Red Popsicle Summers

December 5, 2010
By cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
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cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking the first step when you can't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr.


The author's comments:
The story switches point of view between Hannah and Max.

“Stop it!” I exclaimed, as my body rolled off the couch. The cause: a fit of uncontrollable giggles. The result: Me, facedown on the carpeted floor. Max, still on the couch, had just playfully pushed me for making fun of his plain vanilla, my word for mediocre, drawing of Wonder Woman.
“Wow Max,” I had said, “your Wonder Woman looks like a fat pumpkin ready for carving!”
“That’s because it’s supposed to be you, Hannah.” He replied, a boyish smirk widening across his chin.
“Oh no you didn’t!”
“Oh yes I did!”
“Come on, you want to go?” I asked, raising my fists playfully.
This was when Max pushed me. Normally a playful push like so would not have affected me. However at the moment, I was unstable because of my uncontrollable laughter, the new epidemic.
“Can you two please stop and get back to the game?” An annoyed Eric called over to us from the other side of the board.
I got up and put myself back into game mode. Fun and games was over, it was time to get serious. I became super competitive when it came to board games. I guess you could say that I got it from my mother, or Max’s insane competitiveness could have just rubbed off on me. The world will never know.
The board game of the moment was Pictionary. I was on a team with my best friend, Katie, the opponents, Max and Eric. The stage was set up in the basement of Max’s house. Sadly, it was the last Friday night of summer before school started. I couldn’t believe it, it seemed unreal that it was so close. We would all be starting ninth grade at Westview High School.
Summer felt like wind passing by a car, feels good for a second but then suddenly it’s gone. It seems like it had just started, but really it has been two and a half months filled with never ending fun. I went on a trip to Hawaii with my mom and then to Wisconsin to visit relatives; but the rest of the time was spent with the people surrounding me now, my best friends.
“Okay Hannah, it’s your turn.” Katie said as she passed the die. I took it from her slightly sweaty palms, this game was heating up and shook it between my hands. When I felt satisfied with my roll I let the die go slowly. We all watched, transfixed as it landed on the number three.
The transfixion stayed as I moved our pawn forward three spaces. The space had a red letter P on it. I picked up a P card and read it silently; a trendsetter. Great, I thought miserably, how was I supposed to draw that?
I sat, staring at the card, longer than I was supposed to; just trying to come up with an idea. But I couldn’t think of anything.
“Hello? Hannah?” Max said, waving his hand in front of my face.
“What?” I asked.
“You know you’re supposed to draw it, not stare at it.”
Eric laughed and I smirked.
“Yeah I know that. Hand me the pad of paper.”
He slapped it into my palm and I grabbed one of the many pencils scattered around us. I still had no idea how to draw a trendsetter. But then I came up with an idea and I knew Katie would surely get it.
“Start the timer,” I ordered. "I'm ready now." Max quickly turned it over and I went to work.
I started with a simple model in the middle of the paper.
“Fashion designer!” Katie shouted.
I silently shook my head and started drawing a runway under my model.
“Model?” Eric suggested.
I shook my head again and kept going.
“I have no idea...” Katie said deep in thought.
I started drawing the outfit that Katie and I had seen in a magazine earlier that day. It was a spread the showcased the new fall fashions.
“Trends?” She asked watching me work. “Oh! I know! Trendsetter!” She screamed jumping up out of her seat.
I cried out in joy. We made such a good team.
“Yay!” She squealed offering me a high five.
“Ha, in your face.” I said to Max, jumping up in the air and sticking my tongue out at him playfully.
He just smiled and sat there. It was kind of weird considering how competitive he normally was but I shrugged it off. Just like I did with a lot of things that were red flags but I just didn’t notice them at the time.

It was almost the end of the game, and Katie and I had reached the All Play Square meaning it was time to battle against Eric and Max. I pulled a card out of the box and turned it over. But nothing could have prepared me for the word that was like a dagger to my heart.
Suddenly my eyes started to tear up and my world started to spin. I tired to hold the tears back but I couldn’t so I just let them go. My body was slowly shaking but I caught myself. Not here, not now. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Katie, Eric, and Max’s blurry faces staring at me. Their faces were a mixture of confusion and fear. I refused to wipe at my eyes and instead took a deep breath, calming my body as much as it would let me. I could tell that I was about to explode but if it was going to happen, then it was going to happen in another room.
I finally set the card face down on the ground as unflustered as I could, considering that my hands were shaking as violently as they were. I then picked my body up off the flour and walked silently, as if as a ghost, to the bathroom; locking the door shut behind me. My back hit the tiled wall and I sank down to the floor, my face in my hands and tears streaming from my eyes. My body was shaking silently and I couldn’t make it stop this time. It was as if a dam had broken open. This was not how the day was supposed to end. It was supposed to be our last fun day before we had to go back to the drudgery of school. As I sat there memories flew through my head of my dad and I. I could feel the cold of the bathroom wall behind my back and the shaking of my body beneath me but my head was somewhere else entirely. The Pictionary game, out on the table, was long forgotten. Max,Katie, and Eric's existence didn't even matter any more. My mind was back in the days when my dad was still around. I opened up the memories and there was my dad giving me one of his famous bone crushing hugs. His arms around me tightly and for a moment, just a moment, they felt like they were actually there. But then the page quickly turned and there was the hospital room with the stark white walls and the too clean smell. I could see the bed, but there was an opaque screen around it. Soon that faded away and the pasture behind the church took it's place. There I was running away, my hands over my eyes. My little black dress flowing behind me...
I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes to get them to stop and slowly they did. The tears still came, but silently now. The heaving sobs and runny nose were gone. All that was left were silent tears that rolled down my face. One after the other, they were the stragglers, the left behinds. Just like me.
I couldn’t go out there and face my friends. I knew the night was ruined beyond repair. I just sat there with my head in my hands and tried to get a control over my emotions.

Max’s POV







¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢
I just sat there silently with Katie and Eric. I knew we all wanted to know what was on that card that would make Hannah react that way, but nobody had said anything yet. I slowly reached over and picked it up off the carpet, bringing it to my face. Two words were neatly typed on the paper, thinly underlined. Nobody would think such simple two words could trigger such an emotional reaction, but in Hannah’s world it could; the card read





Charlie Brown.
Now it made complete and total sense.
“What, Max? What does it say?” Katie asked, looking at me expectantly.
“Charlie Brown.”
“What?” She had a look on her face as if she had just had a sip of some really sour lemonade.
“Charlie Brown,” I repeated.
“Why would that make Hannah react like that?”
“You don’t know who Charlie Brown is? Other than the cartoon character, of course. Everyone knows that. But the other Charlie Brown - Hannah's Charlie Brown. She never told you?"”
“No.” Katie replied, a hurt expression on her face. She and Hannah told each other everything.
“It’s her dad, Katie. Her dad.”
“Charlie Brown was her dad? What?” Eric asked.
“No, that was his nickname. She always called him that, and whenever he went on a trip he would always bring back something with Charlie Brown on it. She was his Snoopy and he was her Charlie Brown.” I answered.
“Oh, that explains the Charlie Brown collection in her room! I always thought she was just a huge fan. I would ask about it but she would just jokingly laugh it off…” Katie exclaimed.
“Yes, exactly.”
“Oh poor Hannah.” She started to get up but I pulled her back down.
“No, don’t. Give her time... I think she needs it.”
“Okay.”
After awhile Hannah came out of the bathroom, her eyes were downcast as if trying to hide her embarrassment. But I noticed they were slightly red and puffy. I didn't know what to say but it didn't matter because she beat me to it.
“I’m sorry you guys.” She said sitting back down.
“No, Hannah. It’s okay. We understand.” Katie reached over and gave Hannah a simple hug. She received it but I had the feeling she wasn't with us fully. After she sat herself down on the carpet and didn't say much of anything the rest of the night.
I popped in a movie and we all sat around and watched it. Nothing was said causing the tension on in the air to rise. After the movie ended, everyone left my house and I was left alone to clean up the mess. Which wasn’t that bad, it should have been a lot worse. Normally there was popcorn and feathers everywhere from different fights, and spilled drinks from laughing so hard. But there was none of that. I picked up the unfinished Pictionary game and stored it back in the closet with all the rest of the games. After picking up a few fallen pillows, the clean up was done. It kind of made me sad that there wasn't more for me to pick up.


I don’t think I have ever seen Hannah cry that hard, not since her dad’s funeral. I will always remember that day vividly; it’s etched in my mind, every single detail down to the black of our clothes and the woodwork on the coffin.



It was a sunny August day and the leaves were just starting to fall. It should have been a happy one if it hadn’t been the day of Tom Leigh’s funeral. My mom dressed me up in this fancy black suit that matched my brothers'. I hated the thing, it was itchy and uncomfortable but somehow I knew it was not the time to cause a problem. We headed over to Saint Martin of Tours Catholic Church at around eleven o’clock. He was to be buried in the small cemetery behind the church but first there was a short and sweet ceremony held inside. I didn’t really understand it all back then, or at least it didn’t hit me until I saw Hannah, in a simple black dress, her pale white skin glowing and a grim, not fully there expression on her face. Her hand was in her moms and they were walking to sit down. I was just about to go over and say hi but I stopped myself, I knew deep down it was not the right thing to do.


The service went by fast and I listened to many moving speeches. Most of them I didn’t understand but I was patient and kept to myself. After it was over and we were waiting to go outside for the burial, my mom led us to the front to talk to Hannah’s mom. She was up there shaking people's hands and really trying hard to not break down.


“Hello Sarah.” My mom said coming up and giving Ms. Leigh a hug.


“Hello Cindy, Chris.” Said Sarah, nodding to my dad.


“I’m so sorry Sarah. I really am.”


“I know, I know.” Hannah’s mom patted my mom’s hand with tears threatening to fall. She held them back though and moved on to the next person as we headed outside. I didn’t know where Hannah was but then I saw her outside by the grave. I took a few steps towards her and looked back at my mom. She waved me on saying it was okay.


I stepped up beside Hannah and put my hand through hers. She looked up at me, tears on her face. I didn’t say anything I just stood there with her for moral support. After awhile she put her head down on my shoulder and I let her rest it there. We stayed like that the whole time as he was lowered into the grave in his dark wood coffin. Hannah silently turned when they started to put the dirt on top and I let her.


After they were done she came back with flowers and stepped forward, putting them on top, and then rushed away about to start crying again.


It was a sad day and it ended slowly and once I was in my bed I stared at the ceiling and thought about how Hannah must be feeling. It took me awhile to fall asleep that night, and many nights after that. I couldn’t stop wondering how she was doing and if she was lying awake thinking about the same thing. I had no idea why I cared so much, I thought it was just because she was my best friend, but the truth was, I loved Hannah, I really truly loved her.









Hannah’s POV







µ µ µ µ µ


I walked out from Max’s house after the movie ended and made my way slowly to my mom’s car. I felt horrible and as I opened the car door the tears started again.


“Hannah?” My mom said looking concerned, “What’s wrong?”


I started crying more but I still had the ability to climb into the car. I shut the door and was about to turn off the radio except I heard a faint song playing through. The console read All I Need by One Republic. Instead of turning off the radio, I turned it on louder and let the music pulse through me.



“Do you know where your heart is?


Do you think you can find it?”



“Hannah?” My mom asked again.


The tears were still streaming down my face but I didn’t notice it. I was totally into the song. It felt like it had been written for me.



“You felt so strong, but


Nothing’s turned out how you wanted


Well bless my soul, You’re a lonely soul
Cause you won’t let go, of anything you hold”



“Hannah!” My mom said turning fully towards me, “Please sweetie look at me, you’re scaring me.”


I looked at her and said six simple words.


“The Pictionary card read Charlie Brown.”


She looked at me confused and then I saw understanding wash over her face.


“Oh Hannah.” She said leaning over the console and giving me a bone-crushing hug, much like my dads but still not the same.



“Well all I need, Is the air I breathe


And a place to rest My head”



I rested against my mom until the tears finally stopped.


My mom silently stroked my face and I felt safe in her arms. The song ended and I patted my mom’s arm and said. “I think I’m good now.”


“Okay. You ready to go home?”


“Yes, all I want to do is go to sleep.”


“Okay.”


When we got home I went to bed and fell asleep fast but that didn’t mean my dreams were pleasant.

I was back in our old backyard watching as the scene unfolded once again, Max was over and the two of us were playing cops and robbers outside in the yard. Little me was wearing the brand new dress my parents had bought me for my birthday and I remember feeling like a princess.
Max’s parents were over for dinner, which was going to be hamburgers, corn on the cob, and salad. We didn’t have any of the things we needed to make it so my dad said he would make a quick trip to the store.
“I’ll be back soon.” He said kissing my mom good-bye.
“Where are you going, daddy?” Little me asked, running up into his arms.
“Just to the store to pick up some dinner. I’ll be back soon.” He said and kissed my forehead.
Little me reached out and gave him a big hug.
“Can I go with you, daddy?”
“No, sweetie, stay here with Max, okay?”
“Okay daddy. I love you!”
“I love you too, Hannah.”
Little me waved good-bye to him as he got in his car.
In my dream I stood off to the side watching it all unfold again.
“Stop Dad! Hannah stop him!” I tried to yell. I tried to get the younger me to keep him from going just for another minute or two.
I ran around helplessly, tried to get my moms attention, tried to get her to go out and look for my dad when he didn’t return in an hour. If she had just gotten to him quicker he might have lived!
But nobody would look at me. Nobody paid any attention. I pushed, shoved, poked all of them but nobody seemed to care or notice. Eventually I just sat down in the corner and cried, sobbing for my dad.
After my dad had been gone for two hours the phone rang inside and my mom rushed in to answer it.
When she came outside, her face was ashen. Max’s mom rushed over to her asking what was wrong. At that moment my world started spinning under me. Little me looked so scared and all I wanted to say was “ I told you so. You should have stopped him.” But I hadn’t known. Nobody knew what was going to happen. There wasn’t anything any of us could have done.
“Hannah? Why don’t you and Max run over to the Hanson’s for a little while?”
“But mom? What’s wrong?” Little me asked shakily.
“Hannah please just listen, go over there.” She said looking at me with a tired expression.
Little me followed her orders and went across the street.
I followed and watched as I played half heartedly with the neighbors. But eventually moved to be by myself on the swings. I remembered how scared I had felt that day. Scared for my dad, my mom, and for me.
After playing at the Hanson’s and coming home my mom came into my old room and sat down on my bed right next to little me. I sat next to her but of course she couldn’t see, hear, or feel me next to her. But I wanted to be there anyway. Little me looked up at her face, all the tears from earlier had dried up but were still slightly visible. She quietly explained to me what had happened and hugged me when the tears started falling. I reached out and tried to hug her too but then she faded away, I tried to reach out to little me but then I faded away too. What my mom told me still stuck in my mind though.
It had been the hospital calling to say that my dad, Tom, had been in a horrible car accident. He had been driving in his own lane and a drunken high school student had swerved out of his and into my dad’s. Both cars collided and sped to the right. My dad died instantly and the teen was rushed to the hospital where he was found with only a few cuts and a broken arm.
When my tears fell hers did too and we rocked back and forth together for quite a long time. That was the first moment my mom and I became as close as we are now.
I woke up crying having witnessed the day my dad died all over again.


After silently crying, I finally fell back to sleep and another movie started playing in my head.

It was half way through senior year on a normal Friday night and my mom and Max’s mom, Cindy, as usual were getting ready to go out. My mom was wearing a light blue halter-top dress that accentuated her curves and she had let her hair loose, something she rarely did. And Cindy went trendy in a red strapless top and low-rise Seven jeans, her hair up in a jeweled clip and little makeup applied.
Both guys seemed very nervous and fidgety when they came to pick the girls up but nobody thought anything of it. My mom did give Cindy a weird look but she just shrugged back signaling that she had no idea what was going on.
Instead of going to their normal hang out the guys took them to a fancier restaurant called Bella Rosa, a quaint little Italian place. Anyway, when they got there the girls questioned why they weren’t going to Mellow Mushroom, and instead were going somewhere that was a bit of a drive. The men’s short reply consisted of a weak, we wanted a change of scenery. The girls were smart and didn’t buy it, they knew something was up but went along with it anyway.
After eating their main course of linguini with a light salmon sauce and having a glass of red wine they ordered a heavenly desert of raspberry cheesecake, it looked so good that I licked my lips in my sleep.
After the dessert was picked up and the table was cleared both guys scooted their chairs over to their girls. Both bent down on one knee at the exact same time. And said, one after the other.
“Cindy, we’ve known each other for a long time now and I know I want to be with you forever.”
“Sarah,” that’s my mom. “ I love you and always will. You mean the world to me.”
Then at the same time both guys asked, “Will you marry me?”
“Yes!” both girls said in unison and hugged their husbands to be.

My mom had told me that story so many times that I wouldn’t be surprised if it looked just as I pictured it. Instead of waking up crying I fell into a deep sleep and woke up in the morning to birds chirping and the sun streaming in through my window.
I swung my legs out of my bed and sat up, stretched my arms and stood up. I threw on a sweatshirt and headed downstairs to say good morning to my mom.









¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢
I woke up the next day and headed downstairs. My mom was busy in the kitchen making scrambled eyes and toast for all of us. Which includes, my three brothers, my mom and dad, and me. She just kept making more and more eggs and it didn’t surprise me. With four boys we need a lot of food.
Brad and Matt, who are older, slowly came down the stairs followed by Josh who is the youngest. I am stuck right in the middle.
“Smells good mom.” Brad exclaimed.
“Why thank you. It will be ready in ten.” She said while bustling around in the kitchen. It sounded like a full on restaurant in there, she had so many things cooking.
“Okay. We’ll be in the den.” Matt said leading the way.
I followed them and when I got there they already had the Xbox booted up and Guitar Hero Three already playing. Brad and Matt were dueling and I knew Brad was going to win but I didn’t say anything. When the game ended I was right, he did win.
“Yeah go Brad!” I said, giving him a high five while earning myself a glare from Matt.
“Oh don’t be a sore loser Matt. You’ll win one of these days.”
We all laughed and he just glared but then he started laughing too. He never wins no matter how hard he tries. He know it's true so he as hard as he tries, he can't deny it, it's impossible.
My bros and I are all, surprisingly, very close. My parents had only planned to have three kids; Josh ended up being a surprise baby. And ironically, He gets what he wants more than any of us.
When my mom was pregnant with Josh; I dreaded the day he would be born. I already had two older brothers who stole a lot of the attention but now there would be a new younger bother to take all the attention completely away from me. I always thought my parents would forget about me, give Josh my bedroom, and stick me in the cupboard under the stairs like Harry Potter. Of course that never happened but I always believed it would.
Since Hannah doesn’t have any siblings mine are basically hers. There is plenty to go around, I am happy to share.
Hannah and I have known each other since we were baby friends, rolling around in our diapers for hours. Our parents had been friends for years before we came along.
They went to college together at USC. My dad and Hannah’s dad both wanted to go into the design field. And my mom and her mom were roommates. They hung out all the time and they did up until Hannah’s dad died. Now it is awkward between them. My mom and her mom talk but they don’t go over and hang out like they used to. It becomes a very uncomfortable situation when they do.
“Breakfast!” My mom called from the kitchen, interrupting my thoughts.
“Come on you guys.” I said getting up.
We all trooped our way to the kitchen breakfast nook and took our usual spots and dug in.








µ µ µ µ µ
I headed downstairs and stepped into the kitchen still in my pajamas.
“Hey mom.”
“Hey Hannah. I made you chocolate chip pancakes!”
“Oh yum! Thanks!” I said sitting down at the table as she put two warm pancakes on a plate for me. The syrup and butter were already placed in the center on a worn blue striped placemat.
When she set the plate down, I dug in.
“So what are your plans for today?” My mom asked.
“Oh mom, can we go shopping?” I said in between bites.
“Hm, I think that’s fine.”
“And can Katie join us?”
“Yeah. Call her up. Do you want me to drop you girls off?”
“No I want you to come with us. You could use a wardrobe update too.”
“Ha. Thanks. Oh and Hannah before we go can you take Bailey for a walk? He could really use one.”
“Okay. Yeah sure.”
“Thanks sweetie. I’m going to go get some work done. How about you call Katie up and plan to go around twelve?”
“Okay, I'll do that.”
I got Bailey, my adorable golden labradoodle, about a year before my dad died. He was a gift to me for my ninth birthday. He ran in to my room with a little white ribbon tied around his leather collar that had a blue tag attached by a string.

I grabbed his blue leash and attached it to his matching collar and stepped out of the house. After making my way around the block. I was planning to go home but then I changed my mind and decided to walk around some more and after a good amount of time I finally headed back. Bailey was so tired that he wasn’t even barking at the other dogs.


I tried to stay happy as I walked but whenever I thought about yesterday my mood darkened. After my dad died, a part of me was noticeably missing but the hole has mended itself and healed over. But it’s like a scab, if I pick at it, it will burst open and the floodgates will break. Yesterday was the first time in so long that they split open. It’s good to cry every once and awhile. You always feel better after. It hurts you more to hold it in than to let it go.
Unlike most girls, I had a stronger bond with my dad, than I had with my mom. We used to spend hours outside drawing, my dad in the hammock and me on my little stool. I miss those days but I never bring them up because I see the pain in my mom’s eyes and it makes my heart ache to see him again. And all I have tried to do since he left was to not picture his face, it is just too hard.

As I put away Bailey’s leash I called up Katie and we planned for my mom and I to pick her up at her house at noon.


At eleven forty five we rushed out the door and were on our way to pick up Katie and then head on over to Ocean View Mall. The mall is conveniently located right on the beach so that as you shop you can look out and enjoy the beautiful scenery.



As we entered we stood in the middle and I looked up at my mom.



“So mom,” I asked, “Where do you want to go?”



“You girls lead the way.” She replied. “I will follow along and not be a nuisance.”
“Thanks!” I said running ahead with Katie. “Now we can talk with out her listening in.” Katie high-fived me and we both laughed.
“So how ‘bout Bloomingdales?” Katie asked.
“Lets go!”





When we got home I emptied all my bags on my bed and emptied my closet in a separate pile on the floor. I ended up buying everything I could need for the whole year, almost. You know you can still shop for things here and there. ; )
I sorted through all the stuff I wanted to keep and what I wanted give away from my old clothes and put them in two separate piles. Then hung up everything new with the stuff I am keeping and then stood back and surveyed my new wardrobe. I had to say, I was very proud of it.
I had a quick dinner with my mom of BLTs and then headed off to bed. I pulled on a new pair of pajama pants with stripes and a loose fitting tank. I headed into my bathroom, washed my face and then brushed my teeth. Afterwards, I jumped into my bed after my nightly routine and reached across my bedside table for the blue lamp. With a slight tug on the string the lights were out and I fell fast asleep.

¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢
After breakfast I hung out around the house and pretty much did nothing. Then before I knew it the day was over, and it was time to go to bed. It was weird how I had so many things I needed to get done and so much time to do it, but after the day was over I basically got nothing accomplished. I have no idea where the time goes.

The next day I woke up and immediately my cell rang.
“Hello?” I said my voice still groggy with sleep.
“Hey Max.” Hannah’s chipper voice greeted me. “Guess what today is!”
“What?” I asked.
“Our annual school supply shopping day!”
“No, Hannah do we have to do that? Isn’t that tradition dead yet?”
“Haha no. We will be doing this for years to come!”
“Fine. I’ll be ready in an hour.” I said getting up off my bed and heading into my bathroom.
“Okay see you soon!”
After showering, I walked to my closet and pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a Quicksilver t-shirt, pulled a comb through my messy hair and rushed down the stairs. In the kitchen, I grabbed a handful of dry cereal. My mom hates when I reach into the box with my bare hand. She says no wonder we all get sick at the same time. But I was running late and didn't think twice about it until my hand was already in, there was no turning back then. I shoved the handful in my mouth and headed outside. Hannah's mom pulled up in a matter of minutes and we were on our way.


“So where is the torture chamber this time Hannah?” I asked as I buckled up.
“Oh your favorite Staples!”
“No!” I exclaimed, “Not Staples!”


We both crackled up. It’s an old joke of ours. Staples is only the biggest supply store around and I hate it. It’s two stories of never ending office supplies. But I have to admit walking around inside, pushing a heavy cart is great exercise. Good for keeping my large biceps toned.
“We’re here you two!” Hannah’s mom announced as she pulled into the only empty sparking space around.


We all walked up to the big sliding glass doors and stepped inside the cool air-conditioned building.
“Oh! Look at the new shipment of binders! Come on, Max!” Hannah said while running off.
I groaned and followed along. I could tell I was not going to enjoy this.
We started walking down the many aisles and Hannah loaded up my cart with stuff that I would never use.
“Why do I need a…protractor?” I asked looking at the strange contraption that was safely tucked away in cheap plastic.
“For math duh!” She said rolling her eyes at me and putting more useless stuff in my overflowing basket.

It’s now all piled up on my desk. And it will transfer in that same pile to my locker at school and by the end of the year it will still be in the packaging, never opened.

Tomorrow is the first day of school and I can’t believe it. It seems so weird that it is already here. Summer went by so fast but it was so much fun, up until Friday night. But that’s in the past, I’m sure Hannah has put it there too.
I am not looking forward to waking up at 7 o’ clock tomorrow morning. Hannah wakes up at 6 o’ clock! I’m like dude why? She just rolled her eyes and walked away. She seems to like to do that now. Girls are so confusing sometimes. Somedays, I just get Hannah and it's like she's one of the guys but then other days it hits me hard that she's not. She's a girl. But it's more like she's my sister. Which would be weird considering I'm insanely in love with her.
I climbed into my bed and turned off my light and staring at the ceiling, thinking about Hannah. Finally I fell asleep, pleasant dreams filled my mind.

µ µ µ µ µ


The next day I went school supply shopping with Max and then prepared myself for school. I just can’t believe it’s already here! I fell asleep to pleasant thoughts of the next day and a year of new experiences and good fortune.



I woke up in the morning excited and ready to go. I rushed into my shower and out. And then into my closet to decide what to wear. I finally pulled out my new True Religion denim shorts, a pink eyelet top and silver sandals on my feet.


I made my way downstairs and to my surprise my mom had made me scrambled eggs for breakfast. I ate quickly and then rushed back upstairs to finish getting ready and then I met my mom at the car excited for my first day.


The whole ride there I couldn’t contain my excitement. I was really nervous but at the same time I couldn’t wait to get out of the car and experience a whole new year.


As we pulled up to the drop off zone of the school I held onto the door handle and as soon as we came to a stop I hopped out of the car.


“Bye mom!”


“Bye hunny. Have a good day!” She said driving off.


I saw Max get out of his car not to far away and I rushed over there.


“Hey.” I said giving him a hug.


“Hey.” He replied.


We stepped up and I faced the building for the first time yet.

“Oh my gosh! This place is huge!” I screamed and grabbed Max arm. He went into Westview High School for the first time being dragged by a crazy girl. Doesn’t seem too bad to me. But I was just so excited!
We rushed up, or at least I pulled Max up to the signs posted on the wall. It turned out that Max and I have the same homeroom, which is pretty cool. When we walked in I chose two seats in the middle for us to sit in and Max followed my lead most likely not caring where we sat like I did.
I saw a group of girls in the back of the room sitting in a circle and laughing at something. I recognized some of them, but I didn’t know them well enough to just go up and join them. The ones I recognized went to the small school Max, Katie, Eric and I went to, Bear Creek Private. There were only about thirty or so people per grade, pretty much everyone there switched over to this public school. The only reason we all went to that school was because it was right in the middle of our neighborhood and it was super easy to get to.



I turned around and started to focus on our homeroom teacher. Her name was written on the board in red dry erase marker, Mrs. Hoyle, I felt bad for her, she was trying so hard to get the class’s attention and they just wouldn’t listen. I surely wasn’t going to do anything so I just sat there quietly and waited. But while sitting there I was forced to notice her horrible outfit and was tempted to write it down, titled “What Not to Wear”. She had on a pair of high waisted lime green scrubs and a sequined, too small for her yellow tank. She was a ray of sunshine with breasts free and bouncing. It was a blinding sight that nobody needed to witness. I might just have to write this lady an anonymous note with a $20 dollar bill saying Go Buy a Bra!

She finally managed to get control of the class and started passing out our schedules. I grabbed Max’s the moment his landed on his desk and started comparing them. He just looked at me and laughed at my eagerness. He was so cool about all this. Oh well he’s a guy; at one point I think I understand them but then I suddenly am so confused. I’m sure he’s the same way with me.

After dissecting the schedules I found out that Max and I had our first and last classes together but that was it. I then handed Max his schedule back and relaxed. Too excited to care about anything.
Once Mrs. Hoyle was finished passing the schedules out she went back to the front of the classroom and started to talk about how new high school was compared to middle school.


I knew all this stuff already so I just sat back and daydreamed, I know it’s rude and I should be listening but I am just so tired from waking up early. The first few weeks are always tiring ones for me. I can use all the extra rest I can get.
When the bell finally rang we all headed off to our next classes, Max and I walked together for most of the way and he started teasing me about frogs so I ran ahead laughing.



After running away I got a seat in the middle of the classroom and saved Max a seat next to me for when he finally made it. He probably met up with an old friend of his. He seems to always be able to do that.


I found out our teacher is Mr. Hardwright, who happens to have a big bald landing strip on his head. Doesn’t make him very attractive in my opinion. And what I can’t believe is that he’s married! Who would want to marry him? I think he forced her or something. That’s the only explanation.


¢ ¢ ¢ ¢ ¢
It’s finally the first day of school. But not just any school, its high school. Brad and Matt both told me all about it and what to avoid, Brad went here four years ago and is now a freshmen in college and Matt is a senior this year. Both said it was hard to get used to but you do in the end. Especially coming from the little school we went to, Bear Creek Private.



