Well...that's your oppinion...but for the record I have never EVER watched or read a zombie anything, so this DOES have my own flair. And BTW, Caleb is her brother! You obviously didn't read very thoroughly.

First of all, the entire idea is fairly overused an worn out. I'm not saying you can't make it work, but I am saying that you'll really need to add your own flair to it somehow. Another thing about the idea, if you want to stand out from other authors who have written about things like this, then maybe you should really add something into it that makes it yours. I know that these two sentences are a bit redundant, but just bare with me for a moment. The opening scene, where Will dies and Corah, the narrator and Caleb all meet up to go back to base is slightly... dry. There aren't any real images that stick in my mind's eye. It's almost as if you're just telling me what it's about, not really showing me. Imagery is key, and this is a bit of an issue that follows throughout the story. The transition into her being in the bunk is very... hard to follow. There should be some sort of true indicator of the fact that she was either dreaming, or whatever, about the day of Will's death / Caleb's leaving. The bit of Ian is a bit... confusing when you bring him into the equation. It's almost as if she's in love with Caleb, and then bam, you make her seem in love with this other character. Almost like in New Moon when Edward runs off, and Bella falls for another guy, only to be torn between the two of them. Things like that really should be polished up. Grammar, word choice, and a few other things of that nature should probably also be polished up. There was a spot or two where the words didn't fit, or you were missing one. Overall, like all stories in the making, this has a bit of potential. Don't go too flowery on the imagery, write what you know, polish the grammar aspects, make it all your own, and keep writing. That's basically all I got.

Thanks!!!!! (I do have a full book and POSSIBLE series planned.)

This is super cool! It has great potential for a full book or even a whole series. Great work!