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Sometimes you just sit there and ask yourself ‘Why me? Why do all the bad things happen to me? ‘, but believe me you are not the only one. So many things can go wrong: cheating husband, no job or a job that totally sucks, heartbreak because of a recent break-up. You feel like a loser, but it’s just because you are not accepting yourself as a person.
I felt like it not that long ago, horrible feeling I must say. Everything seems so pointless, but it wasn’t really. I guess most of it was my fault, but still things could have turned out better. It all l changed during one summer. So let’s start from the beginning.
So, my name is Sandra and I live in northern Colorado. I’m an only child. I actually never knew what a happy home was until the time that I went for holidays to my aunt Jenny and her husband Henry. They have no kids either. She lives in California, in a small place near Los Angeles. Her house is just a few miles from the forest which scared me a bit when I was younger, but now I actually like it, I go there sometimes when I want to spend some time alone. I’m seventeen by the way , and I’d say that I’m quite clever for my age, it’s not just me, but many people said that so I guess I am. No. I have no boyfriend, all the ones I met before turned out to be absolute assholes at the end. The first one cheated on me and I couldn’t get over it for months, the other one was just so childish and after some time I just couldn’t stand him so I broke up with him, and my last boyfriend just moved somewhere to Virginia, and I just had to let him go for what he called’ a better future, I suppose he was quite materialistic. So for now I just wanted to take a break from all these unlucky relationships and I came to this middle of nowhere. I actually never was in a good, healthy relationship, but it’s a bit of my fault because I always fall for the bad guys. My life was a bit dull and then in one, beautiful summer everything changed…
I looked through the window as my father put my bags in the boot of our brand new Cabriolet. He looked stressed for no particular reason, sometimes I think that it’s his normal expression, it freaks me out sometimes. No wonder he’s so stressed, he is a businessman so I guess he has all these deadlines and stuff. My mother is a travel agent, and now she was on some trip in Europe that she got for free from the travel agency. She said that it was something to do with her job, but seriously what would her job have to do with a trip to Europe. I actually never trusted my mother, many times I heard her laying to dad about her amount of work she has to do in the evenings, when in fact she spend the time with her friends in local bars .How do I know: first I saw her once, and I heard her phone calls when she was arranging the evening with someone. I never told dad because I didn’t want him to think that mum is cheating on him (even though she might be) and he never noticed because he is constantly at work, or doing even more work at home. I think he is a workaholic; we barely talk, same with mum. We used to have dinner together, but now sometimes mum doesn’t even have time to make it, so I make it sometimes. Only on Sundays we eat together, but we don’t talk much either, just the standard talk about the amount of work they both have .They don’t even care how I’m doing in school and stuff. It’s not that I have a lot to tell them, but I just want to feel that they care, but instead we just eat, and everyone goes back to their own thing. I suppose money is the number one thing in my house, Sad isn’t it?
I took one more look in the mirror, swung my hair back and left the house with a loud bang from the door. I took the front seat, and now it was only me and dad. He gave me a weak smile, and started the engine. I hated awkward silences, so I just turned on the radio and some reggae started blasting from the loud speakers. Now I had some time to talk with dad, but I actually had no idea what to say. So I just sat there looking at the cars passing by, because dad was driving unusually slowly. After a few good minutes, he said ‘How is school? ‘. Nothing better came to my mind so I just said ‘Fine’. After that we talked about the weather, school, work, everything .The last time I talked with him properly was when I was about ten, but at the time he had less work, so I liked the fact that he drove me to aunt Jenny’s ,even though at first I thought that it is going to be a long journey . We even laughed together when he told me some stories from when he was young, I always thought of my dad as a serious person, but I liked the funny side of him much better.
