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Author's note: I really hope you enjoy this! It's all I have been able to think about for the past few days. I love feedback- comment and rate. Let me know what I can do to improve please! Also, this is NOT the ending. I am writing more. But I wanted everyone to see it before I finish. Keeping in suspense!(:
Kyle is my best friend. I can honestly say that there is no one else in the world I would rather spend my time with. We do everything together. Shopping, movie night and extremely embarrassing dinner parties my parents throw when they want to feel fancy.
Kyle is also my boyfriend. And even though I might sound corny, I love him so much, in every way. Also supporting the fact that we grew up together, his house right next to mine. Mine to his. So I always cared for him. But lately, I felt more than boy-next-door/best friend/boyfriend crushing. I felt like I undeniably needed him to breathe. Like he has slowly over the years attached himself to me. Now- now he is my necessity.
People probably think I'm a head- over- heels eighteen year old girl. But our relationship is dug way deeper than passing notes or texting each other constantly. Kyle and I understand one another. Way more than we probably should. One look and he can tell what I am feeling. Vise versa.
Kyle had always been much taller than me. I love looking up to him, to know he is always going to be higher than me is somehow re-assuring. Especially, now when the sun is exactly right behind him. Illuminating him as golden rays surround his face. Kyle smiles down at me. His cheeks touching his blue eyes lightly like butterfly kisses.
We were at the beach for the weekend. Kyle, I and our friend's Trina and Jeremy. We were graduating in a month and our parents cautiuosly agreed to let us go for three whole days. All of us had just arrived in Jeremy's minivan. Then, decided to relax at the beach.
I ditched my plastic sandals five minutes ago to feel the warm afternoon sand in between my toes. Striding closer to the shore I planned on letting the sea engulf my feet.
"You look so care free right now, Leah," Kyle's voice came from behind me.
I smiled and turned to face him. The sun was giving highlights to his dirty blond hair, making his blue eyes shine more intensely.
The last couple of weeks I had been stressing out over SATs and graduation parties. Then, the whole drama with colleges and dorms. After Kyle and I both getting accepted into a college in New York, we've been working on living arrangements. Finally we decided on sharing a two bedroom apartment with a view.
"I'm trying to be," I whispered to no one in particular. The wind suddenly whipped my brown hair across my face and sent my sunglasses flying toward the opposite side of the beach. "Crap," I said under my breath.
Kyle and I ran simultaneously toward them. After running thirty feet we reached my broken sunglasses.
"Ouch," I giggled as our heads bumped together when I reached down to get them.
Kyle scooped the pieces up off the white sand. Pursing his lips he said, "I'll have to buy you some more tomorrow."
I shook my head. "I am perfectly capable of buying me some sunglasses." My hands instinctively went to my hips. One thing that had always been my most difficult personality trait to deal with was my stubborness. Over the years I learned to keep it to a minimum, but I wasn't Leah Rynelds without my it.
Kyle playfully threw his arm around my neck, rubbing his fist into my hair. "I know you are."
"Stop!" I squealed. "Your messing my hair up." Hastily, I pushed my hair back out of my face.
Kyle gave me the look that said, Like- you- really- think- I care- what- you- look- like?
"Even if you don't, I do," I muttered as I sat down on the edge of the shore. Right where the water met dry land. Moving one more hair toward the ocean, I would be wet. Moving back any, I would be dry. I was on that fine line of instinctively.
He dropped his body next mine in the soft sand.
Turning to look at him our eyes met.
Have you ever had that little moment in life that you wish you could savor for rainy days? The one sweet memory that makes you want to endure all the hurt of this life if you knew this would be there at the end waiting for you. This was how I felt at the moment. Like there could be no more pain after these few seconds with Kyle.
"You have beautiful eyes," Kyle whispered. "They match the exact color of the ocean..."
My eyes- like Kyle's- were blue. People would always tell us how good we looked together to have the exact intense color. They would tell me that there could be no other for me.
I had never doubted that.
"You know that if the mother and father both have blue eyes, then their children will have blue eyes?" Kyle stated matter- of - factly.
I laughed. "Are you already making child plans?" Acting my best to be dramatically astonished, there was nothing more in the world I wanted then to have a life with him.
Kyle looked out to the water and nodded his head calmly. "Yeah... I want two children. I think the most beautiful name for a girl would be Leila." He smiled to himself.
"Well," I said, snuggling myself to his side. "Your going to have to propose first."
His arm slid around my body like a protective shield and pulled me closer to him. "If that might be the case then..." Kyle reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet black box.
My eyes widened. If that's what I thought it was... It couldn't be.
"Leah Nicole Rynelds,-" Kyle opened the box to reveal a silver band and a precious small diamond sitting on the top like a queen "-you are the most beautiful girl I had ever met. When we were younger, I remember how you would talk about growing up and marrying a prince someday." Kyle chuckled at the flashback.
My eyes glazed over with happy tears.
"I know that I might now be a prince," Kyle resumed. "But, I was hoping that maybe I could be worthy enough to attempt it..." Kyle sighed, and I thought I caught a glimpse of emotion in his eyes. "I love you. So, will you marry me?"
I was speechless. Using all my strength I pushed out the words, "I love you too. Yes!" And flung myself at him.
Kyle caught me in a hug and fell backwards to the plush sand of the beach.
As he kissed me their was a dampness to both of our cheeks. This made me cry harder.
I was so happy. Never in my life, had I been so elated.
"Okay, guys." There was a voice coming toward us.
Breaking from from Kyle's lips, I glanced up to see Trina a Jeremy stride over toward us. Trina held a video camera in her hand right below her ecstatic smile.
Kyle hugged me close to him on the sand and started to chuckle lightly.
"Did you get all of it?" Kyle glanced up to Trina brightly.
She nodded, sending her blond hair all over the place. "Yeah, I got every single bit of it." Her chirped smile went impossibly bigger. "I am so happy!" she squealed.
"Got what?" I asked cluelessly, getting off the ground and dusting myself off.
"We filmed the proposal," Jeremy responded, brushing his black hair out of his eyes.
I laughed. That was amazing. Of course Kyle would be the only one in the world that would know I want my proposal filmed.
My world felt brighter. My head was in the clouds. I felt the wonderful ecstasy of contentness and love. Everything in the world suddenly seemed worth the wait for this. Like all the moments of my life all lead up to this minute with Kyle. I was a puzzel, and I finally realized what my picture was.
And one thing I was utterly and exclusively sure of- with every ounce of my body- that no one could take me down from this height.
I was so excited. Today- Saturday- I was going sailing with my best friend Trina, her boyfriend- Jeremy and my fiancee'. My fiancee'! I still wasn't completely recovered from the shock of yesterday evening. Sometimes, it feels like just yesterday I was running around in my frond yard with Kyle while our mothers watched us from the front porch sipping tea and discussing political matters.
And now, here I am engaged!
Trina and I were in our hotel bedroom slipping on out bathing suits. Jeremy and Kyle were going to meet us downstairs before we left to the sailing dock.
"Does this look okay?" Trina asked, turning around to me. She was wearing a lavender bikini that accented her bleached blond hair.
I raised my eyebrows at her. "Do you have to ask that? You always look good no matter what! Regular people- including myself- actually have to work at it." I smiled at her and slipped my blue jean shorts over my plain white bottoms.
"Leah Nichole!" Trina gasped, using my first and middle name. This was exactly what my mother did when she was angry at me. "You are beautiful! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
Trina gave me a sincere smile before going to the bathroom to brush her hair.
While I put my chocolate hair into a braid going down my back Trina looked through the bathroom door at me. "So, who's going to be your maid of honor at your wedding?" she asked, her acute voice echoed from the bathroom.
"You, of course!" I yelled back at her and grabbed a water out of the icebox.
"I was hoping you would say that." Trina's voice hinted a smile as she came up behind me in the small kitchen. Grabbing her bag and towels she asked, "Ready?"
"Yeah," I said and we walked out the door.
The boy's room was directly across the hall from ours. Given the fact that Jeremy's parents wouldn't let him share a room with Trina. Apparently, Jeremy's brother got his girlfriend pregnant at a young age.
Trina and I exited the elevator and arrived in the hotels lobby. It slightly resembled an old forties movie theater. With the long red curtains, and gold accents.
All of a sudden someone caught my waist from behind.
"There's my fiancee'!" Kyle muttered and kissed my neck before releasing me.
"You scared me!" I condemned. My heart was still fluttering wildly as we walked over to where Trina and Jeremy were standing.
As we made our way out the revolving doors, I fiddled with the beautiful ring on my finger. I climbed into the back seat of Jeremy's mini van, followed by Kyle.
"I am so excited!" Trina squealed as Jeremy drove onto the main road. "I have never been sailing before. Does anyone know how?" Trina looked around at us like she was expecting someone to raise their hand.
Noticing her begin to act a little frantic, Kyle said, "The man who owns the boat will be with us."
Immediately, her eyes got calmer.
"Oh!" Kyle whispered in my ear. "I forgot, I got you something." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out an exact replica of my pair of sunglasses that broke yesterday.
"Kyle..." I said, eyeing him suspiciously.
"I know, I know. But, I did it anyways... So, just wear them." He smiled brightly. Like he didn't regret buying them one bit.
How could I resist?
I grabbed them from his hand and slid them on.
We arrived to the loading dock of the sailing boats. Our "captain", Frank, was a tall sweaty old man that looked like he had too much sun inside of him. Frank went over the safety precautions of sailing and assured us no one had ever gotten hurt with him sailing.
After lacing my ugly orange life jacket over my bikini, I allowed Kyle to help me onto the wobbling boat.
"Are you sure this thing is stable?" I whispered to Kyle after we posistened ourselves standing up in the back of the boat. It was moving back and forth uneasily on top of the water. It was like I could feel my breakfast following it's dance in my stomach.
Kyle wrapped his arm around me. "Yeah. It'll be fine. Today will be fun, just wait and see." He kissed me on the cheek.
Frank pushed the boat away from the wooden dock. As we floated away, I honestly can't remember a time I have longed for solid ground so deeply.
Sooner than I thought, the wind picked up and we sailed out to the ocean. I could still see the out lining of the edge the beach from where we floated in the water. Frank was hanging on a rope hooked to the sail as he glided over the water to change our direction.
All four of us posistined ourselves on the back of the boat looking in the water. A few stray pieces of my hair whipped around my face as the boat came to a slow stop.
"Oh! Look." Jeremy pointed at an assortment of kaleidoscopic fish swimming freely below the water's surface.
They were breath- taking. All of the fish were a different color, like they were personalized carefully before being placed in the ocean.
"Wow, their beautiful..." Kyle said leaning over the edge of the metal railing.
I was about to tell him to not lean over to far- right when I heard a splash.
"Kyle!" I screamed.
Immediately, Kyle and Jeremy erupt in laughter.
Trina and I exchanged horrified looks.
"You should of seen your face!" Kyle exclaimed. "You were like," he imitated a terrified face.
And I wouldn't doubt that's exactly what I looked like, he scared me half to death! If isn't wasn't for these glorious life jackets he could of drowned.
"Ha- ha," I said and made it as obvious as I could that I was angry. "Now get out of the water already. You're scaring me." I crossed my arms over my chest, but that was pretty hard thanks to my bulky life jacket.
"Yes, Ma'am!" he chirped and swam over to the side of the boat.
Jeremy reached his hand over to help him up, when suddenly Kyle was dragged under the water's surface.
"Kyle!" Jeremy yelled out him.
"Guys, this isn't funny. Stop playing jokes on us!" I screeched.
Jeremy looked at me horrified. "Leah..."
The look on his face immediately told me something was wrong. Quickly, I rushed over to the side to see Kyle scream. Blood stained the blue water around him, as tears filled his eyes.
"Kyle! Kyle! Frank! Someone go get Frank!" I yelled.
Standing up on the rail, I prepared myself to jump out to him.
"Leah, no!" Jeremy pulled me back to the deck.
"Kyle!" I yelled as tears flooded my eyes. I was clawing at Jeremy's arm for him to release his grip on me. I needed to get Kyle out of the water. If no one was going to do anything, I was.
Frank came over in flash. He looked flush as I saw a a boat with flashing lights race over to us.
My heart pounded in my ears. I had to get him out of the water. I just had to. Trying my best to pry Jeremy's arms off of me, I saw a gray fin swim off in another direction, leaving Kyle bleeding uncontrollably.
The paramedics were waiting for us as we arrived on the wooden dock. The young man working for them kept forcing me too look away every time my eyes wandered to Kyle's leg.
I was crying and there was blood on me from where I grabbed Kyle when getting on the speed boat with him. The shark had took a pretty good amount of his leg, leaving only a flab by the knee.
Bile rose in my throat as I tried to erase the image from my mind.
Everyone piled into the ambulance. Trina and Jeremy agreed to meet me at the hospital with the van. After getting into the white ambulance truck I stood right next to Kyle as they pushed all sorts of tubes into him.
His eye lids were halfway open, like he was trying to fight off sleep.
I felt something weakly grip my hand. Looking down, I saw that Kyle had reached out for me and was holding my hand with all he had left.
My eyes glazed over with more tears and blurred my vision. I swiped them away quickly. I had a feeling that if he got out of my sight, then I wouldn't see him again.
His bottom lip trembled as he tried to form words.
"I... I love you, Leah," he whispered hoarsely.
Tears streamed down my cheeks like race cars. "I love you too."
I bent down and kissed him slowly on the lips. He was hurting, I could feel it in him.
Using all my strength, I pulled myself back.
Then, ever so slowly, his eyelids closed.
"Kyle?" I whispered.
There was no reply.
"He's unconscious!" A girl paramedic yelled across the van.
There was a halting stop, then the back doors to the van tear open in a rumble. The paramedics rolled his gurney out of the back and into a long narrow hallway. Trying my hardest I ran along the side with him, refusing to let his hand go.
The doctors caught up with us when we turned into the E.R.
"Ma'am, only family members pass this point," a young nurse said to me politely.
"I'm his fiancee'." I stepped closer to him.
"I'm sorry, but your not allowed."
They wheeled him away and I felt his cold hand slip from mine.
Trina, Jeremy and I all sat in the waiting room, teary eyed and on the edge of our seats.
Kyle's parents and mine were on our their way to the hospital. It was a two hour drive and it felt like they couldn't get here in time.
Every time, I heard the door to where the patients were I stood up. But five times that door swung open, and it wasn't for Kyle.
I was utterly nervous. There was a feeling in the pit of my stomach that wouldn't go away. The other people watched me as I paced around the room for explanations.
The door opened for the sixth and the male doctor looked at me.
"Are you Kyle Mason's fiancee?"
My eyes widened. Trina and Jeremy walked over to us.
"Yes. How is he?" I urged.
"We are going to put him into immediate surgery-"
"Surgery? What kind?" I demanded, cutting him off. My heart fluttered nervously.
"We need to amputate his leg."
I sucked in some air.
"How much?" I whispered.
"The knee bone was spared. But I'm sorry to say that everything below that was not." The doctor looked at me apologetically. But I could see in his eyes he was tired.
"When will I be able to see him?" I asked, looking down at my flip flops. Realizing I was still in my bikini and shorts.
"The surgery will take up to two hours. After that he is qualified for visitors." The doctor looked at us each when he spoke.
"Then hurry up! Go and do the surgery!" I yelled as tears streamed down my face.
I felt Jeremy pull me back from the doctor as Trina apologized. The doctor smiled and nodded, he's been through this before.
They were amputating his leg! Most likely he would be in a wheel chair for most his life. How could this have happened? If he wouldn't have played a stupid prank... Then Kyle wouldn't be here about to get his leg taken off and I wouldn't be crying as pain hit me in my chest repeatedly.
It was like I could feel Kyle inside my head telling me, "Leah, just look at the bright side. It could be worse... I could be dead."
My heart ached as I imagined him saying those words to me. The only person I longed for at the moment was in a room were I couldn't be.
It's hurtful how the world works.
I settled back on the cold chair and watched as the doctor strolled through the doors to prepare for surgery. Before I knew it my head lolled to the side and dropped onto Trina's welcoming shoulder.
"Leah..." A familiar voice probbed me.
I didn't want to be awoken to reality. For once, I accepted that dreams could be real if I believed them to be. Isn't that what they say about people that go crazy? That they believed something was true, so it became their obbsession? That's how I want to be about my dream of Kyle and I being happy with no pain. I don't care if I go crazy... Better to lable me that now than later, right?
"Leah." The voice got more urgent and persistent.
Now, realizing that I was waiting for Kyle to be done with his surgery, I immediantly opened my eyes with anticipation.
"Is he out yet?" I asked, looking around the room for his warm and welcoming face.
He wasn't there, I didn't really expect him to come to the waiting room when he just had a leg amputated anyways.
I felt the gaze of Trina and Jermey on me as I searched again.
Looking up after no sight of him, I saw Kyle's mother, Jennifer, instead studying me with worried eyes.
"Jennifer!" I threw myself into her loving arms and cried. All my life she had been there for me. My second mother, is what I liked to call her.
Jennifer's maternal and loving instincts for me drew her arms tighter around me with tenderness. Her arms shook as she cried with me. This must be as hurtfull to her as it is to me.
When she pulled me back to arms length, I asked, "Where's my parents?" Glancing around I caught no sight of them.
She stroked my hair lightly. "They had to go and take care of some business with your aunt. They send their love."
"Where's George?" George was Kyle's father. Also, my second father. And... was soon to be my in law.
"He's filling out some papers for Kyle..." She pursed her lips and dropped her voice as she said, "What exactly happened?"
Taking a deep breath I prepared myself to tell her my heart breaking side of the story.
"Kyle Mason's visitors?" The same doctor came that I had yelled at walked up to us.
"Yes..." Jennifer said. "I'm his mom."
He smiled and shook her hand. "I am Dr. Johnson. I have some good news and bad news."
My heart fluttered as Trina and Jermey walked over to us.
I couldn't take anymore bad news.
"What is it?" Jennifer spoke out.
I admired her for being the brave one. But yet at the same time hated that I'd have to listen to the answer.
"The good news is the surgery went very well. The bad news is that when Mr. Mason's was bit by the shark he went into a state of shock. And unfortunately after he became unconcious in the ride over here... he didn't wake up." Dr. Johnson looked as us to register our reaction.
"What does that mean?" Jermey whispered sensing what I was sensing.
"That he is in a coma at the moment."
Jennifer let out a soft cry.
Excusing herself she went to go get George as the doctor took us to the room Kyle was in.
Down the long white hall I couldn't possibly comprehend how many hearts had been broken in these rooms. How many fiancee's legs had been eaten by a shark. Or how many girls sat and watched the love of their life slowly fade from the clutches of this earth.
Silently, I was heartbroken.
"Here he is," the doctor said and opened a white door for us.
After we all walked into the room, he silently closed it and his footsteps faded into the hall.
Trina let out a small cry and gripped my hand.
When walking into the room, I had used all my will power to direct my eyes from Kyle. But, hearing Trina cry beside me was more than I could take... So I looke up.
He was still the same Kyle- my Kyle. That beautiful face that was held in all of my memories, was just silently sleeping.
And that's what I told myself... he was just- sleeping. He would wake up soon and laugh at me for worrying so much.
But... My eyes wondered down his body to his leg. It wasn't really a leg. Now, it was a stub. The reality of it didn't hit me untill now. Kyle couldn't run with me down the beach after my sunglasses. Kyle couldn't work out in his bedroom while I watched his with loving eyes. He would have to learn everything again.
Would he still be able to go to college with me? Will we still be able to have to life I dreamt of?
"This is my fault..." Jermey whispered.
I didn't respond. Trina went over to him and did her best to comfort him as his cheeks slowly became damp.
My hand touched Kyle's cheek. I could feel his breath passing through his lips and brushing across my fingers.
"I'm sorry, Leah," Jermey came up beside me. "This is all my fault..." His voice cracked.
"How is this your fault?" I asked, sounding a brief exasperated.
He sniffed. "He told me in the room he was going to play this prank. And I- I went along with it..."
Trina went on telling his he was over looking this. It was no one's fault except the shark's. No one can stop a shark attack.
Not even me.
I walked across the stage and faked my smile. In the crowd, cameras flashed and people cheered my name. My principal smiled at me and handed me my diploma, that was neatly rolled into a cylinder.
"You did good this year," she whispered when I hugged her. "I know that this is hard for you- not having Kyle here- but, he is going to be okay."
I did my best to hold back my tears as I went to sit back down.
Kyle had been in a coma for a month now. Everyday, I called the hospital that they moved him to. Everyday, Jennifer would answer and give me the same steady reply.
He had missed graduation. The only day he said he would make a complete man of himself and act professianal.
I went through that month, numb.
And the next.
And the next.
Now, I was unpacking in my new apartment. The same apartment, I remember going to with Kyle. He had claimed it was perfect. And I didn't doubt it... It was just... empty. My stuff didn't fill up the whole space. Just half. So, I had half to stare back at me with sorrow.
My college didn't start untill next month. I wanted to move in early to get settled and to have "fun" in the city- at least that's what I had told my parents. Most of all, I wanted to get away from the house I grew up in. Because everywhere I turned reminded me of Kyle.
In these past few months since the attack I say things to assure my parents. Even if I don't mean them. I learned to smile numbly. But just wide enought to where my parents think I'm a- okay. When, that's far from the truth. My mom had even recommended me a therapist here in the city. Saying, that anyone could always use "extra help".
Well, Mom, I don't want extra help. I want Kyle.
Is that just too much to ask?
I collapsed myself onto the black leather couch. Wanting to fast forward my life, I tried to go to sleep. But sleep didn't come easy anymore. Nothing really did. Everytime I closed my eyes images of Kyle screaming and bleeding would creep up on me- just like that shark did to him.
Suddenly, my phone was blasting a song. My muscles didn't really comprehend when I weakly told them to move. Giving up, I tried to sleep again.
The ringing stopped... Only to start up again a minute later.
"Ugh," I moaned and walked to my cell phone. "Hello?" I didn't even feel like trying to hide the irritation in my voice anymore.
"Leah?" Jennifer's voice was frantic.
"Kyle's awake! Hurry and drive down here! Please we need to talk!"
My heart fluttered. I slammed my phone closed and ran out the door. Probably, forgetting to lock my door.
It felt like I couldn't get to my car in time. Why do I have to park in the back?
My tires spealed out of the parking lot before I could even close the door all the way.
Never, in my entire life I had my heart been so clogged in my throat. The hospital was thirty minutes away. Thirty minutes! My car couldn't drive fast enough it felt like. I needed something to keep my mind off of ditching the car and running.
"Hello?" Trina picked up on the first ring. Ever since the graduation, she had kept a close eye on me. Always being there for me.
"Trina! Kyle's awake. He's-" I choked on my own sob. When did I start crying?
"Is he really?" Trina screamed and I heard her Jermey in the background with a questioning tone. "He's awake!" She bellowed at him.
"Yes, I'm on my way right now!" I replied as the car in front of my stopped at redlight. "If this stupid car can go!" I honked my horn when the light switched to green and the old suburban didn't immediantly move.
"Okay, Jermey and I will be over as soon as possible!" she screamed and hung up.
Butterflies were in my stomach as I turned onto the overpass taking me out of city. There was no traffic, so I freely sped around cars.
Dad had always told me there was no excuse for reckless driving. No excuse, ha! Try having your fiancee in a coma for three months and he wakes up when your thirty minutes away. Then, you can tell me there's no excuse.
The hospital came into my sight.
"Finally..." I murmered as I waited for a car to turn. Nervously, I tapped the steering wheel as if it would help the car turn faster.
The car slowly pulled out of my way and I turned into hospital parking lot.
There was no parking spaces near the front. I had to take one in the very, very back. It's like the world wasn't on my side today!
Jumping out of my car, I ran to the front entrance. I had to hurry. He couldn't fall asleep again. I wouldn't let him.
Inside, the familiar smell of cleaning products hit me as I ran to the elevator.
"No running, please!" the nurse yelled at me as I passed her up.
I jammed my finger into the number four button.
"Hurry, hurry," I mumbled to myself. Tapping my hands on my jeans, the metal door opened with a friendly ding.
My stomach flipped as I dashed down the hall.
"Goodmorning, Leah," the nurse- Jackie- waved to me.
Making a lame attempt at a wave as I flew past her to Kyle's room.
There it was- room 407.
The door hit the wall with a bang as I threw it open. Later on I would feel sorry for it... not now.
"Leah!" Jennifer cheered.
My eyes caught with Kyle's. They were open. Finally those eyes were open. His blue eyes held me there.
"Kyle," I choked and ran over to him. My arms flew around his neck as I hugged him and never wanted to let go again.
Hesitantly, his arms went around my waist. But it wasn't the same. Something felt fake.
I pulled back.
He looked terribly confused.
"I'm... sorry. But I don't..." He looked over to his mom then back at me. "Who are you?"
My bottom lip trembled. Was this a dream? There was no way Kyle couldn't remember me. I was apart of his life. I am apart of his life. What was going on?
"Leah," Jennifer said softly as if her up coming words would break me. "Kyle has amnesia. He doesn't remember much."
My stomach dropped. Like, litterly, dropped to my knees. I couldn't breathe. I was his fiancee, for goodness sakes! He couldn't forget me, it was impossible.
"The doctor said that when you arrived for you and Kyle to talk. Maybe jog his memory..." she said as she walked to the door.
"Okay," I mumbled.
The door made a soft thud as it seeled behind her.e
Stay calm, I instructed myself. I grabbed the chair that I used to sleep in from the corner and set it in front of Kyle.
He watched my curiously. Like I simply fascinated him.
"Will you explain what's going on?" he asked me. "My mom said she wouldn't say anything untill you got here. Well... I know I was attacked by a shark. But... how did that happen?"
I let out a sigh as I sat down.
"You really don't remember me?" I whispered.
He shook his head, tossling his blond hair back and forth. "Am I supposed to...?"
My hand reached out for his. When I grabbed it he didn't pull away, so, I played with our fingers like I used to. Intertwining them and undoing them over and over again.
When I looked up, Kyle kept his eyes on our fingers. Curiously watching them. Like he longed to remember.
"We grew up together. Then when we were sixteen you had the guts to ask me out..." I chuckled softly at that memory. "The day before you were attacked, you proposed." I smiled to myself, savoring the feeling of his hand in mine.
"Really?" he whispered, as if this was emotional for him. "I'm really sorry... This must have been hard on you."
"Yeah, it was." I attempted a lame smile at Kyle.
He took a long breath and sighed. "Is there anything- that you think you could do- to help me remember?"
Kiss him. Is what immediantly came to my head, like a whisper.
I dared a glance at him. Kyle looked desperate, I could tell he really did want to remember.
"There is something-"
"Then do it," he cut me off. "I really want to remember you. I- I want to remember us." There was a soft red that creeped up on his cheeks.
I leaned toward him. There were no words to describe how long I have yearned to kiss him again. How many dreams I have had where he would kiss me on the beach.
The Reality's Kyle didn't move away when I inched closer. Instead, he did something a little unexpected... He moved forward and closed the distance between us.
His lips were soft and urgent. Like his past could be found inside my kiss. Eventually, Kyle's hands cupped my face and held my cheeks carefully.
Gently, I pulled back. "Anything?"
Kyle stared at my lips and sighed. "Nothing. But..."
"But...?" I replied, leaning into his touch.
He licked his lips and looked up at me. "I feel something for you. Like... When my mom said your name, my heart fluttered. I know that, whatever you were to me, I loved you." Then he whispered, "I know that much about me."
I pulled out of his grasp and leaned back down in the chair.
His hands fell limp to his side and he looked kind of lost. It was like someone else in habited Kyle's body. The old Kyle wasn't there anymore... And the one thing that I feared the most was, I wasn't sure I could get the old Kyle back.
But I still loved him. I couldn't stop loving him if I tried. And... I won't. Stop trying, I mean.
There was a soft knock before I heard the squeak of the hinges as the door opened.
"Leah?" Trina's voice echoed from the entryway.
"You can come in, Trina," I called out.
She walked in with Jermey behind her and smiled sadly at us.
"Hey..." she whispered, as if she couldn't be too loud. "I heard about the amnesia, I'm so sorry Leah." Trina choked on a sob and enveloped me into a warm hug.
Suddenly, I found myself shaking against Trina. While, I found my cheeks began to dampen I realized, that this is what I needed. A familiar hug. It's been awhile since I let anyone behind my walls that had been built up after Kyle's coma. I missed my friends. They had always been there when I wasn't complete.
"Leah..." Kyle's voice whispered from behind me. His warm hand touched my back- he was trying to comfort me.
Trina pulled back from our embrace and smiled at Kyle.
Kyle's hand grabbed my arm and urged me down. Giving in, I layed down next to him in the hospital bed. His hand softly carressed my hair untill the crying ceased.
"These are our friends." I sniffled. "Trina and Jermey."
Kyle broke his intense gaze from me and looked at him. He was trying to make something in his brain snap and tell him he knew them. But, from the look on his face, it wasn't working.
"Tell me the story of how this happened," Kyle demanded gesturing to his leg that was under the white blanket. I haven't thought about it yet, all that's been on my mind was the latest tragedy, amnesia.
I looked down at my hands. Talking about the attack wasn't something that I would willingly open my mouth for. People would tell me that speaking about it would make me feel better. But, I highly doubted that. The only thing that would make me feel better is not talking about it.
"Please..." Kyle looked at me and stroked my cheek.
"Look, Kyle, " Jermey spoke for the first time since his arrival. "I would love to tell you the story but... Leah is the one who should tell you-"
"No, I shouldn't." I said sternly looking at the floor.
"Leah," Jermey said. "You need to talk about this sooner or later. You can't just keep running from this like it's a simple thing. It hurt all of us. And we know it hurt you the most."
I took a deep breath and avoided Kyle's intentive gaze that stuck on me.
"You loved Kyle. I watched you silently break into pieces these last few months. Kyle is back. There's nothing to hide from anymore. He's alive!" Jermey's words were meant well, but nothing stung more than reality.
A tear slid down my cheek.
Kyle's head bobbed back in forth between us, as he tried to decipher what was going on.
Before my common sense took over I said, "We were graduating in a month. So, we decided to go to the beach for a weekend. You know, to have one last chance to be together before we all seperated for college. When we first arrived that evening the sun was setting against the water. We had ended up on the shore and you proposed to me...
"Never in my life had I felt so content. You were everything I wanted and you were mine. You loved me and I loved you. Everything was so simple..." Another tear slid down my cheek as everyone waited for me to proceed.
"The next day we were all going to go sailing. You thought it would be funny to play a prank on me and fall into the water. Well you did and I freaked out. I thought you were going to drown. I know I over reacted about it. I was just... taking precautions. Because nothing was going to ruin my mood. So, you were in the water and started to swim back in the boat to calm me. When you did I heard you scream..." I choked on my words and replayed the scene over in my mind. There weren't words for the way I felt that day.
"There was red water all around you. You were crying and screaming and your pain was making me cry even harder. I had climbed up on the railing and was fixing to jump in for you-"
"You would do that?" Kyle interupted me.
Astonished, I turned toward him. His beautiful blue eyes were reflecting my sadness.
"Of course I would," I whispered to him.
"You must of really loved me," he attempted a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Knowing him long enough, I knew that he was trying to be reassuring.
"I really do love you." Embarrassed at my words I glanced at the monitor in the corner of the room as I turned red in the cheeks.
There was a silence that thickly filled the room between the four of us. I knew that the new Kyle may be different, but deep down in there was my old Kyle and no matter how much he will change, I will always love him.
"Continue the story, please," Trina whispered from across the room. Jermey was now holding her close to his chest as she whimpered throug the beginning of my story.
I took a deep breath and resumed. "Jermey pulled me back from the rail. And I remember doing everything in my power to attempt a getaway from him. I think I can even remember biting him... Well, as the police boat arrived, I saw a shark fin rush away in the water.
"They pulled you into the other boat and I tried my best to keep my eyes away from the ripped flesh of your leg. The image of that still sticks with me and I don't think I would be able to get rid of it if I tried. I remember after you were put into the ambulance and we were on our way to the hospital, you grabbed my hand and said, 'I love you, Leah'. I told you I loved you too. Then, weakly we kissed. After I pulled back that's when you slipped away into your coma..."
I didn't notice untill the story was finished that I was crying. My face was soaked and my friends just stared at me, trying to process this. They just got a piece of my mind and how I think, it was a scary thing. Ecspecially, since the attack.
Familiar and warm arms circled around me and pulled me to him. Kyle hugged me close to him as I cried into his chest. It felt amazing to be in his arms again. Even though one little thing felt off, it was still wonderful.
"Wait!" Trina yelled.
Still gripping onto Kyle's chest, I peeked up at her.
"Didn't I film the proposal? Kyle can watch it! Maybe if he sees it then..." She was ecstatic.
For a moment I let a small flicker of hope spark in me. That maybe Kyle could be back.
"Jermey, help me," Trina said as she pulled wires out of her overstuffed purses. She took the video camera and hooked various cords to it before Jermey reached behind the television.
There were a few clicks of the remote before a view of the beach appeared on the screen. Kyle and I sat on the sand.
"You have beautiful eyes. They match the exact color of the ocean..." Kyle's voice echoed through the speakers.
I choked back a sob from seeing the old Kyle again. The Real Kyle gripped my body tighter to him.
"Did you know that if the mother and father both have blue eyes then, the children will have blue eyes?" Kyle had said.
I laughed on the screen. I hadn't laughed like that in three months. "Already making child plans?"
Then the Kyle on screen told me about how he wants two kids. And he thinks the name Leila was beautiful.
"Well," my TV self said. "Your going to gave to propose first." I had snuggled closer to Kyle.
His arm went around me and he said, "Well, if that's the case then..." Kyle had then pulled out a small velvet box, that was sitting on a dresser in my room.
"Leah Nicole Rynelds, you are the most beautiful girl I had ever met. When we were younger, I remember how you would talk about growing up and marrying a prince someday."
"I know that I might now be a prince," Kyle resumed. "But, I was hoping that maybe I could be worthy enough to attempt it..." Kyle sighed. "I love you. So, will you marry me?"
I started crying, along with the Leah that was on the Tv.
I felt the gaze of Kyle on me. He, then, started to stroke my hair and shush me. Just like he used to.
"I love you too. Yes!" I screamed and tackled him to the sand. We kissed right there on the screen and a blush creeped up on my neck.
And then it ended. That scene had been playing over in my mind for three months straight. I had forgotten that Trina filmed it. If I knew sooner, I might of watched it everynight before going to bed.
Everyone's eyes were on me now. Looking for any further reaction.
There was none.
"Do you remember...?" I whispered into Kyle's hospital gown.
"No... I'm so sorry, Leah." I could feel Kyle's chest vibrating as he spoke.
I let out a breath that I had been holding.
The door to his hospital room opened. Jennifer walked in and smiled at Kyle and I.
She turned to Trina and whispered in her ear. In reply, Trina shook her head sadly. I watched on as Jennifer's face fell.
"It's time for Kyle's therapy," she whispered to us. "For his leg..."
Kyle's arms tightened around me as if he didn't want to let me go. The feeling was mutal.
"Well, then we should probably be going." Jermey stood up from his chair. "Leah, do you need a ride home?"
This was my invitation to leave. But, I couldn't seem to break myself away from Kyle. If I left, would something tragic happen again? Just like with his coma? I let myself away for one moment and he slipped out of conciusness.
"He'll be here when you get back, Leah," Jennifer told me gently. "I promise."
I nodded and unwrapped myself from him. It hurt worse than I expected.
"We'll be in the hall." And all three of them walked out.
Kyle didn't seem to want to let his arms go from around my waist. But when I backed up enough from the bed, I felt his hands unclasp.
"Will you be back tomorrow?" he asked and my heart fluttered.
"Yeah. We need to talk about somethings," I said and picked my purse up off the floor.
Walking toward the door I said back to him, "See you then."
I spun around on my heel to look at him. He just stared back at me so I came back over to his bed.
He swallowed and brushed his hand behind my neck. Dragging me closer to him, I bent down and kissed him. I kissed him like I did that time we were on the beach. Well, I atleast tried. On the beach I was happy. Right now, I was still a little broken.
"Goodbye," he whispered as I pulled back from him.
Then I walked out of the hospital room and into the real world.
My apartment was still how I left it when I arrived back from the hospital. My lips were still tingling from Kyle's goodbye kiss. My heart was still fluttering from seeing him moving again. My senses- they were on overload.
It was amazing- and I wanted to dance around and shout. But, yet it still wasn't compltely him.
But, it was him. And I still loved him.
My Kyle was alive and well. What more could I ask?
Collapsing onto my newly made bed, I thought of what we would need to talk about tomorrow. And I knew my plan.
The wedding- the wedding was cancelled. As much as it hurt for me to do this. It's what Kyle needed. My relationship with him is also cancelled. He will be free to date other people. And we can just be friends.
At least I hope.
He was a new person now. Maybe he didn't think the same way that the other Kyle thought. Maybe he did. One thing that I was sure of was: he deserved to be happy. And yes, it was going to hurt me like a thousands knives to let him go. To watch him be happy with someone else... I couldn't bear the idea. To ease away the pain, I'll just have to think that he's happy. That's it, that's all I need.
There you have it, I'll let him go.
But, that doesn't mean I won't try everything to help him remember. Haven't I done that already? That was everything in my power that I could possibly do. I couldn't think of anything else.
I fell asleep on my bed and finally- for the first time in three months- I had a full night's sleep.
When I woke up the next morning, I was terrifingly hungry. I went into the kitchen and fried five eggs. Also licking the plate spotless. When I was done, the clock had only moved an hour. And visiting times at the hospital were from eleven to nine. Two more hours and I could see him.
Two more hours and I could break the news.
I had to keep my mind off things. I had to stop thinking like it's the end of the world. Because it's not. Kyle could move on and maybe I could too.
But positive thinking leads to positive actions. Or at least that's what my therapist used to say.
As embarassing as it sounds, I don't know how to date. I've had three years of my life on Kyle. And before that, I didn't even date much. Maybe a few people now and then but, I never was serious. But why would I be serious with anyone now? Kyle is the one and that's final.
Him or no one.
My desicion was made and my mind was set. There was no going back.
Chapter Eight. Kyle.
Days in the hospital were terrible.
It's been two days since I've awaken. It felt like awaking from any other dream and I exepected to see my cluttered room. But, when I awoke, I heard beeping and the smell of bleach and soap replaced the stench of dirty old socks and spray on deodorant.
Then, when I went to get out of this uncomfortable bed, I couldn't feel my left foot. Glancing down, I came to see nothing. No foot. And that was highly disapointing.
I cried for about thirty minutes after the news was broken to me about my foot being amputated. Then watched as my mother cried when I didn't remember how I got there. My sobbing immediantly ceased when I was told that a girl named Leah was on her way.
My heart flutted. But when I racked my mind for a face to match this feeling, I came up with blackness.
I felt something. But, I didn't know what. And when she walked into the hospital room I thought she was a frantic nurse.
Little did I know.
She had told me that the story and I saw how much it hurt her. Leah gave off a vibe. An obvious vibe that screamed that she was strong. And watching her break down in my presence was terrifying. My whole entire body screamed comfort her which seemed like the most natrual thing in the world. If this is how I felt watching her cry, I can only imagine the on going pain of everyone else watching her slowly die inside when I was asleep.
My mind's not totally gone. I remember somethings. Like my parents. I remember our house and my room. I remember my favorite pair of shoes. I remember that I got a kite shaped like an airplane for my tenth birthday.
But I don't remember Leah.
Everytime I tried to think of her or the shark attack all I got was blackness. An endless abyss of lost memories, that I just couldn't wiggle my mental fingers around.
I wanted to remember her. With every fiber in my body I wanted to remember her. After she left I had the worst migrane from thinking to hard. The therapist told me that head aches occur like this when I over think stuff. That I can't force it too hard like I was doing. Over time, he had said, it should all just snap together.
I wanted to believe it but, the robbing of my mind left me feeling naked and helpless.
When Leah kissed me yesterday, I felt the craziest sensation. My belly got all warm. My head was reaching around for something that would help me remember. It was like my lips knew what they were doing. Like they remembered everything.
I had just gotten dressed when Leah walked in, looking better than yesterday. Her hair was combed down in brown waves that were gliding down her back. She also looked well rested and energized. The dark circles I had noticed under her eyes were long gone.
"Hey," I smiled up at her and sat down on the edge of my hospital bed.
She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Your getting around okay. That's... great." She exahled the least word. Leah trailed her eyes down my body, letting them linger on my lame stump of a leg.
"Yeah, they have me doing lot's of upper body workouts and some exercises for my other leg. Did I work out alot when... You know, before the accident?"
She sat down in the green cushioned chair. "Yeah, you loved it." Leah paushed. " Um, when are you going home?"
I had the sudden urge to kiss her again. But not now, it wouldn't be right.
"Sometime tonight. The doctors said I should be fine. They also said it would be good for me to go on with the normal routine for each day... whatever that is. I have an appointment in eight more weeks," I relpied.
She nodded. "I, um, need to talk to you about something," she said, turning completly serious for the moment.
I nodded for her to proceed.
She bit her bottom lip hard. I could see the flesh tearing underneath her teeth.
I had an urge to comfort her but I couldn't move from my uncomfortable posistion on the hospital bed. I was dreading her following words before I knew them. Was it just instinct or was it that little piece of my old self rising up and knowing Leah well enough to predict that this was about to get serious?
"The wedding is cancelled. And... so our we."
Was I imagining that or did Leah really just say that.
I looked up. Her face was mortified. And that told me that she did speak it.
My throat went dry. "What?" I hoarsely croaked.
Leah's eyes widened at my reaction, but she didn't respond.
I cleared my throat and asked, "Are you breaking up with me?"
I couldn't believe this. How could she? From what I heard, it was pretty serious. Our relationship, I mean.
"No!" she rushed. "I'm not breaking up with you. Since you don't remember anything it's not an end. I'm just giving you a new start, which is what you need. You don't need to be tied down to the past, Kyle." Her eyes were bright and I was afraid they were about spill over in tears.
My anger was bubbling inside of me. I haven't been this angry since I learned about the attack and the whole no leg scenario. I wanted to shove my fist through a window. Was this something I struggled with in my other life? And I couldn't remember. Which only made me angrier.
"So in other words you're giving up on me?" I spat and huffed through my nose.
She backed up in her chair a little bit, like I actually blew at her with my words. "No!" Leah stuttered.
"It's not that you don't want me to be tied down to you. It's that you don't want to be tied down to me!," I fired. I didn't know what was happening. These words just flowed out of my mouth and I couldn't stop them. "And that's pathetic, Leah. Just pathetic!
"I thought you were different..." I finished and took a deep breath.
I looked up at her. Tears were threatening to come down her face but I saw her swallow and struggle to keep them packed in. The vien in her neck twitched as her whole body went stiff.
"And I thought you were different," she said in a small voice. "But of course you've changed. The exact reason for me to do this. And if you truly remembered me, then you would know that I am not 'pathetic' and I don't think of myself before you." Her voice stayed dangerously calm and shivered in my shirt. "I want you to live your life and test the waters. And I was going to say that if you found that you still love me, I'll be here waiting. But, if your going to act like this- a Kyle that I never knew- then we weren't meant to be."
Leah stood up, took a deep breath, grabbed her purse and looked back at me with piercing blue eyes that watery. "Goodbye, Kyle."
And with that she walked out the door.
Chapter Nine. Leah.
I closed the door to room 407. Numbly, I sauntered through the hall and down the elevator. Past the front desk and to my car.
Then, I broke down.
It didn't start as a small sob. It went straight into chaos. I was crying and hiccuping and shaking. While my attempted make-up flew down my face in waves. My body erupted into wild shakes and I couldn't control it. I felt bile rising in my throat and opened the door just in time for my body to release the contents of breakfast. My body contorted into an arch as I leaned out my door.
For five minutes I layed hunched over my knee. Drenched in my own sweat and tears, I took a moment to take in what I just did.
I just walked out on Kyle.
I just said goodbye.
I cancelled our WEDDING.
Things that a year ago if someone would of told me happened, I would've laughed in their face.
As I sat basking in my own choices I couldn't move the image away from the back of my mind. Of Kyle looking at me with so much... HATE. So much anger that I never knew he possessed. Sure, we've been in fights. Just like every couple I've yelled and walked out and he's slammed my door before. But, never like this. Never with so much finalty forced into my voice when I said good bye.
He was angry. So angry.
He called me pathetic. He thought that I didn't want to be tied down to him.
He THOUGHT that.
How could he even entertain the idea? If anything, I want to be chained to his side forever. Kyle was so different now. Could he woken with a new personality trait? Is that even possible?
I leaned in and closed the door, welcoming the new ache in my neck from being hunched over for so long, I thought that I deserved the pain. After everything Kyle's been through I should have some physical damage.
Automatically, I drove the car down the road and on the highway. My hands took over and steered me to where I needed to be. To where deep down inside I knew I should be. It didn't register in my brain as I pulled into Trina's apartment parking lot that I missed her so much.
We used to be so close. My heart clenched when I though back of the nights we used to spend in her room, telling every little secret until dawn. Back when things were so simple. Back when I didn't think that Kyle could ever be a victim of a shark attack.
I practically ran to her door on the second floor. Skipping the luxury elevators because I've realized that the few seconds they take up could be crucial. Skipping the stairs two at a time I bounded to Trina's door.
When she opened the door her jaw dropped.
"What HAPPENED to you?" she whispered with worry in her eyes. By the elbow she dragged me inside and leaned against the closed door.
I didn't even want to think of how I looked at the moment. Black rimmed eyes, stained mascara on my cheeks and probably puke in my hair.
"I- I broke it off with Kyle," I choked. By saying it seemed to concrete itself into reality and causing me to start to cry again.
Trina muttered a word of sympathy and pulled me against her. She wrapped me in her arms like a child and whisperd word's like, "It's going to be okay, Leah" and "There's still time to go back if you want to."
She stroked my matted hair and held me in her embrace. At that moment, I loved her and could never of asked for a better friend. Despite me showing up unannounced, smelling bad, and in complete tears she still hugged me and didn't ask for an explanation.
We sat down on the couch and I told her the story of what happened. How I went to see Kyle and his anger bubbling up at me and my break down in the car- conviently leaving out me being sick.
Trina pursed her lips when I finished and stood up. She walked over to the counter which was piled with papers and grabbed one and sat back down next to me. I looked down and noticed a brochure in her lap.
"The doctor gave us one of these while we were in the hall waiting on you and Kyle," she said, indicating the brochure in her hand. "It's a small brochure on amnesia and it's side effects and what not. I was reading it this morning and it says that due to brain damage that might occured during an accident when waking up with amnesia, people may expierence a different personality. Something that might have made them angry in the past and they didn't act on it could bubble up and well... You know." She gave me a sad smile.
I took a deep breathe and gently pulled the pamplet from her hands. Across the festive pages were pictures of men and women in the plain blue hospital gowns with creased brows, trying to remember pieces of their lives. I skimmed across the paragraphs purposesfully skipping the section on “How to Deal if Remembrance is Never Regained”. The brochure droned on and on about the brain damage that occurs during tramatic events causing the mind to metally block out the pain and other things along with it.
“I want to go back, Trina.” My voice was barely over a whisper.
Trina opened her mouth to encourage me but I interreputed her with, “But I don't want to hold him back from what he wants, because he doesn't know what he wants right now. I'm bound to say something out of anger to him, I can't risk hurting him more.” I nervously wrung my hands.
Trina glanced at the floor then back up at me. “I understand. You just need to try your best to be there for him. Let him know you're always an option.”
“But how can I do that when he's closed himself up from me? He's so angry...”
Trina looked at me with caring eyes and pity. “You just need to make him fall in love with you all over again. You did it once you can do it again.” She gave me an encouraging pat on the back.
I took a shower at Trina's and pushed myself into some comfy pajama's of hers. We both decided that I needed a day to calm down and due to my mental state Trina thought it'd be best for me to spend the following day with her. I piled myself into her overly fluffed bed that was over flowing with pillows and stuffed animals and layed down next to her has she flipped through some old favorite chick-flick movie night suggestions.
She put in a favorite one of ours, Dirty Dancing, and together we sat back and remembered the times when we used to watch this movie to no end. Playing it in the basement of my house with the lights off attempting to do the twists and turns that they had accomplished on the screen.
“Do you remember that time that Jeremey and I had that huge fight at the beginning of senior year?” Trina asked, popping a piece of candy into her mouth. “You had been on your anniversary date with Kyle but when you heard my voice on the phone you immediately left him to stay up all night with me crying.”
I looked over to her, seeing how much you could change in a year in a half.
“Yeah, I do remember that.” I gave her a small smile.
“I know these are two different circumstances,” she said. “and there is no way for that to measure up with this but, I want to be there for you like you were there for me.”
I released a breath trying my best not to cry, which I had become a master at these past few months, and leaned over to embrace Trina in the bone- grinding hug she deserved. She hugged me back and we sat there for a few minutes soaking up my new affectionate side that had been so withdrawled lately,
Through everything I was so lucky to have had Trina. She had always been there but me- being stuck within my own self pity- had totally dismissed that fact to whail in misery. She had waited on the side lines patiently for me to finally talk to her about Kyle, giving me time and air to breath, which unlike my mother and others had been pushing me to the edge to open my mouth.
Trina was truly the only other person who knew me about as much as Kyle. Through these months I had been mourning the loss of my best friend when I had another one right here in my grasp- litterly,
“Thank you so much,” I whispered into her hair and I heard her sigh of relief.
That night, Trina and I fell asleep to the credit music of Dirty Dancing, with candy and blankets strewn across the bed. We had stayed up ignoring the movie and talking about memories of highschool and all the heartbreak and greatest moments we had endured. When I fell asleep I didn't have any nightmares or beautiful knowledge breaking dreams, my sleep was completely void and for that I was grateful.