A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Illegal Immigrants

November 11, 2016
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It is melancholy object to a huge social problem the United States is facing today is illegal immigrants. A illegal immigrant is a  foreigner who enters the U.S. without an entry or immigrant visa, especially a person who crosses the border by avoiding inspection or who overstays the period of time allowed as a visitor, tourist, or businessperson, also known as a resident alien. Illegal immigration in the United States is growing in size. More than 11 million undocumented aliens currently reside in the United States, and that population is growing by 700,000 per year (Gale 713).

I think it is agreed by all the parties that the life-threatening occurrence of illegal immigrants is ruining the life of others not committing crimes because their jobs are being taken away and town's population are going up along with taxes. Illegal immigrants are brought about by pressures on land, war, poverty, trade and foreign policy decisions (Gale 174). One in seven people in the world is a migrant in the United States, adds up to about 33 million or 20% of the world’s migrant population within the U.S. borders (McCabe). It's turning into the largest influx on U.S. soil since the 1980 Mariel boatlift out of Cuba (Cohn 317). Whoever can find the most practical solution to stop the increase of immigrants fleeing into the country will save us from leading into a bad life style and will be greatly rewarded.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of allowing everyone a fair chance at a great life. That only those with certain skills can have and advantage and be successful. This will make it so you can't swim across the border and start a new life.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. The U.S. policy allows Mexican child migrants to be sent back immediately  across the border (317). However, under a 2008 law; Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act, children from Central America must be given a court hearing before they are deported or allowed to stay (Gale 214).  Given the huge backup of court cases, they possible could have to wait years and for a hearing and by that time already starting a life.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should present a test that only the bravest and strongest immigrants can complete. First step is to apply for a chance to complete the test. You can do this by filling out questions online. If chosen, a written portion about U.S. history and laws must be passed in order to enter the maze. The only way you can survive in this country is if you know the proper ways to shop, eat and work.

In this scenario the United States government could see a full resume of who would like to enter the country and can be denied before they enter. If allowed, a 500 question test will be sent to you via email and need to be completed in 3 hours without any help. When your 3 hours are up the website will lock you out of it and be sent to the U.S. government. This process usually takes up to 7 weeks. Only 100 immigrants will be accepted per a year, which is the majority of their population.

Of course not all 100 immigrants will enter the United States, only a few can pass step two. Stereotype: Most immigrants have some sort of direction and can perform simple task. Once they find out their a finalist via email, over the span of three months they will be flown to a caribbean island where no one lives to complete the maze portion of the test to become a legal U.S. citizen. The maze is 129 acres of forest with obstacles that must be passed in a certain amount of time or else you fail. The obstacles include swimming across a 35 meter lake, climbing a tree, building a fire, solving multiple puzzles and school related questions on paper along the way. Upon entering the maze you're given a map and you have to find your way around with no help. If you do not complete any of the tasks in the amount of time given you will be exited from the maze and sent back to your country. You only have one chance and cannot reapply for citizenship, this is so that more people can have a chance.

These drastic and sudden changes would cost the United States government tons of money that is not available. Although this would control the population and only allow those who are educated enough to be a citizen. I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal that it is not fair to all and is a challenge for some to finish but will allow those in who can help our community be a better place like the strongest, oldest, and nicest.
Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that this is a fast growing conflict and needs a fast and reliable solution. I have researched this topic for eons and believe this is the only way to solve the problem of overpopulation. 

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