Fallen Star

February 21, 2011
By ljvals13 BRONZE, riverside, Connecticut
ljvals13 BRONZE, Riverside, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Being fearless isn't being 100% unafraid, it's being terrified. But you jump anyway.


Summary:

Charlotte McNanny and Victoria Loughran are two COMPLETELY different girls. Or so they think. Charlotte spends here spare time at the local Drugstore choosing new soda flavored lip-balm. Victoria likes to hang at the Beverly Hills ultra trendy 'Tazza Di Caffe' coffee bar, while sipping her fav Cinnamon Mocha Latte. Charlotte can barely stand in front of her history class and give a report on the Ancient Aztec. Victoria stood in front of a crowd of 2,000 and gave an oscar speech when she was 12. Although these girls have one thing in common. They're twins.


ljvals13

Fallen Star


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This book has 7 comments.


on Sep. 9 2011 at 7:22 pm
NintaiKyouboku BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To win you've got to enter first."

I really don't mean to be harsh or anything, but  the "grammatical" error you pointed out is not actually a grammatical error--it has nothing to do with grammar. Also, advertising yourself on other people's works isn't what the comment section is for. 

on Sep. 9 2011 at 7:19 pm
NintaiKyouboku BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To win you've got to enter first."

I think this book sounds good, although there are many errors in here. I can't wait to read it!

on May. 22 2011 at 12:52 am
Writomania PLATINUM, New Delhi, Other
22 articles 0 photos 119 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What really does not kill you, will only make you stronger"- Kanye West
"If there was no electricity, we would've had to watch the television by candle light"- Joe Jonas
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger

Hi.. the pitch seems great.. but there are a lot many grammatical errors... for indtance, how can your protagonist spend her entire free time choosing the same lip balm in the same store?

thats absurd. But then, your story looks intriguing.

Meanwhile, can you please check out my work,, "the diary of a teenaged lunatic" and leek some feedback?

thanks :)


on Feb. 23 2011 at 7:02 pm
yeah, it sucks to be a twin.

Thinker said...
on Feb. 23 2011 at 6:56 pm
The summary looks good, but I can't view the book.  I hope I can read it soon.

on Feb. 23 2011 at 8:30 am
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments
OOPS I meant a comma after "asked". Sorry. :)

on Feb. 21 2011 at 7:04 pm
rainbowwaffles BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
2 articles 0 photos 89 comments

I think you're off to a good start. I just wanted to point out a few things you need to fix:

Remember to punctuate your dialogue correctly and capitalize the beginning of every sentence, whether it's part of the dialogue or not. Also, if you're saying that someone is doing something while doing something else, like "But do I still have to go?" I asked hoping for a 'no'. You have to include a comma after "hoped".

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more; the summary is very interesting and I can tell the plot will be good. Keep writing!

Maybe you could check out my realistic fiction novel, The Formation, and let me know what you think? Thank you! :)



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