The Virus (Full first Chapter)

January 13, 2015
By Ronny BRONZE, Saint Clair Shores, Michigan
Ronny BRONZE, Saint Clair Shores, Michigan
3 articles 11 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not know who I was born to be, but I know who I am."
(That's an original quote I'm using in my book)


Summary:

This second part introduces elements of Tori's current life, some of her past, and a friend or two.


Ronny

The Virus (Full first Chapter)


Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 4 comments.


Ronny BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2015 at 9:13 pm
Ronny BRONZE, Saint Clair Shores, Michigan
3 articles 11 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not know who I was born to be, but I know who I am."
(That's an original quote I'm using in my book)

Well...that's your oppinion...but for the record I have never EVER watched or read a zombie anything, so this DOES have my own flair. And BTW, Caleb is her brother! You obviously didn't read very thoroughly.

raeee GOLD said...
on Jan. 27 2015 at 10:09 pm
raeee GOLD, Walla Walla, Georgia
15 articles 3 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Would she hear me if I called her name? Would she hold me if she knew my shame? Would she even love me if I was to blame?" -Favourite poem ever♥

First of all, the entire idea is fairly overused an worn out. I'm not saying you can't make it work, but I am saying that you'll really need to add your own flair to it somehow. Another thing about the idea, if you want to stand out from other authors who have written about things like this, then maybe you should really add something into it that makes it yours. I know that these two sentences are a bit redundant, but just bare with me for a moment. The opening scene, where Will dies and Corah, the narrator and Caleb all meet up to go back to base is slightly... dry. There aren't any real images that stick in my mind's eye. It's almost as if you're just telling me what it's about, not really showing me. Imagery is key, and this is a bit of an issue that follows throughout the story. The transition into her being in the bunk is very... hard to follow. There should be some sort of true indicator of the fact that she was either dreaming, or whatever, about the day of Will's death / Caleb's leaving. The bit of Ian is a bit... confusing when you bring him into the equation. It's almost as if she's in love with Caleb, and then bam, you make her seem in love with this other character. Almost like in New Moon when Edward runs off, and Bella falls for another guy, only to be torn between the two of them. Things like that really should be polished up. Grammar, word choice, and a few other things of that nature should probably also be polished up. There was a spot or two where the words didn't fit, or you were missing one. Overall, like all stories in the making, this has a bit of potential. Don't go too flowery on the imagery, write what you know, polish the grammar aspects, make it all your own, and keep writing. That's basically all I got.

Ronny BRONZE said...
on Jan. 22 2015 at 8:38 pm
Ronny BRONZE, Saint Clair Shores, Michigan
3 articles 11 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I may not know who I was born to be, but I know who I am."
(That's an original quote I'm using in my book)

Thanks!!!!! (I do have a full book and POSSIBLE series planned.)

alioops SILVER said...
on Jan. 22 2015 at 8:36 pm
alioops SILVER, North Hollywood, California
8 articles 2 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What moves men of genius, or rather, what inspires their work, is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has already been said is still not enough."
- Eugene Delacroix

This is super cool! It has great potential for a full book or even a whole series. Great work!




Swoon Reads

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!