Author's note: I really hope you enjoy this! It's all I have been able to think about for the past few days. I... Show full author's note »
AftermathChapter Nine. Leah.
I closed the door to room 407. Numbly, I sauntered through the hall and down the elevator. Past the front desk and to my car.
Then, I broke down.
It didn't start as a small sob. It went straight into chaos. I was crying and hiccuping and shaking. While my attempted make-up flew down my face in waves. My body erupted into wild shakes and I couldn't control it. I felt bile rising in my throat and opened the door just in time for my body to release the contents
For five minutes I layed hunched over my knee. Drenched in my own sweat and tears, I took a moment to take in what I just did.
I just walked out on Kyle.
I just said goodbye.
I cancelled our WEDDING.
Things that a year ago if someone would of told me happened, I would've laughed in their face.
As I sat basking in my own choices I couldn't move the image away from the back of my mind. Of Kyle looking at me with so much... HATE. So much anger that I never knew he possessed. Sure, we've been in fights. Just like every couple I've yelled and walked out and he's slammed my door before. But, never like this. Never with so much finalty forced into my voice when I said good bye.
He was angry. So angry.
He called me pathetic. He thought that I didn't want to be tied down to him.
He THOUGHT that.
How could he even entertain the idea? If anything, I want to be chained to his side forever. Kyle was so different now. Could he woken with a new personality trait? Is that even possible?
I leaned in and closed the door, welcoming the new ache in my neck from being hunched over for so long, I thought that I deserved the pain. After everything Kyle's been through I should have some physical damage.
Automatically, I drove the car down the road and on the highway. My hands took over and steered me to where I needed to be. To where deep down inside I knew I should be. It didn't register in my brain as I pulled into Trina's apartment parking lot that I missed her so much.
We used to be so close. My heart clenched when I though back of the nights we used to spend in her room, telling every little secret until dawn. Back when things were so simple. Back when I didn't think that Kyle could ever be a victim of a shark attack.
I practically ran to her door on the second floor. Skipping the luxury elevators because I've realized that the few seconds they take up could be crucial. Skipping the stairs two at a time I bounded to Trina's door.
When she opened the door her jaw dropped.
"What HAPPENED to you?" she whispered with worry in her eyes. By the elbow she dragged me inside and leaned against the closed door.
I didn't even want to think of how I looked at the moment. Black rimmed eyes, stained mascara on my cheeks and probably puke in my hair.
"I- I broke it off with Kyle," I choked. By saying it seemed to concrete itself into reality and causing me to start to cry again.
Trina muttered a word of sympathy and pulled me against her. She wrapped me in her arms like a child and whisperd word's like, "It's going to be okay, Leah" and "There's still time to go back if you want to."
She stroked my matted hair and held me in her embrace. At that moment, I loved her and could never of asked for a better friend. Despite me showing up unannounced, smelling bad, and in complete tears she still hugged me and didn't ask for an explanation.
We sat down on the couch and I told her the story of what happened. How I went to see Kyle and his anger bubbling up at me and my break down in the car- conviently leaving out me being sick.
Trina pursed her lips when I finished and stood up. She walked over to the counter which was piled with papers and grabbed one and sat back down next to me. I looked down and noticed a brochure in her lap.
"The doctor gave us one of these while we were in the hall waiting on you and Kyle," she said, indicating the brochure in her hand. "It's a small brochure on amnesia and it's side effects and what not. I was reading it this morning and it says that due to brain damage that might occured during an accident when waking up with amnesia, people may expierence a different personality. Something that might have made them angry in the past and they didn't act on it could bubble up and well... You know." She gave me a sad smile.
I took a deep breathe and gently pulled the pamplet from her hands. Across the festive pages were pictures of men and women in the plain blue hospital gowns with creased brows, trying to remember pieces of their lives. I skimmed across the paragraphs purposesfully skipping the section on “How to Deal if Remembrance is Never Regained”. The brochure droned on and on about the brain damage that occurs during tramatic events causing the mind to metally block out the pain and other things along with it.
“I want to go back, Trina.” My voice was barely over a whisper.
Trina opened her mouth to encourage me but I interreputed her with, “But I don't want to hold him back from what he wants, because he doesn't know what he wants right now. I'm bound to say something out of anger to him, I can't risk hurting him more.” I nervously wrung my hands.
Trina glanced at the floor then back up at me. “I understand. You just need to try your best to be there for him. Let him know you're always an option.”
“But how can I do that when he's closed himself up from me? He's so angry...”
Trina looked at me with caring eyes and pity. “You just need to make him fall in love with you all over again. You did it once you can do it again.” She gave me an encouraging pat on the back.
I took a shower at Trina's and pushed myself into some comfy pajama's of hers. We both decided that I needed a day to calm down and due to my mental state Trina thought it'd be best for me to spend the following day with her. I piled myself into her overly fluffed bed that was over flowing with pillows and stuffed animals and layed down next to her has she flipped through some old favorite chick-flick movie night suggestions.
She put in a favorite one of ours, Dirty Dancing, and together we sat back and remembered the times when we used to watch this movie to no end. Playing it in the basement of my house with the lights off attempting to do the twists and turns that they had accomplished on the screen.
“Do you remember that time that Jeremey and I had that huge fight at the beginning of senior year?” Trina asked, popping a piece of candy into her mouth. “You had been on your anniversary date with Kyle but when you heard my voice on the phone you immediately left him to stay up all night with me crying.”
I looked over to her, seeing how much you could change in a year in a half.
“Yeah, I do remember that.” I gave her a small smile.
“I know these are two different circumstances,” she said. “and there is no way for that to measure up with this but, I want to be there for you like you were there for me.”
I released a breath trying my best not to cry, which I had become a master at these past few months, and leaned over to embrace Trina in the bone- grinding hug she deserved. She hugged me back and we sat there for a few minutes soaking up my new affectionate side that had been so withdrawled lately,
Through everything I was so lucky to have had Trina. She had always been there but me- being stuck within my own self pity- had totally dismissed that fact to whail in misery. She had waited on the side lines patiently for me to finally talk to her about Kyle, giving me time and air to breath, which unlike my mother and others had been pushing me to the edge to open my mouth.
Trina was truly the only other person who knew me about as much as Kyle. Through these months I had been mourning the loss of my best friend when I had another one right here in my grasp- litterly,
“Thank you so much,” I whispered into her hair and I heard her sigh of relief.
That night, Trina and I fell asleep to the credit music of Dirty Dancing, with candy and blankets strewn across the bed. We had stayed up ignoring the movie and talking about memories of highschool and all the heartbreak and greatest moments we had endured. When I fell asleep I didn't have any nightmares or beautiful knowledge breaking dreams, my sleep was completely void and for that I was grateful.