The Dancer That Could | Teen Ink

The Dancer That Could

May 1, 2018
By Des1rae, Fairbanks, Alaska
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Des1rae, Fairbanks, Alaska
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Author's note:

I am a dancer and I love to dance. I want people to know that whatever you put your mind to you can achieve no matter the problem. If it is your passion then just keeping pushing yourself to do the best you can do because you are the only one that can stop yourself.

Chapter 1 Everyday in this town people are all doing daily activities in each family. Some families are going to the grocery store, some are cleaning the house, some getting ready for some dinner and some getting ready for dance classes. That was this family. We had dance classes every day at six pm exactly. It was basically my house routine to go to dance, come home, eat and then go to sleep to be well rested. My dance teacher, Mr.Meyer always said the most important part of being a dancer is to know your bodies limit and to know to rest it. I always listened to what he had to say because he knew what he was talking about. Mr.Meyer used to be a dancer at Prema Dance Studio which is the best dance team in New York until he got overwhelmed with his wife having twins. Now he is just a teacher, and a really good one at that. Mr.Meyer has known me for a very long time. He has been my teacher since I was four and now that I am sixteen that would make it twelve years and hopefully more to come. Since he knew me for so long he came up with a nickname for me when I first joined and it was June Bug, I loved it at first because my name is June so June Bug is a cute little nickname but not for a sixteen year old. I mean, who wants to be called that everyday for attendance is dance class. Not me.
This morning when I got up to go get my breakfast that my mom usually makes me, I realized she wasn’t here and it was my nanny Brittany here. She is always here in the mornings so I can get a ride to school and have food to eat in the morning. She is really sweet and very pretty. Sometimes in the morning she does my makeup for me and dresses me in fancy clothes for school. She is the best nanny I have had so far. This morning Brittany was making me pancakes and they smelt so good so I went to go grab some and had a conversation with her.
“Your mom is gonna be at work all day so she won’t be able to bring you to dance class” said Brittany.
“Well I kind of figured since you are here that means mom won’t be back for a while” Said June.
“It is not her fault, she is a really busy women”
“Yeah whatever, I’m gonna go watch tv and eat.”
After I ate, I got ready for school and then off we went to school. First we, had to stop at the coffee shop so we could get me a small hot coffee and her an iced coffee, then we would go to school. I wasn’t technically supposed to have coffee because my mom said it would stunt my growth and as a dancer, I needed to get a little bit taller so when I did turns they would look way better, but Brittany never cared if I had any so I just never told my mom. After the coffee shop I got to school and met up with my friend group and we all headed to first period where we basically just do nothing because that teacher does not know what they are talking about. I basically get to do what I want anyways because my mom gives very generous donations to this school, usually as a bribe but it can be seen as a donation. After all my classes and school was over Brittany picked me up, brought me out to eat and then after that it was straight to dance class. This was my favorite part of the day because Mr. Meyer always started with a fun warm-up and then we would just dance the whole time, obviously, until like 2 hours later. Today Was my ballet class and I was going to be getting on pointe shoes which was the highest level of Ballet. It was only me and another girl moving up a level, but I don’t even think she deserved to be moving up because she is not even that good.
“Okay today we are going to work on pique turns and then I will be helping June and Mia on pointe shoes, any questions?” says Mr. Meyer
“Yeah I have a question, can just you and I work on pointe today, I can’t have distractions and Mia is a distraction.” says June
“Well for now I will work with both of you, but later I will work with you individually.” Says Mr.Meyer
So as we went on in the class Mr. Meyer helped Mia and I on pointe and it was a lot of fun, but I saw as Mia also caught on super fast which made me annoyed so I decided maybe when she does a turn that I would maybe trip her…. Not on purpose of course, but maybe my foot might get in the way of her foot. So as she went to do a turn I put my foot out and then she fell and looked up at me. I didn’t say anything and walked away. After a long practice, then I got picked up by my mom and we went home. When I got home, I tried talking to my mom about what was happening in dance class, but she just said she was tired, grabbed a glass of wine and went to bed. That is usually what happens after dance class. So I went to take a bath and then just went to bed. When I woke up I realized that my alarm didn’t go off and I started rushing around to get ready for school. I ran downstairs trying to go get my nanny and tell her we are late and of course it was my mom on the couch with a bottle of wine on the table and the glass in her hand. She must have not been able to go to sleep so she drank herself to sleep. I run over to her yelling at her to wake up and take me to school.
