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A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for a Sustainable Energy Source

FOR PREVENTING THE ESCALATION AND LONG TERM PERPETUATION OF SUSTAINABLE ENERGY


It is a melancholy object to make people try to believe that we have an unlimited supply of fossil fuels and that it is not doing anything to the environment. This constant use of fossil fuels and other non-sustainable energy sources is going to eventually make our world run out of them. The earth does not decompose dinosaurs at a fast enough rate to be able to keep up with today’s energy use. Meaning one day the earth will run out of fossil fuels one day and everybody will be extremely upset.


I think it is agreed by all parties that the life-threatening occurrence of a shortage of fossil fuels is going to one day be the cause for anarchy in the streets. Therefore whoever can find a cheap and effective way to have a constant flow of sustainable energy should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
   

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the environment, it is more with becoming more in one with your friends and family. Everybody will have this one thing in common and then there will be no more arguments about who has to pay more for energy and who has to pay less.


As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. One solution that scientists across the world have looked into is solar power. They say that they are playing a great part in helping reduce greenhouse gasses but guess what, what are they using to make the solar panels? Fossil fuels. When will solar panels be cheap enough for poorer families to afford them when they cost 25-30,000 dollars for a roof sized solar panel. I propose instead of trying to create something with more fossil fuels we go straight to environmentally friendly and cheap.


I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement


I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as cohesive and cooperative unit, should relieve themselves from all kinds of uses of fossil fuels or natural gas. This means all stoves will be cut off, furnaces will be replaced by fire pits, and cars will be confiscated. But naturally made electricity will be allowable.

 

In this scenario, every household will have hamster power running the electronics in their household. A person will be able to purchase said hamster for as little as 10 dollars in their local grocery store and take it home. The most efficient way for the little guys to power your house is to have two to three hamsters per room and have them take shifts running on the hamster wheel which will be hooked up to a generator. With the average hamster running 4 miles every night you will have no problem operating a light, charging your phone, or heat up a hot plate to cook on. Greenhouse gasses would no longer be an issue and we would save the world all within one week.


Of course, you will no longer be able to drive to your local grocery store to go pick up your very special pet. The new modes of transportation will be biking, walking, or electric cars charged by your hamster power at your house. With the extinction of gas powered cars and bikes, CO2 emissions will plummet to zero and the earth will gladly pay us back with clean healthy air and no more acid rain or smog.

 

These drastic and sudden changes may be a little scary to the common household who solely survives on gas and oil. The instant change from strong power to a generator powering your house might seem a little extreme, but when you realize how much longer we are going to be able to live on this earth without dangerous chemicals in the air is going to make it all worth it.


I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal, unless you take into account how much 12 or so hamsters will eat and how you plan to pay for that. But guess what, buy a hamster harness and let your hamsters into your yard for a little while and you’ll be able to feed your hamster for free and get free lawn care.


Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.


It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I have spent my entire time on this earth trying to find a solution makes any point you try to make invalid.




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