When we arrived the sun was sinking into the lake nearby. My aunt run out of the house and started hugging me and my father, soon my uncle joined. They were very glad to see us I must say, Aunt Jenny started asking us “How was the journey? Are you hungry?’ Dad had to go to work early in the morning but he couldn’t resist aunts’ lovely dinners, so he just stayed which I was happy about. Aunt Jenny was dad’s sister; I tried to imagine them when they were younger as little brother and sister, but now dad didn’t come here often, just when I was staying here for the summer. Mum was here only once; she and Aunt Jenny don’t really like each other, from what I know since my parents wedding, until this day nobody ever told me what happened. . They told me they are not arguing with each other, but its way to obvious that they are. Uncle Henry carried my bags upstairs to what they said was my room, kind of them isn’t it? Aunt Jenny and Uncle Henry treated me like their daughter, I know I shouldn’t say that but they treated me better than my own parents, the difference between them and my parents were that they actually cared. Aunt Jenny couldn’t have her own kids even though she loved them, so I think she treated me like the daughter she could never have.
As it got very dark, and I was tired after the journey I said ‘goodnight ‘to my dad, and he said ‘be good to Jenny, call me when you need something, I will miss’ He said that he will miss me, I felt kind of guilty that I thought that he doesn’t care, but it seems like he does. I hugged him tightly and went upstairs. I removed my bags from the bad, and thrown them by the wardrobe. I stood by the window and I noticed that nothing has changed in here since I was little, but I like it that way. I slid under the white, furry blanket, and drifted off to sleep.
I woke up very early before anybody else , jumped into my white dress , brushed my long hair and silently walked out not to wake up anyone. I always did that the first day after I came here for holidays. It was a bit chilly outside, but I didn’t go home to get a jumper, because they were still sleeping. I ran towards the forest to make myself a bit warmer. I walked around the forest for some time remembering the times when I came here with dad before, playing hide and seek, I smiled at that thought. I sat at the lake and watched the sun rise, it was a beautiful view, and I felt so free and so fresh. I was about to go when I heard footsteps behind me, I was scared a bit because usually there was nobody here especially at this time of the day. I turned around and to my delight I saw the most gorgeous face I have ever seen. He smiled shyly and said ‘Hi, I’m Peter’ .after I stopped staring at him I mumbled ‘Hi, I’m Sandra’. ‘Nice name ‘he said and sat beside me on the grass. For a while we watched the sun rise together in silence, even though my mind was filled with hundreds of thoughts. I wanted to take one more look at him but I didn’t want to make bad impression, he had this shiny, black hair, pale skin, glowing brown eyes, and the most beautiful smile in the whole world from what I would say. He turned to me again and I felt that my body is shivering at the sound of his voice. He said ‘So what are you doing here so early?’ I really didn’t know what to say to that so I just said ‘I just went for a walk since it is such a nice morning, I like to watch the sun rise’. He smiled at me and I smiled back. ‘Yeah, it’s beautiful, I like this place, you get to think about things and have some alone time, but I don’t mind your companion, he said and smiled again. With a week smile I said ‘me neither ‘. I just couldn’t stop smiling, this was the last place I would expect to meet someone like Peter, for a while I thought that maybe I have hallucinations, he seemed so perfect. We just sat there and talked, and talked, and talked… I have only known him for a while but already I felt very comfortable with him. I wondered if it means something. He told me that he was from Arizona, and that he came for a holiday here as well, to his grandmother for the first time, he was nineteen years old, and was an only child as well. There were so many things we had in common already. He saw that I was shivering and he gave me his jacket, I thanked him with a smile. From the first moment I saw him I knew that there was something special about him. Was I falling in love? I came here to take a break from relationships, but I felt that this time it was different. I really never felt like this for someone like I felt for him. I felt these butterflies in my stomach, but I tried to act normal in front of him, even though inside I was all nervous. I was staying here for only a week and usually after that time I would be dyeing of boredom, but now I wanted to stay, since he was staying for two weeks. S***! He was here for the last two weeks so he knew the place. Peter offered to walk me home and I agreed of course, every second with him counts. Was I already obsessed with him? He wanted to meet me by the lake at dawn that meant something, I couldn’t help but say yes, I really never felt so many things at once: excited, nervous, happy. I was a bit unsure of how to behave but they always say to be yourself, so I guess that was the best option, I was only worried not to embarrass myself, my cheeks go soooo red. Now I only had to decide on what to wear. When we arrived at Aunt Jenny’s house, I didn’t want to leave him but I didn’t want her to be suspicious, so I just waved and smiled at him, and ran indoors.