She mumbles “You aren’t going to school, today you can just take a break”
I had a test today so I wasn’t going to let that happen so I go get water and splash her face with it and she wakes up and goes to get ready. We get in the car and start driving and we are just around the corner arriving to a stop light when my mom just runs the red light and BOOM we hit another car. My eyes start to get fuzzy and I start to feel dizzy and I remember everything going black. (The sound of doors and squeaking wheels appear)
“Can you hear me, hello… her eyes are open,” Says the nurse
“Everyone just give her some space, June can you hear me?” Says the doctor
“Where am I? Where is my mom?” Says June
“Your mom is in another room she is pretty badly bruised but she is okay. Do you remember what happened?”
“I remember being in the car going to school and then we hit another car… and..and  I remember feeling dizzy and then I can’t remember anything after that” Says June
“Okay, you were in a bad car accident and we had to do surgery on your leg, unfortunately we had to cut from your knee down off because of the crash. You are going to be okay but we..”
“What! I can’t! NO. I need my leg to be able to dance…I can’t not have a leg” says June
“It will be okay, we will give you a prosthetic leg when you’re healed and we can start you with physical therapy, you should get some rest” Says the doctor
That was the day when everything changed in an instant. I didn’t know what was going to happen now that I don’t have one leg. How am I going to beat Mia if I don’t even know how to walk now. Everything was perfect before and now everything is ruined. I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up in hopes everything was a nightmare, so to bed I went.

Chapter 2 When I get up I see my nurse sitting there on the chair and I look around, my face gets sad realizing none of it was a nightmare. I throw my pillow at Brittany and she wakes up, startled wondering what is wrong. I just wanted to talk to someone was all and I needed help to go to the bathroom, I sat there staring at her with fright as I lifted my covers off my body and saw my leg. I cried and Brittany came over to comfort me, it was the worst feeling of seeing my hopes and dreams of a dancer being crushed. I didn’t know what the use of anything was a anymore. After Brittany helped me go to the bathroom I hobbled back into bed and lay there the rest of my time. I did not want to talk to anyone and I definitely didn’t want to see my leg again.
I looked away and then heard as the door opened and saw my doctor standing there.
“You are good to go home if you have a in home nurse, you must have someone with you at all times and in about a week or two we can fit you for a prosthetic.”
“That is way too long, I hate all of this and I just want to leave”
That is when I saw my mom for the first time since the accident since she wasn’t allowed to leave her bed. I looked at her as her face was bruised, the look of sadness crossed her face  and she had a cast on her arm. I didn’t know if she knew what had happened to me, but she was about to. I took the blanket off my legs once again and I got put into my wheelchair my Brittany. I looked at my mom and she started to cry and left the room. After we went home and then all I wanted to do was go into my room, but there was a nurse there and a hospital bed downstairs all set up. I wasn’t allowed to do anything that could hurt my leg or I wouldn’t be able to get my prosthetic sooner and I needed to be trained sooner than later. After a while had passed and all I did was lay in bed, someone knocked on the door. My mom went to go get the door and it was Mr.Meyer, he came to check up on me and let me know what I have missed in dance.
“I have missed you June, we all can’t wait until you are back”
“I bet thats a lie, Mia has wanted to be better than me and now she has that opportunity but I’ll be back and I will be better than ever” Says June
“Don’t be rude June, show some respect” Says my mom
“How about you show some respect and give us some privacy” Says June
As I was there, sitting and talking to Mr. Meyer I asked him what has been going on and what I have missed. Listening to him tell me that Mia is really good on Pointe shoes and that another girl might be moving up a level hurt my heart. I couldn’t listen to him anymore so I told him I needed some rest and then he left and I lay there in my bed thinking and thinking for what felt like forever. I decided to just go to bed after though because all of that thinking was making me mad and if I get mad I need to throw something but I can’t even get out of bed to do so. When I got up the first thing I had to do was go to the bathroom. My mom wasn’t up and I wanted to be able to do this on my own. So I attempted to reach my wheelchair and as I did so I remember hitting the ground and waking up with my mom’s face super close to me.