Hannah’s big eyes snapped me out of my thoughts. She was staring at the school wide eyed. We had met at my car this morning.
“Oh My Gosh! This place is huge!” she squealed, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the school. It caught me by surprise and all I could do was try to keep up with Hannah who amazingly was still holding on.


After checking out the lists on the wall, Hannah told me we have our homeroom class together in room 232. The teacher’s name is Mrs. Hoyle, and she seemed like a newbie. She couldn’t get this group of girls in the back to shut up. I felt bad for her a little but it gave me sometime to daydream. I could tell Hannah wanted to say something but she wouldn’t dare.
Next to me, Hannah was stifling a laugh and I turned my attention to Mrs. Hoyle, it took me awhile but I finally figured out that Hannah was laughing at her choice of clothes. I have to agree they were pretty bad and man, she needs to strap those breasts of hers down, they are going to knock someone out. But that wasn’t just the only thing, her choice of colors could be seen by someone miles away. The green and yellow combination was bad enough but she had to add it to her obviously died, red hair. She resembled a mermaid, but not a sexy one.


Hannah had decided to have us sit in the middle of the room. I was surprised because she used to always sit up front. But I guess that was another new thing about her now. She obviously was trying hard to look cool. I really don’t care about anything like that to tell you the truth. I am cool with being who I am. I know she is too, deep down, but it’s hard for girls sometimes.



Sex-less mermaid, her new nickname dubbed by me, finally gained control over the class. Well she got them to look at her at least they wouldn’t stop talking though. I doubt anyone could make that happen. She started passing out our schedules and Hannah was excitedly comparing hers to mine, while I just sat there enjoying myself watching her eyes fly from one to the other. It humored me so much that I started chuckling. Hannah looked at me strangely for two seconds and then went right back to it, making me laugh even more.



Turns out we had our first and last period classes together. I wish it were more but oh well. I will meet up with some of my old buds from last year. Mermy, stood up in front and started talking about high school but I barely listened, to busy daydreaming. Suddenly the bell rang and I scrambled to get my self up. I was not prepared for it to ring so soon. Hannah was already standing at the door patiently waiting for me.



We walked to our next period together and I glanced down at my schedule to see what it was, I didn’t have a chance earlier because Hannah was hording it. It turned out to be biology.
“Score!” I said, “We get to take biology this year!” Hannah just looked at me, her lips turned down, disgusted.
“Ew is all I have to say,” The disgusted look remained on her face, but she still looked adorably cute. She looked that way no matter what face she made. “I do not want to ever see or touch a frog’s guts!”
“Well aren’t you lucky you’re going to have me as your lab partner,” I teased pretending to grab a gut and dangle it in her face. “I’ll shove them purposefully in your face and wiggle it around.”
“Ew!” Hannah screamed and ran away laughing, her books in her hands, her hair flying behind her as she ran. “See you in class.” Then she was gone down the hall through the swarm of people.
Suddenly my best bud Eric showed up at my side.
“What’s up man?” he asked. We slapped hands and continued walking.
“Just freakin’ out Hannah with frog guts stories.” I replied.
“Nothing new is it man?” We walked down the science corridor towards room 311, my biology classroom.
“I’m guessing you have biology first period?” I asked
“You betcha!” he answered back “You too I see.”

We walked into the room and I spotted Hannah at a lab station with an open seat next to her.
“Yep, there’s Hannah, she saved me a seat. See ya!”
“Hold on Max,” Eric stopped me, he sounded serious, “How’s your thing with Hannah? Getting over it?”
“Working on it, man. See ya.” I said, giving him a clap on the shoulder, and then going to sit down leaving Eric staring at me with a confused yet satisfied look.


He shook his head and went to sit down with Brett, another of our friends, right behind Hannah and I.



Hannah looked at me, “You okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine.” I answered back with a smile

Hannah’s POV The rest of the first day of school went well. I got used to the fact that I have six different teachers, and all my classes are only an hour long before we have to change again. I sat with Max for lunch, and a couple of our other close friends. That’s how it always was and I hope to keep it that way. All throughout lunch, Eric continued to eye Max and I every time we were talking. It started to get a little weird but I didn't want to ask in fear I would embarrass Eric or myself. Eric and Max have been best friends since 3rd grade. He moved here from New York; that year Max and I took him under our wings and made him one of our friends. I wondered if something was going on with Eric and then the idea came to me. He couldn’t possibly like me could he? Oh no! That would be horrible. I mean I love him as a friend and all but that would just be too weird. Like it would be like if Max and I started dating. But it wouldn’t be nearly as weird as that. That would ruin our relationship completely. I know things like this start happening in high school. I do think some guys are cute and stuff but not my best friends. I resolved to talk to Katie about it later. I’ve known her since 2nd grade. She had lived here all her life but had gone to a public school before she went to Bear Creek. We soon became great friends and to tell you the truth Max got a little jealous of her at one point. It was pretty funny. He would always snap at her and treat her badly because he didn’t get my full attention all the time. He got over it though and now we are all friends. I will see how Eric acts tomorrow and consult Katie at our sleepover on Friday. I headed to bed, needing to get a good nights rest for my second day of school. I woke up in the morning refreshed and ready to go. I put on one of my new outfits that I bought for the start of school. It consisted of an adorable mid thigh length Lucky dress with a floral pattern and black Ralph Lauren sandals. I decided to do my hair half way up since it looks best that way and I added a clip to hold the half way part up. I really tried this morning. I don’t want to become popular or anything but I want people to think highly of me, that’s all. My mom finally agreed that I could wear make up if I went easy on it. The minute she thought it was too much; it would be taken away. So I put my little bit on and grabbed my bag, heading downstairs to grab something to eat. “You look nice today, hunny.” My mom looked up at me as I landed on the bottom stair. She was sitting at the counter, eating a bowl of cereal while glancing through a catalog. “Are you trying to impress a boy?” “Mom! No. What gave you that idea?” “Oh just your outfit, hair, and make up.” “It’s nothing mom I just wanted to look good for my second day of school.” I could feel a slight blush creep up my cheeks, there was a cute guy in my math class that I liked. But I forced it to go away, as not to give it away to my mom just yet. “Oh… ok just get some breakfast in you before you go. You know it’s the most important meal of the day!” “Mom! Please stop! I’m begging you!” She just smiled at me as she handed me a plate. I stopped at my new locker on my way to class to pick up my huge science textbook. I mean could they have made them any bigger? I received all of my textbooks yesterday, and now they are filling up my locker. I took a quick glance at my schedule before I headed off to homeroom. I haven’t exactly memorized it yet but I am close. Schedule for Hannah Leigh Grade: 9 Homeroom: Mrs. Hoyle Per 1: Biology Mr. Hardwright Per 2: French 2 Ms. Rousseau Break Per 3: (H) Geometry Ms. Caldwell Per 4: Drama Mrs. Stephiano Lunch Per 5: (H) English Mr. Peterson Per 6: Lacrosse Coach Marks I headed off to homeroom, wondering where Max was. He said he would meet me at my locker, so much for that. That’s when I walked by and saw him at his locker talking to some girl. I mean I don’t really care that much but it just hurt my feelings a little. These past few years Max has definitely become a hottie in other girls’ eyes. But he was my best friend, I had to admit he was cute now but that’s it. We had fun together and admitting I liked him would not have been good. Say we weren’t friends maybe things would have started and I would have tried to get him to like me. But that’s not the way things are and I know girls talk about him and wonder why we don’t just start things up but when they ask I never answer. I love him as a friend, yes, I admit, at one point I did like him but we had too great of a friendship. Now I know he wants to actually date girls and I’m fine with it. I think… But girls should not come before friends and I have been standing here for quite some time now and he hasn’t even noticed me! I’m leaving; he will just have to meet me in homeroom. I’ll go find Katie and confide in her about my problems, that’s her specialty. I found Katie at her locker right in between the rows where Max’s and my locker were located. “Hey Katie!” I exclaimed, “I need help with all my big problems, and you’re the only one I know who is a junior physiatrist.” “Well you’ve come to the right person, Han-banan!” she seemed happy to see me. “What is it now?” “Well,” I hesitated and then it just all started pouring out like when you pour a glass of lemonade and it pours to fast and spills all over. “Max obviously wants to start dating other girls, I’m fine with that but it just seems weird that he wouldn’t tell me. All he has to do is ask and I would have been ok, he didn’t even show up at my locker! It’s not like I’m his girlfriend or anything but I am his best friend and he should tell me these things, right? I feel hurt but am I over exaggerating? And then the other day at lunch Eric wouldn’t stop staring at me and I got a tad bit nervous. But I didn’t want to say anything for in case I was just paranoid. This is all to much and my head hurts!” Katie just stared at me, and then the bell rang. “Well, you do have a lot of problems there! Maybe we should talk about this later when we have more time. How about this Friday is completely devoted to all your problems?” “Ok” I said relieved she wasn’t freaked out by me. “See you in Math!” “Ok see ya!” she slammed her locker shut and walked away. I looked around me and noticed that the hall were already almost half empty. I quickly picked up my pace so I wouldn’t be late to class on only my second day of school. My first two periods went well. I gave Max the cold shoulder and he looked completely confused. Now that I think about it maybe I shouldn’t have been so mean and instead should have talked to him. Oh well it was his fault. He failed to complete his best friend duties by meeting me at his locker. He needs to figure this out on his own. I was off to math with Katie; I was still starving after break. Some days I just can’t get enough food! But I have to go to class, hungry or not, so there was nothing I could do. Luckily I sit next to a really cute guy in her class. I haven’t even spoken to him yet but that’s ok. It’s just nice to sit next to him even if he doesn’t know I exist. I was quietly taking down notes while Ms. Caldwell talked about the topics we would be discussing this year and started into the areas of regular polygons. When, all of a sudden a foreign piece of paper showed up on the corner of my desk. I looked up in the general direction of the cute guy next to me, he smiled and then went back to pretending to write notes. My stomach started turning happy circles, I really wanted to know what was on that paper. I smoothly opened it, pretending I was still writing my notes and read it. Hey! Most boring class ever huh? I’d rather be out skateboarding or something. How bout you? Oh and my names Adam. What’s yours? By the way, I love your dress; it looks really cute on you. ; ) It made me all giddy inside, I decided to sound a little flirty and see what happens. He had been anyways. I felt bad because I wasn’t listening to Mrs. Caldwell but it’s not like the concept of areas is very hard anyway. I replied back with this. Hey! I’m Hannah. And I so agree with you! It’s only the second day and I can’t stand it! You like my dress huh? I like it too! What a coincidence. ; ) P.S. I think your jeans are very sexy! ;) I wrote the last line and was about to erase it but something stopped me. It was a new day of a new year and I could afford a little risk here and there. I folded up the paper and slid it onto his desk. Once he opened it, he laughed! He read it and laughed! Well not out load but I could tell he wanted to. He quickly sent me a reply. Mrs. Caldwell was still droning on up front. She was pointing things out with her freakishly long fingers on the projector. It’s one of those old school ones. I tried copying down some of the stuff she was writing but then a new note appeared on my desk and that was of higher priority at the moment. I picked it up and read, You think they’re sexy huh? Well I sure hope so, that was what the label said! If they don’t give off that effect I am returning them immediately! What do you say we go see a movie this weekend? Here’s my cell: 310-876-**** Oh wow… I thought. That was fast. Maybe he means just as friends. I doubt it. I replied back with a yes anyway. I already took a risk, another little one can’t hurt. I would love to! I have to ask my mom but I am sure she will be cool with it. Here’s my cell: 310-234-**** : ) : ) : ) I am so happy and excited. I have a date with a guy after only starting 9th grade! This is so cool! After class I told Katie all about it and she squealed and hugged me. She agreed that he was super hot! The rest of the week went well and I can’t wait for my sleepover with Katie tonight. I asked my mom if it was okay for me to go with Adam after school on Tuesday and she was fine with it as long as she got to meet him. I asked her during dinner as we sat down. “Hey mom.” “Yes, hunny?” she was in a good mood, which will help things. Always ask for something when your parents are happy, it normally works to your advantage. “Can I go to the movies this weekend?” “Yes, but with who? Katie or Max?” She was looking at me funny and I think she knew it wasn’t Katie or Max. “Um, well actually it’s with neither of them, this guy named Adam in my math class, asked me to go with him.” Oh please say yes, I thought! It would ruin everything if she said no. Then I would have to explain to Adam that my mom said I couldn’t go. “I think that would be fine. Will I get to meet this boy before you go?” “Yes, of course you will get to meet him!” I cooed, “What else would you expect?” “Well I guess nothing else. But here me out, if I don’t like him, you are not going. You will not beg or plead with me. Do you understand?” “Yes, mom I understand.” After that we went back to eating and I felt satisfied. Afterward I called Adam and we made plans for Saturday night. We talked for an hour until we finally decided on dinner at Zed's Pizza and then a movie right after. I fell asleep happy that night my head filled with pleasant dreams of Adam and I.

Max’s POV






My first and second day went well and so did Hannah’s. I don’t really get to see her much but it’s ok. She seems to be getting more distant though. She even gave me the cold shoulder today and I don’t know why. I tried asking her but she just ignored me more.



It all started like a fine day. I woke up happy and ready to go. Got myself all ready, I actually tried today though. Put on a new pair of jeans and a t-shirt and brushed my hair. Ok this is new. I used to never brush my hair. I know it’s gross but neither Hannah nor I really cared what we looked like before. All of a sudden that seems to be very important to her.


Now she’s is getting a whole outfit put together for different days. When she wears a green top and jean skirt she has matching green shoes! What’s up with that? She never used to care but all of a sudden she does. She’s turning into all the preppy girls I know and that is not necessarily a good thing.


I got to school a little early, so I just hung out at my locker. Hannah asked me to meet her at hers but I figured I had some time and so I stayed at mine. While I was hanging out a girl came up to the locker beside mine and started getting her books out of it. I hadn’t ever seen her around here so I started a conversation that turned into a long one and I found I really liked her.
“Hey, I’m guessing this is your locker?” I asked while pointing at the one she was opening.
“Yeah, how did you guess?” She replied smartly.
“Oh I’m just super intelligent.” I smiled at her, she was really pretty. “The name’s Max Haginsin. What’s yours?”
“Alicia Herring. How come I didn’t see you around here yesterday?”
“Maybe you weren’t looking?”
“I think I would have noticed a cutie like you now wouldn’t I!”
She was funny and cute! Score for the Max man!
“Well my good looks are hard to miss!” I said with a grin.
The conversation went on for a while and then the bell rang. We parted and I said I would call her sometime. She said she was looking forward to it. You get the picture. But I completely forgot about Hannah.


It made me feel bad and I’m sure now that that is why she was giving me the cold shoulder! Ok now I feel bad. I must call her tonight to apologize.


Right before I left I checked my schedule to make sure I knew where I was going.


Schedule for Max Haginsin
Grade: 9
Homeroom:



Mrs. Hoyle
Per 1: Biology


Mr. Hardwright
Per 2: Geometry

Ms. Laughlin





Break
Per 3: Spanish 2


Ms. Polito
Per 4: Ceramics


Ms. Walters





Lunch
Per 5: English


Mr. Peterson
Per 6: Water Polo

Coach Sumner

“Hey man!” Eric said coming up to me at my locker. It was the end of the day and I was putting away my books. I had just said goodbye to Alicia when he came up. “Who was that hawt girt you were talking to, huh?”
“Oh that’s Alicia.”
“Bro, you should so ask her out!”
“Oh I dunno.”
“Come on it will help you get over your little crush!”
“Shh! Man! Not around here, too many people could be listening!”
“Whoa, sorry bro! Can we go now?” He said throwing his skateboard down and jumping on.
“Hey! No skateboards on campus!” Some fat security guard called out.


We both cracked up and Eric picked up his banned skateboard and we walked out to the sidewalk. He jumped right back on once we were officially “off” campus.
“So why was Hannah givin’ you the total cold shoulder at lunch today?”
“I dunno man. I was going to ask what you thought.”
“Did you piss her off some how?”
“I don’t think I did. Oh well her problem, I don’t care.”


But the truth was I did care. I cared a lot. I wanted to know so bad what I had done wrong. So immediately when I got home I called her up.
The phone rang and rang, is she ever going to pick up? I thought. She must be really mad. But it wasn’t that big of a deal. I tried calling again and again and she finally picked up on the third try.
“Hey, Hannah?”
“Yeah, why do you keep calling me?”

“Do I need a reason to call my best friend? And anyways I do have a reason, I wanted to apologize for not coming to meet you at your locker this morning.”
“Where were you then?” She replied sharply, her voice piercing through the phone.

Woah, okay. I was not expecting to get attached like that. I still didn't understand, I said I was apologizing. She hadn't really let me say my apology yet but at least I took the time to call her up and try to. Can she not at least appreciate that?
“I was at my locker.”
“Doing what?” Again she attacked me with her reply.
“Talking to a friend of mine. And what's with the 20 Questions Han?”
“Male or female?” She asked ignoring my question completely.

“Female…Seriously, Why all the questions Hannah? It’s not like I did anything wrong. I just forgot. And I’m sorry okay?”
“No it’s not okay! Why were you talking to her?”
“Am I not allowed to talk to people? Hannah, what’s wrong? All I did was talk to a girl and you're jumping on me?”

I was starting to get angry now. She had no right to attack me like this. She could be angry but this was far beyond just simply angry. She was acting all weird and.... jealous! That's it. I would never take Hannah for the jealous one. But I guess you'd be surprised at what only two days of high school can bring out in people.
“You forgot about your friend for some girl, that’s the problem.”
I still couldn't understand the fact that Hannah, sweet innocent Hannah, was jealous of me! It was such a novel idea!
“There is nothing wrong with talking to another girl Hannah. Are you jealous?” I teased.
“No why would I be jealous? I’m going to the movies on Saturday.”

I guess she didn't hear my teasing tone cause she continued with her attacking one. My attempt at lightening the mood was owned. I was left not knowing what to do. This was a whole new side to her; a side I didn't know how to react to.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“With a guy.”
I almost dropped the phone but caught it at the last second, Hannah going out with another guy? This is so new. I’m not jealous, I will pick up the phone and act like it doesn’t affect me. I will act as if it doesn't make my heart ache. I will act as if it doesn't make me want to punch this guy in the gut for asking out my Hannah. I can do it, I can be a man.
“Since when are either of us going on dates?!” I asked.
Ok that wasn’t what I meant to say, great.
“Since he asked me to. We have no rules whether we can’t date people Max! Who do you think you are?!” She screamed into the phone. I could feel the power behind her voice. It was not good. All of a sudden it made me really angry and I didn't want to talk to her anymore. How could she not get it? Had we really not been as close as I thought we were? I had thought she understood but maybe I had gotten it wrong all along. Crap.
“Your best friend.”
I quickly pressed end and sat back, letting my phone drop from my hands. I can’t believe she’s dating. I just can’t believe it. I knew it would happen some time but not this soon. And definitely not like this.

“I can’t believe it. Max and I have never been in a fight before. But he also has no reason to get mad at me right?” I asked.
Katie and I were hanging out in my room; I was fretting about Max’s call at the moment. It was Friday night and she was sleeping over.
“I don’t know what to do Katie! You’ve got to help me!”
I was freaking out! Had I been all wrong in attacking Max the way I did? I thought what I said was okay as I was talking to him. But now that I think back on it, it was pretty harsh. He didn't lose track of time on purpose... it was an accident. Great, now he hates me.
“You did nothing wrong. I think it’s his fault, and actually he might just be a tad bit jealous of the fact that you have a date. Don’t you think?”
“I guess so.” I said, “I just feel really bad about being so rude to him. I don’t think he deserved it.”
“Come on, you have to stick up for yourself. Things just might be changing now that we’re in high school. I know you guys have been friends forever, but, well, maybe it’s time for a change.”
“Yeah, maybe. I still feel bad though. I mean, Max is my best friend and all, I should feel bad. If I didn't, that would be the bad thing. That I didn't feel bad. Ahh, it's so confusing."
“Just don’t let Adam see it. He might think there is something more between you and Max and might not want to see you again. And that wouldn’t be good.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“You go for it girl, oh and about that thing with Eric, I noticed it at lunch today. I wonder what’s going on with that boy.”
“I don’t know but I don’t want to think about it right now.” I ended, ”This whole thing with Max is making me really frustrated and confused.”
It was getting late so Katie and I resolved to watching Legally Blonde, our favorite movie, halfway through the movie I was finding it hard to keep my eyes open. I'd focus my eyes and then ten seconds later find myself slowly closing them. I must have fallen asleep sometime in there because when I woke up I was with my mom and my Aunt Clara. We were in New York, and all three of us were dressed up to the tens. I looked down at the ticket in my hand. It was glittery pink with sparkles all over and read, Legally Blonde: The Musical. I was so excited. When we took our seats in the theatre, I suddenly found myself on the stage. I was about to get myself off when Max suddenly showed up in my way. I ran to the opposite side and there was Adam. I ran back to the center of the stage, just as the show was starting. The lights hit me and I felt like I was paralyzed, but then I got my muscles working and jumped off the stage, I had thought the floor was right underneath me but then it opened up and I fell through a hole and just kept falling, falling, falling...
"AHHH!" I woke up out of breath from screaming as I fell. I finally went back to sleep after lying there staring at the ceiling for what seemed like forever. The rest of the night I slept ok, enough so that I wasn’t dead when I awoke.



In the morning Katie and I both got up late and hung around the house.


“Good morning mom!” I said coming down the stairs, Katie following close behind me.


“Good morning girls!” My mom was sitting at the table in her robe; underneath it she had on pajamas pants that had little sheep all over them and a matching tank top. She was drinking a cup of coffee and reading the paper. “How did you sleep?”


“Okay, you?”



“Very well. Now, Hannah, ” she said looking up at me, “what are you going to wear tonight? You know you must look fabulous. I mean it is your first date with him.”
It surprised me that she had remembered my date with Adam. I had thought I would have to remind her. I thought about it for a couple of seconds and it hit me. I had nothing to wear!
“I have no idea.” I answered.
“How about we go out and find you something cute to wear, Hmm?” she asked.
“Can Katie come too?” I said looking over at Katie who was standing beside me.
“Sure, as long as it’s ok with her mom.”


I eyed Katie and she said, “I’m sure it’s fine but I will call to make sure.”



“Woo hoo!” I screamed as I ran up the stairs with Katie.



After she called her mom, we quickly got dressed as fast as we could and ran back down the stairs.
My mom was still sitting at the table drinking her coffee when we re-entered the kitchen.


She just looked at us and said, “Well I see you guys are very excited! How about I drop you guys off so I don’t hold you back from having a good time.”
“No way mom.” I said, “You’re going to get dressed in your best outfit and then you're coming with us!”
“Oh ok.” She said happily. I could tell she really did want to go. And after Katie and my help she looked fabulous. She’s always in her bland outfits and make up and I think color really helps her image. We ended up choosing a cute patterned mid length dress and simple black sandals. I let her hair down and fixed her make up for her.


We went downstairs and got in the car, heading off for a fun filled day of shopping and prepping for the date tonight.

When we returned I rushed upstairs so I would have as much time as possible to get my self completely ready, Katie rushed after me and she had most of the packages.


I had picked out a cute dark blue scoopneck dress along with white sandals from Urban Outfitters. It was a little more expensive than I had expected but my mom said it was a time I would remember forever and that I had to look good.


I ended up getting my hair done at a salon and they curled it beautifully so that it looked like I came right off the cover of a magazine. In it I had a thin white headband.


My mom lent me this beautiful necklace and matching earrings that my dad had given her as a present once, she treasures them so much. I have asked to borrow them before and it has always been no.


I think this is as much of a big step for her as it is for me. Katie left about five minutes before the doorbell rang.



Adam was there right on time and he looked very handsome, and sexy, in his jeans and dark t-shirt. It was just tight enough so that you could see his lovely six pack showing through but it wasn't overly tight, so as my mom would still approve.


My mom invited him in and she was not at all embarrassing. I was expecting the worst from her but she behaved well. It made me proud to call her my mother.


We all sat down in the living room right off the front entryway. It’s never used except when we have company, which is not very often. I was surprised we sat there instead of going into the kitchen or dining room.
“So you must be Adam?” she said, “Hannah has said wonderful things about you.”
“Why yes I am. And I am glad to hear that Hannah talks about me.” He said with one of those dazzling smiles of his.
I think my mom was impressed. Her smile brightened. I knew she could tell why I liked this guy. He was amazing.
“Where will you guys be going?” she asked.
“I thought we could stop at Zed’s pizza and have dinner then head out to the movies. If that is ok with you Ms. Leigh.”
“Oh that sounds fine, but what movie were you planning to see? I would like to approve of it before you go.” She said still smiling, she was pleased, thank heavens!
“I thought I would let Hannah pick, since she’s my date.” He replied.
“Oh how sweet of you!” she cooed, “I knew I would like you. You seem like a fine gentleman. Now where do your parents work?”
“Ok I think it’s time to go.” I said springing up from my seat. I knew if she got into where his parents worked and related topics we would be there forever.
I grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled him along. I didn’t even have time to think about the fact that I was holding Adam’s hand!
“We’ll be back by 10 o’ clock mom!” I yelled, pulling the door shut quickly as we left.


Adam and I were alone for the first time. There was an uncomfortable silence, when I noticed there was no car waiting.
I turned to Adam and said, “By the way, how are we getting there?”
He looked back at me and blushed. He is so cute when he does that!
“We have to walk because my parents couldn’t drive. I’m sorry! I k-know this must look bad. I have a date with an amazing girl and I don’t even have a way to get her to where we are going!” he said looking down at his feet.
“It’s ok!” I said, “Trust me walking is so much better for me anyway and then we can be alone. Not have your parents listening to us talk.”
“Oh I am so glad you’re not mad! All the other girls I have gone out with would have been super pissed and walked away.” He replied.
“How many other girls have you gone out with?” I asked coyly.
“Only one and it turned out horribly…” He said and blushed again.


We walked right up the street and a little ways to the outdoor shopping mall called The Block.

We had no trouble getting there and Adam made sure I was safe crossing the street. He is such a nice guy. I have to admit I was a tiny bit scared to be alone with a guy with all the things that you hear and see about guys taking advantage of girls, but he never once did anything to make me uncomfortable. I didn’t think he would, but you can never be sure.

It was a pleasant walk and we talked and laughed all the way there. We got there sooner than I expected and walked into Zed’s Pizza, the swinging door closing behind us. Everybody who’s anybody comes here on Saturday night and I couldn’t wait to see the look on Amy Williams’s face when she saw me with Adam. For a little background, we were best friends in fifth grade up until seventh grade and then she turned cool and popular and I didn’t exist anymore. She treated my horribly and never gave me a reason why she dropped me. I would ask her constantly and she would just ignore me.

I remember a time when she humiliated me in front of the whole grade. In the end it backfired on her and caused me some great fame. I wasn’t considered weird after that, people thought I had guts instead.


It was near the end of seventh grade. She and her little posse would make fun of me for my clothes and for being friends with Max. She invited me to her party and I, being very stupid back then, thought she was actually being nice to me and accepted.

She lived in the biggest house I had ever seen. It was four stories high, and she had the whole third floor to herself. I remember getting lost one time in fifth grade and I had to scream her name for almost five minutes, I had been down in the basement without knowing it.

So it was the first boy/girl party ever in our grade. Well not the first, but it was the first pretty much non-exclusive boy/ girl party ever. She invited almost the whole school and the house still wasn’t full. It was destined that she would have the first boy/girl party because that’s just how things worked. If you even tried to have one before her it would never work out, she would find some way to ruin it.
It was half way through the party and she had instructed we all bring our swimming suits because she had a heated pool out back with a Jacuzzi. We were playing truth or dare and Amy dared me to go skinny-dipping in her pool. Of course I was like now way am I doing that and then they all started calling me chicken and saying I was a loser because I wouldn’t do it.
“Loser!” They all screamed. “L-O-S-E-R!”
I couldn’t take it much longer. It was strong and overpowering.
“Fine,” I said loudly, so I could be heard over the chorus of “loser”, “I’ll do it if you do something for me.” I added mischievously, lowering my voice for effect.
It became really quiet then everyone shut up and looked back and forth from Amy, to me and then back.
“What are you saying?” She asked me.
“I’m saying I’ll skinny dip if you will make out with Ugly Larry.”
“Ew!” All her little friends squealed.
Ugly Larry was what we all called this nerdy kid named Larry who still acted like a kindergartener in that he still picked his nose and ate glue. Yes I know, very disgusting. Amy’s closest friend Jamie whispered to her. “Don’t do it it’s not worth it.” But Amy ignored her. Instead she looked me straight in the eyes and said, “It’s on, Hannah, it’s on.”
“Wait, I’m not done yet,” I added, “Also you have to promise that from now on you’ll leave me alone.”
“Fine, now strip Hannah Banana.” She replied using my old nickname.
“I mean really leave me alone, that includes all the comments, tricks, pranks, they are done.”
‘Whatever you want.” She said nonchalantly with a flick of her hand. “Now stop stalling and go, so we can get this party really started!” She lifted the glass in her hand and looked around at all her guests.

“Ya’ll don’t want to wait forever do you?” She asked.

“NO!” They all screamed,
“Shake on it!” Someone screamed.
She stuck out her hand and we shook on it. I really thought she would leave me alone after, she did lesson up but the sneers and jabs never ended. I guess deep down I did know it wasn’t possible. Amy was Amy, never changing.
“Okay now go!” The same person screamed out.
“You first.” I said.

