Through my Eyes | Teen Ink

Through my Eyes

February 24, 2011
By RachelNicole03, springfield, Illinois
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RachelNicole03, Springfield, Illinois
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“I hate you!” I yelled at my mom slamming my door so hard it shook my whole wall.
I knew what was coming next. I grabbed a pair of sweats and put them over my jeans and t-shirt that I was already wearing. There was some shuffling on the other side of the door and then a loud thud. With that my bedroom door fell to the ground. Standing in the door frame was my mom, big broad shoulders, snarl on her face. She lunged for me grabbing my right arm and squeezing it so that my circulation was cut off.
“Ah stop!” I yelped in agony.
My mom shuffled her feet so that she was standing in front of me and had full access to any part of my body she wanted to grab, pull and hit at. She shook her head and threw her left hand flying in to the lower part of my stomach; knocking me to the ground. Tears spilled from my eyes dropping into my mouth the taste if the bitter salt water made me remember to breathe. I took a short shaky breath before my mom came after me again.
“What a useless daughter you are. You can’t even defend yourself you stupid idiot!” she spat at me grabbing for my sweatshirt. She pulled me up and I withered in her arms like a worm on a fish hook. Taking my right arm I dug my nails into her big calf.
“You little brat!” my mom screamed while dropping me in the hard rotting wood floor. I landed on my right arm hearing a crunching noise I screamed instantly.
“Ah, my arm!” I managed to get out between breaths. More tears seemed to find their way out of my swollen eyes.
My mom grabbed my neck and pinned me against the wall holding me there for a second. She looked in my eyes and smiled. I gasped for air knowing I wouldn’t get any; I thought this might be the end. I flared my arms and legs trying to free myself but I had no such luck.
“You’re a sorry excuse for a daughter,” she muttered. Taking her right hand she smacked me across the right side of my face. Letting go of me she let me drop to the cold hard ground with unconscious taking over my body.


I woke up on the ground, pain shooting through my body in all types of directions. My left hand flew up to my right eye were blood was slithering through a small cut on my cheek. I looked outside the window and saw it was dark outside, it had to be around 7:00p.m.or so. I slowly tried to get up each limb of my body hurting so bad and aching with excruciating pain.
“Ah,” I whimpered softly while trying to put any pressure on my right wrist.
A purple and brown bruise had started to form around my wrist. Great I thought. I slowly managed to make my way up to my bed; where in my pillow case was a couple of ibuprofen pills I had taken from the school nurse Tuesday. I took two of the orange pills and jingled them in my left hand for a second. I took my right foot and tried to reach a water bottle I had stored under my bed for those days when my mom had some guy over ( which was often ) or when she was drunk and high (again very often). I finally managed to get it after a couple of minutes and nudged it to me. My left hand shook rapidly as I put the medicine in my mouth and the water swirled in my mouth with hopes that maybe just maybe I would be fine in the morning. I laid my head down on my rough mattress pulling the nasty tattered quilt over me and went in to a painful but great full sleep.


The sound of something on my window woke me up. I slowly turned my head not wanting any pain to spread throughout my body. Nothing. I slowly managed to get both of my legs and arms in front of me ready to take the journey. I examined my right wrist, it was worst. Blue, purple and black had taken over; swelling and pus had begun to start. The pus was yellow and brown and was coming from a cut which in the center of the wrist.
“Come back here!” A man’s voice boomed from down stairs. There were a couple loud bangs which seemed to come underneath me from the kitchen. Let her suffer I thought. She deserves to burn and rot. I took tiny steps toward my lump of clothes in the corner of my “room”. Truthfully this nasty small spaced area was about the size of a closet. I took my book bag which was on top and took out all the textbooks. My right wrist dangled on my side as my left wrist did all the work. Then at the bottom of the bag was a note.
“What’s this?” I asked myself while reaching for it. A loud that down the hall made me jerk my head up and drop the note in the bag again. I slowly started to put clothes in the bag, not wanting to make any type of noise. Light poured through my window, begging me to come outside. Soon I promised myself.
After stuffing the bag so full that I could barely zip it I pushed next to the mattress on the ground. I scooted myself over to where a small mirror lied on the ground. My right eye was fine, but man my left eye was swollen and black. My left cheek was kind of swollen and puffy. My lip had a cut on the bottom that had a trickle of blood coming from it. My long brown hair was matted to the right. I took my left hand and set my limp right wrist on my lap. The pain was horrible, like someone was repeatedly stabbing and tugging on it. Tears filled my eyes. How am I going to brave this on my own? How can? I thought to myself.
“Get outta here!” I heard my mom scream from downstairs. That’s the reason. I thought to myself. That’s the reason I want to leave my life behind.

My whole right arm was numb, I had no medicine and nothing to use for pain except a bottle of ibuprofen that was it. I was outside in a park area sitting on a picnic table, watching little kids maybe 3 or 4 play games with their parents. They have it made for them I thought. Home, food, nice clothes but most importantly love. I watched as a woman and a man pushed their baby son in a stroller. I pulled my hood over my head wanting to shut out the outside world completely. Where to go? I asked myself. Why did I ev-
“Molly?” A teenage voice from behind me screamed.
I turned around to see my friend Lolo running up toward me.
“You look like crap, why?” She exclaimed.
“What happen?” she asked sitting down next to me not letting me answer her first question
“I-I my mom she-she went out of control she hurt me bad this time Lo I can’t take it, I am not going back to her,” I whispered touching my face with my left hand.
“You don’t have to Molly, I won’t make you.” She said lightly putting her arm around me.
“You can come with me, I mean were ever I go that is,” Lola trailed off. Lola was a petite girl. Medium blonde hair always put up. She had freckles sprinkled lightly across her face. Her overbite was not noticeable and her nose went downward like a ski slope. Lola dropped out of high school in the spring before moving on to a sophomore she worked at Fry King and lived with her older brother Matt.
I stared down at the ground. It was sure to get cold tonight, and with my wrist in the condition that it was in I was in no state to try to brave the night on my own.
“Alright,” I whispered knowing this was the best choice.
“Alright,” I said again sounding surer. I lightly picked up my right wrist and set it on my leg for Lola to see.
“It hurts so bad Lo, I mean I can deal but this is insane I need help bad,” I said looking Lola in her big blue eyes reaching out for help. Lola winced.
“You do Molly, and you deserve to have proper medical treatment to,” she said taking my left hand in hers and lightly squeezing it.
Lola took my bag and helped me from the table. Lola walked beside me the whole time while I limped to the park ranger’s cabin. My body at this point felt like a thousand pounds.
“Okay so we are going to say my bike ran over your wrist okay?” Lola asked while we approached the door.
“They will bandage it up I think, then give you some Advil or ibuprofen or something if they ask and that should help until tomorrow,” Lola continued.

I nodded my head. When we walked into the cabin I was two things. One an open Bucky’s Pizza box and a couple open beer bottles.
“Can we help you miss?” A deep voice asked from my left.
“Yes sir, see I accidently ran over my friends wrist while she was tying her shoe and it her wrist looks like it needs medical attention,” Lola said while reaching fir me behind her.
Tears spilled down my cheeks. Not to enhance the story anymore but because I really just realized the damage my mother had done to me. Why don’t you just turn her in? I asked myself. She could be gone forever.
“Okay well let me see you wrist ma’am,” the officer said motioning to me to move forward. He looked me up and down.
“Are you sure something else didn’t happen?” asked the officer.
“You look kind of beat up, with the busted lip and black eye and all,” the officer said hands on folded across his chest.
“Truthfully?” I asked. Lola shoot me a sharp look.
“Nothing but,” the officer answered.

“Well me and my sister got pretty in to last night and she slugged a couple of punches at me for messing up her room,” I lied. A bead of sweat formed on my upper lip.
The officer didn’t object and took my wrist carefully in his hand and examined it as if it was a delicate, fragile antique.
“Seems to be fractured,” The officer said. He reached behind him and grabbed a first aid kit off his desk.
“May I ask you why didn’t you go to the hospital or go and tell your mom and dad?” Asked the officer taking some kind of bandage out of the kit and starting to wrap my wrist very carefully.
“My mom and dad there dead sir,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear me. He looked me in my tear felled eyes and shook his head.
“I am so sorry miss I had no clue,” The officer said not looking at me.
“It’s okay, my older sister has custody of me and my younger,” I managed to get out before even thinking about what I had just said.
The officer looked up at me and asked,
“Are you going to seek medical treatment after I treat it?”
“Yes sir, as best as I can afford at least,” I said while wincing at the pain coming from my wrist.
Lola started having a coughing fit which probably meant it was about to get pretty dark out. The officer finished wrapping my wrist in the same delicate ordeal and gave me two ibuprofen.
“Thank you,” I said while getting out of the comfortable fuzzy brown recliner I was sitting it. I stood on my feet and I noticed that my ankles weren’t hurting as bad as they had been.
“Molly I guess we have to be getting back to my house to finish the science project,” Lola spoke aloud grabbing my bag.
“Take care miss,” I heard the officer say from behind us.
As soon as I stepped outside the first thing I felt was the bitterly cold wind brushing against my skin. Lola took my left hand in hers as she walked and I limped walked down the stone path to the park.
“Okay so we are going to my brother’s place you can stay in my room, okay?” Lola offered.
“Okay,” I agreed. I was in no place to object this offer.
As we got closer and closer to the city I could hear the sounds of car horns and tires. I could hear the roar of the traffic.


As we walked up to Lolas brothers Matt’s apartment the smell or marajuna flooded my nose. Stains flooded the apartment complexes floor. As I walked behind Lola a felt even more of an outsider. Woman started at me from there doorways.
“Virgin I bet,” One big white woman with makeup sweating down her face whispered to a bone skinny African American woman with an afro and her face free of makeup.
I winced as I passed them knowing they were staring at me. I looked down at the ground making myself walk faster even though the pain was unbearable.
“You won’t make it here honey!” someone called from behind me.
“Keep walking,” Lola said under her breath pushing my back.
I kept walking until we came to the end of the hall. Apartment number 251. I watched as Lola took out an old fashion like key and slipped it into the deadbolt. Clink. The door creaked open and fumes of alcohol and drugs poured out.
“Ewe,” I said taken back by the nasty fumes that rushed out from the apartment,
“I know dude just follow me,” Lola said taking my left hand.
I followed Lola silently into Matt’s apartment. There were 4 guys sitting in the living room smoking blunts around a card table. Their eyes barley looked up as we made our way through the room. Two girls that looked about twenty where in the kitchen looking through the empty kitchen cabinets. One was really tan and dressed in a mini skirt and a tank top that showed the mid part of her stomach, along with a belly ring. Her platinum blonde hair pulled to the side with a purple flower sticking through it. The other girl was extremely pale and had black wavy hair flowing down her back. She had jean on with a blue polo. For some reason she reminded me of a modern version of snow white. Weird I thought. We got to a door and Lo pulled out a key from her pocket.
“I’m not stupid, in this dump you better keep your crap locked up,” She said while twisting the key in lock.
“I would assume,” I grunted. The bag on my bag felt like a million pounds and I had a pretty bad head ache. All I wanted to do is sleep.
“Okay I am getting you something to lay on for the ground,” Lo said while grabbing something out of her closet. She laid a huge comforter and wool like blanket on the ground and threw a pillow on top.
“I have to go to work but I will lock the door to make sure no one gets in unless1,” She said not being able to finish her sentence.
“No!” I yelled.
“Lock the door just put some food and water in here and I will be fine, it’s not I haven’t done it before,” I said picking at a scab on my hand avoiding Lo’s eyes.
“Okay well I have to go there’s something’s in the top dresser drawer just try to rest you need it,” Lo said taking my hand in hers and squeezing.
Without a word she went out the door and locked it and thudded threw the hall way.
“Where you going baby?” A voice called to Lola.
“Shut the hell up,” Lo said loud enough for me to here as she walked out the door.
I laid down not wanting to eat not wanting to do anything but sleep. I laid down with one thing in my mind- I have to get out of here.

