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If I kissed you...

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Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to showcase where I am currently at, regarding talent in writing. Currently I have at least five other books I've started on which have the same amount of dedication and talent. When I manage to get a publisher I'll publish them as well when they are finished. This is the first big piece I've put out there that I feel truly shows where I am at in my writing. If you like it, keep in mind this is only part 1, and part 2 is in the works. Any good and constructive feedback is more than welcome. The more feedback I get, the more I will consider there being a part three.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 Next »

Stitch-work

He gathered the plates, and left, presumably to the shed. It was dark now, the shadows from outside filled the room. When he came back he looked at me awkwardly like he didn't know what to expect from me. It was almost like he was nervous in his own messed up way. He closed one door, and then the other, latching them with a thick board he picked up. He gave me the same side-glancing nervous look and took off his bloody shirt, I cringed into the corner though he was not going towards me, but the dresser. As he was pulling out some wiry string, scissors, and a needle, I noticed all the other scars on his back. They were long and thick, some of them carried all the way down to his pants line. He looked at me head on, and I saw he had the same scars all across his torso, there was barely any space left clean of them. Like my scars, only worse.
“Do you know how to sew?” he asked roughly, his eyes cold.
“Yes-well sort of-” I stammered.
He handed me the needle and thread, keeping the scissors away on the nightstand. He eyed me skeptically, tearing off the gauze from his shoulder wound and then startled me, as he inched onto the bed watching me closely with the needle. He slowly laid on his back, his eyes not missing a heartbeat.
What could I do with a needle? I decided quickly that I should play along and try to get his trust so that I can run away.
“H-have, you cleaned it?” I asked, looking the deep wound over for any sign of dirt.
“It's clean.” he muttered.
Thankfully it was on the shoulder nearest to me and so I didn't have to lean over him. I started tying a knot in the string and since my fingers shook, I decided to make some conversation.
“So...how did you get all those scars?”
“My father. People.” he answered, his eyes cold.
I figured I shouldn't pursue the subject.
“...What should I call you? Wha-”
“You can call me Raiden.”
I finished the knot. I looked at his skin, if I hurt him would he kill me?
“Is that your real name?”
He was silent. And then, “It's like my real name, only different. Go ahead and start stitching.”
I looked over the wound again and because it was so deep I figured it should have deeper stitches than the regular shallow gashes.
“Okay, I just want you to know that I'm going to have to make the stitches deeper since the wound is so deep, so the skin holds the wound good and it doesn't rip open.”
He nodded gruffly. And without wanting to drag it on, I pierced through the skin. Little red dots appeared around the stitching as he let in a sharp intake of air, and then seemed deep in concentration on hiding the pain.
Unsure of what I was doing, I still made the stitches about a fourth of an inch thick, and used the same length as the depth to space them. I just hoped this was how I was supposed to do it, if it got ripped or infected he would probably be blaming me for it. And I wouldn't know what would come after that. I noticed his fists were clenching, but I did it as fast and meticulous as I could.
“Done.” I said after the last stitch. “Just have to tighten it,” I had been making tight stitches but I didn't want it to get infected. He cringed as I pulled it together tight. “...and tie the knot.”
Once the knot was tied, he grabbed the scissor and since he moved fast I slammed myself back into the wall. He looked at me and grabbed the fallen needle, “Skittish?” he asked, grinning tortuously, and cut the thread. He got up nimbly, and pulled open the bottom drawer of his dresser to get some bourbon, he hissed as he poured it over his wound.
“Ah...” he exclaimed in pain before taking a drink. He tossed it back into the drawer, and took a jagged piece of mirror out of another one, examining my work. Then it dawned on me and I felt stupid for it's lateness. I was still on his bed.
“...where will I sleep?”
He glanced at me, “On my bed, unless you wish to take a chance with the scorpions?” his eyebrows were raised in a tense manner, and I thought of why he left the doors open since I woke up-could it have been for that very reason? Maybe he wanted me to to sleep on the floor and get bit.
I still couldn't decide whether to say I preferred the floor. If I did would he kill me? He took my silence as an affirmation. Apparently pleased with my work, he tossed the mirror on the dresser and took off his pants. I started wrenching against the rope tying my wrist, but it held strong and so I inched away from the corner so I wouldn't be pinned.
“Your winy boyfriend...he's not dead. If you plan on him surviving the night, I wouldn't be trying anything if I were you.”
“And what about you? Will you be trying anything?” I accused, unable to hold back my venom.
He chuckled, “That depends.”
He turned off the light and everything was dark. I felt him moving onto the bed, and felt him staring my direction. Finally after some minutes of pure terror he moved onto his back and underneath the covers. I swallowed the lump in my throat louder than I'd wanted. He was constantly keeping me on edge. He wanted control, and this must be one of his tactics.
He just laid there, stiff as a board and I knew he was awake. He was either waiting to make his move, or for me to settle into a sleeping position-or both.
“Lay down.” he commanded.
“Why?”
“So I'll feel you move if you try to knock me unconscious like you did the last time, remember?”
“If this is some-” I screamed as he lurched up and grabbed me, tossing me down on the bed.
“Lay-down!”
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 Next »


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This book has 125 comments. Post your own!