“Are you okay? Don’t do that, if you need help, you need to ask me”
“I’m fine I just needed to use the bathroom” Says June
“Well I can help you come on” Says mom
“ I do not want your help, I can do it on my own”
We ended up arguing after that for a while until I was finally left alone. After I had calmed down and felt better I knew all I wanted to do was go to my dance studio. So I told my mom to help me get dressed and to the studio we went. When I got there I was scared of what people would think or if they would laugh at me, so I did what I do best, I went in and smiled and then put them all down like I normally do. Except my best friends, of course. I looked across the room at my friends as they just stared at me, I smiled and told them to come to me but they just turned and looked away. What was happening, I looked over to see Mia motioning them to her and they all went over to her. Was Mia the new me? That couldn’t be. I was mad and annoyed so I tried to get out of my chair and of course I couldn’t so I told my mom we needed to leave. I hated being the person, not on top, I hated that my friends didn’t even want to be near me because I wasn’t at the top. I didn’t know what to feel, all I wanted to do was cry. When I got in the car that is what I did. I cried as I told my mom something I never thought I would.
“I wanna quit dance, I’m over it because I will never catch back up”
“Honey if you put your mind to it you can achieve what you want, You are a great dancer always and you will be back to where you were it might just take time”
“I don’t have time, I am done! I quit!”
“You have your appointment in three days for your prosthetic leg and then maybe you will feel different about quitting”
I didn’t know what to say or how to feel anymore. My dreams were crashing right in front of me and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. All I wanted to do was be alone and not be talked to. So we went home and that is what I did. I went into my bed and didn’t do or say anything. Three days of just being in my bed only getting up to eat, use the bathroom and shower passed by. It was the day I could get my prosthetic leg. This was supposed to be exciting for me, but I did not care as much anymore. It was just a leg, my career was over anyways, so what was the point. We went to the appointment and I got fitted for my leg. I had to have therapy though, so I can strengthen my leg, but I was not looking forward to that. The first time I had the leg on and I tried to walk it felt weird. It didn’t feel like a normal leg where it is connected it just felt like something that wasn’t me. I was going to have to get used to that but for now I didn’t really want to wear the leg but that wasn’t an option so we left the doctors and went home. I tried walking with my leg on by myself but every time I tried I would almost fall and my mom would catch me. I didn’t want her help but I knew if I didn’t have her help that I wouldn’t get anywhere, literally. When we got home I decided I needed to start training on my own so I walked all through my house and then I tried to walk up and down the stairs which wasn’t easy at all but I needed to get somewhere. After about an hour of training I went to take my leg off and lay in bed to rest. When it was dance time I just went to bed. It was a new routine that I had and I think I could get used to it.
“Mom! Where is Brittany? I haven’t seen her in forever” Yells June
“Oh I fired her” Says mom
“For what?!” June said annoyingly
“I didn’t like that she didn’t obey my rules”
“She was like my mom…. I mean she, she was someone always there. I didn’t mean it that way”
“I know what you meant. I know i’m not around a lot but that is gonna change”
“That is what you always say. What makes you think this time is different?”
“Because I hurt you, I did that to your leg and now your dream is gone. All of your hard work gone because of me” says mom with a sigh
I hate the look on her face that she gave me as she kept looking at my leg. I hate that she feels like it is her fault, but in a way it is and that is why I don’t think I have it in me to say anything like it not being her fault or comfort her. My mom and I don’t work that way, we never have and I don’t see it happening now. As she just sat there I felt the silence so I just told her I want to go to bed and be alone, so she left me and that was that. Did I feel a little bad for being like that, yes but she has never cared before so why would she start now. As I sat there I looked around the house and I noticed that all the pictures on the wall had something to do with dance. It hurt to not dance and to not be in the place where I was the best and where I was on top and was looked up to for my advice and skills, maybe not by other kids but by Mr. Meyer. Mr. Meyer always had encouraged me and believed in me. That is why I think I am such a good dance because he has taught me that I am the only one that stands in my way. That made me really think about what I am doing now. I am stopping myself from even trying, the only person stopping me is me. So I decided to tell my mom that after physical therapy tomorrow I want to try to go back to dance class and that is what we did. We were sitting there the next day outside of my dance class and I was scared of what might happen, I knew I just needed to go in or I would never face my fear so I went in.