I woke up in a panicky hot sweat. The door to Lo’s bedroom was being beat on. “Open the hell up I know you’re in there,” I voice said from the other side of the door. I didn’t have the chance to say anything before the door was beaten down of its hinges. “Come here baby,” The man slurred coming toward me. His hands motioning me to come forward, like I was a dog or something. “No,” I cried in. My voice was hoarse and my body ached. Oh my god I thought. The man moved closer toward me and a question spread across his face. His thick black eye brows rose up and his eyes widened. “You’re not Lo!” He yelled, furry spreading across his face. He lunged at me and grabbed my head by my hair. “Ahh,” I whimpered. My body was begging and pleading for me not to move but how could I with a man pulling my forward. “Stupid little rat,” the man muttered talking my face in his hand. Slap, right across the face. He looked me in the eyes and showed no sign of remorse, no sign of even emotion. Oh my god, I thought I’m going to be raped. I closed my eyes and hoped that maybe just maybe I could shut out the outside world, but I know this was hard to from years of abuse and living on my own. “You’re going to pay for what you did,” He whispered into my right eye. Breath hot on my skin making goose bumps rise everywhere on my skin. Please god help me, I pleaded. But I knew that nothing could change what was about to take place. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain from the back of my neck and I was out like a candle on an anxious 5 year olds birthday. “Molly,” A voice whispered from my left. I turned my head. No pain. Where am I? I asked myself. “Molly!” A young child’s voice screamed from behind me. A boy maybe about two was standing behind me. He had a military hair cut and wore jeans and an Old Navy blue t-shirt. “Who are you?” I questioned, kneeling down on my right knee. “You know who I am!” Yelled the boy grabbing my hand and squeezing it in his. “I’m someone really special; you really can’t remember who I am?” The boy asked. When he talked he had a lisp and spit sprayed from his mouth. Say it don’t spray it I thought. All of a sudden I had a flash back to my tenth birthday. A young boy held in my mom’s arms crying because he was scared. A man came and took him away, my mom made me stays in the closet saying the man wouldn’t let her see me anymore and take me away. I obeyed. The baby always was bigger and bigger each time I saw him. About two months later my we moved, mom said the man said we could keep him all the time. His big blue eyes always stared at me in the car. We got to the new house the baby always whined and cried because he was hungry. Now he could talk and walk, and all that jazz. My mom came home one night high and drunk and took little brother Evan for a walk. He never came back. “Molly!” He pleaded, his eyes screaming. “Evan?” I whispered. I took my shaking right hand and touched his hair as her gave me a giant hug. “Molly, I’m your guardian angel; and you have it pretty bad right now,” Evan said taking his face from my stomach. I reached out and touched his hair. This is just a dream, I thought. I tried to think about what happened in reality but I couldn’t, nothing came to mind. I looked down at what I was wearing white pants and a white shirt. I examined my skin, flawless. I’m dead, I thought shaking my head. “Am I dead?” I asked suddenly, surprised the words came out of my own mouth. “No, no,” Evan stumbled. “You’re kind of knocked out. I had to watch what happened and it was nasty,” Evan said avoiding my eye contact. My eyes stared through him. He is too young to see what happened! I thought, anger building into a ball in the pit of my stomach. He gazed into my eyes. “I know, I know,” He said looking at me. Tears welted in my eyes. My throat throbbed, I can’t cry, I thought. My hand shook silently to my side. My stomach clenching on to everything in it. I was weak, frail and misunderstood my whole life but this boy had no life. Tears steadily filed one by one down my cheeks. Remorse and adrenaline pumped through my body. He’s lucky not to live, I thought. “You will have to leave soon Molly,” Evan said spit spraying on my skin. I winced in realization that even though this might be a dream, I will make sure that I never forget it. Evan took my hand and squeezed and started to fade right before he was completely gone I whispered, “I love you.” I woke up on the bed, half undressed. I was sweating and smelled like horrible body odor. My body ached and I couldn’t feel my right side of my body. I looked around the room trying to find my pants, Couldn’t find ‘em. “What the hell!” I yelled not caring who heard me. I go up from the bed and found Lo’s limp body, cold and still by the bottom of the bed. I kneeled down, and checked her pulse just like they showed us one day in health. Nothing. “Lo! Get the f**k up right now!” I screamed over her body. Nothing, not even a wince. This is real, I thought. I grabbed her hand and out fell a prescription pill bottle. Prescribed to Phil Antoine. “She killed herself,” I whispered afraid of my own words. Tears stung in my eyes. I grabbed my bag that was to my right and slung it over my shoulder. I took food from her drawer and stuffed my pockets. I took Lo’s money from in-between her bed mattress and shoved it in my back pocket. This was it.



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This book has 1 comment.


on Mar. 3 2011 at 4:37 pm
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments

I like it so far. :) The writing is good and the story's very strong. I think that these being the first three chapters, they are a little busy. Maybe you should also mention the setting, like what city Molly is in to explain all the drugs and violence. You forgot a few commas here and there, but it didn't make it impossible to read.

I'm looking forward to reading more! Update soon!

I have a realistic fiction novel, The Formation, if you want to check it out. Thanks :)