I want to take a moment of your time today to discuss the things that make my already black soul grow darker. The things that make my brain do somersaults and kick its stem in the back of the neck, and drag it down my throat to make me choke on the improper behavior of these homosapiens we call “humans.”

Though I have too many to name, my main concern is booths in a diner. I will not use this actual couple’s name to protect their much needed privacy. Why, may I ask, why when you and your partner go inside of a diner as a couple, you must sit on the same side of the booth? This madness must stop, I beg of you! Total consequence will unravel your elated heart! Just think. One day, you two decide to sit on the same side of the booth to share a chocolate malt or some other 50’s styled drink. You go to take a sip when your partner’s phone gets a text notification. It’s okay, you trust them. But you decide to peak over anyway, and see something you wish you wouldn’t have seen. Another girl calling him “honey”. You fool. You were in such a fit of rage, you couldn’t see the word ‘Mother’ across the top of his text screen. Now look at the two of you in that same side of the booth. You disgust everyone around you, as you take your partner's phone and smash it to the ground like a plate at Greek wedding. And now you’ve lost the so called “love of your life.” You’ve poked and you’ve prodded, and now look what has become of you. It’s a shame that all these results could’ve been easily avoided if you would’ve just decided to sit on the other side of the booth like normal people do. And that night at closing time for the diner, that sad little booth will still be warm from the love you two once shared. You. You will NEVER be that in love! And to the people reading this, I wish to save all of you poor souls who don’t have enough cognitive data in your heads to realize that there’s another seat just across the table. Close your eyes and think sometimes, please. I shall pray for your beautifully ignorant mindsets.