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Dawna's Story

Ashli S.
Dawna's Story
Summary: Dawna thought her life was getting back to normal when she met Kevin online. Then her ex-boyfriend came back into her life. Who will she choose? What will happen after she decides?

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GraceTaylor12This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 13, 2017 at 10:32 pm
this is really good, the only comment i have is that it is really fast! If you add more detail, this would be even better than it is now.
imagonner said...
May 18, 2016 at 4:02 pm
hey sorry about this but, your story Is fast paced, add some more detail to what the character feels about the setting... it is a good plot, just needs working on. hey, @1-800Peppermints @SpottyLepard @Freckles3 @chloejane @BanglaGirl @AnnieHay come check out my story and comment pls!!!!
1-800Peppermints said...
Dec. 20, 2013 at 9:28 pm
Really good story.  I love the interactions between everyone, but I would definitely give a little more detail and a little less dialogue.  Just to help it flow better.   Awesome though, really.  :)
SpottyLepard said...
Jun. 27, 2013 at 11:03 pm
Nice story! The only things I would recommend is to elaborate more on the experiences and emotions of your characters. For example, instead of just saying they went to dinner and using dialogue to get the idea across to readers, add details about the experience and emotions your characters are having. Details will really make your story more alive and realistic to readers, and will also help it to be slower-paced and easier to keep up with. The dialogue is good and you have great characters, so ... (more »)
Freckles3 said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm
Really great story idea, but the chapters are reaaaallly long, and the dialogue was pretty overwhelming. It seems like it's got potential, though! Keep it up!
chloejane said...
Apr. 22, 2013 at 8:34 am
Great story and plot but the dialogue needs to died down a little, especially at the beginning. Too much dialogue can often stay the attention away from the reader, it tends to bore them if their is too much and quite often the dialouge gives away too much information on the first page.
BanglaGirl said...
Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:05 am
Awesome story!
AnnieHay said...
Aug. 14, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Unique story idea, just a tiny bit fast paced..:)
MzDuri replied...
Jan. 30, 2013 at 9:55 am
I agree w/ Annie Hay but very awsome story

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