The Things You Say Instead of Goodbye

October 20, 2010
don’t be sorry for not knowing what you want. because if we all knew what we wanted, wouldn’t life be completely boring and pointless? i mean i guess it sucks that i’m not what you want. but hey, life goes on. we take risks and try things to see what will happen. at least we know now.. instead of wondering “what if” the rest of our lives. i don’t blame you for not wanting a relationship your senior year. i didn’t want one at all. i didn’t want to get caught up with a boy because i knew how bad the heartache could be. but, i didn’t ask for this to happen. i didn’t plan for any of this. it just happened. i fell for you. and everything else didn’t seem to matter anymore. getting hurt, leaving for college, nothing. just you. but i don’t blame myself either, you’re a beautiful person. i couldn’t help but to fall for you. and yeah, it may hurt a little bit more than i’d like it to, but i don’t regret any of it. any one would die for the feelings i get when i’m around you. well now, i kind of wish i didn’t feel that way, but you get what i mean. i honestly didn’t mean to distance myself last night, i just had this feeling. i took one look at you and could feel the rush of butterflies and just knew how happy i was. but then i took a look at you, looking at me.. and i didn’t see anything. you can’t fool love. it’ll tell you straight up whether you feel something or not. and you can’t fool me either. you didn’t look at me the way i looked at you. and when i realized that, i realized that things weren’t going to go the way i wanted. i guess i was right. anyways, the whole point of me saying this to you.. well, i don’t really have one. just don’t be sorry. the word’s overused. you’re not sorry. i bet you’re more relieved than anything- getting this weight off your shoulders. i understand. but i don’t need your sympathy or pity for breaking my heart. i’ll be okay. i always am. it just takes time you know? and i don’t know if it’s really okay to cry over you because we weren’t ever anything special. i just thought we would be. so, instead..i’ll just say thank you. thank you for spending time with me, i had a blast. and now we can leave. i can go off to college and move on with my life knowing how it felt to kiss you before we never see each other again. i guess that’s something positive about this whole thing. you’ll find what you want someday. and she’ll be the luckiest girl in the world. like you said, people come into your life for a reason. but until then, we’ll be friends. and i’d have to say, you’re the best friend i’ve ever had.

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