Angel_In_Disguise said...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 6:44 am:
This was really really good. There was one part that really confused me though. It was when John and the main girl were fighting their captor. The way your main character was talking, I couldn't tell if she was attacking John or their captor. Other than that I absolutely LOVED it!
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 5:38 pm :
Oh yeah-I can see at first how it might be a little confusing, but then it says she wraps her arm around the killer's neck, so I'm not too concerned. But I do know that I should edit this first part because it also says that John's body is 'teenage' and lank-but he's actually in his twenties-oopsies, lol. 
 
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BringMeTheHorizon018 said...
Apr. 11, 2012 at 3:45 am:
I loved reading this, amazing work! It was very well written and I couldn't stop reading it, great job!
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 11, 2012 at 5:43 pm :
Thank you! :-)
 
SweetSandyFlower replied...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 2:30 am :
love this work. very good.
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 2:38 am :
Oh you commented! Thank you! :-)
 
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ppl-hate-my-comments said...
Apr. 10, 2012 at 7:39 am:

I agree with the part about the plot. I got a bit confused with several parts in the story. Like the dancing? When did they ever dance in the car? And it'd be sooo much better if you could elaborate the part where the teens get caught by Raiden. The plot's pretty loose, as a whole. You've got great potential over there though. 

But I love love love the bit where you suggest that Raiden could be the girl's brother. :)

 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 10, 2012 at 6:43 pm :

Oh good-that part of about them possibly being related was something I'd been wondering about. I was worried I had made the plot too twisted, but I'm glad you liked it. That was a flashback-with them dancing in the car on their way to their destination across the Nevada desert-and I know the flashbacks can be confusing for some people. As for the moment they got caught, I thought I'd include it as another flashback at a crucial moment in the character's (Kim's) survival to make it more intens... (more »)

 
sherrinford This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 11, 2012 at 6:31 am :

Here's the link. It just came up.

http://www.teenink.com/novels/sci_fi_fantasy/book/93758/Two-of-a-Kind/

 
ppl-hate-my-comments replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:02 am :
Thanks for offering! I just recently became a member and my book's called Two of a Kind. It's written by Sherrinford H.
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:13 pm :
No problem-I'll go looking for it right now :)
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm :
I found a fiction article called 'Two of a kind' but not written by Sherrinford H., just give me your current screen name on here and I can find it in a flash to rate/comment for you, okay? :-)
 
sherrinford This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:17 pm :
Here I am! 
 
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Allicat001 said...
Apr. 9, 2012 at 3:05 pm:
Flawless.  That's the only word I've got for it.  This was really well written and the suspense was perfect.  I was slightly confused at first when you flashed back, but otherwise this was really good and I will continue reading! 5/5
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 9, 2012 at 9:16 pm :
Thank you so much! I'll return the favor and comment on your prologue :-)
 
KateLA replied...
May 25, 2012 at 2:18 am :
Hi! I don't know if you're interested. but just in case I thought I'd tell you that the story is complete.
 
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TheVinny1996 said...
Mar. 28, 2012 at 10:58 pm:

I think you definetely have a talent for writing, and of all novel genres I believe horror to be your lucky shot.

Pros: I enjoyed the character development, along with the setting. There were many parts where I could see the action myself.

Cons: Didn't scare me at all (possibly due to my horror book addiction), and some of the writing style was a tad "immature" (for lack of a better word).

All in all, I liked it! And it's not often that I'll become absorbed into novel's o... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 1:42 am :
Thanks for the comment! Would you tell me what was immature though, so I can improve it?
 
TheVinny1996 replied...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 8:52 am :

It's hard to explain... As if... I could tell that it was written by a young person, which isn't a good thing in nowadays book writing. I recommend a dose of my favorite author (who mainly creates horror stories), Stephen King, for more experience in the topic!

Here, I'll try to explain my views on it through ratings.

Plot:  3.5/5 stars
Characters:  3.5/5 stars
Settings:  4/5 stars
Word usage:  4/5 stars
Language convention:  3.5/5 st... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
Mar. 29, 2012 at 12:29 pm :
Wow you're critical! I don't agree with the plot only being a 3.5/5, but whatever.  I respect your opinion on it, just as everyone else has their own, and will keep writing and changing however best suits my book as it goes along. You would make a great critic by the way!
 
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WSwilliams said...
Mar. 28, 2012 at 3:56 pm:
Very thrilling! I like the suspense you put into your book and it has a strong beginning. Unfortunately, i could only read a page. You should put some foreshadowing in the beginning; to make the reader think what might happen next. Now, could you look and comment on my story (you'll find it by clicking my name) Thanks!
 
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