A Stressful Senior Year

December 18, 2008
By Michelle Tan, Downers Grove, IL

A Stressful Senior Year

Everyone is telling me that it is my senior year and that I can relax, sit back and enjoy the rest of the year. Well, they are wrong. Every day my head is throbbing with pain. I am dizzy and nauseated because I feel like my organs are turning inside-out. My friends ask me, “What is wrong?” and I reply, “Stress”. I am overwhelmed with college, my relationship with my boyfriend, and tests every week in school. My brain feels like it is going to explode. My senior year is not as glamorous as I thought it would be because of stress.

Anything and everything to do with colleges are a pain. Applications are the worst. I am tired of filling out what extra curricular activities I have done to prove my leadership skills as a person and future college student. I am sick of writing college essays about why I am qualified to attend their special college. I bite my nails in class wondering if I met the requirements of the colleges. I worry what will happen to me if I don’t get accepted to any of the colleges. I think that my life will be ruined and I would not have anything to do when I get out of high school. But on the other hand, I also stress about what will happen if I do get accepted into college. I flip out thinking what if I don’t have enough money to pay for it. I would freak out if I needed to get two jobs and work overtime just to pay for one semester. I am scared that I won’t make any friends or that the professors will despise me. I cannot stop thinking about what will happen if I don’t understand any of the lessons which will lead to failing classes and dropping out. Whether or not I get into college is always on my mind. And if that isn’t enough, I constantly think about the problems I have with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend is definitely one of the top worries on my list that run through my mind. One morning, on our way to school, we got into an argument that ended with both of us not speaking to each other for the rest of the day. I was so upset about the fight that I was unable to focus in any of my classes. I could not pay attention to the teachers’ lessons nor could I do any of the assigned work in class. I was in such a bad mood that I could not sink in any other information except for how I was feeling about the fight. I could not listen to what my friends were saying and I wasn’t hungry at lunch. For the rest of the school day, I slumped around like a mindless zombie. When I got home that afternoon, I felt so achy and heavy. My body was filled with so many worries about my classes but most of all, how he was feeling. I was concerned that the fight would lead to greater problems within our relationship. I felt completely miserable. I did not know what to do or how to handle the situation. I told myself that I need to erase everything and just focus on school work. But that became a bigger problem. Since I had so much trouble paying attention in my classes, I forgot that I had four big tests coming up in the next couple of days. I took a deep breathe and screamed.

School tests are like weights being placed on top of my back. I feel heavy and in pain. I believe that tests are another section that adds to my stress list and fills me with panic. As soon as my teacher assigns a date for a chapter test, my heart skips a beat. I feel like it is harder to breathe. That is when my stress starts to build even higher than it already is. My panic begins to grow as the test date draws closer where I realize that I need to start studying. As I prepare myself to study, I start to feel sick. My stomach feels like it is being shaken. I keep worrying about the test while I check off each learning target, thinking, if I reviewed it well enough. I am scared that I am going to fail the test which would drop my grades. This would lead to lowering my GPA which makes my overall grades look bad. I do not want my GPA to be lowered because I wouldn’t be able to become successful in life.

I pictured my senior year to be a lot better than it is turning out to be. Since everyone says that junior year is the hardest, I planned my last high school year to be a cake walk. But it’s not. I am piled with all sorts of stress. Stress from figuring my college future, problems with my boyfriend and school tests. These make up a strong majority of the major weight I carry. They are on the top of my list of worries. I feel that I can not relax with all my stress and that is not how I planned my senior year.

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