And just like that, she was gone. The only person I ever really needed in my life. The person who knew me best. The person who discovered me, when I couldn’t find myself. Somehow she was always there, always there to remind me I was special. She was, my everything. Most of all, my best friend.
Anna died at 13. She committed suicide on my birthday. No one was aware of what she was going through. Not even her best friend. The police discovered her Dad played a part in her suicide. Four months before she died, her step-father started to physically abuse her. He was jealous of the relationship Anna and her mother had. Anna hid every bit of emotion she felt inside. To cope with the abuse she was facing, she started to experiment with drugs and alcohol.
The thing is, I don’t blame her, or the drugs, or her family for her suicide. I blame me. What people don’t realize is, we started to drift apart as soon as I found out she was abusing drugs. I can’t stand it. The smell, the taste, the look of it. Those people are not my type of people. I still loved her of course, but I disagreed very much with her decisions. I thought if she wanted to choose that path then fine, just don’t include me in it whatsoever. But I was wrong.
After her death, I became angry, angry at myself, at who I was, and the choices I had made. Once I realized it was all my fault I was filled with regret, and I knew there was nothing left to do. She was gone. There was nothing I could do, and nothing could make this okay.
Life with her was full of laughs, adventures, fearlessness and embracing the real me. Life was worth something with her. It’s funny how your whole life can turn upside down within a matter of seconds. I could never rediscover a bond like the one we had together, I could never find someone to take her place
Freshman year I went in with a positive mind and a fresh start. Of course I still carried the guilt and anger with me no matter where I went, but I could not let my depressing thoughts interfere with what is known as “the best four years of your life.”
Being outgoing wasn’t easy. But I knew Anna would have wanted to see me finally show my real self. So I did. In elementary school, I was probably the shyest girl you would ever meet. But Anna changed that.
I met Anna in the first grade. I had a tough time interacting with others. I liked to spend most of my time alone and I wanted a friend, but I was just too scared to put myself out there. I was afraid of what people thought of me. I sat at the end of the lunch table, while every other girl gathered around one another gossiping about things I could care less about. I really didn’t mind though, sitting alone. My life was good. I had wonderful parents that cared very much for me, a sweet older brother who protected me no matter what. Everything was good in life. Although, I didn’t like who I was, or who I was becoming.
When she died, I truly had to face reality. I had no choice but to move forward. I had to face highschool alone, without my best friend. But like everyone says, with time it gets better. High school was much different than middle school. I was a new person, I played different sports, I had new friends and a new outlook on life. I was, on top of the world. I was friends with the most popular girls in school, and I was the best flyer on the cheer team. Oh, and best of all, I was dating Scott Cronin. The captain of the football team. Yes, he was a senior.
Freshman year was going better than I had ever imagined. I had everything. What more could I possibly want? I had everything, except the person who meant the most to me.. On the outside I was this confident, hilarious, talented pretty girl but on the inside I was breaking apart. I couldn’t make that guilt and regret disappear. It was like a permanent burden on me. It followed me around wherever I went and no matter how much I tried I couldn’t get rid of it.. I had lost the person who made me a better person. I could never find anybody else like that, especially not in my friend group.
You may think being friends with the popular girls is a dream and all. And some parts were, but behind the scenes it was a nightmare. They weren’t even the least bit nice. Tamara, was like the “leader” of the group. She always made the plans and told us who we could and couldn’t talk to. Haley was just a plain rude blonde who could talk your ear off about gossip for an entire week. Then there was Kaitlyn who was wealthiest of the group and Tamara just used her for money and gifts. Six other girls sat there which were just a level below us in the social pyramid. They were nice, but Tamara didn’t like them so I couldn’t like them.
I felt no connection to them. They were not loyal, or nice or caring or compassionate. But, I didn’t care. I knew I didn’t deserve good friends. I thought, I didn’t deserve someone who would love and care about me and I did not want to put my love towards somebody else. Sure Scott said he loved me, but I don’t think I could ever fall in love with a boy, they’re too needy. I did not want real friends, or someone I could hurt. I had hurt someone before and I didn’t want that again.
