Painless Scars

April 7, 2011
By TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.


Summary:

You would think you'd want the rare disease, CIP, that prohibited pain to hit your nervous system. Unable to feel scrapes, burns or even the feeling of a truck spiraling out of control into your small car. Sage Caldwell, now has a dead friend and another in a coma faces the fact that her life is going downhill. Returning to school, covered in even more scars she never felt, she must face the world alone. But when she meets reckless Megan, she finally thinks her life is improving. But when Sage gets more wild then ever and her life is endangered for thrill -- she meets Tristan, the only one who can bring her back to Earth before she does something she'll regret.


TheCreepyNeighbor

Painless Scars


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This book has 10 comments.


on Apr. 15 2011 at 5:16 am
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

Well I didn't actually write it but a lot of time passes, because she was in the hospital for a while, and then at home and I know it would get boring to write her at home for too long, but your right. I should probably make Sage want to go back for some reaso. Thanks Nacho!

on Apr. 10 2011 at 9:53 pm
iluvnacho PLATINUM, Somewhere, Colorado
28 articles 1 photo 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
\"Find the beauty in the ugly\"-Jason Mraz 5-19-10
\"Be kinder than nessicary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.\" Unknown 11-29-10

honestly, I love the story line. It's fresh new and intresting.

I also adore your style of writing. Just the way you position words, add a dash of sarcasm or whatever, I like the way it sounds. smooth, natural. such as how Sage calls her mom "Mother Dearest" or how you just simply say how it is "It was good to have him back. Especially now."

The only critisim I have for you is long sentences. I didn't notice it alot, but for an example"My body was flung forward, the seatbelts restriction seeming to take an eternity to come into an effect clasping me back as I exhaled a panicked breath." It just seems long to me, but it may not to everyone else. If you like it, great, because the word choise is beautiful.

Could you describe how Sage is grieving though? I know everyone greives differently; I pretend everything is normal before it finally hits me. you do describe it, such as explaining how she just wants to go back to the pictures. Kudos on that. you know what, nevermind you did fine on explaining. Once I get going, I can't stop. Excise me. Oh and would her mom just make her go back to school right after all that trauma? Just wondering.

Oh and I love Micah already, even after just three chapters, he seems like the bomb man.


on Apr. 10 2011 at 3:30 pm
Beachgirl1 PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
32 articles 4 photos 178 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If You Don't Fight Back, You've Already Lost."
"Don't suppress Laughter, it goes to your thighs."

oh i see! great!

on Apr. 10 2011 at 3:29 pm
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

That will happen as Sage looks at more pictures and thinks back to her memories. I didnt' want to info dump.

on Apr. 10 2011 at 3:13 pm
Beachgirl1 PLATINUM, Bellevue, Washington
32 articles 4 photos 178 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If You Don't Fight Back, You've Already Lost."
"Don't suppress Laughter, it goes to your thighs."

this is a great story, i like the beginning, it drags you in, i really liked the way you could feel the characters, the only thing that i would do would go into a little bit more of a back story on all the characters, but this is a great story! keep writing!

on Apr. 10 2011 at 11:50 am
TheCreepyNeighbor BRONZE, Plymouth, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
You know my name. Not my story.

Thanks. Nope, that's not how the story ends but I do need to fix up my summary and I will use your idea.

Yes, the father does come into play more later in the book.

Also, Sage really did not want to start anything with Tiffany considering drama is something that would be the least of her problems. I'll read Angel soon.


TNT25 SILVER said...
on Apr. 10 2011 at 9:51 am
TNT25 SILVER, Johnstown, Ohio
9 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is just weakness leaving the body"

First I have to say I'm a sucker for stories that start out with something tragic happening. It's no fun to read if everything's all happy go lucky and only a few minor problems occur. 

Second, I really like the concept of Sage having ICP. It's interesting and fairly original.

Third, the relationships between characters and the characters themselves seem well developed, although I m curious to find out more about Sage's father.

Lastly, you can really feel the emotion each character feelswhen you read this. Very well done.


on Apr. 9 2011 at 8:55 pm
Wildlife BRONZE, Garden City, New York
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Totally disregard my last comment. I wish I could edit it, but I don't know how...

 

 

Just curious, would I be correct in saying that the ancedote about Sage not feeling her broken bone is irony? She tells her friends she is going to show them super powers and in a way she does.

Mother Dearest is an interesting character and so is the father. Even though he was only given a few sentences. The background story of how the two would be interesting and if he comes back to see if Sage is okay. Are you going to put it later in the story?

Mother Dearest tries very hard  to show her daughter that she loves her and Sage pushes her away. Does Sage do this because of the accident? It seems like the rebeling was long before.

I'm also sort of suprised Sage was so meek to Tiffany and didn't tell Tiffany to leave her alone. The novel sounds like Sage has to come to terms with her identity, accident, and ICP before they overwhelm her.

The other thing I can comment on is the summary. People know how the story ends before the read the novel. She will do something incredibly stupid and maybe another accident might happen and Tristan will save her. Instead I would put that he is the only one who has the chance to reign her in so that she teeters on salvation and death(?).

Could you comment on my novel, Angels? You don't have to go beyond the first chapter. I worked the hardest on the first. I think my main problem is the words and sentence structure. I like to be extravagant and I think that gets in the way of the meaning and makes it boring. I'm not sure if its in the novel section anymore cause I just put a new chapter into it and I'm new to this website. If its not in the section, I guess it will be when the editors aprove of it.

 


TeaganOlivia said...
on Apr. 9 2011 at 8:45 pm
TeaganOlivia, Someplace, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow.
Certainty of death, small chance of success... What are we waiting for? :D ♥
Pippin: "Anyways you need people of intelligence on this sort of...mission. Quest. Thing."
Merry: "Well that rules you out Pip," :D ♥
There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other."
---Douglas Everett

This is so good!! I wanted to cry, I wanted to laugh, wow, just wow. You did an amazing job at capturing everyones emotions and feelings!! I loved the way Micah and Sage interacted!!! I have always wanted the older brother younger sister relantionship, I had an older brother, he died when he was three days old, so I never met him. But I feel like I know him, and sometimes I feel lonely when hes not there to talk to. People with an older brother are super lucky!! I know that one day I will seem him again though :D Beautiful story, I loved 5 out of 5!!! Well Done!!

~Artemis


on Apr. 9 2011 at 4:37 pm
lucybrown SILVER, Blacksburg, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. ~ From Doctor Who

You captured Sage's emotions very well.  At first I was confused why she wasn't crying a lot (she lost her best friend after all) But now I think I understand- it's hard to believe something so horrible really could of happened, and I suppose you kind of freeze up about it.
Though there are a lot of stories that involve car crashes what makes yours original is Sage's disease and her family- both of them, Micha and Mother Dearest have very well developed personalities.  I thought it was funny/cute when Micha says "Don't hog the hog!" I simply love stories where there is an older brother, and a younger sister. I have a lot of stories where the characters share that relationship. 

Your use of detail and emotion is excellent, and I really loved the conversation between Megan and Sage in the last chapter.  I can't wait to read more, I love it so far. 





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