She stared at me for a time and then snapped, “Fine!” She handed her cup to Jamie and walked defiantly over to Ugly Larry slightly wobbling in her five inch heels. She led him to a bench by the pool sat on his lap and leaned in and kissed him hard. She did it a couple more times and then got up leaving Ugly Larry sitting there stunned beyond belief.
“Done! Now strip Hannah. This is getting boring, all this standing around, stalling, nothing can help you now, hunny buns.” She said with a sickening sweet smile on her face taking her drink back from Jamie and taking a large sip.
“Fine!” I snapped back.

Katie was standing beside me and she looked at me and said, “You’re really going to do this?”
“Yes I am Katie. I don’t really have a choice now do I?” I said with a shrug.
“I guess not.”
“And don’t worry,” I added, “I got this covered.”
I winked at her and then walked over to the side of the pool and looked in. I couldn’t believe I was doing this in front of everyone.
“Hurry up! God, you’re so slow Hannah!”
I looked down into the still water; it wouldn’t look that way for long if I went through with this. I stepped away from the pool edge and walked over to the cabana style pool house.
“What are you doing, Hans Banans?” She called out, “You know we had a deal. Are you going to chicken out now?”
“Don’t get too excited Amy.” I said coolly, “I was just going to make this a little more exciting.”
“Oh nice.” One of Amy’s friends murmured, gaining herself a death glare from her leader.
I stepped into the little hut and stared at myself in the mirror. Was I really going to do this? I thought. Yes was the only answer I had. I stripped and looked again at my reflection. I saw a strong girl looking back at me, the total opposite of who I normally was. It felt good to be in control of myself, even if it was for only a moment.
I hovered by the door, preparing myself for what I was about to do. As I couldn’t wait any longer I stepped out into a sprint like never before, I threw my hands down on the hard ground and landed a simple cartwheel followed by a back handspring ending in a perfect dive that broke the surface of the cold water. I had always been a great swimmer and not to mention the intense gymnastics training I took when I was six. I still had it in me. I had quit when I was ten but still practiced every so often.
I surfaced and smiled at Amy’s shocked face. Her mouth had dropped like a heavy weight. Everyone was cheering for me. I had turned what should have been a humiliating moment into something completely different.

Katie ran into the pool house and grabbed one of the many Victoria’s Secret robes. And I pulled myself right out of the pool and into it. I mock waved and blew kisses to my “fans” and laughed. Katie’s panicked expression from before was now full of joy that things hadn’t turned out badly.

It made me seem like not such a un-cool person and many of the people who hadn’t liked me before decided to get to know me and they soon saw that they were all wrong about me. I soon became a lot more outgoing and people accepted me and almost everyone became my friend. I was popular in a non-controlling sense like Amy. I was just simply nice and friendly to everyone I met.

The incident never hurt Amy in any way. She now had less power over me but people still yearned for her approval all the same. But ever since then she has always wanted to get back at me. I knew she didn’t like me before but now it was a blazing, fiery hate.

It became a silent war between us, which I was reluctant to participate in. But I did either way; I couldn’t just ignore her. It didn’t work that way.
Now this is one thing I’ll have before her, Adam. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t agree to go out with him just to piss Amy off, I’m not that low. It’s just an added bonus to going out with such a great guy. People never forgot that night. Nobody ever brought it up anymore but I knew it would be there forever. It would never leave my memory.

As we walked in I noticed how busy the place was. It was amazing! I had never been here before because I was never invited to go with anyone and you can’t go alone. It is a social suicide.

The place was hopping with people and everyone looked to be enjoying themselves and I had the sudden feeling I had been missing out on so much.


Adam took my hand and led me to a table near the back corner. It was a perfect intimate tale for two. I savored the feeling of his hand in mine. It was smooth and soft and I didn’t want to let go and almost didn’t.

I looked around and saw Amy with all her friends at a table right across from ours. It was a bigger table and the people there were obviously on a triple date.

I turned back to Adam and the waitress handed us our menus. She asked for our drink orders and we got 2 creamy vanilla milkshakes.

When she left Adam and I started talking about ourselves and got to know each other better.
“So, is this place ok with you?” he asked.
“Yeah, I have always wanted to come in here but never got the chance.” I said..
“Well, I’ve actually never been here either. I hope it’s good.” He said and then he smiled and I just melt right then and there when he does.
“Me too.” I replied, “So Adam, I am so sorry about my mom. I told her to not be to nosy and I think she was ok but what did you think?”
“I thought she was perfectly fine. No problems at all.” He added with a grin.
“I have to meet your parents now and compare.” I said
“Oh but with it you get to meet my crazy sisters.” He joked back.

That’s when the waiter came back with our drinks. I had almost forgot where I was for a moment. When I saw the shake, I laughed right out loud. They had made one mega big shake and put two cute straws with hearts attached in it.
“I hope I was right in bringing the date shake.” She said looking embarrassed.

”Oh no it’s just perfect!” I said still laughing.
“Okay good. Are you two ready to order?” She asked putting the drink down in the center of the table.
“Yes,” Adam started, “We will split one small vegetarian pizza and an antipasto salad. Those sound good to you Hannah?”
“That sounds perfect.” I said smiling. It felt nice to have Adam order for me. It made me feel special.
“Okay I’ll bring that to you as soon as it’s ready.” She said and then turned to wait on another table.
I wanted to try the delicious looking shake but just as I leaned in to take a sip so did Adam and our heads bumped together and we both pulled away holding our hands on our heads. When we saw each other we both started laughing. It was pretty funny.
“Sorry.” We both said at the same time and started laughing again.
I made a move back towards it and he did too. I leaned back and said “After you.”
“No after you.”
“Fine.”
I leaned forward and tried the shake with out physical contact. It really was heavenly.
“Oh my goodness!” I exclaimed, “You have to try this. It’s the best shake I have ever had.”
“Okay.” He said leaning in the try it for himself, “Mmm…I totally agree with you.”
We took turns one after the other taking sips until our food arrived and neither of us took our time getting some food into our stomachs.

When we finished our meal we walked out and made our way to the movie theater. The Block was just crawling with couples on dates.

When we got to the theater, Adam asked what I wanted to see. He said it was up to me but I said I think he should choose and we went back and forth constantly. Finally we decided on one, got our tickets for it and headed inside.

He picked a seat towards the middle back part. I didn’t really know what he meant by this or if it was an innocent act. Most of the time when people sit in the back row they don’t normally spend their time watching the movie but instead did other things, if you know what I mean.

I really wasn’t sure if I was ready for that exactly. But didn’t want too bring it up in case he actually wasn’t thinking about that.

The movie started shortly after we got seated and it started off good. About half way through the movie, how it happened I don’t know, but his arm was around me and I was snuggled into him.

It felt really good and I was sad when the movie ended and I had to move away from him.

We walked back and all was well. I concluded in my head that the night had gone very well and then I noticed I hadn’t even had a tiny thought about Max at all and it made me fell slightly guilty but I brushed it away. I didn’t want to ruin the perfect night.

Adam walked me to my door and we stood there awhile.
“I had an amazing time tonight, Hannah.” He said, “You’re a really great girl.”
“I had a great time too.” I said and smiled, “I had my doubts but you turned out to be a great guy and I’m glad.”
He leaned a little closer and my heart started beating a little bit faster than it had been.
“I’m glad you like me,” He replied and he kept getting closer “because I feel the exact same way, about you.”

At that moment he leaned in closer and his lips touched mine and they locked together. It felt amazing and my heart was going crazy in my chest. I almost completely forgot to kiss him back but something in my mind triggered my senses. I remember talking with Katie about this moment she said you should lean to the right and just follow the guy. I never knew exactly what she meant but now I do.

It lasted for some time and like all the other things that had happened tonight I never wanted it to stop. But of course we couldn’t be there all night and so we split apart and that’s when I noticed Max standing there, at the front of my walk, a strange look on his face. He had beautiful flowers in his hand.

I thought over everything a long time. I felt bad for being so rude and tried to call Hannah back but nobody picked up. I had a troubled sleep through the night and woke up really tired.

My mom came in to get me up for the soccer game I had and she thought I didn’t look to good and considered the fact that I might be sick and insisted I stay home from the game.

I was glad I guess because I probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate on the ball and would fall asleep instead. I needed the time to think anyway. I called Eric and my mom finally let me out in the afternoon after she examined me and thought I looked a bit better and inferred that exercise would be good for me anyway.

So Eric and I went to the park to play some ball and I had to ask him what to do about Hannah. I know he will say don’t tell her and let her be mad but I had to try.

After I told him everything he just looked at me and said.
“Man, what are you a girl! I don’t want to know about your problems.”
“Sorry I just am really confused and a little mixed up right now.” I replied.
“Bro! I was just kiddin’ with ya!” he said, punching me lightly in the arm. “I say you go over there and apologize and tell her how you feel. If it ruins what you guys have sorry. But you aren’t lookin’ to hot right now anyway. If it doesn’t go well maybe you could ask out that Alicia girl who has the locker right next to yours.”
“That’s true.” I said, “I think Hannah was going out with some guy tonight but I’ll go over there around ten and talk to her. And you know what maybe I will ask out Alicia.”
“Good luck to you!” Eric said and we just passed the ball talking about sports and school for a while and then we both left to go home.



When I got home, I went into my closet to find the best looking outfit I had. I wanted to look good if I was really going to tell Hannah how I felt. I couldn’t find anything but old t-shirts, so I headed into my bro’s room. He was out and I didn’t think he would mind if I borrowed one of his shirts. I picked out a black t-shirt with a faded guitar on it and pulled it over my head and shrugged on my leather jacket, it was getting slightly cold outside. I laced up my converse after pulling on a pair of jeans and tousled my hair, it looked good messy.
“Hey mom!” I said running down the stairs “I’m just going to run over to Hannah’s real quick ok?”
“Sure honey! But are you feeling well enough?”
“Yeah, I’m fine ma!”
“Ok be back by 10:30, if you’re any later I’m calling the police!” she said jokingly serious.

As I walked over I bought some flowers to maybe make her feel better. I don’t know why flowers or chocolate does that but who cares, what matters is that it works.

I turned on Hannah’s street and made my way down it. I didn’t see a car or anything outside her house so I expected that her date had left already. But boy was I in for a surprise.

When I turned the corner up to her walkway all I saw was Hannah and her date locked in an embrace that disgusted me. I just stood there with my mouth open; I didn’t even notice the flowers drop and Hannah turn to look at me, and the look of embarrassment on her face.

All I did was turn and walk away, as fast as I could. I heard Hannah call my name several times but they were all vague and I just ignored them and kept on walking.

I left the flowers on her walkway and didn’t even care that they had cost me two weeks allowance that I rarely get. I just couldn’t believe it.

I thought it all was a stunt to make me jealous but I guess it’s real and I have to except that. I don’t know what will happen to Hannah and my relationship but for now it’s effectively ruined.

I turned back to Adam and looked at him. How was I going to explain myself? He probably thinks Max is my boyfriend or something and I’m cheating on him. Oh shoot! Why did Max have to ruin such a perfect night!?

“Listen Adam…” I started
“No, look I get it.” He said cutting me off. “I really liked you Hannah. Why did you not tell me? I didn’t take you for that kind of girl.”

Adam turned and started walking away.
“That’s because I’m not! Adam wait!” I tried grabbing his sleeve but he shook me off and continued down the walk.

I just stood there for a few seconds. Then it came to me I must do something about Max! I ran out of my walkway and onto the sidewalk.
“Max!” I called out to the left. “Adam!” I said to the right.

Neither replied and I was forced to recede to my front door. I sat down on the steps and put my head in my hands. What was I going to do? I thought.


I had a sleepless night full of worry and restlessness. My mom came in on Saturday to wake me up and when I saw her I just broke down crying. She came over and snuggled in bed with me and let me cry on her shoulder.
“What’s wrong honey? Didn’t your date go well? I was going to ask you last night but I thought you were probably tired so I left it for this morning.”

When she started talking about it I started crying harder.
“Oh honey.” She said, “Do you want to tell me?”

When I got control over my self I looked up at her face, she looked so concerned; it made me feel better that someone cared.
“No it was a great date.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“It’s the end that went wrong.”
“Tell me everything.” She said “I have all the time in the world.”

So I told her everything.
“Oh wow. Were you and Max in a fight then?”
“Yeah, a really stupid one. I’m not sure why he left though. If he was just coming to apologize then why would he have flowers and why wouldn’t he have stayed?”
A look of understanding came over my mom’s face.
“What?” I asked.
“Oh it’s nothing, just a thought. I say you go over there and try to talk to him. If he doesn’t want to don’t pressure him.”
“Okay I will, but what were you going to say and what do I do about Adam?”
“See how he acts on Monday and try to explain to him in more detail. But same as with Max don’t push him, guys need their time just like we do.”
I didn’t notice until later that she didn’t answer my first question.
“Thanks mom.” I said getting up and out of bed. “I think I’ll ride my bike over there after breakfast.”
“Okay honey. Thanks for talking to me.” She said closing my door and walking away.

I pulled on dark blue juicy sweats and a t-shirt and went downstairs. My mom was down there making Belgian waffles, my favorite!
“That smells so good!” I said walking down the stairs.
“I thought they would make you feel better, since they are your favorite and all.”
“Yum! Thank you.”

I dug right on in. I didn’t even know I was that hungry until the steaming plate was set down in front of me. The waffle was buttered and had a layer of syrup covering the top. I ate the whole thing, down to the strawberry placed on the side.



After I finished I got up, rinsed off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher. I ran upstairs to do my hair and then ran out back and hopped onto my bike, fastening my helmet at the same time. I rode on over the few blocks to Max’s house thinking about what I was going to say. When I rode up in front I had a nervous feeling in my stomach. I have never had anything like that about Max; everything is changing now.

I walked up to the door and rang the bell and Max’s mom answered the door.
“Oh hi Hannah. How are you? Max is upstairs in his room. He’s been pretty distant lately and maybe you know what’s going on?”
“I’m good. I might have an idea about what’s wrong but I’ll have to go up there to find out if I’m right.”
“Go right on ahead sweetie.”
“Thanks.”

I practically ran up the stairs and then walked slowly down the hall. Max’s door was shut and I could hear his music on inside. I knocked on the door and got no reply so I slowly turned the knob and peeked in. There was Max on his bed reading a book with his ipod speakers blasting. He looked up at me and didn’t say anything. He just went right back to reading.
“Uh Max I know you’re mad but can I please talk to you.”
“Your not to busy sucking face with Adam.”
“Stop being like that.” I said shutting the door. “Why do you care anyway?”
“I don’t care.”
“You seem like you do.”
“Well I don’t, okay?”
“Fine I just came to say sorry for acting so angry about you not showing up to my locker and instead talking to other girls. If that is what you’d rather do then fine.” I said stomping out of the room. Right before I closed the door I heard him start to say wait, but I closed it anyway. Let him follow me if he really cares.

Just like I thought he came running down the stairs and out the front door trying to catch up to me. I stopped and turned around.
“What?” I snapped.
“I… uh…” Max stopped and tousled his hair; I looked at him impatiently. “Well, I’m sorry.”
“Oh I thought you were going to explain yourself. Guess not. I’ll be going now.”
“Wait!”
“What!” I almost screamed.
“I can’t tell you.”
“You can tell me anything, Max.”
“Not this.”
“Fine then, bye!”
“Wait!”
“Oh my god, Max!”
“Fine, sorry bye.”
“Thank you.”

I felt bad but he wouldn’t tell me. Now I really want to know what it is he is hiding. Maybe I can get it out of Eric! He probably knows. I picked up my cell phone and dialed home.
“Hey mom.”
“Yes.”
“Do you mind if I ride on over to Eric’s?”
“Yes, that’s fine. How did your thing with Max go?”
“Not good.”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that.”
“I got to go now mom, see you later.”
“Bye honey. Be safe!”
“I will. Bye.”

I hung up and rode the opposite way from my house to Eric’s. We all lived kind of an equal distance apart, including Katie, kind of like in a square shape. It was really nice out so the ride was pleasurable; when I pulled up to Eric’s house I jumped off my bike and ran to the door. Eric’s mom answered and called him down. He came outside and we sat down on his front steps.
“So what’s up?” He asked looking at me strangely like he has been doing since school started.
“First,” I started “Why do you keep looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” he said surprisingly calmly.
“I don’t know. You just keep looking at me weirdly and it creeps me out.”
“Is that the reason you rode all the way over here?”
“No!”
“Then why did you?”
“What is Max hiding from me?” I blurted suddenly.
“Whoa there! Why do you think he’s hiding something?”
“Because I went over there like 15 minutes ago and he wouldn’t answer my question of why he came to bring me flowers last night. I asked him and he said he couldn’t tell me. So I thought whom else would he tell and that’s you. So spill. This is important.”
“First of all, I’m not going to give out his secrets. You wouldn’t tell me Katie’s would you?”
“No.”
“Okay then. Why would I tell you Max’s?”
“Because this is a matter of saving this relationship or letting it fade away. And what is your second thing?”
“What second thing?”
“You said first of all.”
“Oh right. What he has to tell you is something I couldn’t tell you it just wouldn’t be right. It has to come from his lips not mine.”
“Oh.”
“So.” He said standing up and reaching his hand down to me. I took it and he pulled me up. “If you really want to know, pry it out of him. Trust me he’s been wanting to tell you forever but is too scared.”
“Okay…”
“Trust me if he tells you, you’ll understand what I mean.”
“Okay thanks Eric.”
“Bye Hannah!”

I rode off home trying to understand what he was saying to me. But I just couldn’t understand. I had no clue what Max was hiding. Not a single idea.

It was all so very confusing and it made my head hurt. I planned to take a nap when I got home but I didn’t make it there. I ended up turning around and riding back to Max’s the tears flowing.

I didn’t sleep well at all last night. I dreamt the whole night of nightmares that involved Hannah. I really wanted to go over and explain myself to her but I just couldn’t. She has a boyfriend now, it would be wrong. Oh no the doorbell just rang. Oh please don’t be Hannah I can’t do that right now.

It’s her. I can hear her talking to my mom downstairs. She’s going to come asking me to confess, I know it. Here she is walking down the hallway, knocking on my door, opening it and asking, “hi, can we talk?”

I picked up my copy of “The Expert Guide To 100 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do” and started reading it. There’s a hilarious chapter about how to tie your shoelace. Also a chapter on how to kiss, I used to imagine using their techniques on Hannah. It’s never going to happen but I can dream can’t I?


Just as I thought Hannah came in wanting to know why I came by last night and was looking for an explanation for my actions. I just couldn’t tell her. It would ruin so much. She was livid because I wouldn’t tell her; I guess I would be too. But she just doesn’t understand.
After she stalked off I heard her calling her mom and telling her she was going to Eric’s. I sure hope he was a good person to befriend and that I was right in trusting him. Hannah could pry it out of him if she really tried; she can be very manipulative when she wants to be.


As I was looking out my window I saw Hannah riding up into my driveway for the second time in 40 minutes. Please tell me Eric didn’t tell her. Oh God! This is not good. There she is talking to my mom again, I can hear her on the stairs, now turning down the hallway coming closer and closer. And here she is in my bedroom, tears streaking down her face. Oh Shit! What am I going to do?
“What are you doing back?” I asked smartly.
“Max?” She said blubbering.
“What?”
“Why can’t you tell me?”
“Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know!”
“Well stop then.”
“They keep coming. I can’t!”
“Why were you going to Eric’s?”
She looked at me stunned.
“Did he call you?”
“No I heard you on your phone.”
“Oh.” She said looking down. At least she had stopped crying.
“So why are you here?”
“Max please you have to tell me. I need to know, it’s killing me.”

Silence.
“I don’t care how bad it is. I won’t ever hate you. I might be mad or angry or confused or sad or frustrated or let down or excited or anything. But I would never stop being your friend. Just tell me. Please.”

Oh god did I want to tell her. But I mustn’t. No I couldn’t. It would be wrong to hurt her like that. It was not going to happen. Even though this was probably hurting her too. There wasn’t a win/win situation. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, there was nothing more to it.
“I can’t.”

Then she started blubbering again. What was I supposed to do. I had never taken a crash course in girls and now I wish I had.
“Why!” She screamed.
“Because Hannah you don’t understand…”
“But I want to understand! Help me to understand!”
“It’s not going to happen.”
“Fine! You know I probably would be less mad at you had you just told me but now your making it worse and worse for yourself, Haginsin. Until you tell me we’re through. I know I said I would never stop being your friend, but for now I need a break!”

She ran out slamming my door along the way. She didn’t even look back once.

I am so not ready to go back to school. I don’t want to have to face Adam or Max. I tried to get my mom to let me stay home but she said I couldn’t. She said that just because I am having boy troubles doesn’t mean I can skip school.


I stepped onto campus and it felt like everyone was staring at me, though I knew they weren’t. I still felt self-conscious. I walked slowly to my locker and got my books out, I didn’t stay long because I knew Max wasn’t meeting me like he usually would. Then I walked down the hallway towards Max’s locker. There he was talking to that same girl again. I walked on by, my head held high, not saying anything and instead headed to my homeroom.
Elise, Tammie, and Grace were there early too, so I went over and talked to them. They are all good friends of mine.
“Hey Hannah! What’s wrong? You look sad.” Tammie asked looking concerned.
“Oh it’s nothing Max and I are just in a fight.”
“Oh that sucks. What about?”
“Oh you know how I went out with that Adam guy?”
“Ohmigod! He’s sooo hot! You made such a good choice.” Elise exclaimed proudly.
“Yeah well Max came over to apologize for being a jerk that night or something and he saw me kissing Adam and now he’s pissed.”
“Aw he’ll get over it.” Grace added.
“Yeah I hope. But he won’t tell me why he’s mad. He’s definitely hiding something and Eric confirmed that he was.”
All three girls turned and looked at each other with a knowing glance.
“What?” I asked, why does everyone keep getting that look on their face? I thought. Is there something I’m missing?
“Oh nothing, don’t worry about it.” Tammie said with a wave of her hand.

That’s when the bell rang and we had to take our seats. Mrs. Hoyle took attendance and then let us talk as usual. Elise, Tammie, Grace, and I talked about random things for the remaining ten minutes and then it was time to head to our first periods.



After a strangely long feeling break, I walked in to math with Katie and my stomach was doing flips on me. There was Adam sitting in his seat right next to mine.
“Oh Katie do I have to do this?”
“Yes, Hannah, you do.”
“Oh but can’t we just leave off with him being mad at me and never talk again?”

She looked at me sternly in a way that meant is that really what you want? I knew it wasn’t. I wanted to clear things up with him.
“But what do I tell him about Max since he refused to tell me what’s going on.”
“Come on, you’re super smart, you’ll think of something.”
“Fine! Here I go.”
“Have fun!” She said sitting down in her seat leaving me to my doom.

I sat down quietly and put my books on my desk.
“Hey Adam.” I said.
“Hi.” Was all he said, not even looking up at me.
“Oh come on. Please let me explain.”
“Explain what?” He snapped facing me directly.
“About Max.”
“I told you that I understood. Can’t you leave it at that?”
“But you have it all wrong!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He said.
“Max isn’t my boyfriend or anything, he’s just my best friend.”
“Really? Then how do you explain the flowers, huh?”
“I don’t know. He won’t explain himself to me. He says he can’t tell me why. Maybe he would tell you.”
“Look okay I’m not getting in the middle of you two.”
“But your not getting in the middle of anything.”

Silence.
“Please Adam. I really like yo-“
“Silence please. Now let’s start class.” Ms. Caldwell said quieting everyone down.

I decided to try sending Adam a note.

Please Adam, just give me another chance.
Just talk to Max and see what he has to say. Maybe he will tell you what’s going on and you can relate to him or something.
Please don’t end this.



I silently folded up the note and slid it onto Adam’s desk. He looked at it, then at me, and then back at it. He picked it up and opened it. The only reply I got was a shake of his head. He handed it back to me and was silent. I think my heart broke just a tiny bit right then and there. The pain overwhelmed me. It wasn’t going to just go back to good times. Things were messed up after only a week back at school.


I entered English class and sat down in my assigned seat that was right next to Max’s, I was excited to sit next to him on the first day but at the moment I wasn’t so thrilled. It would mean another unbearable class of silence just like math was. At least it’s my last period and then I get to run my frustrations out at Lacrosse practice and then go home. When I sat down he looked up and then went straight back to starting the quick write that was written on the board.
We do one every day right when we enter the classroom. I got out my notebook and started mine. But I couldn’t concentrate, everything that was going on in my life was flying through my head and clogging it up. I finally stopped trying and instead tried to find something to say to Max in a note.

Max, I miss your company. Can you please just tell me what’s going on? Adam’s ignoring me now, Eric is still looking at me strangely, and I don’t have you to laugh with. My life is not going well. I need you. Please.


I quickly slid it onto his desk. Mr. Peterson would freak if he found me passing a note in his class. He would probably read it out loud to everyone and that would not turn out good. He picked it up and stared at it for sometime. I went back to my quick write and pretended to be working diligently. Though secretly I was stealing glances at Max, every so often.
He had opened it and read it. He looked like he was about to write a response but then he stopped. I felt a light tap on my shoulder. I turned around quickly and it was just the person behind me.
“Can I borrow a pencil?” She asked.
“Yeah, sure.” I said disappointed.
“Thanks.”

I handed her a pencil and turned back around. There was a tiny piece of paper folded up on my desk. My heart leapt, I looked to my right at Max but he was working silently. I picked up the crumpled paper and slowly opened it.

I wish I could. But I can’t.
Sorry.


I was boiling inside. What was so important that he has to hide it so much from me? It is making me so mad. I think I’m going to pop. But I must control myself.


I got into the car quietly and didn’t say anything. I could tell my mom wanted to know how things went but I couldn’t face her.
When we got home I went upstairs, did my homework and went to bed super early. It didn’t even think about dinner until the next morning. I was too tired, emotionally and physically.

I think I might be slipping. It’s been about a week since the fight and I’m inching towards telling Hannah the truth. She is so quiet; it’s scary. I just want to comfort her and get her back to talking but it’s not that easy anymore. We are in too deep. I am thinking about talking to Adam though. It might do some good to let him know what’s going on and maybe he can comfort Hannah, it would be acceptable for him to do so. But not for me, not in these circumstances. “Hey man!” I said to Adam as he walked by. “Can I talk to you?” “Uh…yeah sure…I guess.” “Good.” I led him to a wall and sat down. He sat too and looked kind of shifty. “Look man, I’m sorry I stole your girl.” He started. “My girl?” “Yeah, Hannah.” I just started cracking up. I couldn’t believe he thought Hannah was my girlfriend! “What?” He asked. “You thought Hannah and I were going out?” I said, unable to control my laughter. “Well yeah! You came by her house carrying flowers. What else would that mean?” “I picked those up to make her feel better because I had been such a jerk to her the day before. I meant it in no kind of loving gesture. Just a friendly one.” “Damn! You mean I gave up Hannah for no rea-. Wait a minute, if you were just coming to apologize why did you run off mad. I think you would have been embarrassed or something but you would have been like “I’ll come back tomorrow.” You wouldn’t have left mad or sad or whatever you were. There’s something else going on, isn’t there?” “Wow your good.” “So there is, huh? This is what Hannah said you wouldn’t tell her. Well are you going to tell me?” “I don’t know, man.” “Come on, you don’t trust me?” “No it’s not that. I just don’t know if I want to tell anyone. I’ve kind of been hiding it for a long time.” “Oh.” “Look are you going to go back after Hannah?” “I’m not sure. She might not take me back for not trusting her. Why?” “No reason.” “Do you want to go after Hannah!?” Adam almost yelled. “Oh s***, you do! That’s what you couldn’t tell Hannah! It would hurt her. I told her I wouldn’t get in the middle of you guys and I will honor that statement. You go for her man.” “God! How do you figure this stuff out? Am I that obvious?” “No I’m just smart.” He said smiling. “Please don’t say anything to Hannah, okay?” “Done.” “Thanks, bro.” “It’s nothin’. Later bro!” Oh no! What have I done? I hope I can trust him. I still don’t know if I’m going to do anything about Hannah. We’ll see how things pan out. “Hey you!” I turned around and there was Amy Williams and her posse of wannabees. “What?” I asked rudely. Amy Williams is the biggest bitch I have ever been blessed to know. You may think it’s a harsh thing to say but it’s completely true, anyone will tell you. But most guys want her all the same; it’s because of one significant thing about her. Can I get a drum roll please? Her breasts. I have to say they are great and all but I can look past that. Guys here aren’t so fortunate, instead they become obsessed and they don’t try to hide it. I have values and I respect women. I care about other things than the size of a girl’s breasts. I mean sure I gawk as I walk by Victoria’s Secret like any normal guy would but I like girls for their personality and Amy lacks any personality all together. Her bra size is all she has going for her. Not that I know it or anything...Okay yeah I do but that’s only because she spreads it around. I know, pathetic. She’s a heaping 36 C, very big. Hannah hates her guts and she has reason to. Amy has been nothing but a bitch to her since she dropped her in seventh grade with out telling Hannah why. It’s not like they got in a fight or anything. Amy just came to school one day and wouldn’t talk to her, she picked someone else to be her partner for the science fair and Hannah was crushed. She would constantly ask Amy why and Amy just ignored her. Hannah never found out her answer but she moved on and I’m proud of her for that. She shouldn’t be hung up on something so trivial as that. That one birthday party of Amy’s in seventh grade set things right. Hannah really showed Amy and Amy took it. They compete constantly but under the radar. Nobody really knows about it. I’ve had my own experience with Amy. Unlike Hannah’s it didn’t turn out good in the end. It didn’t exactly turn out bad either. Just bleh. In the beginning of 7th grade she had a huge crush on me. She never told anyone and tried to hide it but it was so obvious. She invited me to her Halloween party and it was a small party compared to the ones she had later on in the year. There were only 14 people there, seven boys and seven girls. I was the boy she intended to hook up with that night and I had no idea. Hannah warned me but I paid no attention to her. I was just excited to be going to one of Amy’s parties. I had no intention of making out with her but I wanted to experience one of her parties some time. I wasn’t as smart then as I am now. I would never walk into a trap like that these days. That experience was enough for me. When I arrived at her huge house all the girls were dressed up as the playboy bunnies, and Amy’s breasts would not stay contained the whole night. All the guys at the party would just stare at her transfixed; I was the only one that didn’t, I didn’t care to. Later on after we danced she decided we should play seven minutes in heaven. The party’s theme was seven if you haven’t already noticed. We played spin the bottle to see who would go in together and of course she got to start. So, when she spun, she spun it so lightly that it only passed two people, landing perfectly on me. She jumped up grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the closet. All the guys were whooping and whistling. I think I was the only one who didn’t want to go in with her. It’s not like I had much of a choice so I had to go along with it. She lightly closed the door and faced me, her breasts popping out even more and she made no move to fix it. I was kind of backing a way a little but the wall was behind me and I had nowhere to go. “Hey cutie.” She cooed. ”Hi.” “I have a huge crush on you I hope you know.” “Un huh. I know.” “Good.” Was all she said and then she grabbed me and kissed me hard. It was a good kiss but she was holding me in a very uncomfortable position. I squirmed to get away and she looked at me strangely. “What’s wrong?” She said coming closer. “Oh nothing.” “Good.” She said, trying grab me again. “So you want to play games, I’m okay with that.” She said with a smile. Luckily that’s when someone opened the door yelling times up. Se slowly pulled away from me and made her way back to her seat. I stood there stunned for a few seconds and then came back to reality. I went and sat down. Quiet for the rest of the party. Hannah had been mad at me for some time after that party. She had found out through the grapevine that I had kissed Amy. I tried all that I could to explain to her but she refused to listen. It broke us up for a time and that was another reason for me to dislike Amy. After her party Amy tried hitting on me a couple of times but I ignored her. She soon moved on and forgot about me. Now here she was standing in front of me with a V-neck t-shirt on that didn’t cover much. “Who was that ca-ute guy you were talking to huh?” She asked reaching forwards and playing with the collar on my shirt. “Why do you care?” “I was thinking about asking him out, if he’s your boyfriend I’ll refrain but I just needed to know.” “Oh burn.” One of her little friends shouted in her high-pitched voice. “No he’s not my boyfriend, but he’s already taken by someone.” I said disgusted. “Who?” She demanded. “I’m not telling you.” “Why are you so immature, Haginsin? You always have been. Come on grow up and be a big boy.” Again her little friends snickered. I bent over to pick up my bag and slung it across my shoulder and that’s when she lunged forward and grabbed my shirt. “Tell me now or you’ll definitely regret it!” She snarled, her voice low. “No.” I said and took her hand and threw it down. I tightened the grip on my bag and turned away. “Like I said, you’ll regret this, Haginsin.” “Whatever.” I shouted back walking away to go to homeroom. Even though it was early, anywhere was better than back there with Amy. I didn’t even worry about her threat she can do whatever she wants. I really don’t care. She doesn’t intimidate me and she never will.