I loved the beginning of the school year. It was autumn. The leaves were beautiful, vibrant colors and would sweep off the ground with the whistle of the wind, then skip along the middle of the road. It was all so fascinating.
I was doing pretty well in school academically. I got all A’s. I loved learning, especially English. The fourth day of school I noticed someone new in my class. It was April Stone. She had switched classes and I didn’t know her that well because I had never been in class with her before. She walked in and her knee jutted out of her jeans because of the enormous rips in them. She had pen drawings on her leg and knees peeking out from the rips. She wore converse and a black hoodie with a brown stain on it. I watched as everyone stared with a disgusted look on their face. I stared at the drawings done in black ink for awhile, trying to figure out what they meant.
Throughout the entire class I thought about her some more. I knew a lot about her. Way more than she knew about me. I heard that her Dad had some serious anger issues and was abusive. I heard her Mom was 16 when she had her, and took off one day  two months after she was born. I took a long stare at her, she looked, familiar. Her hair was very long, like down to almost, her butt. It was dark brown and wavy.. She was beautiful. Her eyes were a mysterious green color. I knew there was hurt and pain behind her innocent and pure smile. Something inside me was intrigued. I wanted to know her. I kept this feeling inside, I didn’t want anyone to know how I felt, especially Tamara. A girl like me, friends with a girl like her. It wasn’t right!
The next day was a Saturday. I waited to get picked up from the mall and I saw her. She had a serious and angry look on her face. I told myself I should try to talk to her. I was nervous to though. Her long hair blew in the wind and her eyes stared into the distance. Next thing I knew, April pulled out a cigarette. My jaw practically dropped to the ground. I knew why she looked so familiar. My mind blurred into a flashback to the time I first saw Anna smoking as she strolled down the sidewalk outside of school. I walked to my Mom’s car still in shock.
I sat in bed that night. I looked at her facebook. I found other pictures of her smoking and flipping the camera off with her friends and I was in disgust. I found out her whole family including her parents abused drugs. I could never be friends with her. I refreshed my feed and a status popped up that April recently typed. My eyes widened as I read the words over and over again. “Not sure what I’m living for anymore.”
This really scared me, one thought lead to another. What if things were worse at home? Someone had to help her.
In English class I couldn’t help but stare at her more. I wanted to know her story and I felt the need to help her. I knew she needed a friend.
At lunch that day I talked about her.
“Why would you ever want to be friends with a druggie?” Tamara said looking at me like I had two heads.
“Guys, I think she is really depressed or has some real problems or something. We should reach out to her.” I suggested.
“Are you crazy? We can’t be seen with her!” Tamara shouted.
“You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.” I agreed.
I knew she needed help but I just couldn't do anything for her. She would be okay, I thought. She made it up until now.
The following day in English we were assigned in groups to discuss the chapter we read in To Kill A Mockingbird the previous night. April was in my group and she sat next to me. I gave her a slight closed mouth grin. She grinned back. The boys in our group were talking it up about their hockey game that night and the rest of the girls zoned out. I looked next to me, at April. I saw the large gauges in her wrists. Not just small cuts, but large ones. Ones that you would get from slashing yourself with a knife or a pair of scissors. My heart dropped. It’s not like I’ve never seen cuts before, but I knew her life was much worse than most of us. I could tell. Yet she was wise and still innocent and sweet which was inviting. I became sentimental. April, how is your day? I practiced saying in my head. But no words came out. I was frozen. Our group finally discussed the book a little then the teacher told us to get back to our seats.
I really wanted to talk to April. The only things holding me back were myself and Tamara. I was afraid of what Tamara would do if she saw me with April. I was afraid April wouldn't like me. She did scare me a little. But I knew that anger came from sadness and that was something I couldn’t fully understand.
