odishka

July 11, 2012
By these-roses GOLD, bristol, Indiana
these-roses GOLD, Bristol, Indiana
14 articles 2 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
so many books, so little time


Summary:

Dish walked through the crowds of the castle village. The purple flags cracked in the strong wind that swept through the streets of the market. Drawing the wool coat tighter around her, Dish went inside the butchers hut. The room smells strongly of dried blood and freshly cut meat. The fire in the center of the room warmed her pale face. Taking off her mitten she opened her pouch and pulled out two silver coins. Dish let her strait brown hair out of her cap and walked to the counter.

“Hello Damian.” She said to the boy behind the counter. “Two pounds please.”
“Two pounds you say? Not much for five people and Friends.” He replied flipping his bangs out of his eyes.

“We have bread and cheese as well. It’s a special day you know.” Dish said shyly

“Oh yes! You turn fourteen today don’t you?” he winked at her making her blush

He went into the storage room and got two pounds of meat then packaged it up. Coming back to the counter, he wrote something down on a pad of parchment. “Two Silvers, mi ’lady.”

“I have it right here,” she said “and I’m not a princess.”
“Aren’t you?” he winked again, he leaning closer he whispered “there’s a bit extra meat in there. Not much but it will be more filling than two pounds.”


Kaylee G.

odishka


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This book has 2 comments.


on Jul. 30 2012 at 8:28 pm
FlameSeeker373 SILVER, Richmond, Texas
6 articles 3 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
"...Magic is just science that we don't understand yet..."


















Arthur C. Clark

I LOVED it!! Keep writing. There were a few mistakes as we're said before and you changed between first and third persons. But great job. :) XD

on Jul. 26 2012 at 5:13 pm
WhenItRains21 GOLD, Magnolia, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Well I like the idea, and the characters are done nicely, but your sentences are a bit choppy. I would go with longer sentences and more description. Also, there were a lot of grammar mistakes, mostly with quotations and caplitalization.

That said, with a bit of polishing this would be a really neat piece!





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