The Twilight Phenomon and why it reminds me of eating straightsugar. by Blueberry Poptart

March 26, 2010
One upon a time their was a girl. She doesn't think she's particularly smart. Or pretty. Or talented. Or kind. She's avarage in every possible way. If this was real life this girl would go to a fairly good college, get a fairly good job, and live fairly happily after. But it's not. This is the universe where vampires don't suck blood, or do anything vaguely interesting. Bella Swan is the above girl, who would live a fairly boring fairy tale if this was real life. But who wants to read about Bella becoming a soccer mum who tweets about nothing? Not this generation. Your avarage girl picks up this book. Bella doesn't need to have a soul, she doesn't need to have any dreams, or ideas, or things she loves above all else. Because Bella has about as much personality as a cardboard box (no offense cardboard boxes of the world.)Bella gets swept off her feet by Edward, who apparently has enough soul for both of them. To me, reading about Edward Cullen is the literary equivalent of sitting down and eating a bag of sugar straight. So sweet it's disgusting, trust me I know how it feels to eat a bag of sugar. So Edward sweeps Bella right of her feet and Bella loses all remnants of being a real person. With Edward she's whole. I think this relation is bound to fail, their seventeen right? There going to break up after three months and have an angry facebook fight, then settle on just being friends. Of course not, cuz it's twooo luv11111! Bella continues to tell us how amazing Edward is. He sounds like her father. Bella's not allowed to do this, or that or have any fun at all. Poor Bella. She should dump Edward and buy a nice cat. But she won't because she luffs her Eddie fureva!!!1 I have something to tell all of you who say you can relate to Bella, there are no Edwards to save you, Prince Charming is a lie. Nobody's going to save you, and even if you had an Edward, you'd get over it and not want to be saved from every little danger. Be the hero of your own story, damsels in distress never have any fun.

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This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

Aria12 said...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 4:36 pm
This describes the books in a nustshell. I completely agree.  Very funny . Onhe of the best reviews dissing twilight I've read
BlueberryPoptartHasAnAmazinglyLongScreenname said...
Mar. 9, 2012 at 8:00 am
Wow. I can't get over the fact I still recieve emails about this article almost three years later :) It sounds crazy but whenever I get a rating, I get so happy that someone even bothered reading it and awh guys thank you ALL so much <3 I apologize that my previous self had such a poor grasp of grammar/spelling, I PROMISE I KNOW HOW TO USE THE RIGHT 'THERE/THEIR/THEY'RE' NOW, DON'T JUDGE MY PREVIOUS IGNORANCE D; but basically I just wanted to thank everyone for their support and interest it j... (more »)
JoPepper said...
May 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm
Hilairious I love Twilight but I  also like to make fun of it (is that weird?) actually Bella has LESS personality than a cardboard box. I love this writing!!!:))
rplove013 said...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 6:58 pm
I liked the twilight books, the story not like a super crazy fan... but i did enjoy the books and the movies,, and i think robert pattinson and taylor lautner are both hot...but this really made me laugh...i hope it was supposed had some good points...even though i am a fan and this may seem odd... that was well written.. :)
BlueberryPoptartHasAnAmazinglyLongScreenname replied...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it :3 Being a fan of Twilight isn't a sin, it's just slightly discouraging to me when people are sure it's going to happen for them, but as long as it's a fictional love, not an ideal for your own life, maybe series like this can be a good outlet for feelings we all have. Thanks for the compliments and stuff, you rock :]
BlueberryPoptartHasAnAmazinglyLongScreenname said...
Apr. 10, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Woah! You people liked this? Yea! I thought everyone would be like flaming me. Twilight induces ranting for me, sorry. xD And it's supposed to be straight sugar with a space. Thanks so much guys ily.
booklover/writer replied...
Apr. 14, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Thank you for pointing out that fact. I hate Twilight. The books arent that badly written, but its just soooo stupid! I read the first book, and had enough after that.
Mr_Anonymous said...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 10:00 pm

**Constructive Critisism here, I'm not trying to be overly mean, just pointing out things you could improve on**

I loved it, up until about halfway through...  No, its not about my views on twighlight or love.  Your writing is witty and intelligent, but about halfway through (Right about the bag of sugar metaphor, maybe just afterward) your well written piece turns into a rant, which put me off.  I felt you started rambling on and repeating the same basic message ov... (more »)

Mr_Anonymous replied...
Apr. 5, 2010 at 10:02 pm
PS:  I love your screen name and your long title
bripello said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 10:10 am
Glad somebody finally agress with me!
magic-esi This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 9:00 am

Which is totally true and totally well written, with a good touch of humor! Original even though the idea seems overused. I like how you thought of how Bella would be in real life.

Amazing article and I felt the same way! (I cracked up at 'no offense cardboard boxes of the world'.)

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