I walked to lunch with Kaitlyn, who was blabbing on about her new jeep her Dad got her for her half birthday. We talked about the football game Friday night.  As we walked into the lunchroom I noticed April against the wall, crying. I stopped and started to walk towards her.
"Jess, what are you doing?" Kaitlyn asked
"Oh, I thought I forgot something. Nevermind." I said
I returned to my lunch table and sighed as I stared into space.
I was just too nervous to approach her. It was a huge step that I wasn’t ready for but it was something I needed to do. I tried making myself feel better by thinking of the negative results of sitting with her. She might have pushed me away, and people would have starred.
April had reached her breaking point. My friends and I were at the homecoming game. They watched me on the stands while I cheered in my tight red uniform in the 35 degree weather. It was brutally cold out and my legs were numb. Other than that, I was having a ball. I was happiest when I was cheering.
The game was coming to an end and it was the final stunt. I was lifting Megan Jones, the best flyer on the team and I watched as everyone was up on their feet yelling at the top of their lungs.
"Go Hamilton! Go get em!"
Then I saw something under the bleachers. Someone was under there, I saw long dark brown hair and immediately knew who it was.We had scored another touchdown in the last ten seconds and the whole team tackled Johnny Mahon to celebrate his first touchdown of the season. The cheer team huddled and hugged one another. I gazed back at the stands then at April under the bleachers. I was so happy we had won and everything but I could not focus on anything but April. I walked to the bleachers to greet my friends. I told them I was going to get a hot dog and they gave me five more things to get them.
I peeked my head down to see April and walked toward her
“April!" I whispered
I glanced at her holding cigarette between her fingers. 
"What are you doing?”  She asked
"Why are you alone? I said
“There's nothing better to do.”  She said
"Don't you want to celebrate?” I asked with a smile
"No.” She said
“Okay. Well I'll see you in school.” I walked away trying to hold my head up
She walked out from the stands and left with a girl I didn't recognize. Scott ran over to me and I hugged him. We watched the bonfire together and I was silent for the rest of the night.
The following week there was a rumor going around that April was pregnant. She had hit rock bottom. I knew I had to do something.
I stayed after school on Tuesday and tried to find her. She was usually walking in the hallway or strolling down the sidewalks after school. I walked to the bathroom to quickly fix myself up . I pushed open the wooden door forcefully to find April crouched up in a ball on the floor crying. I panicked seeing her there then squatted down against the wall next to her. A billion thoughts were circling in my head but I could not seem to find the right words to say. She looked up at me and I told her everything would be okay.
"I'm fine." She demanded
“People are mean.” I paused
“Who cares what they think, you are you and you’re pretty cool. And you can't let what people say affect you." I told her
“You don't understand.” She paused
“I'm not pregnant. Why are people so f******* annoying" She said clenching her teeth
"I didn't think you were. I just want you to know that people do care about you and want you to be happy." I said.
"Yeah like who? She asked
"Like, me. I said
Her head faced the floor.
I told her that her life does not have to go this way and that it can change for the better.
She rolled up her sleeve a little bit and I noticed she had more drawings all over her arm in blue ink. "Woah, those are so cool" I pointed to the designs
" Thanks, people tell me all the time I will get ink poisoning but I don’t give two s***s.” She said.
"Your really talented, have you ever thought of being an artist, or-
“Yeah I  take a few art classes but I don’t know, I’m not gonna do doing anything that crazy” She told me
“We’ll I bet it will happen someday. I believe in you.” I said with a slight grin
"Thanks but I know it won’t happen." She asked
“Oh come on.” I said
She looked up at me with her innocent green eyes, that slowly dropped a single teardrop down her pale and gentle face.My mom texted me and told me she was in the parking lot. I stood up and offered April a hand. She grabbed it and pulled herself up. She smiled at me.
“I love when you smile. It makes you that much more beautiful.” I said
“Jess, you're amazing. Did you know that?” April said nonchalantly
I blushed and told her I had to go.
“I'm always here if you need me.” I said
She lugged her ratty faded brown backpack on her shoulder and headed for the door..