I’ve been very depressed lately and everyone seems to be noticing. I just can’t help it. I have lost the two most important guys in my life and they won’t forgive me. It’s only been a week since the fight with Max.
I walked into Biology and walked right past Max. He looked like he was going to say something and I didn’t want to hear it. I sat down next to Emily and she smiled. And what do you know, Amy Williams walked into the room, with her overflowing chest sticking out of her V-neck shirt and sat down right behind Emily and I. It took her forever to get there because her chest must weigh her down so much.

I looked behind me, I didn’t want to take any crap today, I just didn’t feel like it. I really didn’t feel good at all. I told my mom this morning and she just told me to go to school and that I would feel better later, blah blah blah. Well I don’t exactly feel any better.
“What do you want Amy?”
“What? I can sit anywhere I want and this is where I chose. What makes you think I want something?” She said with a sly grin.
“Because, I know you too well, Amy. I know you’re up to something.”
“Come on, Hannah. Would you give me a chance?”
“No.” I said gruffly and turned around.
“Someone’s PMSing!” She said and her friend, Sofia giggled.
“Would you puh-lease stop bothering me? I don’t need it today.”
“Oh right I forgot both your boyfriend’s have dumped you haven’t they? Aw, poor Hannah.”
Both I thought. What does she mean by bo-. Oh how I hate her.
“Max was never my boyfriend! Stop saying he was.”
“Like I said PMSing!”
“Shut up!”
“Hannah, will you please quiet down! This is not social hour.”

I turned around noticing that everyone was looking at me.
“Sorry, Mr. Hardwright.”
“That’s fine Hannah. But next time I’m sending you out of the room.”

He immediately went right back to teaching as if I he never got mad at me. He is the strangest teacher.
“Psst.” I heard behind me. I didn’t want to get kicked out of the class so I ignored it.
“Psst!” It went a little louder. I ignored it once again and then I felt a wad of paper hit the back of my head and two girls giggling behind me. I reached behind me and picked up the wad. I opened it secretly under my desk and read it slowly.

Hey.
I wonder what your little ex-boyfriend will think about me asking him out. What do you think? : )
XOXO
Amy


She wrote that note on purpose just to rub it in my face that Adam and I are going through rough times. I think she was bluffing, but knowing Amy she could be for real. She will not take my guy away from me, no way! I won’t let that happen. I pulled my notebook underneath my desk and pretended I was looking for something. Then wrote a response.

You wouldn’t dare.
Even if you did he would probably turn you down. He has higher standards than you. I have to say I think he chooses well.
No slutties for him. ;)
XOXO
Hannah Banana


I set the note on the ground and kicked it behind me. I heard Amy shuffling and picking it up. Soon after I heard her pen writing furiously on the paper.
“Ms. Leigh, can you tell me where you are able to find Amoebas?” Mr. Hardwright suddenly interrupted my thoughts. Luckily I had read the chapter last night or I would have been doomed.
“Um yes, the amoeba is found on the bottom of freshwater streams and ponds.” I answered correctly. He kind of stared at me for a few seconds; surprised I knew the answer because it was pretty obvious I wasn’t paying attention. But he quickly pulled himself together and moved on.
“Why thank you Ms. Leigh, for paying attention. Now let’s move on.” He sounded very annoyed but covered it up. I could tell he was trying to figure out how I knew that.

I felt a piece of paper being kicked under my foot and picked it up discreetly. It was dirty form being skidded across the ground but you could still read it.

Cute Hannah, very cute.
I will have Adam. You know I will get him. All the guys are attracted to moi, and you know exactly why. ; )
P.S. I wouldn’t have as much faith in Adam as you do. You might be surprised.
Kiss Kiss,
Amykins ;)


That stung, very bad. I kept convincing myself that Adam was smarter than the guys who follow Amy around like hungry dogs but I still can’t cover up the unbelievably big bubble of doubt that continues to grow. Amy always brags about her breast size and I find it very disturbing. There are many more things that you could come up with to make yourself feel good about yourself, but she chooses one of the lowest things. Some girls just lust for a chest like hers, I find it pitiful.

I didn’t write back and instead turned my attention to Mr. Hardwright. When I looked up at the clock I noticed it was five till 9:00. The bell rings in less than a minute. I slowly started putting my stuff away and so did others. We can’t go fast or Hardwright will notice and make us stay after. The bell rang just like I thought and everyone rushed to get up and get moving.
“What did Amy’s notes say?” Emily asked as we walked out into the hallway.
I showed her the notes and she read them silently to herself.
“You’re kidding!” She said a little too loudly. “She wouldn’t do that.”
“Well you know Amy.”
“Yes, but you and Adam are just having rough times, right? You guys didn’t officially break up. Not that you were officially going out.”
“I’m not really sure where we stand. It’s all so confusing.”
“I understand.”

We parted ways and went to our separate classes. She went down the hall to Journalism, her elective, and I went out through the quad towards the Language Building. It was time for French class. I enjoy French somehow I seem to have a natural talent for it. It just comes easy to me.

I paired up with Tammie for our activity and before I knew it the bell rang and it was time for break. I walked out with Tammie and we met up with everyone at our usual spot and I tried to keep my mind off what was coming next, math class. I was dreading it. I would rather be anywhere but in math right now. I can’t stand seeing Adam anymore. He just ignores me and pretends I’m not there; it is not a fun thing to repeat everyday. But as I walked in he looked up and didn’t seem mad at me in any way.
“Hi.” I said warily, sitting my bag down on the ground and sliding into my seat.
“Hey.” He said. “So are you and Max okay?”
“What?” I asked confused.
“Oh nothing, never mind.”
“No tell me.”
“It’s fine, nothing important.”
“No, Adam, tell me.” I said forcefully.
“Okay fine. I just felt bad for ruining you and Max’s relationship.”
“Oh it’s fine. He is just jealous no biggie.”
“Cool.” Was all he said and turned to the right, away from me. I thought maybe he would forgive me and we could hang out again sometime but I guess I thought wrong.

Class turned out normal and Ms. Caldwell gave us our normal load of homework. Adam didn’t talk to me the rest of the time but instead was quiet and to himself. A few times I was aching to talk to him and almost did but I couldn’t think of anything to say. My mind was completely blank all of a sudden.

I went through the rest of the day quietly, nothing big occurred. When I got home my mom had the old home videos playing and she was sitting in front of them on our bright red couch sipping her daily cup of tea. Tea always reminds me of the trip we took to Britain when I was younger. That’s where my mom found a love for tea and now she has it every afternoon.
We visited there to see my dad’s brother and sister-in-law, who live there. They are definitely interesting people, if you know what I mean. Three times a day they would sit down and have a cup o’ tea. I got so sick of tea by the end of that trip that I never drank it again. I had my life’s worth of it in the two weeks I spent there.
“Hey mom.” I said putting my keys down on the counter and setting my books right beside them. I walked over to the cabinet and opened the door looking for something good to eat. I felt like chocolate so I grabbed the bag of m&ms and plopped down on the couch.
I watched the home videos with her for a while and then got up and left, I had tons of homework to do and not enough time to do it in. I made my way upstairs and sat at my desk. After I finished up my math homework, I pulled my English notebook out of my bag and was just about to start in on that homework assignment when I heard the doorbell ring. I decided to leave it for my mom. I didn’t think it would be for me seeing as though most of the people in my life are either acting weird and or not talking to me. I sat back down at my desk and heard my mom open the door and exclaim.
“Max! It’s so nice to see you again. You probably want Hannah right? She’s upstairs doing homework, go right on up.”
“Actually can Hannah come down?” I heard him ask.
“Um yes, I’ll call her down. Hannah!”

I made my way to the stairs and looked down. “Max?” I asked skeptically even though I knew it was him from my eavesdropping.
“Hey Hannah.” He said; I detected a little shakiness in his voice.
“Hey.” I said making my way down the stairs.
“I’ll be in the other room,” My mom said leaving.
“Okay.” I said distantly.

After she left, Max went outside and I followed. He sat down on the porch swing and looked at me to sit down.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“We need to talk.” Was all he said.

I noticed he was acting fidgety and I wondered why. This school year so far has messed so much up. We used to be so close. There was never an awkward silence between us. Now it seems that there always is.
“Okay.”
“Hannah, I feel I owe you an explanation long over due.”
“I agree.”
“But don’t let this ruin our friendship please? I never told you before because I was scared.”
“What Max? I am so confused, what could you possibly be too scared to tell me. I’m your best friend and always will be no matter what you have to say.”
“Hannah I think this is different.”
“Max just please tell me. You’re starting to scare me. I don’t understand what it is you could be hiding from me.”
“Hannah…close your eyes. I have something to give you.”
“Max I am so going to hurt you of this is all a joke and you put a frog in my hands!” I warned.
“Shh…” he whispered quietly. It was quiet as I sat with my eyes closed. I could feel Max next to me but I couldn’t tell what he was doing. Suddenly I felt his hot breath near my ear. It felt surprisingly good. He whispered something silently into my ear and turned his head, suddenly I felt his smooth lips on mine. For some reason I wasn’t surprised, it seemed my mind knew it was coming.

I tasted his minty Extra gum and melted into him. His kiss was even better than Adam’s. He changed direction and I followed I felt his hand on the small of my back and I moved mine to his hair. It lasted for what seemed like a second and then it was over. But my mind snapped back to reality. His kiss had caught me off guard, what was I doing? I liked Adam and now I had feelings for Max, my best friend. This was not good.
“Whoa.” I said pulling away.

He blushed and my heart leapt. This is what he had been hiding. No wonder he was scared to tell me. What was I going to say if Adam found out?
“I’m sorry.” He said looking down, suddenly he was up and running across my yard and down the street. I got up and ran after him.
“Max!” I yelled, getting no response.
“Max.” I whispered, touching my lips still feeling his kiss tingling on them.

On my way to homeroom I thought about what Amy had just said. I knew she would find out that Hannah liked Adam, she was Amy Williams what would you expect? I felt like I should at least warn Hannah; It was my duty as a best friend but then I remembered I really am not sure if I’m still her best friend. It seems we have grown apart so much in the two and a half weeks we have been back in school. I had a feeling deep down that this would happen but I didn’t want to believe it.

I knew Hannah would find some guy to fall for and my dreams would be crushed whether she knew it or not. And that lucky guy had been Adam, and now Adam is telling me to go after Hannah. I almost walked into someone’s open locker as I made my way through the halls.

“Watch it dude!”

“Yeah sorry…” I muttered.

After homeroom I headed to biology and took my new seat with Eric. I would normally be sitting with Hannah if all these complications weren’t going on between us. When Hannah walked in I looked up and was about to say something when she walked briskly by.

“Man, you really blew it with her. That was an even worse cold shoulder than it has been lately.”

“I talked to Adam this morning.” I blurted.

“Whoa, why?”

“I needed to explain everything to him, to try to get him to take Hannah back. I want her to be happy. I hate seeing her this sad. It breaks my heart.”

“Damn, you really do love her.”

“Yeah well the worst part is that Adam figured out my feelings, how I don’t know, but he did and he told me to go after Hannah. He said he didn’t want to get in the middle. And now everything is screwed up.”

“Wow you really do have a dramatic life, I have to say. So what are you going to do?”

“I have no idea bro, no idea.”

Mr. Hardwright started talking at that moment so I had no choice but to shut up and listen. Not that I had much else to say.

****************
I’m going to do it I decided. What do I have to lose? It’s been two weeks since our fight and Hannah has been getting steadily worse.
I was going to go ask Matt’s opinion but he was to busy being reprimanded. He did a little prank at school today, well I guess actually a big prank, he streaked through the quad and out to his car. But unfortunately, he was spotted and recognized by one of his teachers and they turned him in and now my parents are yelling at him and telling him that he should have better judgment.

It was for a senior prank. Brad did it too last year but he wasn’t caught. It has kind of become a reputation for us Haginsin boys. Which means I’m going to be expected to do that when I’m a senior. It’s a little early in the year for the pranks but this senior class is the worst they have had yet at Westview High, as my parents have said. I am prepared for the worst.

I dressed to impress once again and sprayed on my new cologne and popped a piece of Extra gum into my mouth, stepping out the door unnoticed. I walked slowly over to Hannah’s house, wanting time to think. I didn’t know how I was going to tell her but I did know that I had to find some way. I was not going to leave without explaining everything to her. She deserves to know. No matter how much it might cost our friendship.

I rang her doorbell and her mom answered the door and ushered her down the stairs. Hannah followed me outside and we both sat down on the porch swing. Hannah questioned me on why I was there and suddenly I knew exactly what I had to do.

“Shh…” I said leaning in, she had her eyes closed expectantly waiting. I whispered softly into her ear and then turned. I kissed her tenderly on the lips and she responded. I knew she now understood. How I don’t know, but we were connected in a way we had never been before. I pulled away and sighed.

“Whoa.” She said pulling away herself.

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled looking down willing myself not to blush or cry. Suddenly I couldn’t take it, I sprang up and ran. Hannah called after me again and again. I knew I had promised not to leave until she had a full explanation but I think I gave her a pretty decent one indeed.


When I got home I went straight upstairs to my room. The house was quiet and my parents seemed to be done scolding my brother. I went to bed that night without dinner. If I had eaten any I don’t know how I would have kept it down. Surprisingly I slept the best I had in a long time. I didn’t want to wake up in the morning, I dreaded seeing Hannah again. But another part of me couldn’t wait to.


I woke up to my alarm beeping at 7:15 and threw my covers off. I was running late and needed to be out the door in twenty minutes. I could hear people downstairs in the kitchen eating breakfast and knew if I didn’t hurry there would be none left for me. I pulled on, yet again, an old t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans and ran down the stairs. I grabbed a plate and slid into my chair.

“We didn’t see you at all last night Max, where were you?” My mom asked.

“Oh, I had a lot of homework and wasn’t very hungry.”

“Liar!” Matt accused me. “You went out and then snuck back in!”

“Is that true Max?” My dad asked.

“Yeah, I was just with Hannah, that’s all.”

“Then why didn’t you just say that?”

“Something happened between you guys didn’t it? We were all wondering when it would. It’s so obvious how love sick you are for her.” Matt half-shouted in his obnoxiously too loud voice.

Brad nudged him in the rib a little too hard. He hadn’t started college classes yet so he was still at home. We were driving him up this weekend.

“Ow, what the…” he started

“Boys!” My dad warned, he turned back to look at me. “Did something happen?”

I shoved the last piece of scrambled egg in my mouth and slid right out of my chair, heading towards the stairs. I quickly made my way up them, away from my family. They can be so prodding at times it makes me want to scream, they always need every little detail. I could still hear them whispering down there and I knew it was about me, no doubt.


“Max! You better get your butt down here or you’re going to be late!” My mom screamed up the stairs, it was ten till eight and we still had to drive to school.

“Coming mom!’ I called back down, grabbing my bag as I walked out my door. Inside I had been fretting about what I was going to do about Hannah. I still have not come to a conclusion, I’m just going to roll with things and see what happens.

“Hurry, hurry.” My mom ushered me into the car. “We have to go!”

I buckled myself up and looked towards the front, praying my mom wouldn’t ask me anything that had to do with Hannah.

“Nice going bro! We’re going to be late, and you know I can’t get another tardy or I’ll be suspended.” Matt muttered to me softly so as not to let mom here.

“Whatever.” I replied.

“You guys are so immature.” Added Brad, leaning back, his head on his hands, relaxing.

“What do you care? You’re not already in trouble with mom and dad.” Matt snapped.

“And whose fault is that?”

Matt leaned over and hit him hard on the arm.

“Ow. I was just kidding, bro.”

“Boys can you please stop so that I can concentrate on driving?”

“Yeah, sorry mom.” We all replied in unison.


We ended up making it on time; thankfully school is close. As I was walking down the hallway I saw Adam walking leisurely on the other side. I slowly made my way over and fell into step with him.

“Hey man, I took your advice.” I hesitantly started, wondering if I should be telling him so outright.

“Advice?” He turned and looked at me strangely. “What do you m-? Oh… Really? Way to go man!” He offered up his hand and I non-exuberantly slapped it. “Why you so down? Did she reject you? I’m sorry if my advice didn’t work. Don’t blame me.”

“I’m not. I just, she didn’t reject me, totally. I actually really don’t know what her response was, I kind of ran off.” I said scratching my head in embarrassment.

“You didn’t?! Why did you run off?”

“I don’t know…” I replied.

“Oh. Well then what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” I replied once again.

“I see.” He started looking around; we didn’t really have much else to say making an awkward silence erupt. “Well see you around, I guess.”

“Yeah see you around.” I answered lamely back, letting my head droop. I hate awkward conversations.

I headed into Mrs. Hoyle’s classroom and almost ran into a desk as I turned to make my way to my own. Obviously she had rearranged the desks into little pods of four. She had moved her desk from the front of the room to the right hand corner, I guess for a change of scenery. I stopped and looked around once more at all the people in the room; Hannah wasn’t there yet. Maybe she had skipped today not wanting to face me, no her mom would never let her do that no matter how bad it was. Suddenly I could smell Hannah’s familiar Dove body wash strongly, and there she was, right beside me.

“Hey.” She said shyly.

“Hey.” I replied.

“Listen, Max. We need to figure this thing between us out.”

“I agree.”

“I do believe, Max, that that was the best kiss I have ever received but isn’t the idea of us just too weird?

“So you’re rejecting me?” I said blatantly.

“No, Max, I’m just trying to talk it out with you before I decide anything.”

“Look, Hannah, all I need is a simple yes or no. Talking it out is just a waste of time. We both know the consequences and what each decision entails. I’ll be very happy if you say yes and I’ll leave you to be if you say no. I just need an answer.” I stated firmly, holding back the hope and feelings inside. All I wanted was to hear the word yes come out of her mouth, and don’t know what I would do if it was a no. I totally lied about being fine either way. It would either be a happy day or a devastating day and I left it all up to Hannah. I basically put my heart in her hands, waiting for her to deliberate what to do with it.

“Max…”

“What is it going to be?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“That’s not a yes or no, Hannah. Give me a yes or a no. Please just tell me what your heart says. Is it really that hard?”

“Yes, yes it is.”

The bell rang at that moment and Mrs. Hoyle called us to our seats. I sat with all the guys while Hannah sat with her friends. I couldn’t help but stare at her. She looked so sad and helpless. I knew I shouldn’t have put so much pressure on her but this back and forth thing wasn’t working. A definite answer was needed, now more than ever.


After the bell rang for us to go to first period, I tried to get to Hannah. But she speed walked her way to Biology using a different route than normal.

The rest of the day Hannah avoided me harshly, I reluctantly gave up on asking her. I would wait for her to come to me now. That was the only thing I could do.


After a week I couldn’t take it anymore, I cornered her after school. I jumped out of the corner as she passed and stood in her way.

“Max!” She screeched clutching her chest. I didn’t mean to scare her but I guess I did.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Well you did, really badly.”

“Like I said, sorry.”

“Max, what do you want?” She narrowed her eyes at me. We were still on school campus and people were constantly passing us. I led her to a more secluded bench and pulled her down.

“Max…” She started.

“You never gave me an answer, Hannah.”

“Is that all you think about!” She startled me. Luckily most people had left so only a few people witnessed her outburst. “I told you I don’t know! I need time to think!”

“Seriously Hannah! It’s been a week. It’s not that hard of a decision! Do you love me or not?”

“Of course I love you,” she said calmly putting her hand on mine but then she bolted up “But it’s not going to work Max! Why did you even start this anyway? You messed everything up, high school messed everything up. Things used to be so perfect, now they will never be the same. All you seem to care about is my answer!”

“That’s because I care to much Hannah! You’re so over dramatic! This is one little answer and all you have to do is tell me what your heart is feeling! If you have to think about it that much obviously you can’t feel very strongly either way. If you loved me hard you would say yes automatically if you didn’t you would say no. Which damn one is it?”

“You want to know how I feel Max?” She growled.

I silently nodded yes.

“Yes Max, you’re right, I do love you. So much that it hurts! But I really liked Adam! Now I don’t even know what to do about him? Does he know you kissed me because he’s been acting weird? Now he definitely won’t take me back. He’ll think I was cheating or something. God Max you messed everything up! Do you even know what you did? Huh, do you?” She looked towards me expectantly.

All I could do was hang my head and look down at my shoes.

“God, you don’t even know how much I want to hurt you right now. Here Max I’ll give you your answer! I’m saying no.”

I looked up at her strewn, beautiful blonde hair; it still framed her face beautifully. As for her face, she had little tears running down it, a strange site considering how red her face was. It was like they were cooling her down. All I wanted to do was comfort her and make her want to say yes. But I knew she had made up her mind.

“Hannah no, please.”

“Nope. That is my final answer. You said you would listen either way and move on if it’s a no and it is.”

“But Hannah why?”

“It would just be too weird Max.”

“But you love me.”

“As a friend, no more than that Max, no more.”

“So what now? You’re going to go back to Adam aren’t you? Just hurt on person after the next?”

“Who says I’m going to hurt Adam?”

“You already did, remember?” I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had no reason to still be there. I got up and walked away, willing the tears not to come though they did anyway. I didn’t even turn around once as I left the campus. I didn’t want to, I had no reason to.

I sat on that porch for what seemed like hours just staring at the place where Max had been. How could he do that to me? What do I do about Adam? If Adam found out I kissed Max he would never take me back. I wouldn’t take me back. I told him there was nothing going on between Max and I, and there hadn’t been. But now that wasn’t exactly a true statement.
There was so much chemistry between Max and I; it was mind blowing. And to think I had never picked up on Max’s hints. They all made since now. The way he would look at me sometimes and I would look back strangely and he would blush and look away. What else would have made since? Nothing.

He definitely kissed better than Adam but that’s because I love Max so much. My life was starting to turn into a kind of soap opera and I didn’t like it. I have always rolled me eyes at the shows because they seemed so fake and now I see that I was wrong, they were very real indeed.


I woke up the next morning aching; I hadn’t slept well at all. I kept worrying about what I was going to do about Max and I. I spent the whole night thinking of ways to work things out and still hadn’t come to a conclusion.
The night before, I came in from outside and made my way up the stairs. Once in my room I tried to find something productive to do so that I could keep my mind off of my dilemma and the idea of going for a run sounded particularly inviting. That way I could stamp all my problems away onto the concrete.

So I laced up my running shoes after pulling on a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt and went downstairs.

“Hey mom I’m going to go for a run be back in an hour.”

“A run?” She replied looking at my skeptically, “Since when do you go for a run?”

“Since I needed a way to let go of all my problems.”

“Oh I see. Just be careful okay?”

“Yes mom!” I called already out the door.



When I got back I was completely tired and worn out. I hadn’t even thought of how out of shape I must be. I just went for it. I didn’t stop once; it felt to good to let all my anger out on the strong pavement. After I returned I took a long hot shower and ate dinner with my mom. Afterwards I thought I would fall right to sleep after such a tiring day but it ended turning out differently. The run had tired me out but afterwards the workout energized me and I couldn’t sleep. It didn’t help that my mind kept returning back to my kiss with Max.


I woke up and dressed myself in my best outfit to show Max that even though I was not fully there today I still had style. My outfit included a deep purple scoop neck tank with a ruffled edge and my Sevens. I paired it with my black Ralph Lauren sandals. I left my hair flowing freely and went downstairs to grab some toast and be on my way to school.


When I got there, it was still fairly early but I didn’t rush to homeroom. I wanted to delay my meet up with Max as long as I could. I didn’t know what I would tell him, and I knew he would be demanding an answer. I’ll just have to explain to him that I need time to think about it.

I heard the bell ring in the distance and made my way slowly to my locker, I was in no rush like I usually was. I casually walked away from my locker after pulling out my science book; I checked my reflection quickly in my mini mirror as I slammed the metal door shut. I surprisingly looked good this morning, considering my sleepless night.

I made it in the door of Mrs. Hoyle’s room just as the bell rang and Max was standing there waiting for me. Just as I suspected he questioned me on what I thought we should do and the only thing I had to tell him was a definite I don’t know.
I then walked away and went to sit with Elise, Tammie, and Grace in our new little pod of four desks. They had been saving me a spot using Tammie’s cute red and black polka dot bag.

I smiled as I sat down removing her bag and handing it to her, she smiled back showing her new brace-less teeth. After Ms. Hoyle gave us the daily announcements we had time to talk.

“Tammie your teeth look amazing!” I said.

“Aww thanks Hannah. I wish I could say the same for you but Hannah, you don’t look so good. What’s up?” She had a really concerned look on her face so I filled all three girls in on the events of last night.

“Finally!” Grace said when I was finished.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“Oh come on Hannah. You really didn’t know? Not at all?”

“No! What, did you guys know??”

“Oh hunny we knew all the was back in 4th grade.” Tammie added.

“You did!?” I truthfully had no idea.

“Yes.” She gave me a pitying look as I sat there totally thrown. Who else knew?

After class Max tried to catch up to me but I sped away using a longer route to the science lab, anything to not have to talk to him again.


The rest of the day flew by fast and Max only tried asking me once more. I brushed him off though. He knew how I felt and I wasn’t suddenly going to know in an hour. He seemed to get the message thankfully and didn’t bother me the rest of the day. I resolved that tonight I was going to sit down with a piece of paper and decide once and for all what to do about Max.

When I got home I tried very hard to concentrate and figure out what I was going to do. I even used a piece of paper, writing a pros and cons list between the two guys. It had turned out that by the end of the day I found out that almost everyone who knew Max and I forever seemed to know he liked me.

Relationship w/ Max:
Pros:

Max is a great guy.

I do love him, a lot.

He’s a great kisser.

He loves me so very much.

He means so much to me.

It would make him so happy.
Relationship w/ Max:
Cons:

It would be weird.

Very weird.

Very, very weird.

I would be complicated too.

And I really do like Adam.

But I don’t want to hurt Max.



As you can see, I got nowhere with my list. It was all the stuff I already knew. I didn’t uncover anything out of the ordinary and I wanted to scream. The only person I knew who could help was my mom. I normally would go to Katie but she’s out of town. Her grandma just recently passed away of old age. She lived to be 102. We were all so proud of her.

“Mom, I need your help.” I called out.

“What is it hunny?” She asked walking into my room.

“I still have boy troubles.”

She looked at me sadly.

“You didn’t get things resolved from last time?”

“No things got worse.” I said sadly.

“Oh hunny.” She said coming and sitting by me. “Do you want to tell me what new has happened?”

I nodded and started right in on my story.


“Oh wow. I don’t remember my 9th grade year being this hard. But Hannah I have to confess I knew about Max.” She exclaimed when I had finished.

“You knew? Who didn’t know??” I buried my head into a pillow and did a fake pity me scream.

“My poor baby.” She said grabbing me into a rib-cracking hug.

“Mom stop it!” I said playfully swatting her away.