“Hey June, I am so happy to see you today. How is your leg doing?” says Mr. Meyer
“ I am happy to be here, and my leg is good. It’s not gonna stop me that’s for sure.” Says June with a smile
“ Well do what you can and don’t hurt yourself. Okay class we are going to start with stretching”
As I was watching everyone stretch I tried to just do what I normally do and act normal and I realized it is a little different to bend my knees than normal. I just decided to skip that part and just point my toes to practice extending my leg. I looked over at Mia and I noticed how she has gotten so much better. That definitely scared me because if she is better than me, she will for sure be Mr. Meyers favorite and I can’t have that because he is the only one that likes me here. I watched around the room as everyone was staring at me, it was weird but I needed to focus. As class moved along closer to the end, I realized I needed to find ways that worked for me and my leg. I know I need to maybe watch some YouTube videos or maybe google some information on girls with a prosthetic, then I can really start training. I was really proud of myself by the end of the class for just being there and doing what I love. I guess it wasn’t so bad to go back and try. I really needed it, knowing tomorrow I will be back makes me going to bed a whole lot better. After class was over I went out to the car and I noticed my mom was crying.
“Mom, why are you crying? Are you okay?” says June
“I just feel like I am the worst mom and I am always doing everything wrong” says her mom
“Mom you don’t do everything wrong, except not let me drink coffee, but besides that you bring me to dance and that is important to me.”
“June I know i’m not the best and I really am trying. I love you June and I am always gonna be here for you” 
“I love you to mom and I am sorry that I can be a pain sometimes.”
Right then and there that is when it hit me. I realized that I can really be rude to my mom and she doesn’t deserve it. She is already putting blame on herself for my leg when it wasn’t her fault. I love my mom and I need to show her that I appreciate her. So when we got home ,I decided I was going to bake my mom some cookies. I know it won’t make up for everything I have done, but it was a start. My mom saw as I was struggling to find all the ingredients so she comes over and helps me. It ends up being a big step forward for me and my mom. It was a time of laughter and fun, two things we never really do. I forgot how much fun we used to have when I was really young. All the yelling and arguing just took over my memories, but this was definitely a start. As we were baking cookies, we also talked and had a real conversation. We talked about boys and then we also talked about just random topics. My mom ended up telling me some funny stories from when she was in high school. It was the best night ever. When we got done baking all the cookies we decided to watch a movie before bed and eat cookies and drink milk. A perfect night with just me and my mom.

Chapter 3 I woke up and realized we had fallen asleep during the movie. I saw as my mom was laying there peacefully and so I covered her up so she wouldn’t get cold. I then decided to make breakfast before my mom got up and before I had to go to school. After I made them, I woke her up and she looked at me with a smile. She ate her food and then off to school we went. When I got to school, I looked around and there were my friends like always. With cake for me, just cause. They are good friends and I love them. They ended up telling me all I have missed and all the gossip. It was really funny to hear that the principal got fired because she was selling drugs to kids. She was a pretty dumb principal. I didn’t really care about the gossip though. I wanted to know about the good gossip.
“Did you know that Mia’s parents divorced” Says my friend
“No way. Is she okay?” says June
“Why do you care? I thought you hated her.”
“Because I went through that with my parents and it isn’t fun feeling alone.”
I realized I needed to go find her and see if she was okay. I felt like it would be the right thing to do. Plus I am feeling in a good mood because of how my mom and I are right now. I went to go find her and I saw as she was sitting on the stairs crying. I didn’t really know what I was going to say but I knew I needed to say something. Anything could maybe help, I just had to put aside our differences just for a minute.