I walked down the hall then down the stairs to the first floor. I felt accomplished. I felt as if I finally had a reason to hold my head high. Like I did something for someone else for once. Every time I thought about it I couldn’t help but smile. I walked out to my moms car. The hot sun beamed down rapidly and a stroke of light hit me like a spotlight on an open stage. I could feel Anna’s presence right there with me. I knew she was proud.
I thought about April that night, long and hard. I didn't know how to help April or where to start. I just knew she needed help, desperately. I talked to my sister about my situation and she suggested therapy. I knew April did not have the money for it and I knew she would be totally against it. She does not accept help in any form and she does not care for it. She doesn’t like when adults have authority over her.
I sent her a long text message about how I wanted to help her and get her on the right track. I told her she needed it and that I would pay for any of the expenses. She told me she could not accept the offer but I eventually convinced her to go to a support group for teens.
A couple weeks later at lunch, Tamara completely went off at me for no reason.
"You never hang out with us anymore. And you talk to that drug addict. It's embarrassing and bad for our reputation. I don’t think we can be friends anymore. Sorry.”
“You know what, don't be sorry. I’m happy you said that. I've been wanting a change for a while now."
I stood up grabbed my backpack and my pink lunchbox and walked outside the cafeteria. I searched through the hallways and eventually found April sitting against the wall by herself in a corner beside the cafeteria door. I plopped myself down beside her.
“Hey! I was just waiting for my friends.”
Three girls walked toward us with their lunches.
“Hey guys!” April said calling them over
Ella Claire and Gina waved at April and sat down with a couple slices of pizza.
“This is my friend Jessica!” April introduced me
“Hey everyone! It's so nice to meet you guys.I didn't know they had pizza." I said
“Yeah it's surprisingly good! Here, try some." Claire said offering me a bite.
“Wow thanks! I think I'll like it over here!” I chuckled
Everyone laughed and April stole a bite while Ella wasn't looking so I started laughing even harder.
The best part was, no one judged me. For my past, or who I was or what I did. I felt like one of them. I felt as if for once, the real me was enough.
April’s first day of support group was on a Monday after school. My sister agreed to give her a ride to her first session which was only a half hour away.
“April, hey my sisters here to pick us up!” I shouted to her across the hallway and pointed outside.
She nodded her head and walked fast.
“I don't want to do this.”She sighed
“April, you have to.” I opened the door for her.
“I don't want some stupid adult telling me what and what not to do. I don't need help.” She said
“April, everyone can use some guidance in their life. What is the worst that could happen?” I said trying to brighten up the situation.
She rolled her eyes. She tossed her backpack in the trunk and I opened the car door for her.
There was a long line of traffic that took us ten extra minutes then it should have. I was anxious and nervous for her.We eventually arrived at the place in Beverly and April looked more nervous than ever before.
“I can't do this. I won't fit in. No one will talk to me and-”
“I'll go with you.” I interrupted.
“What? No you don't have to.” She said shaking her head
“No. I want to.” I gave her a smile and opened the door.
We walked in and a lady lead us to the teen support group that had already started five minutes ago. She said it was fine that I came with April and she let's everyone have their first day for free to see if they like it. We rushed in there and took a seat in the large circle in the center of the room.
“Hello glad you could join us, I am Mr. Juergens if you didn't know. Girls, would you like to introduce yourselves." The man said.
“Yes. I am Jessica Hayes, but you can call me Jess. And this is my friend April.” I said
“Hi.” April said softly
“Okay now everyone else can introduce themselves to April and Jessica. Let's go around in a circle starting from Jake.” Mr. Juergens said.
Everyone said their name and age to April and I as our eyes wandered around the room.
Mr. Juergens stood up.
“Alright so the plan for today is to have a stress relieving day. Don't be afraid to get things off your chest. Everything said in here never leaves this room. Got it?” Everyone nodded
“So let's learn a little bit more about everyone. Why did you decide to come here? What is something special about you? Let's hear what everyone has to say. Who wants to go first?" He gazed around the circle of nervous faces. Everyone was trying their best not to make eye contact with him.
