Slain

September 11, 2013
By EbonyKnight BRONZE, gothenburg, Nebraska
EbonyKnight BRONZE, Gothenburg, Nebraska
1 article 2 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People, I've discovered, are like layers of secrets. You believe you know them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes, you decide to trust them.

-Veronica Roth


Summary:

David is a man of few words or worries. Then his family was murdered in cold blood. No one knows who did it or why, all David later knows is that he/she is targeting people he grew up with's families. Who did it? And why? Why did they kill the ten orphans' families?


EbonyKnight

Slain


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This book has 4 comments.


on Sep. 20 2013 at 8:41 am
EbonyKnight BRONZE, Gothenburg, Nebraska
1 article 2 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People, I've discovered, are like layers of secrets. You believe you know them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes, you decide to trust them.

-Veronica Roth

Thanx 4 the feedback, and yes this is the outline, I'm still working on chapters to come. I'll b sure to fix some of that stuff that you caught. thanx again.

None0 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 19 2013 at 7:31 pm
None0 BRONZE, Bellevue, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Believe in the ideal, not the idol." - Serra

When I read this, I kept getting the feeling that this was just an outline. I mean, some parts are very well developed, like the dialogue, but other parts I feel need some expanding. Go further in-depth on the description. It might also be wise to give the reader a better sense of the time, or use some transitional sentences whenever a new scene starts so the reader doesn't get confused (I got used to it by the second chapter, but the first one confused me a little). Other than that, maybe use more showing language than telling language. Good luck on your writing.

on Sep. 16 2013 at 7:55 am
EbonyKnight BRONZE, Gothenburg, Nebraska
1 article 2 photos 16 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People, I've discovered, are like layers of secrets. You believe you know them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes, you decide to trust them.

-Veronica Roth

Thanx, i'm really enjoying writing this, even i don't know who did it, tho i have an idea. thanx again, yur pretty good 2, btw.

on Sep. 16 2013 at 12:00 am
JoyMason PLATINUM, Arapahoe, Nebraska
25 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
You, he who subdued me, be not insolent, forget not the beauty of virtue.

This is amazing, you r really good, this is actually kinda freaky how the killer tore up the kids like old shirts, don't let it end there, tell us who did it!




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