I created this back in eighth grade and worked on it through my freshman year. A shame I will never finish it.
I opened my eyes and there she was, again, this time with a backpack next to her. I opened my eyes wider to get a better look at her, and she took her hand off my shoulder.
"What is it?" I mumbled.
"It's Allainai. You go to school today, remember?"
Oh. That was it. That's why it's still dark outside.
I sat up, looking around groggily. Allainai had a set of clothes tucked underneath her arm.
"I think you're still a B cup, right? I don't think their feeding you enough," she said smiling. "I brought both you're A and B sizes just in case, and here's some jeans that I know fit, and you're brown semi-long sleeved shirt. Are you ready?"
I nodded, saying nothing; I took the clothes from her, checked to make sure the curtain separated me from the other patient and the windows in the room, and proceeded to get dressed, all the while thinking, Jeez, that's really embarrassing to have her talking about my bra size when I barely know . . . uh . . . remember her. Afterwards, I looked down at myself, and spun slowly for Allainai to check me out. "So, how'd you do? Personally, I would have preferred shorts-,"
"It's the middle of January-,"
"Never mind, then." I said, amused. Has it really been that long since the accident?
"Crystal? I've got some good and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
"Um, how about the good?"
She smiled almost painfully. "The doctor told me that your memory actually could return. He doesn't know how or when, he only knows that it possibly could."
I looked at her quizzically. "Meaning?"
Allainai started to look uncomfortable, and I wondered what she was thinking about. Maybe if I knew her like I used to, I would know what she was thinking, but right now, I was just looking for some answers. "Meaning, that if something that is close to you, triggers something in you, then you could possibly get your memory back, basically saying that it's not gone forever, but you will be changed, and never the same person again."
"Ok, well that sounds like some bad news to me, so what's the bad news?"
"We're gonna be late for school."
"Oh, Crystal, I heard what happened to you! I've missed you so much!" Some girl grabbed onto me, and practically broke into song at my arrival.
Allainai was by my side automatically. I stepped back away from this girl, taking her by the shoulders, and holding her at arm's length, taking in her face, trying to get anything that I might recognize out of her green-flecked brown eyes to help with my memory. I took another step back, and shook my head.
"Crystal, this is Rose. She's your best friend in the whole world, next to me." She looked to me for some kind of clarification.
"I don't know her. Or rather, I don't remember her."
Rose didn't understand what was going on, and I could tell. "Rose, Crystal can't remember who you are, because her memories have been suppressed. There are no memories of you in her mind at all. There was some heavy trauma to her mind and body . . . that I don't think can or will be fixed."
"So, she is gone to me . . . forever?"
I looked at Rose with such a sympathetic look, that she believed it at once. There was no recognition in my eyes at all. She nodded, and mumbled, "I will try. I don't care."
She looked me in the eyes, into my soul, and said, "For my dead friend."
That tore me apart. I wanted to cry, just for her, because she was sad for me. I felt everything from her; every emotion rolling off of her. I didn't know if it was because of the intensity of emotion that she felt, or if that was a trait in me before.
"Could I feel other's emotions before?" I whispered to Allainai.
"Yes. That was a trait of yours that I always loved you for. I'm good at hiding them; you're good at feeling them. It has always made you hard to upset because of it, though."
I took a few steps away from Allainai to sit down on the wall of the courtyard. She stepped forward, away from me, searching the courtyard for somebody. I didn't know who she was looking for.
She found who she was looking for, standing across campus, and she ran off to that person. I tried to follow where she was running, but couldn't until she stopped in front of him. From where I was sitting, I could see that he was about my height, obviously older, pale skin and wearing all black.
"Who the heck is he?" I said under my breath.
Allainai gestured in my direction, and he looked over. I stood up, acknowledging the fact that I saw that he noticed me. His face lit up in a really big smile that I wouldn't respond to. Am I really friends with him? He looks Goth and he's not really that good-looking.
Allainai ran back over to me, with the boy she was talking to in tow.
"Crystal, this is-,"
"Taylor," he said, stepping in front of Allainai to take my hand and bring it to his lips.
"So, you know that I have no clue who you are, then?" I asked taking my hand back like it had been burned. He continued as if he didn't notice my discomfort and unease in his sudden gesture.
"Yes, and I am saddened by this, but I will bring you back to me, just like I did the first time," he said smiling.
I smiled, just to make him feel better, since I knew that I wouldn't go back to him. Allainai told me that I was his girlfriend, but I didn't believe that for a second.
"Do you remember anything about him at all?" Allainai asked me.
I shook my head solemnly. "There is no familiarity about you at all. I don't have any memory of you. And to be honest, I don't know how you won me over the first time, but I don't think you'll be able to do it like that. I mean, I don't think I like you, at all."
I jumped out of my skin when the bell rang for our six minute warning to get to class. I walked past them both unceremoniously, not wanting to meet their eyes, because I was emotionally exhausted, and just wanted something to numb my brain.
Taylor met me at the bottom of the stairs when I got out of class from my second hour.
"What are you doing here?" I asked not unkindly.
"I'm waiting for you to get down the stairs and have me walk you to your locker, and I usually get a hug. Can I?" he asked with a big smile on his face.
I stared at him for just a moment longer, and stepped cautiously into his arms. He squeezed me really tight; so tight that I couldn't breathe. I was surprised, and my body jerked back slightly, and he let go, disappointed.
"Sorry, should I not have done that?"
No, please hold me again. I didn't answer, not wanting to reveal my thoughts to this stranger.
I walked by and acted like I didn't hear him, intending to go to sit at a table with Allainai to at least talk to her since I didn't bring a lunch.
"Where are you going?"
"What do you mean 'where are you going'? It's third lunch. I'm going over with Allainai."
"You actually spend the lunch hour with me. We, before the accident, and when you still remembered that I was your boyfriend, we would find a spot where no one would see us, and we would talk, hold hands, and hug. I actually planned to kiss you, back in October when we were in the auditorium, but the bell scared me so bad that I didn't get the chance to."
"Well, since I can't even remember our relationship before, consider me your ex because I don't think that there is any way that I'll remember you, and since I can't, I don't think I'd ever even like you, except for reasons that are only to get what I want from you, physically." He looked like he was about to cry from what I said to him.
I walked away, feeling like I was going to cry myself. I looked for Allainai, and told her what happened. She hugged me close, and handed me a white book with a bouquet of pink roses framed in a blue and purple oval.
I took it from her and asked, "What is this?"
"It's your diary . . . starting at the beginning of August. I wrote in it while you were in the hospital. You know, just to fill in the gaps."
"What sort of things did I write about?"
The saddest look crossed over her face when I asked her that. "You wrote about everything. At least, everything about Taylor. You weren't just his girlfriend, you didn't just like him, you loved him. And not 'loved' him, I mean loved him."
"Then that explains why you're so sad."
"No, Crystal, I'm sad because you can't even remember writing about him. That means I think that you will never remember him as he showed you that first time. And I truly pity you for that, because I see who you are now, and you will hate him. Only because he will care about you too much, and you will never understand in the state that you are now in because of the accident. You have changed forever."
"So I am not who you want me to be."
"No, you are not who you are supposed to be, by your own choice. The woman who hit you made sure of that. I hope she dies soon."
I thought about those words, and things I remembered doing in the hospital for some strange reason. I thought of what I hated most about her, even though I never saw her. "She will. I already cursed her for what she did to me, and what that has now and is
going to put you through because of the damage done."
And I walked away.