I glanced around the room and everyone was blank. I looked at April, she looked back at me. Her hand slowly started to raise. Her foot was tapping nervously against the floor. I smiled at her and whispered to her to raise it higher. She did so.
“Yes! April!” Mr. Juergens said with a big fat grin on his face.
   “Well, the reason I'm here is I suffer from drug and alcohol abuse. I've had depression and anxiety ever since I was little. I never received help for it. My Mom had me at 16. I haven't seen her in over 10 years. But my Dad has been taking care of me ever since my Mom left. My Dad isn't a bad person, but he's not a good one. Especially, not a good father. His idea of spending time together always involves a cigarette or some vodka. Ever since I could he has encouraged me to drink. Alcohol makes him a different person, someone I don’t want to be around.Whatever I wanted to do with him, he could not do it without a beer or cigarette in his hand."
She looked down and slightly bit her lip
“I've never had someone, who truly cared for me. My whole life I've felt so alone. People look at me like I’m this scary, mean and angry person. I'm sorry I can't afford nice clothes with no tears or rips and stains on them. I was about to give up, when I heard about this rumor people made up about me being pregnant. I couldn't take it.”
She paused and closed her eyes for a split second.
“Alone in the hallways, everyone staring at me. I couldn’t feel safe at school, or even my own home. My Dad has hit, punched, and verbally abused me. There was nothing to live for. I couldn’t think of one thing.”
I glanced at the people in the room who were completely engaged in what she was saying. It was the longest I’ve ever heard her talk and I was inspired by her bravery.
“So one day, a few weeks ago, when the rumor was getting worse and worse I planned to hang myself. What stopped me? A girl who came into my life.” She turned her head toward me and stared into my eyes.
“She made me realize there is always something to live for. Although it may not seem like it now, it’s just the beginning of my journey, and I want to live every moment of it until the end.”
I smiled big and my heart filled with joy.
A tear dropped from her eye and streamed down her face.
“I wanted to live not only for myself, but for her. She told me she cared about me. I had never heard that before. And that's all I ever really needed, to stop me.”
“So Jess, thank you. You saved my life."
My eyes lit up. I was inspired, and so proud of what she had become. This stranger I once knew nothing about a few months ago, turned out to be the one whose life I would change. She also changed me. I realized I meant something in this world, just as much as she meant, just as much as everyone meant.
I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight.
"Wow. April, thank you so much for sharing your story with us.” Mr. Juergens said smiling at her
“That was very powerful and I hope a lot of you can listen to that and be inspired by it.” Mr. Juergens said facing the class.
One boys hand went up, then another boy, then a girl looked around and raised hers.
“My whole life my parents’ have told me i’m an accident. I told them I was transgender just a few months ago and they completely shut me out. I have stayed at my friend’s house but I don’t like it there either.” One boy said
“I dated this guy for 6 months and I fell in love two months in. He raped me and I can’t seem to get rid of him. I guess it’s not actually him that I can’t get rid of, he’s in jail, but the thought of it and the memories. They won’t go away.” One girl said
We got to hear more about everyone's story and the battles they have faced. April's story was the normal compared to everyone else’s. No one was afraid to open up anymore. She opened a door in my life, and all the other kid’s lives. A door that was once shut and never to be opened. It was most important for her and for everyone to learn they are not alone. Everyone is going through something.
We said goodbye to everyone and headed for the door. Everyone was so sweet and accepting.
“Hey what you said in there, it was amazing. You're such an inspiration and you have so much to give to this world, and to the people in it.” I said to April
“Thank you for this.” She said
My mom picked us up and April gave us her address to drop her off. The whole car ride was mostly me talking about everyone else's stories that interested me.
“This one girl Yasmine, her parents abandoned her and left her on the street and now she lives in a foster home with this other family and she loves it. She still needs help recovering so she said this support group might help her cope.
