day

This isn't a fancy poem, or some song lyrics. Or big high school hot topic. But this is an article about how I re found myself. Most of us are probably like 12 or 17 or 20 who cares yo. Sometimes, when you find someone who'll care about you, you go mad right? It overwhelm's your heart, it makes you desperate, like your dancing across thin ice, or everytime you give them your heart, they respond with just "K" or they just don't hear you no more.. The more you get knocked down the more I guess we get love shocked. Blindly building castles on a sandhill, which is just gonna come down on itself. Don't kiss there feet, stay away.. No, not talking about boyfriends. Well maybe, im talking about someone dear to us, someone who opened our worlds, most of you can connect, but my story is I never had anyone care about me, till I found this boy who took my whole world and cared, I looked up to him as my big brother. But big brother's must grow up, they must change. That person.. that's dear to you that was never meant to be there, they're never meant to be there with you unless you make a pack, where you grow and change together. Even if you're exact opposites, you grow learning from each others stupid experiences. But sometimes, they suck the life out of you. Your hand can't be held forever. Thats why I had to remember, I had to relearn that I am strong. I mean, no damn duh you're the only you, you hear that all the time but don't know what it means. Something that did the trick for me, is when the world tells me NOT i am who i am, but why no one else can. Why apart of my life is so traumatic and so important that they can't help me, only I can do it. No one else it powerful enough, or can even comprehend, Who cares if they even TRY to understand how you feel, yeah man thanks for caring but you CAN'T do it, thats my power. That's my job, I didn't need music to cry to to help find my job, I didn't need that big brother anymore. When someone reaches out to you, don't be the one crawling off your feet into there arms, be the one giving them a lift, a big grab on there hand and tug them off the ground, dont be the one dragged off of it. Wow this is long, well what can I say, deprived sleep does some things to you at 5:05 AM. Whoever reads this, please be strong, and whoever is struggling, i dont care i'm just glad you're still here. No more self harming.. nor my wrist nor my heart, no more drawing scissors on my arm with sharpie indicating where I COULD do it proving i'm to scared to. Smile, because we all deserve to. Today I blossom, please, everyone grow with me

The author's comments:
I was trying to find who I was, my boyfriend told me he can't help me. He said i can't do anything, he said only you can. That's when it hit me back home, where all my strength was, that no one else can do this

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