When I came in I could smell something nice from the kitchen. Aunt Jenny was making pancakes with apricot jam, my favourite. She said ‘Is it cold outside? , I heard you leave in the morning ‘.it is a bit, but its good enough for a walk ‘I replied. Uncle Henry was already in his workshop, he is a carpenter, he always made me these lovely drawers, and he even made my bed at home. He is very generous, he is my best uncle, I should be more thankful to him I think. After breakfast I washed up the dishes , so that aunt Jenny won’t think of me as a useless thing, even though I hate doing it, and at home I just throw everything into the dishwasher . We headed off to town, to get some shopping done. I liked shopping with Aunt Jenny, she was just like me, could spend one hour in every single shop. Mum never had time to go shopping with me , she always had too much ‘ work ‘ to do , and my friends were just using me from what I felt. I don’t really have real friends because I think all of them just like me because I’m rich and they take me places so I can sponsor their tickets and food. With Aunt Jenny we would try on all the clothes, and play around, she was only 33, so it didn’t look that bad, and she actually looked very young for her age. She looked about 28.I told her most things, she even knew my secrets, the kind of ones that you wouldn’t tell your mother. Maybe it sound weird but to me she was a best friend. On our way to town I told her about Peter, and she said that he came around before a few times and was helping Uncle Henry in the workshop. ‘He seems like a good lad, and very handsome huh? ‘She gave me that weird ‘you know what smile. I told her about the meeting with him tonight that I wanted to go to. ‘Of course you can go’ she said, I didn’t have to ask her twice. ‘We are going to pick you some nice dress in town, you don’t meet a boy like that everyday ‘she said and smiled. When we got to town we started searching for my dress, even though I had about five dresses in my bag at aunt’s home, but this was something special. Finally I picked a knee-length, peachy coloured dress. I loved it.
We went for lunch afterwards, and she told me all about how she met Uncle Henry at a trip to the sea and they fell in love the first moment they saw each other. I heard this story several times before , but now I was comparing it to myself. Sure I met Peter by the lake, and fell in love at the first sight. I wondered if he felt for me the same way .We finished are BigMacs, and got some food for uncle , and returned home . We usually didn’t go to the kind of places like MacDonalds , because aunt Jenny was all into this homemade stuff, but somehow I managed to make her go there. I will never lose weight if I continue to eat like this. All my diets finish after about two days, and I just have no motivation to exercise every day, but now there is Peter and I had the reason to look good, so I decided to take care of myself. I don’t want to lose him. People say that personality is more important than your looks, but it is not true exactly. Just imagine if you had to pick between a handsome man, and a smelly and not taking care of himself dope. Sure you would pick the handsome man, even before you know the personalities of these two people.
We got home in the late afternoon. Uncle was still in the workshop, so I went there to give him the food we got for him. He was making some chairs, with some flowery designs; they were lovely I must say. I stayed there for a while, while he had his ‘dinner’. He showed me some of his work, he had a real talent, and at the same time he was very funny. When he returned to his work, I left to prepare for my meeting with Peter.
I was so excited, and nervous. I let my hair loose, and put on my new, dress. It was getting dark already. ‘Do I look ok?’ I asked Aunt. ‘You look gorgeous’ she said and smiled’ now go and don’t be so late .I left the house and slowly made my way to the lake ..
When I arrived he was already there sitting by the lake. When he saw me coming he got up and walked towards me. I think that I’m more of an outgoing person, but right then I felt a bit insecure, by the fact he was so ideal. ‘You look beautiful’ he said, and I smiled at him shyly. There was something special in the way he looked at me. He offered me to go for a walk because he wanted to show me something. We went into the forest. I would be scared to go there by myself, but with him I felt safe somehow.
He brought me to the most fantastic place I’ve ever seen. There was a waterfall, and the water was shining from the sun. ‘This place is incredible, how did you find it?’ I asked with amazement. ‘I ‘m good at finding beautiful things’ he laughed ‘ but now I found something even more beautiful. ‘What is it?’ I asked. ‘You” he replied. I thought that I’m going to faint, and just at that moment he caught me by my hand and kissed me. It was a wonderful feeling; the way he kissed was just amazing, my heart started beating like mad and was jumping with joy. Now I knew that I’m deeply in love with him..