I turned towards April.
“Hey, you should think about going into foster care!” I suggested
“No my dad wouldn't like that.” April said
“Hey it is her decision, Jess. April can do what she wants.” My Mom said defensively.
I looked at April. She still wasn't, happy. I thought everything was better now. I sure was happy, why wasn’t she? She got to share her story and she has me as a friend, who cares for her very much.
We took a sharp left turn into her driveway. I looked at her house. It was about twice the size of my shed. It was broken down, paint peeling off the the outside and it was an ugly dirty yellow color. The yard and driveway were covered in leaves.
“Thank you Mrs. Hayes.” April said then slammed the car door shut.
“Bye.” I said silently as she was already making her way up the driveway. I thought to myself, did I do something wrong? She didn't hug me goodbye or anything. She's not even grateful for what I have done for her.
We waited in her driveway to assure she could get in. A man opened the door as she began to reach the steps. He had on a dirty, faded brown leather coat with a cigarette stain on it. He had on ripped light jeans with a hole on the knee I could fit my entire arm through.
“Hey April. What are you doing here so late? I thought I told you to stop staying out so late. Do you ever listen to me? Ever?” The man said.
My Mom and I watched curiously through the windows trying to read his lips.
“Dad how much have you drank?” April said backing away
“Get over here!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her up to the front step.
"Stop! Let go!" April yelled pulling her arm away.
“What should we do Mom?” I asked nervously
My mom pulled her cellphone out from her purse and dialed 9-1-1 and paused to press call.
He pulled a bottle of whiskey out from his pocket and took a large gulp. He tossed it in the bushes and took out a cigarette.
“You wanna finish it up?” The man splat the last drop of whiskey at April's face.
My Mom pressed call and she got a hold of the police.
“Hi we have a young girl about fourteen here and her Dad is extremely intoxicated. He is grabbing and pushing her. Please hurry!" My mom gave them the address and they said they would be there in three minutes.”
I was too nervous to get out of that car. April started walking away and he ran after her. He grabbed her neck and that's when I leaped out of the car.
“Get off of her!” I yelled
I ran up the driveway and stopped next to April short of breath
“Okay, let me get this straight.” He said dragging out his words.
“Are you tryna fight me. That makes a lot of sense.” He paused to pull out a cigarette
“You listen here.” he grabbed my shirt collar. I could smell the whiskey on his breath.
“My daughter can’t be messin around with dirty kids like you.”
My heart was pounding out from my chest. What if I couldn't save her. I could never go against this man. I would be a failure of a friend once again. All these thoughts raced through my head as he babbled on about "rich kids like me" when suddenly he released my shirt and fell back.
“Sir you're under arrest.” The officer put him in handcuffs while he swore his mouth off at them.
I grabbed April and hugged her from the side. Her head rested on my shoulder.
“Thank you. How could I ever thank you enough.” She said
April was put in a foster family the next day. They were perfect for her. George and Lea were the sweetest most loving parents a kid could have. They love children but no matter how much they tried they couldn’t have one. So they decided to turn to a foster child. They have three other foster kids who have experienced pregnancy, physical abuse and anorexia. So they could definitely handle April. The two boys are sixteen and the girl is eighteen. They all got along well and they were intrigued in April’s life story. April loved her new parents, mainly because they were good and genuine people who truly loved her and expressed it. It took only two weeks after she moved in, for her to become sober. She never bounced back.
April didn’t see her father at all since the day he was arrested. He is her father. But it is not the blood that makes us family, it’s love. I could tell from that moment on, she was happier. Her smile was true and pure, and not plastered on to obscure what lied behind it. I could always tell when she wasn’t feeling herself.
Scott broke up with me a week later. He said he “didn’t feel a connection anymore.” I knew it was because of who I chose to hang around with. My hallway friends were April, Ella, Claire and Gina. Then I had the cheer team. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I wasn’t the least bit sad when Scott broke up with me. I have felt true love before, and I knew what him and I had wasn’t it. True love means being willing to do anything for that person and love them no matter their flaws. That is the love I felt so strongly for April. I didn’t need him. I had everything I wanted, I had a best friend. I knew Anna was with me, each and every day. Maybe not physically but in spirit. I felt as if my guilt was overcome. I made up for it. Anna gave me April, in order to overcome the battle I was fighting inside. April told me I saved her life. I wish I could have done that for Anna but then again what if I had never met April.
The more I got to know April, the more I realized how alike her and Anna were. They not only looked alike, but they had similar traits too. They were both so adventurous and free. April forced me to stop caring about what people think of me. She helped me focus on what really mattered in life. Love. Love is so important. Love towards the world, love towards what you do, love towards your family and friends and love towards yourself. What is life without love?
From that moment all the way to senior year, nothing changed. All the changes I went through were from September to December freshman year. The most important thing that changed was myself. I didn’t carry around guilt like a 100 pound medicine ball, I liked myself inside and out and I found a way to be outgoing towards everyone, not just my clique. I made a million other friends, but what I loved most was being around the people who made me better. Whenever someone was upset or sad about something, we could all tell. We would always remind them what we love about them and how much they mean to us. That’s what true friends are for. I’m so glad I left Tamara when I did and I’m glad that I know now that I do deserve to be happy.
After senior year I attended Boston College University. I loved it and it was not hard to fit in. As for April, she got into NYU. I was so proud of her. She and I had gotten everything we wanted and more than we could imagine. I loved life. I was at college living the dream with awesome people and amazing adventures ahead. The sad thing is, April and I drifted apart as soon as we attended college. We didn’t talk at all our first week away from each other. We didn’t even check up on each other once during freshman year. She was busy with her life, and I had forgot about the life I left behind. I thought about her a lot but talking to her I felt would make me depressed and homesick. April majored in Art while I majored in education because I wanted to be a second grade teacher.
My senior year at college, still nothing from April. I had almost forgot about her. Not literally though, I could never forget about the person who changed my life forever. She was just considered a high school friend.
My summer after senior year was definitely one to remember. I had a boyfriend for about four months then, his name was Jarrod, and I had a clothing line at Nordstroms! I have always been really into fashion so it was a dream of mine to be able to have that opportunity.
So Jarrod said he wanted to do something crazy and spontaneous to start the summer. He decided to get a tattoo. He said ever since a little boy he has always wanted a tattoo of a cross on his left arm. I respected this very much because I was a christian too. He has always been loyal to God and has always went to church at least once a week. He always had God in his life and wanted to devote himself to being a christian. So I decided to come along and watch him get this because hey, it’s pretty spontaneous watching too!
We went to the nearest shop in Boston, just down the road where his cousin Adam worked. Jarrod said Adam could hook him up with a huge discount.
We pulled up next to a small parlor with the word TATTOO in bright blue lights.
“WOW.” I stared in astonishment.
“Cool place, right?” Jarrod opened the door for me as I hopped out.
I grabbed his hand and scurried in. Inside, it had a black and white tile floor and a whole wall filled with different images and designs and patterns. I loved everything about it.
I ran over to the wall and pointed to an adorable butterfly design.
“I really didn’t think a girl like you would be so interested in this stuff.” Jarrod said walking toward me.
I nodded at him and continued to wander around.
Adam told Jarrod he was ready for him and I followed along behind him. Jarrod explained he wanted a bold cross on his bicep printed with blue ink and a 3D font.
“You know we have this one girl that has mad talent for stuff like that. She did this eagle for me.” Adam pointed to an eagle on his chest.
“Wow, that’s sick man. Can she do mine?” Jarrod asked
“Yeah I’ll bring her in.” Adam stuck his head out the door and began to yell
“Hey, anybody know where the newbie is?” He looked to his left then to his right.
“Ah there ya are!” He motioned at her in the corner of the store at her desk to come over. She quickly got up from her chair and walked towards him. He whispered to her outside the room.