So all in all I got nothing accomplished on the boy front and things were not looking up. Oh poo.

****************

The week went by super fast and suddenly it was Thursday. Max hadn’t asked me once since Monday and I was happy. I still have not come to a conclusion. I know I’m drawing it out but I just can’t decide and I don’t want to rush it. I want to make the right decision.

No offense to my mom but she wasn’t of much help. She didn’t know what I should do. In the end she ended up telling me to follow my heart, just like Max had.

Katie is finally back and we rejoiced in a big hug. I didn’t really notice how much I had missed her until I saw her again. It’s weird how things are like that. When I told her what happened she too admitted to having a hunch about Max. I swear the whole world knew and I didn’t. What a cliché that is. It seems in every story like mine that seems to be the case. Everyone knows but the girl who the boy likes.


After school I made my way to my locker slowly as I talked to Katie. She didn’t know what I should do either and agrees with me on all terms. Now I really have no one to ask and must decide on my own. But I know even less of what to do than all the people I have asked. I’m just going to have to do what they all keep telling me to, follow my heart.
Max had been distant for a while and I didn’t expect him to jump me the way he did. It scared the heck out of me.


Katie left me at my locker saying she would see me soon. We had made plans this weekend to hang out. Once I put my books away and grabbed my single science binder I stepped away from the locker and slammed the dirty door. As I was walking by a lonely corner that led down a hallway, Max jumped swiftly out in front of me.

I screamed, like any normal person would and he shushed me. Pulling me away with him to a secluded bench. Well as secluded as you can get at this school.

Of course once again he drilled me on what I was going to do. I didn’t have anything new to tell him but he kept pushing. Lately I have been easily set off and this did it for me.

I couldn’t just sit there anymore and listen to him so I got up and stared at him. I could feel my anger boiling up inside of me.

“You want to know how I feel?”

He nodded.

I poured my heart out and he just took it all in, after I was done he just hung his head and stared at his brown converse that badly needed to be replaced.

“God Max do you know how much I want to hurt you right now?” I screamed.

In my head my mind was reeling. I decided that no matter how much it hurt Max I had to tell him the truth. It wasn’t going to work.

“You want to know my answer Max? Well here it is, I say no. That’s right no.”

He just stared at me in disbelief. I think he really thought I was going to say yes and jump right into his arms. But this totally threw him. I knew I had hurt him beyond repair and the tears came. He protested against me and when I wouldn’t cave he bolted and ran.

You would think after all that I would be relieved but instead I was the exact opposite. My heart was aching for Max and I wondered if my snap decision really was the right thing.


After getting home I got over myself and moved on. I was going to reinvent myself into a whole new person. My mom took me to get the haircut we had scheduled a week earlier and originally I was only going to get a trim but instead I decided to make a drastic decision. I left it to the beautician to do what they thought would look best.

After it was all over I looked unbelievably good. I admit I had been scared that they were going to cut it all off or do something weird but I trusted my lady. I had been going to her ever since I had hair and she seemed glad to do her thing. When I came back out my mom gawked at me and smiled. She came over and gave me a big bear hug.

“You look wonderful honey!” She exclaimed. “I thought you were just getting a trim?”

“I was but I changed my mind, I wanted something totally different.”

“I love it! You did need a change.”

“Thanks mom.”

Laurene, my beautician, ended up cutting about three inches off my hair and now it is a little over shoulder length. She added side swept bangs and layers. I looked like a totally different girl now. It was amazing.

When we returned home I went upstairs to finish up my homework. I didn’t have much today but I knew the rest of the week was going to pile up. The teachers were slowly getting us into the groove of high school; the little baby steps have quickly progressed into a jog.


The next day at school I earned a lot of compliments for my new and improved hairstyle. Max and I didn’t talk and that was okay with me. I didn’t need that at the moment, he would just depress me and I was in an amazingly good mood.

I had guys staring at me all the time now. Not that I even cared, I only wanted one guy and his name was Adam. I don’t care what Max thinks. If it weren’t for the whole thing he caused I would probably still be with Adam.

So in math class I resolved to make up with Adam and make him see that I still wanted him.

“Hey Adam!” I exclaimed, sliding into my seat with a huge smile on my face.

“Hey.” He replied back, looking at me in a way that meant he was surprised to see me so happy after how I had acted all last week. “Wow your haircut looks great!”

“Oh why thank you, I totally agree.” I flashed another huge smile and let my hair fall neatly into my face.

“Good for you.” He said lowly, I don’t think he understood my message.

“You know what?” I started, “That shirt looks really good on you.” I said touching the fabric, feeling his strong muscles underneath. “Oh! Hello Mr. Bicep.” I said looking back at Adam and giggling. “You know your muscles are looking exceptionally good today.” I winked at him and smiled again. If I kept this up my face was going to start to hurt, but if Adam took me back it would be well worth it.

“Thanks, I guess.” He replied and pulled his arm back away from my grasp. “What’s going on Hannah?”

“Oh nothing.” I said twirling my hair around my finger slowly.

“I don’t think so. You’re acting kind of strange.”

“Well, FYI I’m finished with Max.” I said looking at him expectantly. Obviously he didn’t get it and looked strangely back.

“Why?”

“Because I liked someone else way better.”

“Oh Hannah, Um…I don’t know how to tell you this but…”

“But what?” I blurted.

“I’m already seeing someone.”

“What? Who?” I demanded and my heart started to pound in my chest. Who could he be seeing? I didn’t know he was seeing anyone! I guess I have been pretty out of it lately so maybe I just didn’t hear. But someone would have told me, wouldn’t they?

“Amy Williams.”

I just stared blankly back at him, unbelieving. I think my heart stopped all together.

The author's comments:
Adam's Point of View

I have to say I have never been more confused. Hannah and Max need to solve their problems and leave me out of it. This year has been crazy so far. Moving from San Francisco to Santa Monica has been a weird and exciting adventure so far. It has made me feel like I am a fish out of water. You wouldn’t think it’s that much different, it’s still the same state but in fact northern and southern California are worlds apart.

My story is a short and sweet one with not much excitement. But just my time here has changed that all around.



Adam Young came into the world screaming bloody murder at precisely 11:59 pm on December 9th. He was born to the lovely Cassie Young, wife of Jared Young. He was their first and they rejoiced at the site of him. They soon got busy and had two more, twin girls to be exact. They were crazy and wild causing his parents so much stress after their perfect first born.

Adam never caused a problem. He was a quiet, calm, and obedient little tyke. He always had a sweet smile on his face, never turning into a sly grin once. He was to good to cause trouble. His sisters were the complete opposite. They were and still are the most loud and outgoing girls you will ever meet. The twin sisters’ names are Jamie and Caroline. The oldest of the two is Jamie, only by two minutes, but she still flaunts it in Caroline’s face.
Jamie is the calmer of the two, but her calm is nothing close to a normal person’s idea of calm. She claims it’s because she is older but who really knows why? These two annoy Adam to death but that’s what siblings are for. The girl’s are both ten years old and act as if they were eight.
Back to the two who are the sole creators of the three, Cassie and Jared. They both got their medical degrees at Stanford and then moved out to sunny California. There Cassie got a job at a veterinary clinic as head vet. And Jared became a physician at Children’s Medical. They both loved their jobs dearly.
The only other additions to the family were a tabby cat named Wendy and a Dachshund named Duke.
But with their perfect little life they needed a change and when Jared got the option to open a new office down in Santa Monica, he couldn’t refuse. They had lived in San Francisco for almost 14 and a half years.
So they made their move to Santa Monica during the summer and Jared did his thing opening a new office and Cassie found a job at the local veterinarian clinic. Adam would be starting school at Westview High School and Caroline and Jamie would be going to Bear Creek Elementary. They will be the new kids in school but not for long.


My first few days of high school went by fast; on Tuesday I headed into my math class and sat down in my newly assigned seat. I didn’t mind this one; in my other classes I was always lucky to get to sit next to some extremely strange people. This class was an exception to that, instead of sitting next to a strange girl I sat next to an adorable blond. And I had to admit I had a huge crush on her.
So while Ms. Caldwell droned on about exponents I slipped her a note introducing myself. It ended up that there were many notes after that one. And I ended up asking her out. She accepted and the date was set for Saturday night. I was so excited. This girl was amazing; this girl’s name was Hannah Leigh.
The date ended up going very well and I really was starting to like this girl. But as I was kissing her goodnight and we broke away she turned and her face turning a bright pink. I looked to where her gaze was directed and saw this guy named Max standing there with beautiful flowers in his hands. Well they were in his hands before he up and left leaving them behind on the ground.
The only thought I had was that Max was her boyfriend or something and she had cheated on him with me. I couldn’t believe that Hannah would have done that to me, she was just so sweet. I didn’t want to get in the middle of the two of them so I left too. What else was I to do?
It turned out that after I talked to Max that he and Hannah had never been a couple though he secretly wished this so. I encouraged him and told him to go for her. I could tell that he really did love her. I couldn’t get in between the two of them.
Later on I saw Max again and he told me he had done it. He had told Hannah. But instead of hearing what her response was he up and left once again. That guy has got to stop doing that. Or things aren’t ever going to work out for him.
I decided to move on and when Amy came after me I accepted. I didn’t understand what anyone had against her she was really sweet. Not as sweet as Hannah but still really sweet.

I was sitting with my friends eating lunch in the cafeteria when Amy came up to our table. Immediately all eyes were on her and she smiled. I had heard about Amy through the grapevine and learned that she was, no questions asked, the hottest girl in school. So I was surprised when she asked for me.
“Hey you guys.” She said drawing out the words to make them sound cool. “What’s up?” She said reaching down and ruffling my friend, Brian’s hair. Every guy just stayed focused on her trying so hard not to drool.
“Can I talk to you Adam?” She asked sweetly.
Now every eye was on me just gawking at the fact that Amy Williams wanted me.
“Um sure.” I said getting up, she walked away and motioned for me to follow.
“So,” She started, “I was wondering…” She said looking down at her heels.
“What?” I asked eagerly she seemed so innocent there. It was really cute.
“Well I don’t know how to ask this…”
She didn’t act like a really outgoing, mean, popular girl like everyone said she was. She seemed like an insecure girl who put on an act to make herself feared and sought after by everyone.
“You can ask me anything Amy.” I said sweetly.
“Oh Adam you’re so nice.” She cooed, “But I’m scared you won’t feel the same way about me like I feel about you.”
“Amy are you trying to ask me out?”
“Well I was just wondering if you wanted to go to a movie or something sometime.”
“I’d love to.” I replied, happy to see a perfect smile spread across her face. This was not the girl the guys had explained she was. Maybe they had just made stuff up.
“Oh yay!” She said clapping her hands and doing a little jump. We exchanged numbers and then she threw her arms around me, gave me a hug, squealed and ran off to her friends. Well the best she could in her three inch hot pink heels.
I walked back to my friends and I could see them eagerly waiting for me to say what happened.
“So what did she want?” Brian asked.
“Oh she just wanted to know if I wanted to go to a movie or something sometime. That’s all.”
“That’s all!” He exclaimed. “Man you are really out of it. You just got yourself a date with the hottest girl on campus.”
“Yeah I guess that’s true.” I said with a shrug.

That Friday night Amy called me and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. Of course I said yes and prepared myself to go. After I got dressed and looked back into the mirror I almost laughed, my outfit looked almost exactly the same as when I went on a date with Hannah. And coincidentally I was going to the same place as last time, The Block. And of course to top it all off we were going to have dinner before at Zed’s pizza.
I varied my outfit and made my way downstairs.
“Hey mom, I’m just going out to dinner and a movie, be back later okay?”
“Are you going out with that Hannah girl again?”
“Um…no I’m going with Amy.”
This caught her attention and she came out from the kitchen. Still peeling the skin off the potatoes that she was boiling.
“What happened to Hannah?”
“Um we’re not seeing each other anymore.”
“Oh.” She looked a little disappointed. “Whatever makes you happy.” She shrugged and made her way back into the kitchen. “Have fun.”
“I will, bye mom.” I called already out the door. I would be late if I didn’t hurry up.
I met Amy right outside Zed’s and we walked inside. She pulled me towards an intimate table for two in the back and I stopped her right before she sat her cute little butt down.
“Wait.” I said pulling her back. Instead I gestured to another table close by and she looked at me strangely, shrugged, and went to that one.
The booth she had gone for had been the one I sat at with Hannah.
“I love this place.” I said leaning back my head on my hands.
“Oh how funny I do too!” She giggled back at me.
The dinner went by so fast it was amazing. The waiter brought us the date shake and we both giggled went she got some on the top of her nose. I ended up wiping it off with my finger and eating it. This girl was great. How could anyone say such bad things about her?
After we paid I held her hand and walked her to the theater. She giggled when I grabbed her hand and squeezed mine. She was so sweet. And it was so nice that we were the perfect height for each other. Her head was just the right amount below mine that it worked. And I was just high enough for the distance to look cute. We made a great couple.
I let Amy pick the movie once we arrived at the ticket counter. She pointed to a horror comedy and then skipped into the theater.
The movie turned out good and she snuggled into me half way through.
I still am very unsure about what everyone says about Amy, she seems so sweet. She doesn’t seem like a girl who would back stab someone. She seems like a girl who would offer to help someone if they dropped their books. Not like the kinds of girls who would walk away laughing at them. Though I had heard that that’s who she was I chose to ignore it. Rumors are rumors, you shouldn’t believe everything you hear. Most of it is untrue or at least exaggerated.

“Did you like the movie?” She asked as we walked out slowly behind the big stampede of people pushing their way out of the theater.

“Yeah, good choice!” I replied slipping my hand into hers. She giggled and squeezed my hand. I squeezed hers back and smiled. She blushed and turned away, she reminded me so much of Hannah it was kind of scary. But I pushed it out of my mind, I was just thinking about Hannah because we had had the same date not to long ago. It was just a coincidence.


I walked her to her door and said good bye. Before I got the chance she leaned over and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

“Bye Adam, thanks for such a great time.”

She turned to go inside her house and I pulled her back and into my arms.

“Wha-“ She started before I kissed her on the lips. She kissed me back and I felt so happy at that moment. This is the girl I wanted, I knew it. She broke us up smiling brightly all the way to her eyes.

She turned and actually opened the door this time.

“Bye Amy.” I said with a small wave.

I watched her go in and then turned around. I stood for just a moment and then made my way to the top of the street, where I had planned for my dad to meet me. He soon pulled up and I got in.

“Hey kiddo.” He greeted me smiling. “How was your date?”

“Great actually.” I replied, I think he could tell how happy I was. I tried to hold it back but I couldn’t, I just felt really happy.

“Yeah, I can tell.”

When we got home I went right up to my room and sat down on my bed and went over the night in my head. All I wanted to do the whole time I was sitting there was to call her, just to hear her voice. I ended up finally going to sleep later, my mind going over and over my night and remembering everything. My dreams were full of only her and she was the first thing I thought of when I awoke.


I couldn’t wait until Monday, all I wanted to do was see her again. But I still had the weekend to wait out. Mostly I spent the time sitting around but I finally got up and called Brian. We agreed to meet in the park in ten minutes.


After getting some well needed exercise I felt a lot better. Not to mention the fact that I had had a distraction from Amy for a whole two hours. I spent the rest of my time catching up and getting a head start on all the homework I had failed to complete. My teachers will be so happy.


Monday morning I woke up an hour early and couldn’t fall back asleep. I couldn’t believe how obsessed I was. I had never felt this way about a girl before, not even with Hannah. I got myself up and after brushing my teeth and getting dressed I still had 45 minutes to spare. So I plopped myself down in front of the TV and started searching through the TV guide hoping to find something interesting on and finally settled on a rerun of the old TV show “Friends”. It was the one where everybody finds out about Monica and Chandler’s secret relationship. It is one of the funniest episodes but I was only partly paying attention. I kept glancing at the clock every two minutes to see what time it was.

When the show finally ended, I looked over at the clock for about the 20th time and saw that I still had 15 minutes left. I got up grabbing the remote and turning off the TV in the middle of a commercial for Charmin Toilet Paper.

Charmin Ultra, Less is More… I sang in my head.

I walked around the house trying to find something to do. Once my time was up I pulled out my bike from the garage and buckled my black skater helmet on my head and was on my way. I knew I would be early but I couldn’t sit around any longer.

When I pulled up at Westview, I quickly locked my bike on the bike rack outside the entrance to the school. I noticed a few people were milling around but not many. We still had twenty minutes until the first bell rang. I soon became one of those people and my heart started beating faster when I finally saw her. She was walking with one of her friends into the school and I didn’t want to seem like I was just sitting around waiting for her so I got up and went over to talk to a guy I knew from science class.

“Hey man.” I said walking over.

“Hey.” He said back. His name was Jake Matthews.

“So, that science homework was tough, huh?” I asked quickly, but I didn’t wait for his answer. Instead I looked down the hallway and saw that Amy was only about five feet away.
“Amy!” I exclaimed happily.

“Hey Adam.” She said coming over and giving me a small hug. I squeezed her back and put my arm around her shoulders. “Hey Jake, I’ll see you in science.”

“Okay then.” He said giving me a weird look and turning back to his locker.

“So how you been?” I asked Amy.

“Good. I missed you.” She replied playfully poking my nose.

My mind started spinning. She had missed me! I wasn’t that big of a loser for missing her. Things were good. Maybe even more than good.

“I missed you too.” I said playfully poking her back.

We walked like that down the hallway after awhile I moved my arm down to her waist and she moved hers too. Once again she giggled and I smiled. We parted and went to our homeroom classes.


It became time to go to math and I was nervous to see Hannah again. It seemed forever since I had seen her. I walked in and sat down in my seat. She came in not to long after me and slid into her seat, she had a happy smile on her face, which was weird considering her recent moods.

“Hey!” She exclaimed.

Strangely she was really happy, a complete change from last week and it made me skeptical.

“Hey.” I replied. “I like your new haircut. It looks cute.”

“Why thank you, I totally agree.” She said back letting her bangs fall into her face in a sexy way.

I could tell she was trying to flirt with me and surprisingly it wasn’t working. It actually kind of bothered me. Suddenly she was touching my shirt and my arm.

“You know your muscles are looking exceptionally good today.” She said, giggling.

“Thanks, I guess.” I replied, pulling my arm away. “What’s going on Hannah?”

“Oh nothing.”

“I don’t think so. You’re acting kind of strange.”

“Well, FYI I’m finished with Max.” She said looking at me expectantly.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I liked someone else way better.”

Oh no what was I going to tell her? She thought she could just break up with Max and expect me to take her back, or at least be available.

“Oh Hannah, Um…I don’t know how to tell you this but…”

“But what?” She blurted.

“I’m already seeing someone.”

“What? Who?” She demanded, not a trace of that happy smile left on her face.

“Amy Williams.”

She just stared at me not saying anything.

“Hannah?”

“What is your problem? Why would you do that?” She practically screamed at me but quieted down when people turned around to look at us.

“Because I really like her! What is wrong with that?” I demanded.

“Do you not know me at all? I can’t believe this.”

“Hannah.”

“No. Stop it!” She said and turned around. “I am done with you. You should know better. Just know that when she hurts you, don’t expect me to be sympathetic.”

“What? Why can’t anybody see that Amy is a good person?”

“Because she’s not, never has been, never will be.” Hannah ended.

She turned around and didn’t talk to me the rest of the class period.

I just couldn’t believe Adam was that stupid. I just know that Amy is going to hurt him in some way if he keeps this up. That’s just Amy for you.

I sat through the rest of math quietly and walked out quickly, standing outside of the door waiting for Katie.

“Hey, so what’s the verdict?” She asked.

“Um…things aren’t good Katie. Not good at all.”

“What happened?”

“He’s going out with Amy!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Why would he do that? Doesn’t he know what she’s like?”

“I have no idea Katie. He’s so stupid!”

“I know, But what can you do?”

“Nothing.” I replied as we split ways to our different 4th periods, Katie went to English and I headed to the Little Theatre for drama class.


After Drama my head felt so much clearer. I got to take a break from all my problems and be someone else during our play rehearsal and then during our meditation period at the end I came to a conclusion on what I will do to make things so much easier on myself.

I’ve decided to let all my problems with Max and Adam slip away and move on. I want to be the happy person I used to be. I want to start talking with all my old friends and not act so moody and depressed. I need a new positive outlook on things and this is just the right time to do it.

I will finish up with Adam, just letting him know what Amy is capable but not try to change his mind. It is up to him to decide what is right for him. And as far as Max is concerned, I need a break and I think he does too. He needs time to get over me and I need time to move on from him.

I decided not to tell anyone my plan. I was about to tell Katie but I changed my mind. This was something personal about myself I was changing, I didn’t need anyone else getting involved. They will just have to wonder what happened to bring about my new outlook and will never know.


At lunch I sat at a different end of the table as far away from Max and Eric as possible. Katie got what I was doing with out me saying anything and followed my lead. The end I sat down at consisted of the group of girls I would always hang with when I wasn’t with Max. It had just occurred to me that I really hadn’t spoken to any of them since school started. Things had just been so crazy lately. It made me feel bad and I resolved to talk to them more.


“Hey Hannah.” Kelly Richmond said looking up as Katie and I sat down. “We haven’t seen you in so long.”

“Hey Kelly.” I replied setting my sack lunch on the table. “I know! I’m going to try harder, I have missed you guys so much. There’s just been so much drama lately! A girl always needs her girlfriends.”

“Here, here!” Elise raised her water bottle agreeing with my statement.

We all started laughing as Elise brought her water back down a little to forcefully and it splattered everywhere.

I knew I could count on these girls forever. You can tell by the fact that I hadn’t talked to them in so long and they still welcomed me like they saw me every day. It made my face brighten, and the weight on my shoulders lifted just a tiny bit. I hadn’t laughed in so long; it definitely felt good.

It’s like they say “Live, Love, Laugh”.



I think this week is the first week in so long that has actually been a good, productive, and happy week. I have come up with a name for my change, The Boy-Fast. I am shunning boys for how ever long it takes for me to be constantly happy. I still have my moments where I think of the problems I’m pushing aside but they are getting fewer and fewer. I have made one exception to my boy fast and that is talking to Adam about his relationship with Amy. He deserves to know what she is capable of, he’s new this year after all.

It’s Friday and I had told myself that a week is plenty of time to prepare myself. And I consider myself very ready to face Adam. But this does not end the boy-fast. After this little convo we go right back to it being just me and my girls.

After 4th period I took a different route to my locker that was actually longer but it passed by Adam’s fourth period class and I was hoping I would run into him. When he came out of the door I rejoiced at the fact that he was alone and looking down at a piece of paper.

“Hey Adam.” I said stepping in to step with him.

“Oh hey Hannah. How’s it going?” He replied looking at me nervously, while hiding his paper away in his binder. I managed to catch a glimpse of it before he hid it though. It was a science test and the grade written on the paper was not so good.

“I was hoping we could talk. If that’s okay with you?”

“Um sure Hannah. But you know I’m still with Amy and am hoping it will last a long time.”

“Actually I was hoping you would bring her up because that’s who I need to talk to you about.”

“Look Hannah…” He said rubbing the back of his head. His shirt lifting up to show his gorgeous stomach muscles. I looked away not wanting to be drawn in by them.

“No Adam. I’m serious.” I pulled him towards a bench and sat him down. “I know you really like Amy and I respect that. I just wanted to tell you a little bit about her so that you understood why I am so against her. If you choose to still be with her, I don’t care. I just want you to know what you are facing. Does that sound fine to you?”

“Yes, if it will make you happy.” He said reluctantly.

“Thanks, it will.” I took a breath and sat down next to Adam. “Look, I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I know what Amy is capable of. You might not want to hear what I have to say, but I think you should. See Amy likes to have things to just have them. She has so much that she doesn’t know what to do with it all. And you could possibly be just one of her novelties. I also think Amy could be dating you to get back at me. Amy and I have a long history together that we don’t have time for right now but if you ever wanted to hear it I would be happy to tell you. I just know Amy couldn’t possibly like you for you. It’s just not typical Amy in any way.”

“Hannah, what makes you so sure of your opinion of Amy? Why couldn’t she have possibly changed from the girl you used to know. Maybe all the stuff from the past is true but all the stuff you’re saying now just doesn’t sound like the Amy I know.”

“Adam, I have know Amy since forever! I think my opinion of her is a lot more correct than yours. You’ve only known her for what, a couple of weeks? Amy is putting on a false exterior to make you think she is that way but Adam she’s not! Inside she is the cruel, ruling popular girl that she embodies! Why can’t you see that?” I stood up at this point, facing Adam who was still sitting down.

“Why can’t you see that I might be right about Amy? You are always so sure about yourself Hannah! Maybe you should step down from your throne and see that someone else might be right!” He argued, looking up at me.

“Why am I so sure of myself Adam? Because most of the time I am right! And you know it. Like I said before I will leave you to think whatever you want about Amy but I know I will be right in the end and you will feel bad. I’ll wait for that day to come, Adam, I won’t forget.” I stalked off unsatisfied with what had happened.

I thought maybe Adam would listen to me and agree with me, but he did the exact opposite, he defended her. And I could tell that Adam was sure of what he was saying, there was no falter in his voice, none at all. Amy had won once again.

I went to my locker to drop off my books and grab my lunch. I then headed off to the table that my girls and I always sit at now. They were all there waiting for me.

“Hey you guys.” I said sitting down.

“What’s up with you?” Katie asked noticing the defeat in my voice.

“I just talked with Adam.”

“Wait,” Grace butted in,” I thought you were done with him?”

“I am, I just had to tell him my feelings about Amy and warn him of what she is capable of.”

“Oh, I see.” She replied pulling out her turkey sandwich.

“So I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Katie asked.

“No, h-he didn’t listen to me at all. Instead he stood up for her!” I said my voice raising as I went along.

“Aw! You poor thing.” Katie reached over and gave me a tiny hug. “He’ll regret it, I promise.”

“Yeah, he will.” Tammie agreed.

They all came over and hugged me.

“Thanks, you guys. It’s so great to have you to rely on.”

“You’ll always have us.” Kelly said, giving me my last hug.

“Hey you guys!” Emily came running up to the table. She’s in SG (student government) and so she doesn’t always eat with us. “The first school dance is in three weeks! On October 19th!”

“I propose we all go as one big group!” Katie said. “We should all follow Hannah’s example and just be us girls together.”

“That sounds like a great idea!” Kelly said.

“Yeah lets do it!” Everyone else said and we laughed.

The dance was going to be a costume party. Yes it’s a little early before Halloween but only by a week. We started brainstorming costume ideas.

“So what do you guys want to dress up as?” Tammie asked.

“Oh, lets be sexy pussy cats!” Grace cried out.

“Come on Grace,” I said. “we don’t want to look like Amy do we?”

“Oh well I guess that’s probably what she will be wearing, right? Then I think we should just each dress up as different things. But we have to make sure nobody is the same thing.”

“That sounds like a great idea.” Kelly added. “Let’s make a list. And I actually think one of us should be a sexy pussy cat. Don’t you think? I vote Hannah does it.”

“What? Me!” I asked surprised. I wasn’t the type of girl who could easily dress up like that, or would even want to. But as I thought about it, it seemed kind of fun. I mean it is only Halloween.

“Yes you, silly.” Kelly said playfully. “It will show Adam and Max both what they are missing out on.”

“Ok I’ll do it.” I said. “So what is everyone else going to be?”

Kelly pulled out a piece of notebook paper and made a list titled “Les Chicas Costume List”. She then listed everyone’s name and we started filling out what each of us was going to be.

Les Chicas Costume List:
Hannah: Sexy Pussy Cat
Katie: Nerd
Kelly: Dumb Blonde
Tammie: Crazy Rock star
Emily: Sweet Farmer Girl
Grace: Preppy Girl
Elise: Sporty Chick



I headed off to 5th period excited for the dance. I had thought I would have felt the opposite but with my girls at my side things weren’t looking so bad.

Things were hard after Hannah rejected me. She stopped talking to me and didn’t even sit at our table for lunch anymore. It made me feel a little better that she wasn’t off hanging out with Adam, but I felt bad for her all the same. He had started going out with Amy, which I totally think he is crazy to do so. I mean yeah she’s hot but she’s a bitch, he should know that by now.

But I guess she’s winning him over some how and it’s working for her.


After school on Friday I met Eric in the park and told him what happened.

“Aw man Eric, I am so messed up.”

“Why do you say that?” He asked me.

“Because I told Hannah how I felt and she rejected me. What am I supposed to do now? It wasn’t exactly the best way to do it either.”

“How did you tell her?” He asked genuinely curious.

“I kissed her. I don’t know, it felt right at the time.”

He didn’t reply for a while and then he exclaimed.

“Man, Max! Get over Hannah. Move on, ask out the Alicia girl. She seems really into you, I’m sure she would be thrilled.”

“Actually I might just take your advice.”

“Really?” He looked back at me surprised, missing the football I had just thrown back to him. “I expected you to just mope some more and not really listen to me. But wow this is big. I’m proud of you man.” He clapped me on the shoulder and went to get the football.

We hung out for a little while longer, as I walked home I thought of ways to ask Alicia out. I finally decided I wasn’t ready yet to do so and in return compromised on doing it the following week.

I still wanted Hannah; I don’t know when my feelings will finally go away. Maybe they never will be I’ve decided to move on for real this time. I don’t really have a choice. If I continue to like Hannah I will look pathetic and obsessed and that’s not who I am. At least I wasn’t until I started to like Hannah. It’s second nature to me now.

I went home and had dinner with the fam and then watched so boring TV. Then headed off to bed, I was exhausted. Drama doesn’t settle well with me.

We all decided to go on a major trip to the mall this weekend and look for our outfits, for the dance. So that just in case we didn’t find anything we still had a week left to look. I knew what I was going for, a sexy low-cut black mini dress and high heels. Kelly was joking around and suggested we get me a leopard print VS (Victoria’s Secret) Angel Air Push Up bra. I laughed at the time but it actually might just add that extra humph to my costume.


