Facebook Activity



Teen Ink on Twitter

Home > Novel (Fiction) > Sci-fi/Fantasy > The pendant of Andark
Report abuse Submit my work Share/bookmark Email Print Home

The pendant of Andark

Justin S.
The pendant of Andark
Summary: after a fire killed annes parents, she finds out that it was not an accident and that the princess of her kingdom has been having trouble solving her parents deaths as well. After meeting 2 more children, they set off to find the pendant of Andark which will affect the fate of the entire kingdom.





Join the Discussion

This book has 6 comments. Post your own now!

LittleRedWritingHood said...
May 3, 2014 at 3:37 pm
I just read the nine chapters you have posted, and they look like a pretty good start to the story. It's very intense, and I love how you set Sophine and Anne into very similar circumstances, despite their large status gaps. There are a few things that you could work on, however.   The spelling, grammar, and capitalization could use a bit of work. For instance, the word "pendant" in the title of your book should be capitalized, making it read as, "The Pendant of Andar... (more »)
 
CNBono17This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 1, 2014 at 9:10 am
The story's great, and I'll definitely be waiting to see how it plays out:) A few things, though. At the beginning of each chapter, you could include the name of the speaking character in the title. It takes a minute to figure out who's talking. This isn't as much of a problem with Alec, but Sophine and Anne have incredibly similar styles of speaking. Also, dividing the first few chapters into paragraphs would help with the flow of the piece. It's very good, though:)
 
MZeke said...
Apr. 25, 2014 at 1:38 pm
This is very intense for something that's short. One thing I noticed is that you need to separate the dialouge from the descriptions. I used to do the same thing and it's hard to think of when you get a thought going and you just want to keep writing. For example: "Come on, Anne," she said choking back sobs. "in you go." I hessitated for a few moments, but finally climbed into the cold earth. See what I mean? The story is good though.
 
MZeke replied...
Apr. 25, 2014 at 1:39 pm
Sorry that did not format right. After the dialouge just hit enter to separate the talking from what happens next.
 
ben_the_wolfThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 11, 2014 at 6:41 pm
I can't wait to see this story play out! But a couple things that I noticed: your chapter lengths feel a bit short to me; if you could add some more details or action to beef them up it would really help.
 
Justin S. replied...
Apr. 14, 2014 at 11:59 am
Okay, thanks! I love constructive criticisim so if you see anything else wrong be sure to tell me!
 

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback