Till the Tree Die | Teen Ink

Till the Tree Die

May 17, 2015
By uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
5 articles 13 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to hate you half as much as i hate myself


Vampires can never be in love. It can never ever happen. And Aurelia Lovett doesn't have any plans falling in love any time soon. At least, not until handsome, flirtatious vampire Dr.Elliot Blackwood offers her a deal: work and the local hospital and she gets paid in blood every week. She accepts the deal, and starts working as a nurse. One problem though: Elliot won't leave her alone. And Aurelia finds him absolutly disgusting. She soon finds though, that there's more to him that he shows.  


Till the Tree Die

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This book has 4 comments.

on Jun. 24 2015 at 11:53 am
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

My feedback is on the forum thread! Sorry it took so long!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2015 at 12:14 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I agree 100% with MPMento's comment. I love the imagery and unique verbs you're choosing to make your voice stand out. Though I'm not a fan of romance or vampires myself, I can definitely appreciate the quality of writing, character development, and plot development here. I'd definitely be interested to see more of Tyler in the story. Maybe she meets his family at some point? That's a good way to balance the really fast pace of Aurelia's relationship with Blackwood. However, like MPMento, I think you need to work on spacing dialogue clearly and really adding depth to the relationship between Aurelia and Blackwood. The little moments she has where she seems just madly in love after being creeped out days before feel forced instead of natural. Try to unfold the emotions slowly rather than spill them all out all at once. It's okay for her to be confused and to vacillate between different emotions throughout the chapters. In fact, that's one strong way to keep her relatable as you continue writing. Good job so far!

on May. 25 2015 at 6:51 pm
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
5 articles 13 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

@MPMento Thanks! But I don't know how much more of the story will be coming. I ended up with writers block during the next chapter and just can't seem to pick it back up. I also found that romance wasn't quite working for me and had only been writing romances because of Tom Hiddleston. I'm trying a fantasy right now, and hopefully that one will work better. Than you again!! And i'll make sure to fix the stuff you recommended!

on May. 25 2015 at 2:45 pm
simple_effect SILVER, Franklin Park, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Security is a superstition; it does not exist in nature. Life is either one daring adventure or nothing." ~Helen Keller

Awesome job! I can't wait for more! I just have a couple suggestions: During the dialogue, I lost who was speaking at certain points because of the sentence after the quote. For example (this is a minor example, just couldn't find a better one): "See? I know things." I threw my head back and laughed. The sentence after the quote could have been misleading as Aurelia talking. This happened a few times that I noticed. Also, I found Aurelia falling in love with Elliot really fast. If that was your goal, then very good job. But it seemed a little "iffy" how she hated him and then next chapter the reader reads, she is hugging him and saying she loves him and such. It was just a little too abrupt for the reader. If you just check out these two things, then I think it will be even better than it already is! This story has a lot of potential. I like the setting of the hospital, Aurelia's connection with Tyler, all of it! Keep it up!

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