It’s Saturday and we have figured our plans out. We are all going to meet at Ocean View Mall at 11 o’ clock and shop around and grab some lunch later on. The rents will pick us all up at 6 o’ clock to end the shopping day. It’s 10 o’clock right now and I must decide what to wear. It has to be something I can get easily in and out of since we’re trying on clothes. So I pulled on a pair of Seven jeans that I got for my birthday and a cute tank top.

I brushed my hair and put on a little mascara and made my way downstairs. I had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast earlier and was ready to go. I still had 15 minutes before we needed to leave so I logged on to Facebook. Katie was on so I opened a chat with her.

Katie (10:32 AM) :
Hey girl!
Hannah (10:32 AM) :
HEY! R u excited???
Katie (10:33 AM) :
I’m not just excited, I’m pumped!!!
Hannah (10:33 AM) :


OMG! Me 2! Haha!
Katie (10:34 AM) :
So, Is your mom okay with your pussy cat character?
Hannah (10:35 AM) :
Yep as long as I don’t go too overboard. ; )
Katie (10:35 AM) :

I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen!
Hannah (10:36 AM) :
That’s why I love you! :-D
Katie (10:37 AM) :
Aw! I love you too! :-*

Hannah (10:42 AM)
Sorry! Bailey needed to go out.
Katie (10:43 AM) :
It’s okay! Say hi to him for me! And give ‘em a hug and a kiss!
Hannah (10:45) :
Okay I did! Oops look at the time! We need to leave to drive over to OVM! C ya there! Bye!
Katie (10:45) :
Okay! Byeeee! :*



I signed off and shut the computer down. Standing up from my chair I called out “Mom! We need to go!”

“Okay! I’ll be right there!” She called back.

Two minutes later my mom appeared off of the staircase and walked over she had on a pair of jeans and a simple black tank that ruffled out at the bottom.

“Hey mom! You look cute!”

“Thanks Hun! You do too. Are you ready to go?”

“Yep!”

“Okay then we’re off.” She grabbed her purse and I grabbed mine and we both stepped out the door, heading to the car.


My mom dropped me off right in front and I walked swiftly in and turned to our group’s official meeting spot. A bench to the right of the main fountain. There were Katie, Kelly and Emily already sitting down chatting. I ran over and we met in a hug.

“Hey! I love your jeans.” Kelly said as we pulled away.

“Thanks.” I replied.

And then I heard a squeal behind me and sure enough it was Tammie and Grace running full speed towards us. We met in yet another hug. And gossiped until Elise arrived. She was looking great in Citizens white capris and a lime green blouse. And we rejoiced in a final hug and broke away discussing where to go first. Kelly pulled out our list and we decided to go down it in order. That meant I was first!

We headed down to Nordstrom since it was the closest to our meeting spot. There we found me a sexy black mini dress and leopard print high heels. Then we headed to VS and bought an Infinity Edge push up bra in leopard print that would match my shoes perfectly. ; )

As we were looking in the drawers Kelly exclaimed “Wow. 40 DD! That’s huge.” She pulled it out and one cup was about the size of her head. We started laughing until the sales lady started staring us down from across the store. Kelly quickly stored it away and we headed to the dressing room.
I didn’t think the bra would fit but surprisingly it did. And it pushed things up too. I put everything on and came out of the dressing room and everyone whistled and cheered. When I got to the three-way mirror I was surprised, It looked classy and not slutty at all. Since we were there we got parts of Kelly’s costume, a ruffled bright pink v-neck that said Pink across the chest and pink heels at Wet Seal right next door. She was going to pair it with a pair of white Paige skinny jeans that she already had so she was done.

Next up was Katie’s Nerd costume, we headed on over to Forever 21 to get a pair of high waisted shorts with suspender straps.

“Hey you guys, look at me!” Emily called out at the sunglass stand. She was wearing a pair of hot pink glasses with the lenses popped out.

“Oh my god! Those would look perfect!” I yelled across the store rushing over to Emily.

“Huh?” She asked as I grabbed them from her and thrust them on Katie, “Oh! Yes they do!”
So we bought the sunglasses and a bright yellow v-neck. And she’s going to finish it off with socks and shoes that she already has.

We were all starting to get hungry so we debated where to grab some lunch. Emily suggested CPK, California Pizza Kitchen, and we all agreed that sounded good. So we headed over there and split one large pizza, there was enough for us each to have two slices. After we paid and left we headed to Urban Outfitters to pick up Tammie’s costume.

She picked a simple white tee with a black fitted vest, black sevens and black and white Vans. Emily pulled the outfit together by offering up her sisters old pink guitar shaped bag that Tammie can sling over her shoulder. It’s going to look so good! I can’t wait to go out on Halloween and show off our outfits. It’s going to be so much fun!

At Bloomingdales, Emily found cute chip and pepper overalls with a red v neck underneath and light pink converse low tops and striped knee socks.

By now, we were all starting to get worn out but we still had Grace and Elise’s outfits to find so we took a Starbucks break and get jolted with caffeine and chocolate. Then we were back on our way to finish up our super productive day.

For Grace we chose a deep pink long sleeve v-neck on top of a white Lacoste polo paired with a black mini skirt. She plans to style her hair in a simple bob and silver studs. She recently cut her hair about an inch above her shoulders.

Last but not least was Elise’s outfit. Since she chose to be the sporty jock she’s planning to wear her bros football jersey with white leggings underneath and her dirty soccer cleats and socks. The only thing we needed to buy for her was black zinc to draw lines under her eyes like all the football players.

After stopping at Champion Sporting Goods Kelly glanced at her watch and exclaimed “Damn! It’s 5:50!”

So we all rushed out front to meet our parents who were due there at 6 o’ clock. Tammie’s mom was taking Grace and Elise home so they left really early and I was left with Katie, Kelly and Emily. But soon after my mom pulled up in our Volks Wagon Tiguan and I said goodbye grabbing my bags as I went.

“Hey, hon.” My mom greeted me. “How did it go?”

“Great!” I replied. “We got everyone’s outfit squared away.”

“Well, that’s great! I’m glad.”

“Mhmm….” I replied looking away out the window.


When I got home I took my packages up to my room and came back down to help my mom with dinner. She was making fish tacos.

“Hey mom.” I said entering the kitchen.

“Hey, you want to help me with dinner? Maybe you can set the table?” She asked.

“That’s what I came to do.”

“Oh okay. Thanks.”

I quickly set the table and when I was done I pulled out the lettuce and veggies and made a salad. Then we sat at the table and started into our delicious tacos. About halfway through my mom stopped, wiped her mouth daintily with a napkin and then placed it back into her lap.

“Hannah we need to talk.” She started.

I looked up from my taco; my heart just about stopped, the last time she had used that tone was that night when she came in to tell me about my dad.

“Y-yes mom?” I asked quietly setting my taco back onto my plate. I had been about to take a bite, but that could wait. This was way more important.

“Honey,” she said reaching over and taking my hand “I don’t know how to say this but I’m just going to spit it out. I-I found an irregular bump on my breast and I went in to see the doctor and…”

I knew my eyes were huge, they could have been on the verge of bulging. I needed to hear the next words my mom was going to say but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to know, even though, deep down I already did.

“Honey-,” she said once again her voice breaking “He said that there is a fifty percent chance that it is cancerous.” A tear leaked out of her eye and my heart fell. It fell deeper than I thought possible.

“M-om.” I said my voice cracking as well. I reached out and took her hand with my other hand and she started crying harder. This made us both break down and I don’t know how long it lasted. But I know that somewhere in there I went over and sat on her lap and we rocked back and forth just as we had four years before.

Score! Alicia has agreed to come over to my house Friday night and watch a movie. It was Thursday afternoon and we were both at our lockers.

“Hey Alicia,” I said walking up and undoing my lock. “You ready for Mrs. Reynolds history quiz?”

“Ready as I will ever be.” She said turning towards me.

“Same here.” I grabbed my book and slammed my locker closed. “Shall I walk the lovely lady to class?” I asked holding out my arm.

“Yes you shall.” She replied with a little giggle, putting her arm through mine. We fell into step and walked all the way to class like that. People stared at us strangely all the way down the hall and by the time we reached the classroom door we were beside ourselves with laughter.

“Oh my gosh! Did you see that guys face as we skipped by?” She asked.

“And that girl looked at us as if we were mental. Which we just might be.”

Once we calmed down enough to enter the classroom Alicia turned the door handle but I held her arm.

“Alicia wait.”

“What?” She replied looking back at me skeptically.

“Um…” I said scratching the back of my head “Do you want to come over tomorrow and watch a movie or something?” I asked quickly, surprising myself with the fact that I actually got the words out.

“Yeah Max, I’d like that. How ‘bout around seven thirty?”

“Yeah that sounds great!” I said a little too joyfully but she just giggled and went into the classroom.

I refrained from doing a dance in the hallway and went in after her. We made it just a few seconds before the bell rang.

****************

It’s finally Friday night and I’m getting the house ready for Alicia to come over. My parents are going out with friends and they promised to not be around until after eleven. And my bros are over at friends houses so I get the house all to myself.

The doorbell rang at exactly seven thirty and I opened the door to her beaming face. She was wearing a cute strapless dress in a blue and white pattern that showed off her petite frame well. I had to stop my jaw from dropping to the floor, she looked so good. I felt under dressed in my jeans and plan t-shirt.

“Hey.” She said inviting herself in. “Nice place.”

“Thanks.” I managed to say difficultly. “Do you want a tour?”

“Yeah, I’d love one.” She said turning back to me.

So I took her through the downstairs showing her the kitchen, living room, dining, and the family room where we would be watching the movie. I slowly led her upstairs to the bedrooms wary of what that could suggest. I first showed her my brothers bedrooms and my parents and then finally mine.

“Oh! What a view!” She said stepping inside and walking over to my rear window that looked out onto the ocean. “I could just look out all day.”

“I know.” I said softly walking up beside her. “I just love to look out into the distance and wonder what’s out there.”

She looked up at me and then turned back around. Slowly my arm made it’s way around her waist as we stood looking out. She laid her head down on my shoulder and we staid there gazing for who knows how long. But when I finally turned around and looked at the clock I noticed that it was 8:15 already.

“Hey,” I said gently turning her around. “Do you want to start the movie or we could take a late night swim or just stay right here. I’m up for anything.”

“I think a dip in the pool sounds good, I’ll go change.”

“Oh you brought a swim suit with you?”

“Yeah, silly, I’m always prepared! What did you think I was going to swim in? My underwear?” She said sarcastically but with a twinkle in her eye.

“N-o.” I stammered. The thought of her in her underwear was mouth watering. I felt my cheeks reddening. “I don’t know what I was thinking…”

“Okay, whatever you say.” She said smiling, “I’ll go change, meet you in five!” She said running out of the room.

“Wait Alicia! You don’t know where the pool house is!” I yelled after her.

“Don’t worry!” She called back, “I can find it!”

“Okay.” I said closing the door to my bedroom and turning to my closet. I quickly changed into my swimsuit and headed downstairs, a towel in hand. She wasn’t out yet when I got down there so I sat down and dipped my feet into the warm water casually waiting for her.

“Hey Max!” She called from the left. I looked over to the pool house and there she was standing on the steps in a tiny string bikini looking great once again. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This wasn’t the girl I knew from school, this was Alicia in a whole new kind of way. And I liked it.

“Look out!” She called as she made a perfect dive into the deeper parts of the pool and slowly surfaced, a huge smile on her face. She swam over to me, showing off her intense breaststroke skills, and playfully splashed me.

“You getting in? Or are you too chicken?” She taunted.

“I will get in don’t worry!”

“Fine! But don’t take too long or you will regret it.”

She dove back into the water and I closed my eyes for a second, and all of a sudden I was in the water and Alicia was outside of the pool laughing.

“I’m going to get you for that!” I called out and dove into the water myself swimming swiftly to the exit and hopping outside with her. Then I ran playfully over to her and she shrieked running around the other side of the pool onto the grass. It was like a game of tag from grade school but this game was a hell of a lot more fun.

“You can’t get me!” She called from the other side of the lawn.

“Are you positive?”

“I don’t know are you negative?” She giggled.

“Hear I come!” I called out and ran over playfully tackling her to the ground. I started tickling her all over.

“This is your punishment for pushing me in the pool!”

“Oh! Stop it!” She called out jokingly through giggles and soon she had herself on top of me and then we stopped and noticed how we were.

“Oh sorry.” She said getting up and brushing the grass off her arms. She handed her hand to me and I grabbed her hand and pulled her down.

“Oh sorry!” I said.

Then we both started laughing and looking up at the sky in silence.

“It’s amazing how many stars there are.” She commented.

“Yeah. It makes you feel so small in this big world, don’t you agree?”

“Mhmm it really does.”

Then it was quiet as we laid there. I slowly rolled over to face her.

“Your eyes are beautiful.” I said a small smile on my lips.

She smiled back at me “Thanks. That’s one of the sweetest things someone has ever said to me.”

I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. When I pulled away we just laid there for a second and then she burst upward.

“Race you to the pool!” She called out already halfway there.

“Hey not fair!” I said pulling myself up. “You got a head start!” Not to mention the fact that I needed time to recover from our amazing kiss.

“How come you’re always the last in the pool? Huh?” She asked after I jumped in.

I splashed her playfully and it started a huge water fight.


“I surrender! I surrender!” I called defeated after five minutes of non stop splashing.

“Yes!” She exclaimed. “I told you I would win!”

“Yeah Yeah.” I said dunking her head.

I looked down at my waterproof watch and saw that it was already 9:52.

“If we start the movie right now we will be able to finish it. Do you still want to?”

“Sure.” She said flicking the hair out of her face.

We got out of the pool and I handed her a towel and we dried off.

“Do you want to change?”

“I’ll just slip on my dress. No biggie.”

“Okay.”

We headed inside and I made some popcorn and snuggled up on the couch with her. My parents returned at 11:45 and coincidentally our movie had just ended.

“Hey mom. Hey dad.” I said looking up as they came in.

“Hey kids.” My dad replied. “Did you have fun?”

“Mhmm…” I said.
“I guess I should probably introduce myself.” Alicia said getting up off the couch. “I’m Alicia Herring.” She said shaking my fathers hand.

“Well it’s nice to finally meet you Alicia. Max talks so highly of you.”

“Aw, how sweet of him.” She said turning around and giving me a smile. “I guess I should probably be leaving so I can get out of your way.” She said pulling out her iPhone and calling her mom.

“Oh don’t rush yourself. It’s okay. We’ll probably not go to bed for another hour.”

“Oh. Well I would take you up on the offer but I have a swim meet tomorrow and I need to get some sleep.” She walked away and talked with her mom for a minute and then came back.
“My mom said she would be here in ten. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah that’s fine.” My dad replied with a smile.

After that Alicia gathered her stuff and I walked her outside to say goodbye.

“I had fun tonight. We have to do it again sometime.” I said smiling down to her.

“I totally agree!”

I bent down and kissed her cheek and pulled away.

“Um excuse me, mister.” She said playfully, her hands on her hips.

“Yes?” I said looking back at her confused.

“You missed.”

“Huh?”

“You missed.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” I replied still confused.

“Here.” She said coming towards me and giving me a sizzling kiss on the lips and pulling away. “See?”

“Oh!” I said. It made since now.

“Yeah…bye Max!” She called out walking to her car.

“Bye Alicia!” I called back softly stepping quietly back to go inside. Suddenly I turned around and ran right into the door. I swear that was the loudest thud I had ever heard. Luckily Alicia was already in the car. I wonder if she saw? My question was answered not a second later. My phone buzzed with a text from her.


New Text from: Alicia

Nice! I’m so sorry! Did I cause you to get a little woozy? ; )

XOXO Alicia

I don’t know what God wants of me but he’s just tearing me down. Everything stable in my world is falling apart and nothing I do is helping, it just makes it worse. The only thing I have to look forward to in my life is the dance coming up in less than a week but with the way things are going right now I’m sure something bad will happen there that will make things worse, if that is even possible.
How could my mom be sick? Well it is not confirmed, we have a visit to the doctor in three weeks. But it seems like its real to me, I would be an orphan….No I can’t think like that. It’s just not going to happen, I won’t let it. I will pray until I can’t possibly do it anymore.

My dad was a devoted catholic and my mom is/was too. She stopped going to church after my dad died and hasn’t gone back since. I remember going when I was little, I would stand in the middle of my parents and hold their hands with my small ones. We were a cute threesome and knew everyone at the church. My mom was a lector sometimes and my dad served communion every once in a while. We did our part, I even did mine by going to Sunday school.

I never thought about going back until now but I’m going to bring the idea up to my mom.

“Hey mom.” I said walking into her room with her lonely king sized bed in the middle of the room. She got a new one after my dad died but wouldn’t go for any smaller than the size she had always had.

“Yes Hannah. I’m in the bathroom.” She called from the doorway to the left.

She was taking off her make up with a cotton swab in her old faded bathrobe. Her long hair pulled back, out of her face.

“I think we should go back to church.” I said quickly.

She turned to face me, her elbow resting on the counter.

“You know I think that is a good idea. Gosh we haven’t been back in so long it would be nice. We should go next Sunday.”

“Okay. I thought it would be a good idea for us to go back. We haven’t gone since, you know.” I said slowly.

“Yeah, it was just that church brought back so many memories.”

“I know.”

“But I think we’re ready to embrace those memories. I mean it was five years ago.”

“Yeah.” I said quietly. “Well, I’m going to go get ready for bed.”

“Okay goodnight honey.” She said reaching over and giving me a hug. I fit right into her warm body and ended up staying there a little longer than a normal hug but she seemed to not want to let me go so it was okay.

“Goodnight.” I said pulling away and starting towards the door back into her bedroom.

“Oh and Hannah,”

“Yeah mom.”

“Please don’t worry too much.” She whispered. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“I know mom.” I quickly made my way to the door not wanting to start crying in front of her because I know that would just make her start too. “I love you!”

“Love you too.” She said watching me go out the door.

I headed into my room across the hall right next to the single guest bedroom for when my grand parents come to visit.
I entered my bedroom and shut the door quietly and then headed to my attached bathroom. I removed my make up as well, took off my clothes, pulled on a tank top and pajama bottoms and let my hair loose. I looked at my reflection and thought, what a weird but wonderful thing growing up. It’s a passage into the next phase of life where you have to deal with so much.

The weird thing is, I have already passed into that it seems. There are so many things that I have had to deal with already, it’s unbelievable.

I brushed my teeth and got into bed and grabbed the book I’ve been reading, it’s called “Pretty Little Liars”. It’s just so good and addicting, I really want to know who A is and who killed Ali. I looked it up online and it said on the authors web page that there are going to be eight books in the series so I might not find out who these people are for a long time to come! Ah the pain. : )


I read for a little while and then turned out my light hoping to get a good nights sleep and surprisingly I did. I woke up earlier than I normally do so I took that time to write an entry in my long forgotten diary. I bought it telling myself that I would make time to write in it and I haven’t written since then. I’ve just been so consumed in everything else. It’s actually very pretty with a blue cover that had some abstract flowers covering it and a tiny butterfly in the corner.

I got so absorbed in writing that I ended up running late. But it was worth it. I got a decent three pages worth of my thoughts and feelings down. I rushed into my bathroom and took a quick shower and then into my closet and tried to decide what to wear. I pulled out a clean pair of underwear and my nude bra, put both on and then I stood staring at my closet.
I ended up pulling out a simple short-sleeved blouse and Abercrombie skinny jeans. I turned on my iHome and danced to Love in this Club as I got myself dressed.

I raced into my bathroom and slicked on some mascara and VS lip gloss and hurried downstairs. I pulled out a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and the milk and made myself a quick bowl of cereal. After cleaning my dishes I rushed upstairs slipped on a pair of gold Juicy Couture flats that my grandma treated me to for my birthday and brushed my perfectly straight teeth, thanks to the braces I had a half a year earlier.
I ran a brush through my wavy blonde hair and ran out the door and met my mom in the car. As I got in, my bag slung over my back, she handed me my lunch with a smile which I returned.

“Running late?” She asked.

“Yeah, I started writing in my diary and I couldn’t stop.”

“Have you been keeping that up? I remember you saying you were going to but I didn’t think you would. I was never able to.”

“Well actually this was my first time writing in it since I got it.”

“Oh, I see. A lot on your mind that you needed to get down?”

“Yeah, it helped so much!” I exclaimed.

“I’ll have to try that.”

“You really should.” I said as my phone vibrated in my pocket. “Excuse me.”

I pulled it out and slid it open, the screen read “New Text Message from: Katie”

Hey girl! What’s up? You sounded sad last night. What’s wrong?

I opened up a reply and swiftly typed:

Don’t worry. I’ll explain. I’ll see you at school! Luv ya! <3

And then pressed sent and slid my phone back into my pocket and turned back to my mom.

“Sorry about that. What were we talking about?”

“Oh I can’t remember, hon.”

“Oh I’m sorry.”

“No it’s fine, sweetie.” She said patting my knee.

We pulled up in front of school in a short while and I hopped out grabbing my books as I went.

“Bye mom!”

“Bye sweetie!” She called as I closed the door.

I watched her drive away and then I turned around to see Katie right behind me.

“Darn! I was going to surprise you!”

“Oh ha! Sorry.”


“So what’s up?” She asked as we walked into school together both carrying our books, Katie with a little more than me.

“Well, my life’s heading in a downhill direction and not turning around any time soon.”

“Wow, what happened now?”

“You won’t believe, my moms sick.”

“What do you mean, sick?”

“She might have breast cancer Katie!”

“Oh Hannah!” She said stopping in the middle of the hall and giving me a hug, regardless of all the people around me.

“Katie,”

She didn’t reply.

“Katie.”

She still didn’t.

“Katie!”

“Huh?” She said looking up.

“This is not the place for a hug, hon.”

“Oh sorry.” She said pulling away, blushing.

I laughed and she did too and we continued on our way down the crowded hallway.

Suddenly Katie’s cell rang playing “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles. We started dancing and singing along and people in the hallway turned to look at us and we walked away laughing. They must think we are crazy, but who cares, I sure don’t.
“Hey mom.” Katie said answering her phone. “Oh you’re right I did!” She searched quickly through her bag. “Okay mom, I’ll be outside waiting.” She closed her LG Chocolate and stored it back into her pocket.

“What did your mom want?” I asked.

“Oh I forgot my lunch. That’s all. She’s going to drop it off at break.”

“Oh cool.” I replied and that’s when I saw Max walking down the hallway, I was going to say hi but then I noticed his arm around that girl he had been talking to at his locker instead of meeting me. I couldn’t help it but I felt so envious towards the girl without reason. I chose to not be with Max, that was all my decision and I felt it was right, at the time. Why did the green dragon have to visit me at this moment in time? I felt my face growing red and mad, my hands became fists and I did not look happy. Suddenly his eyes glanced towards me but they didn’t stay long. I thought he would just continue on but then his eyes were on me again and they followed me as he walked all the way down the hall.

“What the hell was that?” Katie asked as he left.

But I didn’t even have time to answer because then came Adam walking with Amy, His hand on her lower back and hers on his arm. My face grew even redder and I knew I was past tomato; I was a fire engine. I wouldn’t be surprised if steam was coming out my ears. What else could be thrown my way?

His piercing blue eyes hit me and I felt resentment in them.

“What?” I heard Amy ask. Then she turned to where Adam was looking and saw me. Her eyes narrowed and I felt her piercing into me with her dark green eyes. “Oh her. Don’t be bothered by her Adam, She’s just trash. She just wants you for herself.”

“Don’t worry Am. I know. She doesn’t know what she wants. She plays around with people’s emotions instead. Just until they can’t stand it and then she let’s them go. It’s twisted and sad, let’s go.”

They kept moving on down the hallway and I felt my face getting redder, if that’s even possible and my vision started to blur. The happy moments from before disappeared from my mind and I ran into the bathroom right down the hall and locked myself in a stall. I heard Katie come in after me.

“Hannah?” She called out.

“Is that really true Katie? Tell me the truth, do I toy with peoples emotions?”

“No Hannah! Don’t think that! Adam just wants to mess with you!”

“Katie! Tell me right now. If you weren’t my best friend what would you think of me?" I asked storming out of my stall.

“Hannah, you know I would never judge you.”

“Damn it Katie! Stop with the nice girl act!” Tears were now streaming down my face.

“Hannah, get a hold of yourself. You don’t really think of yourself like that, do you? Cause if so we need to fix that. Because Hannah, you’re not! Do you hear me! You’re not!”

She reached over and shook me.

“But Katie you know that but nobody else does! And now Amy is going to tell everyone.”

“Hannah, we know so many people. We will spread a good message about you before she can spread a bad one. We will tell our people and they will spread it. We’ll fight back!”

I smiled and gave her a high five and a hug.

“That’s my girl! Don’t ever doubt me Hannah. I got your back, girl. Never lose faith.”

“I won’t.”

“Now clean yourself up and go out there and show them all that you are in charge of what is said about you.”

“Okay I will.” I said stronger and full heartedly.

I bent over the sink and cleaned up the black mascara under my eyes and blew my nose. Played Gimme More in my head and Katie and I made a strong exit out the door and strutted our stuff to Britney. What would anyone do without friends? I couldn’t make it through.

Our first middle school dance is in two weeks and I’m going to ask Alicia to go with me. It’s a Halloween dance and I have yet to decide what to dress up as. I think Alicia and I should definitely wear a couple costume.

I picked up my cell and pressed 6. Alicia answered after two rings.

“Hey Max! What’s up?” She started.

“Hey. Not much. Trying to get this math homework done but I just can’t concentrate.”

“Ha-ha. Ms. G. forgot to give us any today so I am math free. I know you didn’t call to talk about math homework. What did you really want?”

“Well…I wanted to know if you wanted to go to the dance together…”

“Come on Max. Do you even have to ask? Of course I want to go with you.”

“Oh okay.” I stuttered, she had that effect on me. “So what do you want to go as?”

“I don’t know. Should we go as separate things?”

“I was thinking more of a couple’s costume…”

“Why do you sound so unsure of yourself Max? I am not going to bite!” She said lightly. “I think that’s a great idea. I’m not doing anything, do you want to go on over to Party City?”

“Yeah. I’m not getting anywhere on this math. I could use a break. I’ll pick you up in ten?”

“Sounds good. See you then.” She said hanging up.

“Okay bye.”

I quickly got up and brushed my teeth, throwing on a clean t-shirt.

“Hey mom!” I called out.

“Yes Max?” She called back.

“Will you drive Alicia and I over to Party City?”

“Um…Yes I can. You want to leave now?”

“Yes!”

“Okay, I’m ready to go.”

By this time I was also ready and waiting at the door.

“So am I.”

She walked out of the office and grabbed her purse, informed my brothers that she was leaving and slipped on her shoes at the same time.

We were out the door in five minutes.

We silently drove over, picked up Alicia and drove the short distance to Party City.

“I’ll be here to pick you up in an hour, okay? I’m going to stop at the store.” She said as I shut the car door.

“Okay, see you then.”

Alicia and I then entered the big Party City and looked around for the costume section. I was about to ask one of the personnel when she exclaimed, “Over there!” And started speed walking in that direction. I had to jog to catch up to her.

The costumes section was in the back of the store and the pictures of the different costumes were all up on the wall.

“So what are we looking for?” I asked.

“I really have no idea. What ever stands out to us, I guess.”

All of a sudden a sales lady was standing next to us with a huge fake smile plastered on her face.

“My you two are a ca-ute couple! Am I right?”

I started to say yes but she cut me off.

“Of course I am! I am always right!” She said slapping her knee and cackling. “So what are you two interested in? How about this one?”

She gestured to one of the pictures on the wall and I moved forward to see what it was. It was a picture of a man and a woman dressed as different color grapes.

“Um… no.” I said as politely as I could.

“Ok that’s a lovely costume but whatever. How about this one?”

This time she gestured to a picture to the right of the grapes one. It had a man and a woman in orange jail uniforms for sixty dollars.

“Um…no.” Alicia said this time. “I could make that a home out of a trash bag.”

“Fine!” The saleslady named Wanda exclaimed. “I have one final option for you. Take it or leave it.”

She pointed to one in the top corner. It was of a really fat lady trying to pass as Wilma Flinstone and an obviously gay guy as Fred Flinstone.

I had had enough of this.

“You know what.”

“What?” She snapped.

“I think we will just look on our own.”

“Fine!” She said and stalked off. “But you will regret it! I picked out some of our best costumes for you.”

“Yeah sure.” I muttered. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Alicia said. “So we have crossed off three from the list. Now for the thousand left on the board.”

I laughed and started searching through. After awhile I pointed to one on the far right. “How about that one?”

“I love it.” Alicia said. “Let’s get it and get out of here.”

We walked up to the cash register with the costumes and made our purchases.

We chose the “Brick House Couple Costume”. The woman costume was a dress with two windows up top and a pop out door at the bottom. The dress had a brick pattern. And the man’s costume was a handyman’s jumpsuit and gravel. I think it’s pretty clever. I wonder what others will be wearing? I wonder what Han-. No I can’t think about her. It makes my heart ache and I am too happy for that right now.

I have Alicia! Why do I even have to start thinking about her? She’s old news. She means nothing to me. Even though she means a lot. Get over yourself Max!

I almost slapped myself right there in the store but I stopped myself just before. People would think me crazy if I did such a thing. Not to mention what Alicia would think. It would not turn out good. And I could never tell her the real reason. She can’t know that I still think about Hannah, well I don’t think she ever knew that I liked Hannah. But I don’t think my thinking about another girl would make her too happy.