“Hey, I heard about your parents. Are you okay?” Says June in a soft tone voice
“What, yeah i’m fine.” says Mia as she wipes her tears away
“You can tell me what’s really wrong. I had parents that divorced to and I know what you are going through.”
“Why are you even talking to me? Don’t you hate me?”
“I don’t hate you, I just hate how good you are.”
“Well I hate how good you are.” Says Mia as she laughs a little
“Seriously though if you need to talk I am here for you. I’m done trying to be rude and compete against you. Being on good terms might really change how dance is for me. Plus with my leg I don’t really need enemies.”
“Thank you and I agree. I feel we can really help each other out at dance class. We both have strong points that maybe we could teach each other.”
As we were sitting there talking and really listening to each others strengths and weaknesses I realized that I really didn’t hate her. She was actually really nice and had some good tips for dancing I just needed to get past my hate for how good she was I guess. After we were done dancing I went to physical therapy and they told me I was on track which is really good. After physical therapy I went straight to dance and had one of the best dance classes ever because nobody was rude to anybody. We all were there for dance class. Mr. Meyer ended up telling us too that we got invited to perform with the Prema Dance Studio on stage. It was the best news we had ever heard because we have been practicing routines for the past 6 months. He told us that he had decided for the lead roles and that it was going to be me and Mia. I was actually happy about that too because now that we are on good terms I think we could really make our piece look beautiful. I did need a little more practice with my leg and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to perform on pointe,but that is okay because at least I am going to be up there doing what I love. While we were at dance Mr. Meyer had us take a break and look at all the costume ideas and vote on one. The cool thing about being the lead though, was that we get whatever outfit, but in white so we stand out and I love to stand out. I decided that after class I was going to see if Mia wanted to stay a little longer to practice and after practice I was gonna go home and let my mom know about the performance. Now that we are talking I actually go home and have conversations with her every night about how my day was. I told her about the performance and she said she was going to be front and center of it. This time I actually did believe that she would be there for me and I loved that feeling. I loved how everything is just going better and I realize that if I would have just not been so grumpy all the time that maybe things would have been like this before. Maybe not but I guess things happen for a reason. I am just glad that right now I have my mom and I have friends at dance and everything seems to be going good. I went to bed on a happy note and when I woke up my mom had made breakfast for me. I went to school like normal and then I went to physical therapy and they ended up telling me I only need to go if I feel I need to, which makes me really happy because I have been doing my therapy at home too, aside from dance class where Mr. Meyer taught me to stretch according to my prosthetic. When I had got to dance after therapy, we practiced for the performance and then we just had to go over it over and over because the performance was in just two days. It was exciting that those two days just flew by. It was the day of the performance and I was so scared but I was as ready as I could be. We all got dressed in the dressing room and then we got makeup done and sat as we waited for the place to fill up with parents. I went to look to see if my mom was there and sure enough she was front and center. She also was sitting by Brittany which made me really happy that they were both there for me. I smiled and then I walked back to the back as we lined up to get ready to go on stage. As Mr. Meyer announced us we hear all the clapping and the curtain begins to open. I stand in ready position and I smile and then I look at Mia and I smile and then we begin to dance. That was the best dancing I feel I have done in a while because I was dancing with pass ion, I was really dancing from the heart. As the dance came to an end and we ended in our last position I saw as my mo jumped up and started clapping and then everyone started to get up and clap too. I looked at my mom and blew her a kiss as the curtains began to close. When we were all done I went into the back and my mom and Brittany were back there waiting for me with flowers in their hand. I loved that they were there for me.
“I love you guys” says June with joy
“I decided that Brittany can come back, we need a little help around the house and she is family” Says her mom.
“We love you too.” Says Brittany
From there on out being at home always felt nice and happy, except obviously the little arguments we have here and there, other than that it really felt like home. Dance was going great and I was getting perfect with my prosthetic leg and I actually had more friends after realizing how rude I was. I was really having one of the best years of high school. I wasn’t going to let my leg take over anymore and I was ready to continue my journey with my mom and Brittany and I was ready to be the dancer that could do anything.



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