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Fallen Star

ljvals13
Fallen Star
Summary: Charlotte McNanny and Victoria Loughran are two COMPLETELY different girls. Or so they think. Charlotte spends here spare time at the local Drugstore choosing new soda flavored lip-balm. Victoria likes to hang at the Beverly Hills ultra trendy 'Tazza Di Caffe' coffee bar, while sipping her fav Cinnamon Mocha Latte. Charlotte can barely stand in front of her history class and give a report on the Ancient Aztec. Victoria stood in front of a crowd of 2,000 and gave an oscar speech when she was 12. Although these girls have one thing in common. They're twins.





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This book has 7 comments. Post your own now!

NintaiKyouboku said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm
I think this book sounds good, although there are many errors in here. I can't wait to read it!
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 22, 2011 at 12:52 am

Hi.. the pitch seems great.. but there are a lot many grammatical errors... for indtance, how can your protagonist spend her entire free time choosing the same lip balm in the same store?

thats absurd. But then, your story looks intriguing.

Meanwhile, can you please check out my work,, "the diary of a teenaged lunatic" and leek some feedback?

thanks :)

 
NintaiKyouboku replied...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 7:22 pm
I really don't mean to be harsh or anything, but  the "grammatical" error you pointed out is not actually a grammatical error--it has nothing to do with grammar. Also, advertising yourself on other people's works isn't what the comment section is for. 
 
Clarinet girl said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 7:02 pm
yeah, it sucks to be a twin.
 
Thinker said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm
The summary looks good, but I can't view the book.  I hope I can read it soon.
 
rainbowwaffles said...
Feb. 21, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I think you're off to a good start. I just wanted to point out a few things you need to fix:

Remember to punctuate your dialogue correctly and capitalize the beginning of every sentence, whether it's part of the dialogue or not. Also, if you're saying that someone is doing something while doing something else, like "But do I still have to go?" I asked hoping for a 'no'. You have to include a comma after "hoped".

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more; the summary is ... (more »)

 
rainbowwaffles replied...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 8:30 am
OOPS I meant a comma after "asked". Sorry. :)
 

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