My mom was in the car when we exited Party City. Hopefully she hadn’t been waiting long.

“Hey mom.” I said climbing into the front seat out of habit.

“Hey, you’re going to leave Alicia in the back alone?”

“Oh!” I exclaimed and climbed back out, “No. I wouldn’t do that.”

I then climbed into the back row with Alicia. She smiled as I climbed in and I returned it with a smile of my own.

“So what did you guys get?”

Alicia explained our costumes as I sat quietly and she finished just as we pulled up to her house.

“Bye Max.” She said while getting out of the car.

“Bye Alicia.” I said with a wave.

As we were driving away my mom said, “You really like her, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.” I replied distantly.

“I like her too. She’s a sweet girl. How come I haven’t seen Hannah since that one day?”

“I don’t know. We don’t talk much.”

“What?” She exclaimed, “You guys were and always have been like this.” She said crossing her fingers. “What did happen that day? I really want to know.”

“Nothing! Okay mom.”

“Wow. Okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I was only curious.”

“Sorry, mom. I know you meant no harm. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay Max. But if you ever want to talk I’m here.” She said turning around for just a second. “You know that right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

The conversation ended there. I have no intention of talking to my mom about girl problems. Maybe my dad but normally I would just go to one of my brothers. Talking to my parents is just too embarrassing. I know they mean well but they were teenagers once too. They should know. Yet parents don’t remember those days it seems. They act just as their parents did. And back then they resented it too. When will they learn?



Nothing exciting happened the rest of the week, or the next. Hannah and I haven’t talked in two weeks. It’s a totally new experience for me and for her. But she seems unfazed by it, She has her girls and I have my guys and Alicia.
Adam and Amy are officially a couple. They walk around campus together holding hands and Alicia and I see them around at The Block all the time. I still don’t know what Adam sees in Amy, he must know a whole different side of her or something. I have never experienced this side but she’s probably keeping it hidden so she doesn’t ruin her image. Whatever, It doesn’t matter to me. She can be nice or bitchy, either way I want nothing to do with her.


It is now Friday, the day of our first dance. I am picking Alicia up at six, we will grab a bite to eat and then show up at the dance together. So I have to be dressed in an hour but I carved out some time to play my guitar. I haven’t been able to play it much lately. It’s sad but there have been so many things on my mind. Ironically, my guitar is exactly what I need to cure that.

Sinking by Max Haginisin

I see the surface above,
So far away.
Where things are broken and fallen apart
At the end of the day.

We’re sinking, you and I
Sinking into a deep unknown
Follow me down, down, down
Where you’ve always wanted to go.

We are so close and yet so far
I sometimes feel like
We’re speeding in a car.
But other times I feel
We’re moving to slow,
Don’t really know where to go.

We’re sinking, you and I
Sinking into a deep unknown
Follow me down, down, down
Where you’ve always wanted to go.

I know it seems scary, unreal, and fake
Just take my hand
You know what we can make,
You know what we can do.
We’re perfect.

We’re sinking, you and I
Sinking into a deep unknown
Follow me down, down, down
Where you’ve always wanted to go.

Follow me, follow me
Down, down, down
Follow me, follow me
Where you’ve always wanted to go.

We’re sinking, you and I
Sinking into a deep unknown
Follow me down, down, down
Where you’ve always wanted to go.

Sinking, sinking
We’re sinking, you and I
Sinking sinking
Into the deep unknown.




If you haven’t already guessed, the song is about Hannah and I. I play it all the time, I don’t know if my parents know what it’s about but they definitely know all the words by heart. Any one who spends a good amount of time in this house knows the words.
Often, Matt will walk by my room and start singing along with me. It’s actually pretty funny, he couldn’t sing if his life depended on it. I have a pretty sweet singing voice, if I do say so myself. I’m always receiving compliments on it. Maybe I’ll become a singer/songwriter when I grow up. Who knows?
I have written a lot of good songs since I started playing, some like “Sinking” but others of different genres. When I play my guitar I get so into that I shut the other world out.

After playing for a while I got up and put my costume on, added the finishing touches and slowly climbed down the stairs and into the kitchen.
“Hey mom. Are you ready to take me?”
“Actually your dad is taking you Max.”
“Oh okay. That sounds good.”
“Mhmmm…” She said tossing a big salad in an orange mixing bowl. She has a lot of fun and colorful cooking utensils in her kitchen. No bland silver in sight. My dad enjoys giving her useless utensils for presents. In the end she finds some use for them. Even if it means making a random dish for dinner, as long as she uses that utensil, she’s happy.
I climbed into my dads Mercedes and shut the door. He came out not long later and hopped in with me. We drove over, picked up Alicia and then were on our way to The Block for a quick dinner. My dad didn’t want to drive all the way home so he waited patiently for us and then drove us on over to the school. The dance was being held in the Big Gym.

Alicia’s costume looked great on her and I felt proud to have her on my arm. My costume fit me surprisingly well too. You never know with Halloween costumes, especially rented ones. Not that mine was rented. I would never rent a costume for a party. Wearing another mans pants is just too weird.

My dad dropped us off in front and we walked in together after showing our school IDs. They needed to make sure we purchased a ticket to the dance; which of course we did, way in advance. As we walked in I gawked at how transformed the place was. It didn’t look like a gym at all. The Dance Committee did a great job decorating.
“This place is amazing!” Alicia exclaimed looking around.
“Yeah it is.”

Kanye West’s Stronger was playing and I had the urge to dance.
“I know we just got here but do you want to dance?”
“I’d love to.” She replied.
I pulled her out onto the dance floor so we wouldn’t miss the song and danced away. We stayed in there for three more songs and then headed outside to take a break. As we passed by the drinks I caught a familiar yet totally different Hannah out of the corner of my eye. She was wearing a sexy low cut black dress and leopard print high heels and, holy shit, there was a leopard print bra strap on each shoulder. I’m not going to think about, I told myself, you’re over Hannah.
But of course as I noticed her, Hannah looked over and our eyes met.
“Hey Max, let’s go say hi to Hannah.” Alicia said pulling me towards the couches.
“Um…okay. I guess.” I said but I don’t think she heard me.
“Hey Hannah!” Alicia exclaimed giving her a hug.
“Hi Alicia!” Hannah said as enthusiastically back. “You look great!”
“You do too. My sexy pussy cat.” She said giggling. “How’s your night going?”
“Good. And yours?”
“Same. Max here is a great dancer.” She said bringing me into the conversation. I so didn’t want to be there but what was I going to do?
“Oh hi Max.” Hannah said looking at me for only a second; she then directed her attention back to Alicia. “I’m sure he is. I’ve never danced with him so I wouldn’t know.”
“Oh you guys should totally dance once. Just as friends of course. Max is already taken for anything more.”
They both giggled and I felt so awkward like I shouldn’t be there. Just as I was looking around for some reason to get away, Eric waved me over to a table on the opposite side. I excused myself telling Alicia that I would be back soon.
I felt so relieved to get away. The tension between Hannah and I is unbearable.
“Hey man.” Eric said as I came up. “Nice costume.”
“You too.” I replied, he was dressed up as an army soldier.
“Alicia looks great. Why were you two talking to Hannah?”
“I don’t know. Alicia wanted to. Thank god you waved me over, I was dying to leave.”
He laughed and said “Any time bro.”
Just then Adam and Amy walked by. She was dressed up in an extremely short red, white, and blue sailor dress, with a sailor hat on her head and white pumps on her feet. I had to admit she looked sexy. Adam had his arm around her wearing a blue sailor costume. They are now the IT couple of the grade. That comes automatically when Amy is involved.
They walked over to get their picture taken among the haystacks that were brought in for the dance. It reminded me that I still needed to get my picture taken with Alicia.
“Wow look at Amy.” Eric commented, “I have to admit she does look sexy.”
“Yeah, but it’s Amy.”
“Yeah, still.”
“Whatever. I should probably get back to Alicia. We still need to get our picture taken.”
“Okay. See ya.”
“’Kay.”
I made my way back to Alicia through the mass of people and landed right at her side. Hannah and her were still talking.
“Hey. Do you want to get our picture taken?”
“Yeah, Hannah was just going to get hers taken with Emily and Katie, we can go with them.”
“Great.” I mumbled.
“What?” She asked looking at me.
“Nothing.”
We headed on over to get our pictures taken and once again I felt out of place. I was the only boy in a group of girls and I had nothing to say.

The rest of the dance went well after we got away from Hannah. Alicia and I danced the rest of the night away. It was the last song as the DJ played “Touch my Body”, a slow song, he encouraged all guys and girls to pair up and dance together. Only the couples did this, everyone else just hung out.
Alicia put her arms around my neck and I put mine around her waist and we swayed side-to-side looking into each other’s eyes. After the last touch my body I leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips. I think one of the moms saw but she didn’t do anything. They have strict rules against that kind of thing. I didn’t care if I got in trouble or not. It was right for the moment, that’s all that mattered.

It’s the week of the dance and I am excited. Things didn’t turn out as bad as I thought they were going to. Amy didn’t spread a boatload of bad things about me like I thought she would and it surprised me. Spreading rumors at every possible chance is Classic Amy. I really want to know why she didn’t. I think she actually might be into Adam; she is so fixated on him it blows me away. I really thought she was doing it all to get back at me. Maybe I am just self-centered. I am working on trying my best to not be.

I walked into my closet to decide what to wear. It’s kind of cold outside so I slipped on a pair of jeans and a patterned C&C tank. Lastly I slipped on my new blue sweater Uggs. I then fixed myself up in the bathroom with my new Maybeline Black Brown Mascara and some simple light pink blush.

I sat down at my desk and pulled out my diary. I had ten minutes to devote to writing and I started immediately as to use that time to my advantage.


10/15/07


Dear Diary,

I know it has been awhile but you should be glad I am at least writing in you for the second time. I have a lot to write and little time to do it in. So Friday is our first middle school dance and I am really excited. I wish there was a guy that I could go with but I’m on my boy-fast right now so I shouldn’t be thinking about guys at all. But I just can’t help it. I am a teenage girl after all.
I am going with my girls though and we all bought all new outfits for the dance especially. It’s Halloween themed so you have to dress u as something. I am a sexy black pussycat and everyone else has a special thing too but I don’t have the time to list them all right now, maybe later. I haven’t talked to Max in so long and we used to not go a day without talking. Our earlier fights never lasted long either. We would always call at most an hour later apologizing and making plans to meet up. This is all so new to me.

I am sticking it out all the same. Just because I pissed two guys I really liked off doesn’t mean I can’t still hold my head up high. I don’t like anyone right now and even if I did, I am on my boy-fast so I couldn’t do anything about it.

The quarter is almost up and I think I will make it through with all As! My mom will be so happy. Speaking of my mom, you know about the whole cancer thing. We have a meeting with the doctor in two weeks. I’m nervous and scared and all I want to hear is the doctor say she is fine. I know he will, I’ve been praying to God for it. My mom and I have also started to go back to church. It’s another new experience for me since I haven’t been back since I was little. But this one is a good experience; I need to believe in something.
Bye Diary. Ttyl.

Hannah Leigh


I looked over at the clock and noticed my ten minutes was long gone and I picked myself up. I made my way downstairs grabbed the box of Special K Cinnamon Pecan and poured myself a bowl of cereal. I ate at the breakfast nook with my mom and then ran upstairs to finish getting myself ready and then I was out the door and in the car on my way to another day of school.

“Have a good day hunny.” My mom said as I got out of the car.

“Okay mom. I will.”

“Bye.” She said driving off, leaving me on the sidewalk.

I turned around and made my way into the school. Already its size didn’t faze me.

I entered my first period science class and sat down in my seat. Mr. Hardwright locked us down in assigned seats for the rest of the year and I am not happy. I have this really weird guy next to me who stares at me all class long, breathing down my next in a creepy sort of way. Not that breathing on my neck is ever really a good thing but you know what I mean. When the bell rang Mr. Hardwright stood behind his desk and called the class to attention.

“Ahem, I am passing out a pop quiz for you guys. If you have been doing your homework you will do fine. But if you haven’t, I wish you lots of luck.”

He then started passing out the single page quiz and I started to get nervous. I had been doing my homework but I wasn’t really paying that much attention to the book. I just got my work done. When he put the paper down on my desk there was a spit mark in the corner from where he put his licked finger to get the page not to stick. I avoided that corner and looked down at the questions. They actually didn’t seem that bad. They were simple things that modeled the exact homework questions.

I finished up my quiz and handed it in. We didn’t do much else the rest of class so I just enjoyed myself. I talked with the people around me except for breathing guy next to me.

The rest of the day went by as every other day lately has. You go through the same schedule of classes every day and have a few laughs at lunch with friends. As you can tell I am already sick of school. I just can’t wait for the dance. I have nothing else to look forward to right now.



It’s finally Friday! This week has gone by so slowly. Now I get to spend the afternoon getting ready for the dance. I pulled on a Free People dress that I loved and my Ralph Lauren sandals, did my usual morning routine, got in the car and was once again on my way to school. When we got there we pulled up behind Katie’s car and I rushed out to give her a hug. I was in a great mood today.

“Hey Katie!” I said running over and meeting her in a hug.

“Hey girl! I’m so excited for tonight! I wonder if I will be able to concentrate in class today. I doubt it.”

I laughed and waved good-bye to my mom at the same time. Katie and I walked into school together and met everyone else at our usual meeting spot. We were all so excited for tonight. I think the whole grade is excited. It’s our first dance of our lives. We will have many in the years to come but we will always remember our first one.

Classes sped by and soon it was lunch, I walked to our table with Katie and we were discussing where we should meet at the dance. When we sat down Emily was already there which was weird.

“Hey Emily.” I said sitting down, “Shouldn’t you be at SG?”

“Hey Hannah, and yeah I usually would be but we prepared for the dance in advance and are ready early so I got lunch off.”

“Oh cool! Yay. So Katie and I were just discussing where we should all meet. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Oh I know just the place. We are setting up big couches and tables outside and it would be the perfect place for us to meet and hang out.”

“Okay. Lets remember to tell everyone. No, actually I will text them.”

I quickly pulled out my iPhone and sent a text to everyone in our group and I got instant replies from all of them saying they will see us there.

After lunch I headed off to English. Where we weren’t doing much, so I just sat and thought about Drama class and our new assignment. It’s a monologue; we just recently finished up a short scene. I am finding that I really like drama. I might even try out for the school play. It sounds like a lot of fun to me.
During class I sifted through all the monologues that Mrs. Stephiano had for us and couldn’t find one.
“Mrs. Stephiano?” I asked
“Yes, Hannah?”
“I can’t find one I like.”
“Oh, if you want you can look at home. You aren’t limited to just these.”
“Oh okay. I will do that. My mom has a book of them at home.”
“Is your family a drama family? Because you have a natural talent for it.”
“Oh, no we are not, my mom did a few plays when she was in school but that’s it. And thank you. I really have liked this class.”
“I’m glad.” She ended.

All of a sudden, the bell rang for sixth period. And I gathered my stuff up and headed to the locker room to change into my clothes for Lacrosse.

Practice flew by and before I knew it was time for me to go home and get ready!

“Bye you guys!” I said to Kelly and Tammie while climbing into our Volks Wagon. “Hey mom. I’m so excited!”

“Oh for the dance tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“I hope you have a great time, hunny. You need some fun in your life.”

“Thanks mom. I really do.”

When I got home I took a dip in the pool and walked Bailey. I then cleaned myself up in the shower, straightened my hair, did my make up, and got dressed and I still had an hour to wait. What was I going to do?

Once I stalled enough to eat dinner, I did that as slowly as possible and finally it was time to go. I was jumping with excitement.

“Hannah, settle down.” She said with a laugh.

“I can’t. I’m just so excited.”

“Well, it is your first dance ever. I guess I can understand. Are you ready to go?” We were in her bathroom and she was primping.

“Yes! Let’s go!”

We got in the car and for the second time that day my mom drove me over to the school. The dance was to be held in the Big Gym and Emily said that I would be amazed by the decorations. I hoped she was right. And she was.

When I stepped in my mouth fell open, the gym was not the gym anymore. It was a haunted graveyard. There were gravestones circling the perimeter and there were orange lights fluttering all over the dark place. I really felt like I was outside. They had the air conditioning blasting as to seem like a cold night and I slowly made my way through the structure and outside to where Emily said the couches were going to be. The outside looked almost as great as the inside, maybe even better.
They had refreshments and treats along the back. Which included all kinds of things, cookies in the shape if pumpkins, Jamba Juice catering, a Dip in Dots stand, and Orange flavored punch.
In another corner there was a pile of haystacks meant for taking pictures. In the other corner were bright orange and black couches and there were all the girls gathered around.

I thought I looked great in my snug black dress and heels. I had practiced as much as possible in my heels and by now I was totally comfortable. If I needed to, I could take them off and put them in my locker, that wasn’t a problem. Everyone else did a great job with their costumes too, I saw so many cool ideas, I already had a long list in my head for years to come.
I made my way over to Katie and the others perfectly.

“Boo!” I shouted coming up beside them.

Katie mock screamed and the others laughed.

“Hey Hannah!” She said giving me a hug. “Okay, as I was sitting at home I came up with a great idea.”

She pulled a black eyeliner pencil and started drawing whiskers on my face and a black cat nose on my nose.

“Now that makes your costume a costume.” She said pulling back.

“Great idea, Katie.” I said.

Then I turned around and noticed Kelly and Tammie walking over. Emily, Grace, and Elise were already here. So that completed our group. We said our hellos and gave hugs and then we all ran inside to the dance floor. We danced for a couple songs and then headed back outside for a break. Just as we sat down, out of the gym came Max and Alicia. They were coming over towards us and I silently cursed under my breath, Great just what I needed to ruin my fun.

“Hey Hannah!” Alicia said air kissing my cheek.

“Hey Alicia! Great costume!”

“You too, my sexy pussycat. How’s your night going?”

“Great. And yours?”

“Excellent. Max here is such a good dancer.”

Now she had brought Max into the conversation. Just great.

“Oh! Hi Max.” I said looking at him then back at Alicia. “I’m sure he is. I’ve never had the chance to dance with him.”

“Oh! You guys should totally dance once. I wouldn’t mind!”

“That sounds like fun.” I said.

Max quickly excused himself and went off to talk to Eric.

“So,” I said, “I think we were just going to get our picture taken.”

Katie had now joined the conversation and nodded along.

“Oh cool. I think we will soon too.”

“Hey Alicia.” Max said coming back. “Do you want to get our picture taken?”

“Yeah we were just talking about that. We can all go up together. So Katie, Emily and I headed into line to get our picture taken with Max and Alicia.

Just then I noticed Adam with Amy. She was in a short sailor dress and he was in a sailor suit. They looked so happy. I quickly looked away. My happiness was not going to be spoiled. Adam and Amy did look good together and I don’t care anymore. They can be together forever and I wouldn’t care. Yeah, it does hurt me that I lost Adam to Amy but like I said, I’ve moved on.

After getting our picture taken, we went inside and danced our hearts out. It was the best night of my life. Halfway through I took my heels off, holding them in my hand above my head as I danced. My feet were free except for the nude ballet liners I had put on for comfort.
This night has also brought me some new eye candy. Now I know what you’re thinking, what happened to the boy fast? But there is nothing in my contract that says I can’t like a guy, I just won’t do anything about it, yet. ; )

His name is Michael Brown, and he is gorgeous! He kept staring at me while I was dancing and I silently flirted with him a little bit. But I didn’t approach him; I could tell he wanted to come talk to me. But I made sure that didn’t happen. Yes Hannah Leigh, playing hard to get, who would have thought she could pull it off? Well think again, she can and she will.

I really am a good person, deep down. And Adam brings that out in me, and I love and hate that about him. I can’t decide which one wins over. Yes the whole little ploy is all about me. I never really liked Adam for Adam in the beginning; I just thought he was hot. And I get what I want. But I feel I am actually falling in love with him and he’s just too nice for me. If I was a different kind of girl I would stay with him forever, but I’m not. I need a bad boy, really badly.

Adam’s great but just too sweet and goody goody. I can see why Hannah liked him so much. He’s her kind of guy; I would totally pair them up as a matchmaker. But I’m not one, I’m a sneaky bitch and I’m proud of it. People hate me yet they love me. It’s a hard concept, but I work it to my advantage.

Here’s my story, it may not surprise you.


I was born here in Santa Monica, CA on June 19th, 1993 to Colette and Mathew Williams. They gave me everything I could ever want and then some. I was there one and only child and they smothered me with love. But this love was not the normal kind of love most kids receive, it’s a distant love, my mom instantly got a nanny once I was old enough and headed back to work. My dad was never around but he would come in every night and kiss me goodnight even when I was fast asleep. I knew they really did care about me but not enough to actually stick around.

They bought me every toy ever made and all the clothes in the world and in this they made me always hungry for more. I was never satisfied and never will be. I always want more. I was given a credit card at ten years old and a personal shopper that got paid more a month than a middle class family brought in a year. I had my own limo driver that took me anywhere I wanted at anytime.

I could wake up at midnight and want DQ and he would be obliged to drive me there and back. That is how spoiled I was and still am. And I’m not ashamed. I love it. I live in a four-story house in which I have a whole floor to myself. We have a live in cook that will make me anything, and a live in caretaker that “watches over things”. Basically she gets paid just to sit around and watch TV all day, which she does gladly. I have a walk in closet the size of most people’s master bedroom and then I use all the other closets in the guest bedrooms for all my old unwanted clothes. Think what you want about me, I don’t care.

And even though people will argue this, I have never had any kind of plastic surgery. Despite what every one thinks, I do not have a boob job. They’re all natural, baby. I know you’re jealous and I don’t blame you.

Forget everything they say about popular girls being mean because they are insecure. I am totally not insecure and am not lying. I am bitchy because I can be, I have that power and I use it. I am the kind of person who will put on a false act and steal an innocent girls maybe-boyfriend just to make myself feel good. I have done it and am doing it right now. Once again, I’m not ashamed. Hell no.



Adam and I look great together. We are polar opposites in reality but with my fake personality, modeled after someone he really used to like, I am just the girl for him. And I don’t plan to reveal my real self to him any time soon.

Someone could argue for me that the side of me he brings out is a hidden side of me that no one has ever seen. And maybe that’s true, but at the same time I know it’s not. I am who I am and I love me.


So back to the present, I am still a stuck up spoiled brat. But what’s scary is that I am actually starting to like Adam, I might even love him. I know, unbelievable. It was only supposed to be a short thing but it has turned into more. But I am getting kind of sick of Adam’s perfect ness. I know it doesn’t make since but I need some bad boy noddyness. And Adam is just so kind and treats me so well. He’s so careful to not be to forward and to go with me. He’s everything you would want in a boyfriend and I feel I should be happy with that but I’m not.

I am just not satisfied. That’s why I called Ryan. He’s my bad boy escape.
I picked up my phone and dialed his number, the phone rang and after the second ring he picked up.

“Hey Amy.” He answered in his deep gravely voice. “What’s up?”

“Hey Ryan.”

“What’s up, Amy?”

“Do you want to hang out this weekend?”

“Don’t you have a steady boyfriend, Amy?” He asked skeptically.

“Yeah but he doesn’t have to know.”

“Oh I like that.”

“I knew you would.”

“I will see you Friday at the park, five o’clock.”

“Okay, I’ll be there.”

I hung up the phone and leaned back on my king sized bed. My precious yorkie sitting curled up next to me. I pulled him up onto my stomach and scratched him under his petite head.

“Life is good, Princess, life is good.”

I haven’t told anyone about my crush and I don’t plan on it. It’s something I will keep to myself and maybe if I do do something about it, I would take it slowly and really get to know the guy. Adam and I went too fast and Max and I, I don’t know what to say about that.

I have another week of school ahead after my amazing carefree dance. And then I have to go to the doctor with my mom on Thursday, that I am not looking forward to. But it needs to be done. I have prayed for my mom every night since she told me and I hope it works. I don’t really know what I believe in right now but I know if I pay attention at church and pray I will figure it out soon enough.


I have gotten used to waking up early by now but I still take advantage of my weekends. I rolled over and glanced at my digital clock, six thirty it read. I slowly got up from my bed throwing off my blue and green striped comforter and headed right into the bathroom to take a quick shower, then after getting dressed I stumbled sleepily down the stairs where I grabbed a bagel with cream cheese and a glass of orange juice.

I was then ready to be on my way to school once again. I have a science test today that I am not looking forward to. But I’m ready for it. Once again my mom drove me to school, it’s the same thing every day. I can’t wait until I am able to drive myself places, when Amy and I were friends we used to look ahead and plan out what kind of car we would have and where we would live. Those days seem so long ago but they really weren’t.

We were such good friends. I never understood why we stopped being friends. I never did anything wrong, we never got in a fight, she just stopped talking to me randomly. I invited her over soon after that day and she politely declined saying she had a lot of homework which I knew wasn’t true because I was in her class and we were given the night off. That’s when it occurred to me that our friendship really was over. We never used to decline invites. We cancelled our other plans so that we could hang out.

I never really think about those days anymore. To many new things have been on my mind. The only thoughts I have about Amy now are my hatred of her.


“Bye mom.” I said exiting the car, grabbing my heavy science book from the seat and shutting the car door. I waved good-bye and then headed inside. But as I did I saw Michael hanging out with his friends holding his skateboard. I tried to make it into school without him noticing but he turned around just as I was walking by and called out to me. I looked up and gave him a sweet smile and then walked quickly inside. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him make a move towards me but I was already inside.

That was a close one. I am only supposed to admire my crush from afar not up close and personal. He was in my math class so maybe I can secretly talk to him there and seem like we are only friends. Which we are I guess.

I stopped at my locker and then headed off to homeroom to quickly go over my science material once more. But once I got there I never got the chance.

“Hannah!” Emily exclaimed once I entered the room.

There she was sitting with Tammie and Grace.

“What?” I asked.

“Look at this!” She replied excitedly thrusting something in my face. It was a dark blue envelope that had my name on it in boyish scrawl.

“What is it?” I asked taking it from her hands.

“This really cute guy came in and asked us to give it to you.”

“Was the guy who gave you this a guy of about medium height with perfectly tousled brown hair and startling blue eyes that you could swim in, with a deep tan most likely from swimming and a hard core body? A guy who had a beautiful smile that could melt hearts and then mend them back together? A guy who looked like he actually cared without caring too much? A guy who you would give anything to be with you but it just isn’t the right time? A guy that really wants you but you know you will have to let him down but you don’t want to? A guy who could become your best friend and then more? That kind of guy?”

“Wow Hannah, I don’t really know. He just walked in and thrust this in my hands, walking quickly away after muttering to give it to you. Do you know him well?”

“Well, I… kind of.”

“Oh Hannah! How come you didn’t tell us?”

“Well, you see I don’t even really know him, I…”

“Sure you don’t.” Tammie said coming up beside Emily. “You totally do, Hannah. Admit it.”

“Actually, you guys, I don’t.”

“Fine, whatever you say Hannah.”

“I’m serious,” I said taking the note “You don’t even know what he wrote.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I guess we don’t. Open it up so we can see!”

“Ahem, I want some privacy.”

“Fine.” Emily said stepping back a little.

I opened up the note and this is what it said.




Dear Hannah, (I found your name out from a friend)




I would really like get to know you. I tried to talk to you this morning but you went to fast. Why was that? I’m sorry if you don’t like me or something, I’ll leave you alone. But I just can’t help liking you and I wondered how you felt about me. You seemed to like me. I don’t know, I’m rambling on paper. I am not usually like this. Please give me a chance. We can just be friends or something; I just really want to get to know you. Please give me the chance.


Michael Brown = )


“Oh I can’t stand here and watch the emotions fly across your face! What does it say?” She finally asked.

“I can have some secrets can’t I?” I said with a smile, tucking the envelope away, the letter safely inside.

“But…Hannah! Don’t do this to me!”

“Sorry Ems. But this is for me. Not even Katie.”

“Seriously! You tell her everything! You’re changing Hannah! But not necessarily in a bad way.”

“Ha, thanks Em.”

I felt all giddy inside. But I was not going to go out with this guy and kiss him and then make things complicated. I didn’t want that. I don’t think he did either. I think being just friends for a while sounded good to me.
I made it through the day jittery and excited for third period, when I would get to see him. I really liked Adam but I think had we taken it slower things would have been better.
He’s a pretty stupid guy to fall for Amy this long. It is obvious she really doesn’t care about him; he’s not even her type in any way. I think he is delusional but he’s on his own. Any day now she will hurt him. Amy loses interest fast and this has been her longest “relationship” ever.

I am focused on other things now. Let them deal with their problems. I entered math early and Michael was there too. I walked over and he looked up, ours eyes met and he smiled.

“Hey.” He said

“Hey, I got your note.” I said holding it up.

“Oh. You did?” He said looking embarrassed.

“I think it’s sweet. But I’m not ready for a big relationship. Friends?” I said with a smile.

“Friends.” He said holding out his hand, I laughed and shook it. “But I don’t care if we’re just friends or more than that. I want to hang out with you this weekend either way. You up for it?”

“Yeah, but not another movie. I have seen so many lately.”

“Ha. I was going to suggest the park but maybe I will suggest a movie just for you. No I’m just kidding. Do you like the park?”

“I love the park! I haven’t been there in so long. How about Friday afternoon, after school?”

“I’d like that.”

“Okay then I will see you there. Just as friends, right?” I said with a wink.

“Ha. Yeah, just as friends.” He said returning my smile and wink.

I turned around and headed to my desk. Adam was in his and he was staring at me.

“What, Adam?” I snapped.

“You going to play with his feelings too? God you whore.”

