Look at Me

December 18, 2010
By , Oakley, CA
Look at me.
At first glance, I'm a full on, CA blonde with those blue eyes and that mini skirt.
You may see me as one of the "Cheerleader" types. The one that gets the boys. The one that is better with looks then with math, and with 56 boyfriends a year plus an addiction to my phone.
You may roll your eyes and think "Gosh, what a poser."

Talk to me.
Get to know me a bit.
You may see me as the crazy random person that outside of class is pretty cool, but is totally getting that A in science. I never go anywhere without my Nikon Coolpix L100 (camera). You could say that I'm a total band geek, and that if I'm not at an opera performance or jamming out on my sax or clarinet, I'm at a swim meet or basket ball game, playing my heart out. You might add that I'd give my heart and soul for my five most trusted friends, and that I can't tell skinny jeans from lip gloss now that my mom's dead.

Know me.
Push me to let you into my collection of most trusted friends.
You understand that even though most of the above is true, there is a Yin to the Yang. I am thoroughly depressed, although the true reason is unclear. I've never had a boyfriend in my life. I am secretly bipolar, and have ADD. I have no religion. I was bullied all throughout elementary school. I would go to the end of the world and back to pick up some noodles for you, and where ever I go I will take the time to think of you. I eat music like bubble gum; if you ask me what flavor, you can figure my mood and how my night went. I am very passionate, but also quite good at concealing things. But if you ever need a bedtime story or 70 bucks for no apparent reason, just text me.

Now you are me.
You can see from the inside out.
I like to find the beauty in things, you know?
I like to think that perfection is imperfection.
And if that's true, I have a perfect life.
I don't really enjoy being picked up and thrown across the room because I forgot to scrub a spot.
And I really don't like hypocrites.
If some people saw what I do, they would call me "Emo", but I hate that word. If I were to take off my sweater, people could see the simple phrase "NEVER" etched into my wrist. Plus, I'm bisexual. What, you got a problem? Because I do. I'm just not that type of person. I'M not bi, my FEELINGS are. Gosh, I can't believe I'm writing this. How could it come to this? It's all falling apart. And I feel like all I can do is watch. No one listens, or even wants to listen. Because I'm just thirteen. I have a dead mom. And younger, more innocent siblings. So why would anyone care about Stupid Adolescent Jessica? I was given lemons. I guess life just didn’t want lemonade.

Join the Discussion

This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

WhiteClouds said...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Wow this is amazing, you are getting a point across, and its working.
MissDarkCross said...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 5:25 pm
oh by the way, I play the clarient to..random but I'd thought I'd mention :3 lolz
jemter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 3:21 am


saxes can hang too.

MissDarkCross replied...
Jan. 1, 2011 at 5:26 pm
Hahaha :3 Psh yeah they do lmao xD
SpringRayyn said...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 12:53 am
I really like you and would probably be your friend if I knew you. Does anyone know you? This is amazing and you are so unique. I'd give to have someone as different as you for my friend.
jemter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 2:55 am

Thank you~

and no one knows ALL my secrets.

the person who knows me best is my best friend, Ramsay (love her to peices) dosn't know about my, uh, feelings for another girl (hate saying it like that, it's sooo much more), or my cutting, or my dad. I'm afraid that no one can understand the true intensity of my feelings, even if they are as or more intense than mine, they're not the same. The more pain I feel, the more love i feel for my friends. I don't want them to feel like... (more »)

MissDarkCross said...
Dec. 27, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Wow, I this is the first article I read  I just joined this site today and I think your writing is amazing. I like how its personal and true to you, and you speak your mind and your past expirences. This deserves a lot of comments and I hope there will be more to come.  Your very good at writing, I hope you write more :3
jemter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 2:58 am
thank you so much! i think i'll probably write more like this; this was the most popular article of the day, so maybe if i keep writing people will hear me. my username is jemter, i just didn't want this info going into a magazine, you know, so i kept it secret.
MissDarkCross replied...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 5:22 pm
Your welcome :3 You should write more..it was very nice xD Oh, I understand..I hope I see more of your articles!
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