No judgement just no understanding

I am an athiest. Well I guess some would call me half. I am looked down on, avoided, told I am wrong, and I have even lost good friends all over just this one belief. I see life a bit differently then others I guess. I have seen and went through things most couldn't even imagine. When I was younger I prayed every night, wished on every shooting star hoping just one would come true. Nothing happend, nothing got any better, no one came or gave me any guidence. Then I realized that my lifes course is all up to me. Not some greater god, or some magicle being, no just me. Some believen a religion to explain the big questions in life but in truth some things are better off unanswered. Some to have a reason to keep going in life but in the end thier still left lost. Now I am not saying that it isn't possible for a greater being to exsist, I am just saying that if there is he/she does not care for what happens to humans. Where is this great savior while starvation and disease takes over africa? Has this god saved the poor children in Iraq? How about the millions stuck in demestic violence in America and every other country? Everyone has problems even though some may have it harder, you can pray to a god and it may make you feel better at the moment but in the long run what happens? Now I only truely understand the religion of Christianity but I'm sure other religions have flaws. If this god was so forgiving then why punish a whole race just for two peoples mistake? Yes Adam and Eve ate the bad fruit but that doesnt meen punish all of us, does this seem as a forgiving act? How could this so loving god watch as so many innocent suffer? Most people give the arguement of no physical evidence but I am willing to believe with no real hard proof, but how can I with so many unseen things have shown it wrong? I am often known for hiding this believe because I live in such a religouse little town only close friends and a few select people of my family have me myself have told. Many others have found out by word of mouth and this is my first posting or any proof of my thoughts and beliefs. I am more than open to arguements to defend religion but I have not yet found one that I can't prove wrong with no thought at all. Other people can believe what they wish, I dont judge but I dont understand.