“What’s your problem, Adam? Are you jealous or what? What do you care if I was messing with him too? Which I am not and you can stop with all this! I don’t care what you have to think. You’re an ass and I wish I never knew you! Amy’s real self is rubbing off on you. You used to be such a good guy! Maybe getting rid of her will be good for you. But you seem determined to believe that she really cares about you! Well you’re in for a surprise. And like I said before but now I really mean it! I won’t feel sorry for you! You might actually deserve it.” I turned around and sat down with a humph.

He just sat there speechless. I felt satisfied, but I also felt bad. I am not a mean person, I can’t do something to hurt someone without feeling guilty no matter how much he or she deserved it. I guess that is a good thing.

It was a boring math class and all I wanted was to be was out of there and away from Adam. The tension between us was unbearable. I was determined to not let Adam affect my mood. I was very happy I had plans with Michael, just as friends. I had to keep telling myself that, I know I really wanted more but I know I must do what’s better for me. And that is to be just friends.

“So,” Katie started, “Your moms appointment is Thursday?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Oh, I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to bring up.” She said looking at me caringly.

“No it’s okay. I can’t avoid it. I just hope it all turns out okay.”

“I’m sure it will. And Hannah,” She said looking at me intensely. “If it isn’t. Your mom will make it through. She’s a strong woman and she would never let you go.”

I almost started crying right then and there in the hallway but I didn’t. What I did do was lean over and give Katie a huge hug.

“Thank you Katie. Pray with me, please.”

“I am and I have been.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.”


I woke up Thursday morning and pulled myself reluctantly out of bed. All I wanted to do was fall back asleep and skip the whole day.

I pulled on a simple white tee and a pair of bright orange shorts. I thought maybe the color would cheer me up but it really didn’t.



That afternoon I got into the car with my mom and we headed on our way to the doctors. We didn’t say anything and I know we were both scared. It still seemed so unreal but now here we are going to talk to the doctor about it. It’s not all a bad dream, like I wished. It is totally real and in our faces.

We pulled into a parking spot and climbed out of the car. As we walked into the building I grabbed my moms hand and squeezed it. She squeezed mine back and smiled at me.

“It will all be okay, Hannah. It will.”

“I really hope so. I love you, mom. I really do.”

“Oh I love you too, hon. I always will.”

We walked into the office and my mom signed herself in. It was bitterly cold in there and I didn’t have a jacket on. All I had on was my thin t-shirt and so did my mom but she didn’t seem bothered by the cold. Her face was hard and I’m sure mine was too. I was stuck sitting on a dark green chair that was not comfortable in any way. It was like sitting on a rock, but at the moment I didn’t care what I was sitting on I just wanted to get out of the office. It gave me the shivers, there was a lady sitting next to me with a bald head and very pale. I didn’t want my mom to look like that ever.

Dr. Heralds came to the doorway and called out my mom’s name. He was a reasonably good-looking guy with black hair and a caring face. He looked like he could help us and I instantly felt a tiny bit better. But I still felt sick to my stomach with anticipation. I just wanted the results and I wanted to leave this place for good. I stayed in my rock chair like a good girl and waited quietly. I didn’t even feel the want to pick up a magazine. It wouldn’t have made me feel any better if I had.

Thirty minutes passed and nothing happened. But then out came my mom, tears streaming down her face but a happy smile on her mouth. I rose out of my chair and stood, stuck.

“What is it mom?” I said my voice shaking.

“It was only a scare Hannah. It wasn’t cancer and it never will be.” She said standing five feet away.

I was speechless and all of a sudden I could move and I cleared the space between my mom and I in two seconds I was in my moms arms and I had tears streaming down my face. And the same happy smile on my mouth. My mom and I stood like that for a while and no one made and move to tell us we could go until we broke apart. I looked up at my mom’s cheerful face and smiled. She smiled back and turned back to Dr. Heralds who was still standing in his doorway.

“Thank you so much.” My mom said full heartedly. “You don’t know how happy this makes both of us.”

“You’re completely welcome. I love to see people healthy and happy.”

“So do we, so do we.” My mom said giving me another hug.

We walked out of the office with our arms around each other and I don’t care how weird we looked. I was too happy to care. My mom was completely cancer-free and I couldn’t ask for a better gift. I really couldn’t.



The next day I woke up refreshed and not tired at all. I went to bed early the night before and slept the best I had in a month. We called all our family and told them the good news and they celebrated with us. It was a great night, it could have been terrible but it wasn’t. My faith paid off. I have never experienced a miracle but now I have, a wonderful one that will always be etched in my brain.


By 6th period on Friday and I couldn’t concentrate for the life of me. I was so excited to hang out with Michael at the park. I dressed up especially for it even though we are only friends. Friends can look good for friends, can’t they?
I chose my Sevens and a Free People sweater mini dress that I found on sale the other weekend. It was a great find, there was only one left and it was in my size. I had to get it, so I did.

My mom is dropping me off at the park right after school and I am planning on meeting Michael by the koi pond. I stared at the clock watching the seconds tick by slower than ever. Why is that, when you’re having fun time flies and when your not it takes forever to pass?

Once the bell finally rang I scrambled up, grabbing my books and making my way quickly out the door. I stopped at my locker and grabbed my math book and binder and headed out to be picked up by my mom. It didn’t matter if I was at the park early, I used to go there all the time, I know every inch of that park forwards, backwards, sideways, twisted, and what ever other ways. Basically I love that park and don’t mind spending extra time there.

“Wow, you really like this guy?” My mom asked as I climbed into the car quickly ushering my mom to drive faster.

“No, mom. We’re just friends.”

“Sure.”

“Really mom, we are.”

“I never said I didn’t believe you.”

“Mom.”

“Fine. You’re just not acting as though this guy is just your friend. But if you say he is. I believe you.”

“Thank you.”

After a short ten-minute drive we pulled into once of the many parking lots around the park and I grabbed the door handle, letting myself out of the car.

“Thanks mom, pick me up at five?”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

“Okay thanks. See you then.”

I closed the car door and stepped onto the pathway that weaved around the park. I made my way towards the koi pond and to my surprise Michael was already there sitting quietly looking into the water.

“Hey.” I said coming up beside him.

“Hey, Hannah.” He said looking up at me.

“And I thought I was early.”

“Ha,” He said standing up, “So what do you want to do?”

“Does walking and talking sound good?”

“I don’t know. Can you handle that much multi tasking?”

“You bet I can. What we need to know is can you?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

He smiled and laughed.

“Come on let’s walk. We can try talking in short spurts and see how it goes.”

“Sounds good to me.”

We headed south down the path, there weren’t many people here. It used to be so popular but most people go to The Block or the beach. The Park is an old attraction. It never gets old for me though. I love it.

I found that talking to Michael was incredibly easy and we talked the whole time. I told him all about my family and about my mom. He totally understood. He had a scare like that with his grandma a year ago. But then we approached the subject of Max and Adam. I wasn’t going to tell him about that but I did and when we parted he told me that I should talk to Max.

“I mean, come on Hannah. You’ve known this guy your whole life. He means so much to you. Don’t just drop him like this. Talk it out with him.”

“Okay. Hey, Michael?”

“Yeah?”

“This was fun. We should do this again. Are you up for it?”

“Yeah. It was a lot of fun. You’re so easy to talk to, Hannah. You weren’t expecting anything from me and I liked that. Just friends works for us.”

“It really does.” I said with a smile, “I think I’m going to call Max. You’re definitely right about our relationship. I shouldn’t throw it away over something as small as that. Thanks for talking some sense into me.”

“Your welcome. See you at school on Monday.”

“Okay see yeah.” I said as he turned around and made his way back down the path.

I pulled out my phone and dialed Max’s number. It’s only five, he should be home. He picked up on the second ring and I heard his pleasant voice that I really did miss.

“Hello?” He said.

“Hey, Max?”

“Hannah?” He said sounding surprised. I guess I would be too.

“Yeah it’s me.”

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to call. What’s up?”

“Are you busy?”

“No why?”

“Can you come meat me at the park? We need to talk. And it’s not what you think it is, don’t worry. I don’t want us to lose our friendship, I really do miss spending time with you.”

The line was quiet for a while and then he answered.

“Yeah, Hannah, I can meet you there. The koi pond?”

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

“Okay, see you soon.”

I pressed end and then called my mom.

“Hey mom?”

“Yes, Hannah, sorry I’m about to leave. I just got really pulled into my book.”

“No mom, do you think you can pick me up a little later?”

“Oh yeah. Why?” I heard her stop shuffling through her stuff. I could picture her at the kitchen counter trying to get everything in her purse and out the door quickly.

“I’ve decided to meet Max and talk to him. I don’t want us to lose our friendship. It’s just not right.”

“Okay. Call me when you’re ready, okay?”

“Yeah.”

I pressed End again and stowed my phone away in my bag and headed down the path the way Michael had. Once I made it to the koi pond Max wasn’t there yet so I sat down and looked at the surroundings. I didn’t have to wait long though. Max turned the corner not five minutes later.

“That was fast.” I said.

“Yeah, I was nearby with Alicia.”

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I pull you away?”

“No, she understood.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am.”

“So how should I start? Well, I’m sorry for hurting you Max. I was just so… I don’t know.” I said looking at him for help.

“I know. You don’t have to explain. I understand, I have no hard feelings.”

“Neither do I.”

“So I guess we really don’t have much to talk through then. Do you just want to walk?”

“That sounds great.”

So we walked around for a while and talked about things that have been happening lately. I really felt like that old days. And it really did when we turned a corner and made our way down the path.

“Oh wow. Look Max.” I said gesturing to a couple going at it on a bench farther down the path.

“Ha ha. Wow. I guess they just couldn’t wait.”

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed.

“What?” He asked looking at me quizzing.

“I can’t believe it. I was right!”

“What!”

“Max can’t you tell who that is?”

“No, tell me who it is.”

“Who would be the one to steal someone’s boy friend and then go out with him and make him feel that she really likes him and then go and cheat on him? Who?”

“Amy Will- no!”

“Yes!”

There Amy was making out with a good looking guy in a black leather jacket and tight black pants. They didn’t seem to be aware of anyone around them and maybe she should have been because as I raised my eyes down the pathway I saw Adam standing there dumbstruck and then he slowly turned his head and looked at me. I felt his cold blue eyes beating into me and then he lowered them and looked at his feet. I told you so, Adam. I told you so.

After the dance Alicia and I were walking outside and I stopped her before she got in her car.

“Alicia, will you be my steady girlfriend?” I asked.

She smiled and it went all the way to her eyes and miles above.

“Yes I will.”

I smiled at her and kissed her good bye, and when I pulled away she was blushing and she looked so cute when she did that. She ran to her car and I waved good bye to her.
My mom pulled up five minutes later but in those five minutes I saw Hannah walking out with her group and she looked so happy. I wish I could be with them laughing too and having a good time. But Hannah doesn’t want us to be friends anymore and it kind of is a two-person thing. But when she called me Friday night my heart leapt. I really didn’t want our friendship to end. It meant so much to me.

She wanted to meet me at the park and I was there with Alicia and I said yes immediately.

I turned to Alicia and she was looking at me expectantly.

“Who was that?” She asked.

“Hannah.”

“Really? I thought you guys were…”

“Yeah we were. Alicia, I am so sorry. Hannah wants to talk and fix our relationship and she wants me to meet her. I know we had plans but…”

“Max go. She’s just a friend anyway. I know her well.”

“Are you sure? I can tell her that we will have to do it later.”

“No! Go now. Where does she want to meet you?”

“Here. At the koi pond.”

“Oh okay.”

“Please Alicia, don’t worry. Please, I love you. And I love Hannah but in a completely different way.” I stopped; I had never told Alicia that I loved her before.

“What did you say?” She said her eyes growing bigger.

“I said I love you. And I do Alicia. I really do.”

She smiled and I knew things were going to be okay.

“I love you too! Now go make up with Hannah!” She said smacking my butt.

“Alicia! You naughty little girl.” I said laughing.

I bent down and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Max! I mean it! Go!”

“Fine, fine. Call me tonight.”

“Okay, I will!” She said as I walked swiftly away.


I met Hannah at the koi pond and we found we had no need to talk about things. We ended up walking around the park talking about the things that had happened recently. She told me how her mom thought she had breast cancer and she went to the doctor yesterday and she was fine now. I wish I had known about this before, and then I could have comforted her. It made me feel bad that I never knew all that she was going through. I told her all about my relationship with Alicia. And she smiled along with me. And I really felt that things were better and I think she did too.

As we were walking around a corner we saw Amy making out with a mystery guy in leather on a park bench and then we saw Adam down the path shell shocked. I mean he should have known. He had it coming for him.

“Amy!” He called out.

She moved out from underneath mystery guy and I saw the look of surprise go across her face but then it turned into smugness. This girl had it planned all along. I wouldn’t put it past her.

“Hey Adam. I can explain.” She said breezily.

“Yeah I want to hear this explanation!” Adam said his face fuming.

Amy pulled mystery guy off the bench and held his hand.

“Come on Adam! Are you really so stupid? You saw this coming. It’s who I am. You’re too good for me. You should know that.”

Amy was wearing a n extremely low scoop neck tank with a purple lace bra underneath. It was almost completely exposed.

“I thought I got to know a different side of you! You told me you loved me!”

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. You’re too nice Adam.”

“You cheated on me because I’m too nice!” Adam practically screamed, “And what do you have to say?” He turned towards the mystery guy who only shrugged his shoulders.

“Look Adam. Calm down. You’re freaking out.”

“Oh am I? Am i?! Why shouldn’t I? I am done. Hannah was right this whole time! Everybody was right! I was ignorant and I really believed you, Amy! Don’t you fell bad at all?”

“Sure, I guess…”

“God! Bye Amy. Good luck with your screwed up life!”

“Bye Adam. We’ll talk about this when you calm down.” She replied with a smile.

I just stood there with Hannah watching it all unfold. I knew Adam had it in for himself. Everyone knows what Amy is capable of. I mean he was new but everyone warned him and he didn’t listen. That’s his fault.

And Amy didn’t even feel bad. She acted proud of herself. But that’s Amy; I don’t think she will ever change. No matter what anyone says to insult her she will take it all as a joke and act like she’s proud and likes the way she is. Who knows what she actually thinks and feels? It’s hard to tell. Maybe she really does have a good side to her and maybe at times Adam saw that but I think it was all an act. She really should become an actress. She just fooled a supposedly smart guy who never met her before.

Hannah and I left after Adam left and I’m sure Amy and the mystery guy went right back at it. Once again that is something I would expect her to do.

I walked her to the parking lot in silence. We were both not expecting to see that.

“Bye Max.” She said getting into her mom’s car.

“Bye Hannah thanks for calling me.”

As she drove away I decided to stay for a while and then called my mom. I was tired; it had been a long day. I went home and went to bed early, I never do that. I’m a night owl.


The next day I woke up at eight and looked over at the clock. I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. So I got up, took a shower and left the house for a long walk. I took my dog, Baxter, with me; he could use a good long walk. I walked down to the beach and let him lose. You can’t take dogs down on the beach in Santa Monica but I found a little beach near my house and I take him there now. I made the mistake of taking him on the main beach once and got yelled at by the guard. He let me go with a warning.


I spent two hours down there and then made my way back up. It’s nice to get away from the real world for a while to think. I really didn’t have that much to think about, I just let my mind wander to everything that had happened this year. I never used to be around so much drama until now. It’s like it all came and was thrown at me all at once. I think I have done an average job of handling it. Next time I will do a better job because I’ve had experience. This was the first time for me.

As I walked home I thought of what I would do later and couldn’t think of anything. Maybe I would call Eric but I really didn’t want to. I needed time to myself. I did have a lot of homework stacked up and that seemed like a good way to spend my day. It needed to get done sometime and I didn’t feel like socializing. I let myself in the house, went up to my room, sat down at my desk and opened up my badly treated math book and started into it.

No matter what people say, I know Amy loves me. I love her and as we were walking out of school on Friday, a week after the Halloween dance. I told her. I had my arm wrapped around Amy’s waist and her head was on my shoulder. She looked great in a strapless baby doll top and dark wash jeans. Yeah she violated the dress code with the top but who would bust Amy Williams? I couldn’t care less about how “inappropriately” she dressed, as long as she looked good in it. I couldn’t tell you how many times people have told me to watch out for what Amy could do. I am so sick of it by now. I just snap at them and walk away. Hannah is the worst! Who does she think she is? Going and being all over that Michael guy. He’s got it in for himself. “Oh there’s my car Adam. I have to go.” Amy said gently pulling away. “Oh wait Amy!” I said, “Do you want to hang out tonight?” “Oh sorry Adam. I have a huge history test on Monday and I need the whole weekend to study. I wish I could.” She said sincerely, but there was a falter behind her eyes. “Okay. But if you need a break call me.” I said giving her a passionate kiss on the lips. She kept it going until her mom honked the car horn and then she had to go. “Okay I really do have to go. I promise I will call you tonight.” “Okay, bye Amy! Oh no wait!” “Adam. I really need to go.” “Wait, I have something to tell you.” She looked at me annoyed and I almost didn’t tell her. “I love you, Amy.” “I know that Adam. You didn’t need to tell me. I really do have to go now. Bye!” I felt satisfied until I noticed she didn’t tell me she loved me back. I’m sure she does, she just forgot to in the rush to get to her car. I stood against the wall and waited for my mom to show up. I saw Hannah rush out and get into her car. She was probably rushing off to see Michael. My mom soon pulled up and I climbed inside and we rode home in silence until my mom broke it. “What’s up with you Adam? You used to be so talkative.” “Nothing is wrong with me mom.” I snapped back. “I don’t think this Amy girl is good for you. You used to be happy and you would tell me all about your day. Maybe you should ask out that Hannah girl again. She would be better for you...” “God mom! Would you shut up?” “Fine.” She said her mouth set in a hard line. I knew I had upset her but I didn’t care. I didn’t frankly care about anything but Amy. After I got home I decided to go for a walk in the park. I really needed to clear my head. What was wrong with me? Maybe my mom is right, maybe Amy isn’t good for me. But I love her and I know she loves me back. She must. I made it to the park at four and walked around until five. It was nice in the deep quiet. Only a few people were winding their way through the path. I didn’t really see anyone I knew there and after a while I decided to head home so I went down the main strip that was lined in benches and headed to the parking lot to meet my mom. As I was walking down I saw Hannah and Max down at the end. Oh great I thought but then I stopped myself. Something was off, not just that Hannah and Max were together but they were just standing there staring at something. I made my way down the strip so I could see what it was they were looking so intently at. All I could see was a couple going at it on a bench and I thought those pervs. Why are they watching them until I vaguely recognized the girl lying down on the bench, her purple lace bra almost completely exposed. I rushed up and just stared for a second until I snapped back to reality. “Amy!” I screamed. When I looked over both Hannah and Max were staring at me. I yelled at Amy for a few minutes and she acted like she wasn’t bothered at all. She didn’t apologize and as I was leaving she said. “Okay Adam. We’ll talk about this once you’re calmed down.” We were most definitely not going to talk about it any more. I was walking in the opposite direction than I needed to go but I didn’t dare turn around and go back. I’m sure Amy and that guy in leather went right back at it without a care. I went home and tried to sleep but I just couldn’t. I skipped dinner again but I wasn’t hungry. I just couldn’t believe it. Everyone was right and I had been too ignorant to notice it, Hannah was right. I had been such an ass to her about it. What had I done? I had been an ass to everyone in the past month. Amy is messed up and she messed me up. I finally fell asleep around midnight but slept fitfully. When I woke up it was ten and someone was ringing the doorbell. I had to pull myself out of bed to answer it because my parents go out every Saturday and get coffee. They normally return around ten thirty. I pulled on a t-shirt and jeans and splashed some water on my face to wake myself up. I opened the door to a pleasant looking Amy in tight fitting t-shirt and designer jeans, dressed down for her. “What do you want?” I snapped. “Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.” She smirked twirling her handbag. “No someone never got out of bed with random guys.” “Oh that one hurt.” She faked. “Look Adam I think we can put what happened at the park behind us and move on. I mean you told me you love me.” “I loved you. At least I thought I did.” “Come on Adam. You’re just mad that’s all.” “You know what Amy? I don’t think you ever liked me. I am going with what Hannah said; I think you just used me. No I don’t think, I know.” “You’re going to side with that wh***? Really?” “She’s not a wh***. You’re the wh*** Amy. And I’m done. We’re finished. We actually should have been a long time ago, I just didn’t see it. You put me under some little spell of yours and it’s over Amy. Done. I don’t even want to look at you.” I turned to slam the door but she held it. “You just messed with a Williams, Adam. Good Luck with that. I would watch your back.” She said nastily and turned walking down my path and out into the street. Not even looking back. I walked inside and locked the door once again. And just stood there with my head against the door. “What’s up, Adam?” My Uncle Tom asked entering the room, “That girl sounded pissed.” My uncle lives close down the street and comes over randomly. “That’s cause she was.” “What happened?” I told him the whole story and he just took it all in. “Yeah girls like that are trouble.” He said after I finished. “You did the right thing dumping her.” “I know.” “And don’t worry about her warning. She’s just saying that. I mean what is she going to do?” “I don’t know. She can’t do much.” “Well, you want some pancakes?” He asked getting up. “You? Making pancakes?” “Yeah, I know. I was bored.” He said with a shrug of his muscular shoulders. I laughed and followed into the kitchen, my day looked like it might just get better with my crazy uncle around who always knows how to make me laugh. Amy could do whatever she wanted. At this point in time I didn’t give a crap about her and anything to do with her. She was on her own.

After Adam stalked off, I walked back with Max and said good bye.
I woke up the next morning with good thoughts in my head. I think Max and I will be okay after all this. It looks like it right now. I just keep fixing things and it feels good. Everything seems to back to the way I want them to be except for my relationship with Adam. I don’t know if that will happen though. He seems to really hate my guts. But Amy had just proved me right, hadn’t she? He should be over here right now apologizing but I will give him time.

But just as I was thinking that the doorbell rang and there Adam was on my doorstep. He was waiting for me on the same porch swing Max had been on, in the same spot. But this was Adam not Max and he was looking at me apologetically.

“I’m really sorry Hannah. Can you ever forgive me?”

“Well Adam, I don’t know what to say. I’m biting back saying I told you so because I know that’s really mean. But I want to say it so badly.”

“Go ahead, I deserve it.”

“No you don’t. You were as mesmerized by Amy as any guy is and she really fooled you. You didn’t know her like I do. It’s not your fault. It’s her I should be mad at, and I am.”

“I’m mad at her too.”

“Well it’s nice to know we have something in common.”

“Yeah, Hannah, do you think we could still be friends?”

“Yeah I would like that. It seems everyone is my friend these days. It’s not necessarily a bad thing.” I said with a smile.
“I’m really sorry about calling you a whore, you’re not one. Amy had just been really getting to me. I treated everyone like crap and I’m sorry. It was uncalled for.” He looked deep into my eyes and I could tell that he really meant what he said.

“It’s really okay. I understand. I once thought Amy was a good person too but she never really was one. And I doubt with the way she’s growing up, she ever will be.”

“Yeah,”

“Adam, thank you for coming over and talking. I really appreciate it.”

“Any time Hannah.” He said and got up of the swing. “Well I have a baseball game to get to.”

“Okay, I wish you luck!”

“Thanks! Bye!”

“Bye.” I said and walked back inside.

My mom was sitting on the couch pretending not to listen but she totally was.

“Mom! You eavesdropper!”

“I thought I did a good job hiding it.” She said smiling at me. “I see your problems have been solved?”

“Yeah, they all have and life is looking up.”

“I’m glad. I love you Hannah. I just wanted you to know that.”

“I do mom. I really do. And I love you too.”

I went back up to my room and called Katie, to fill her in on all the things that had happened. She celebrated with me and sent me a hug through the phone. After hanging up I went to work on my homework.



I woke up Monday morning and put on an Aqua sleeveless top, a white cardigan and dark wash jeans. I pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail and passed up my make up drawer. I wanted to be all natural today. I walked downstairs and entered the kitchen to my surprise my mom made blueberry pancakes and placed two on a plate for me. I greedily dug in and then rushed up stairs to brush my teeth and grab my brown bag and then met my mom at the car.

We drove to school and I hopped out meeting Max on the steps. We walked in together and it felt just like the first day of school to me. No problems, walking with Max, it was all so familiar. I stopped at my locker and grabbed my science book and then met Max at his.

“Hey Alicia.” I said walking up beside Max’s locker.

“Oh hey Hannah.” She said happily. “I’m so glad you and Max aren’t mad at each other anymore. Now we can all hang out.”

“Yeah we can.” I said thoughtfully. “What do you guys have planned for Halloween?”

“I don’t know yet. But we should all go together.”

“Definitely.”

The bell rang so we all walked to homeroom. Alicia left us two doors down from Max and I’s room.

The day went by fast and soon it was already lunch. I sat down at Max’s table for the first time in so long, a month I think. It felt weird but good at the same time. The girls followed me and sat down at the table too. We were all squished and finally someone came up with the idea to connect two tables together and so we did that. Alicia joined us too and we discussed plans for Halloween.

“So we should all go together, don’t you think?” I said.

“I think so.” Max said.

“Yeah but where should we go?” Emily asked.

“What do you mean where? We all live in the same neighborhood. So we go in that neighborhood.” I said.

“Right. I forgot we all live so close. I used to never be near you guys.” She replied.

“Yes, and thank God your parents moved.” Katie added.

All of a sudden Adam came up behind me.

“Hey you guys.” He said merrily, “Can I join you?”

“Definitely, Adam.” I said for everyone.

As he sat down Amy walked by and gave him the death glare but he just ignored her. She had her little posse of friends with her.

“Like I said Adam, watch your back!” She called out.

“Get a life Amy!” He called back without turning around.

We all laughed and so did he and Amy just stalked off, defeated.

Soon my first fun lunch of seventh grade was over and it was time to go to fifth period English.
For our journal we had to write one thing that happened today that we were proud of. I wrote about performing my monologue in Drama. I was very nervous but I knew I was ready. I had found one in an old book we had at home and it’s about a girl who is about to die but she can feel her dad holding her and telling her not to leave him. And she must make the decision to go into the light or go back down to him. It’s a serious and sad piece but I can relate to it so much, making it the perfect choice.
I stood up in front of everyone and took a deep breath.

“I know what holds me. It’s Dad. The look on his face is just terrible. The look of grief. I’ve seen it only once before- the day Mom died.”

I could see everyone was captivated and Ms. Stephiano looked like she was going to cry.

“I hear you, Dad. I hear you –and I’m coming.” I finished a real tear in my eye.

Everyone applauded and I sat down. Ms. Stephiano really was crying now.

After English I was supposed to be going to Lacrosse but we had the day off so I walked outside with Max and my mom picked both of us up and went home.

We walked Bailey around the block and then had Fettuccini Alfredo made by my mom and then he left. I went upstairs to find something to do and when I couldn’t think of anything. I booted up my new computer, but I didn’t know what I was going to do on there when suddenly I got an amazing idea.
I opened Microsoft Word and opened a black document. There it was staring at me, the completely white page. I started typing “My Fifteenth Year”.

After writing for a good two hours I got up, climbed in bed and fell asleep, dreaming pleasant dreams of Halloween night with my full group of friends and no problems running through my head. Everything’s is back to normal, for now at least. It was heaven.



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This book has 8 comments.


on Sep. 3 2011 at 11:40 am
cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking the first step when you can't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr.

The title is tentative right now. It refers to the memory of Max's sitting out on the tree with Hannah, eating red popsicles. I'm really bad at titling my work. :/

Just wondering, would you pick up the book in the store


on Sep. 3 2011 at 11:37 am
wordlover27 GOLD, Vancouver, Other
15 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
‎"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness..."
-Audrey Hepburn

This is the first time I read a whole book on Teen Ink! I was hooked on your story and just HAD to finish it! Just wondering though, why is it called "Red Popsicle Summers"?

on Jan. 14 2011 at 9:34 pm
cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking the first step when you can't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr.

Thank you :)

on Dec. 21 2010 at 10:04 pm
cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking the first step when you can't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr.

I have already started one. But I only did a few chapters before I stopped. This was about a year ago, I haven't really looked at it since.

on Dec. 21 2010 at 7:28 pm
ThespianChickAnnie BRONZE, Walkertown, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury

Oh MAN, this is good! Like, seriously. Amazing. :)

I agree with remembermyname, you should TOTALLY write a sequel. :)


on Dec. 21 2010 at 4:09 pm
remembermyname, Eldridge, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments
NO problem!  Do you think you will make a sequel? It is going to be fantistic!

on Dec. 21 2010 at 11:11 am
cdmswimmer9 GOLD, Costa Mesa, California
17 articles 0 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Faith is taking the first step when you can't see the whole staircase." -MLK Jr.

Thank you so much! I will definitely look at your work. I wrote this a couple years ago and it was m first, so it makes me very happy to hear such great things about it. :)

on Dec. 18 2010 at 11:19 pm
remembermyname, Eldridge, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Okay, first thing first, I freaking love this! It was not what I was expecting. AND that's a good thing. I was expecting the whole typical love story cliche. I loved.

Secondly, I was really hoping for Max and Hannah to fall in love, but when they didn't I was like, "Wow! That turned out pretty good anyway!" =)

Thirdly, MAKE A SUEQUEL OR SOMETHING! I was yearning for more when I  new I was almost done with the 25th chapter. I hate when the story ends at a really good part. Sometimes, it makes me want to cry.

And Fourthly, I THINK this is my last, I love it that it was 25 chapters. WHen I see a story with 5 chapters on here I usually don't waste my time reading them.

I REALLY hope you make other love stories and a sequel(HOPEFULLY!) You are a fantastic rider! Keep it up!

I will check out your other work, if you have some, andI hope you can return the favor, when i get some put on here. (I am a procrasinator when it comes to these kind of things. Hahaa)

Again, KEEP.IT.UP!=)



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