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A Demons Contract
May 28, 2013
Summary:
What would you do for the one you love? Would you give anything? Would you pray, or would you take an oath in desperation?
In that moment it seems so clear, but is it really as it seems?
Love and life are entwined, but they are surrounded by darkness, tainted by the plague of death and greed.
How far would you go to save them? Would you do anything?
James E.
A Demons Contract
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This book has 13 comments.
Kestrel135 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 26 2013 at 9:23 pm
This is a truly captivating story. The way you filtered in and out of the character's mind and reality was incredibley fluent. The wordings were distant yet integrated with the story, not always following reality and not always following his mind; and I think that it was the fluency that gave this writing it's voice. The story itself was intruiging; the idea of forging a contract with the devil is not undone, but this approach seemed different than the other texts in an interesting and positive way. I'm not sure if it is something that should be elongated and stretched out over a lengthy novel. The speed of the story's progression and the intensity it holds is part of the captivation the writing gives. However, I don't doubt you could pull it off. Great writing.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Dec. 8 2013 at 2:25 pm
As mentioned in the others comments, I had put in the authors notes that this is posted as a book and not as a novel. Each chapter is a flash fiction or at a push a short story, and for the ease of the reader I put them together as they all continue a single story.
Yes, this was slightly rushed and one of my earlier pieces, so it wasn't great, but I'm planning on editing it to make it generally better with the story and the writing of it (possibly taking it out of flash fiction form).
I'm glad you enjoyed what you could and that you see the potential for it there. Hopefully you can see in my most recent story "Thieving Innocence" that other than typo's the grammar is miles better. Thank you for your feedback, I'll make sure to repost my edit of it at some point :)
Yes, this was slightly rushed and one of my earlier pieces, so it wasn't great, but I'm planning on editing it to make it generally better with the story and the writing of it (possibly taking it out of flash fiction form).
I'm glad you enjoyed what you could and that you see the potential for it there. Hopefully you can see in my most recent story "Thieving Innocence" that other than typo's the grammar is miles better. Thank you for your feedback, I'll make sure to repost my edit of it at some point :)
I definetly wouldn't call this a novel, but as a group of short stories combined to form one, it wasn't bad. I would say you should work on grammar, maybe try making it sound a little more real...if that makes sense. Now, one thing I loved was the vageness in the beginning. So spooky, so intriging! I'm normally not one for such dark, evil stories, and wasn't too crazy about it at first. I feel like the very last paragraph, where you illistrated good and forgiveness always winning in the end - that was beautiful. :) Good luck on future writing!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 24 2013 at 7:39 am
Thanks! :D I openly admit that this is not my best, if you want me at my best Belly Of the Beast is probably it (out of the ones on here), I'm glad you can see the potential. I'm hoping to rewrite it all into one long story with more detail so hopefully that wil prove more successfull. Thanks for the constructive criticisms, much appreciated :)
E.J.Mathews GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2013 at 9:50 pm
I really loved the over all story that these flash fictions, as you described them, told. You had some beautiful metaphors, and conveyed all of the charactors' emotions well. However, some of the grammer was so far off, I had trouble understanding one or two paragraphs. The setting description was also a bit lacking. In a novel I would expect much more detail about the settings, but since this was origionally written as a series of fiction stories, I can see why you didn't go into as much detail, but a little more would have made the story more complete. Again, I loved the overall story of it! I think that if you honed in your story telling skills a little bit more, you could be a great novelist or poet someday!
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 22 2013 at 10:33 am
Yes, I think it is lagging, I've only just got this comment, and ok, I may just have to post them that way then :)
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 1:13 am
Hey there, I'm not really sure what's going on.. TeenInk must be lagging, but I have tried TWICE to reply to you on my forum to let you know that I rated/commented on this (though you obviously know now) and to let you know that TWICE I have tried commenting on your poem about the Jews and they are not posting.. so if they happen to, I apologize in advance for the double comment.. and if they never :( post then I'm sorry and I will be checking from time to time and if I find the comment(s) were never posted, I will try again. And I think it'd be a good idea to post them individually, but it's up to you.. it's half and half because I get the whole easing the situation for the reader, but they make more sense alone. So either way.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 10 2013 at 2:57 am
Yeah, they were originally flash fictions, and as I've said, they were put together for the ease of the reader. I'm now debating whether to post them individually, any thoughts?
Thanks for your comment and I'll definitley take them on board :)
Thanks for your comment and I'll definitley take them on board :)
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 10 2013 at 2:55 am
I see what you are say; I've only ever described it as a book, as it is moer of a collection of flash fictions that are compiled to create one story and a better understanding, rather than an actualy novel. They were always individual flash fictions in their own right.
But yes, I will still review it and take your comments on board, thanks :)
But yes, I will still review it and take your comments on board, thanks :)
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2013 at 11:21 pm
Hey there! After reading your author's note and then reading the novel, I think you should have done these as individual short stories.. I feel like each one would be more enjoyable if they were on their own. But, I get that you thought it'd be easier to just put them all as one. I thought the stories alone were interesting, but I thought that you could do a little more as far as extending the stories. I'd like more detail! I think that you should listen to None0, he is highly clever and is a genius when it comes to novels.. he is a great writer and he leaves very helpful feedback.. my friend and I are currently working on a novel and None0 has also been a huge help! Good luck with writing. I will go comment on your poem now since poems are more my 'thing'.
This looks a lot more like a collection of short stories rather than an actual novel. As stand alones, each chapter does its job of conveying the individual emotions of the piece rather well. However, when you put them all together, you don't get a novel. As a novel, this is very lacking. The descriptions need work, and the flow is somewhat choppy from all of the "to be" verbs and telling language. This also lacks transitional scenes. I could only tell what was going on around the middle of chapter 3, due to lack of explanation and not very good transitioning between scenes. If you want to keep this as a collection of flash fictions, it's fine as it is (although it needs more showing language). If you want to turn it into a novel, work on the above.
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2013 at 9:28 am
Please comment and rate, all feedback is welcomed and taken into consideration :)
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