I continued to see Peter every day, we even helped my uncle in the workshop together. Now I felt that I couldn’t live my life without me, because he became a part of me. He took me to his grandparents place; they were so nice and glad to see me. The week passed so quickly, and it about time for me to go back home, but I knew that I just can’t leave without him. I loved everything about him, his hugs and kisses, his eyes, his lips, his laugh, everything. How could I just leave now?
When my dad came I left with tears in my eyes. I actually cried because my heart was breaking. He said that we still be in contact but was that enough?
When I came home mum was back already even though she was going to come back two weeks later. I didn’t even bother asking why she came early, because Peter was the only thing I was thinking about at the moment. I was turning 18 next week, maybe then I could run away with Peter somewhere far, from all these false people around me.
I started preparing the party the next day. I went to the shops to get all this crap: balloons, invitations, order a birthday cake. I even got myself a new pair of jeans and a black leather jacket to make myself a bit happier, it didn’t work though. I invited all my ‘friends’ and some family. I didn’t even want a big party, but mum hesitated that I only have 18th birthday once. In fact it wasn’t really about my birthday, but about her love to showing off what a great party she can have for her daughter.
The week passed by and I was finally 18.I woke up late, because of the few hours I talked on the phone with Peter last night. I started making all the stupid decorations, it was very monotonic. I invited Aunt Jenny and Uncle Henry, but they said they can’t come because they had to go over somewhere to sell the entire furniture uncle made. It was a long way to the place they were going to (can’t remember the name), and they promised to come the next day to give me by birthday present.
Everyone was enjoying the party, and even though that it was supposed to be my party I still didn’t feel like part of it , or maybe I just didn’t want to be a part of all this fake happiness. I just sat there sipping at my drink , looking pointlessly at all the people. Everyone was asking me ‘are you ok?’ but I think that they didn’t give a shit how I was. I needed someone to talk to , but there was absolutely nobody in the whole room that I could trust. So I just sat there lost in my thoughts. I tried to pretend that I’m fine , I didn’t want mercy even from my mother. I danced a few times just because they made me and then I heard a knock on the door. Aunt Jenny came at the door with a big present. ‘Did we make it on time ?’ she said, I ran to hug her, But at the same time I saw that my mum wasn’t too happy about her arrival. ‘Where is Uncle Henry?’ I asked . ‘he will be here any second with your other birthday present’ she replied. Suddenly I was in the centre of attention, and then Uncle Henry came with my ‘birthday present’ , he came with Peter, I was just standing there still not believing that he was there, when he came over hugged me and said ‘Happy birthday’. My mum jumped to her feet ‘ Who is this stranger that your bringing to my house?’ she said to Aunt Jenny, and I just said ‘Mum , he’s my friend, he’s not a stranger, this is Peter’. He went over to her and said ‘It’s really nice to meet you madam’ . She was just shocked.
I was never so happy in my whole life, I just couldn’t stop smiling, joy filled all of my body. Everyone went back to their own crowd, and I was there alone with Peter. ‘Maybe you want to go to the garden?’ I said, he replaid with a nod. So we left everything behind us, and walked out.
It was actually warm outside, even though it was nearly autumn. We sat on the wooden bench by the wall, an dit was a bit awkard at the beginning, but then he took a small silver box from his pocket and said’ This is for you, happy birthday Sandra’ .I opened the box and there it was: a lovely necklace with a heart ‘ . ‘this is beautiful , thank you so much’. Tears of happiness ran down my cheeks, and then he hugged me tightly. ‘Do you want me to help you to put it on? He said, ‘yes’ I replaid. I felt the touch of his gentle hands, and I felt that I found the love of my life. ‘How does it look on me ? I asked,’ ‘it’s perfect, and so are you’ he said and then he kissed me . MY feelings grew stronger every time he kissed me, his soft reds were making me go insane