“You got this. Your a great artist. Your first customer, do your best. I believe in you.” Adam patted her on the back and escorted her in the room.
She walked in the room and greeted us. She had curly dark brown hair that just barely touched her shoulders. She had green piercing eyes that seemed way too familiar. She had freckles scattered across her face and delicate full lips. Why was she so familiar? I shook her hand.
“I’m Jess. You look familiar. Do I know you?”
“I’m April, people now call me Stone. I believe we know each other, very well. High school, right?” She said with a bright and friendly smile.
Her smile gave it all away. The smile that was rare and not often seen. The smile that was cherished once seen, and had the power to lighten even the gloomiest of days.
“April! It’s so nice to see you! We haven’t talked in so long!” I said
“I know dude, we need to catch up. But before we do I gotta get this job done.” She placed her hands on her hips
“So what are you getting today?” She glanced at me
“Oh no, not me! Jarrod’s here to get a tattoo. I’m just here for moral support! We hear you’re really talented! I always knew you were! I’m so happy for you, how long have you been working here?” I asked.
“It’s my first day. Yeah you’re my first so I’m a little nervous I don’t want to let anyone down. But this is what I love to do, I always have. I am free to express my creativity, do what I love, it’s amazing.” She said with a smile.
Jarrod waited  impatiently for April. He sighed loudly to catch our attention.
“Alright, Jarrod I’ll be right with you.” April walked toward him with a book of designs.
Jarrod pointed to the font he wanted and reassured she knew what she was doing. She nodded her head confidently and rolled up his sleeve and got right to it. Jarrod was cringing the entire time and his face was squished together like a prune. Then twenty minutes later he was done.
“Hey, you survived!” I said examining the intricate cross design on his arm
“This is incredible April!” My jaw dropped to the floor.
I had forgotten how talented she was and couldn’t believe how much she had improved
“Yeah, thanks a lot it looks awesome!” Jarrod said staring in the mirror at his bicep more than the design.
“You’re next!” April suggested with a smirk on her face
“I think we are good for today.” I said with a chuckle
“C’mon I owe you it. It’ll be entirely on me. No price. C’mon Jess! Please.” April gave me her sad puppy dog face and I shook my head as if saying never in a million years
I mean it was summer. I promised myself I would be adventurous and try new things. But this, this was different. A tattoo is a lifetime thing. I would have to put all my trust in April.
“You’re crazy. I think we’re gonna head out, we definitely have to hang out sometime, I missed you a lot.”
“Jess. You’re not going anywhere.” April stepped in front of the door
“C’mon be adventurous Jess, you always told me to live life as if today was your last and as if regrets didn’t exist. You told me-”
“Okay fine, i’ll do it!” I interrupted
“Yes! There’s the Jess I remember!” April grabbed my hand then plopped my body on the chair. I began to panic.
“Alright so what would you like?” April asked fiddling through her tools.
“I don’t know, I-I don’t know if I can do this. I want one but i’m scared it will hurt.” I stuttered
“Lemme tell you something. It will hurt. I won’t sugarcoat it. Just get something that means something to you. It doesn’t have to be big. It can be a small one on your ankle or something. Just make sure it has meaning to you.”
“You know what? I like that idea. How about a little one on my left wrist. Something I can look at, for me personally and that means something to me.” I paused and glanced at her wrists as I sat in the chair. I remembered back when times were more complicated. When her wrists were covered in cuts and slits. When I didn’t know if I or anyone else could help her. I looked at them again, clean and veiny, the way wrists should look.
“April.Yeah, that’s what I want. April in a cursive font.”
“Are you sure?! You don’t have to do that, get something else.” April said
“No, I am sure. You said get something that means something to you.” I smiled at her
“You’re too sweet Jess.” She pulled out a needle and I quickly turned my head. She grabbed my wrist and started to murder it. It felt like a shot, but for a whole straight five minutes, digging into my skin. I wanted to scream more than I ever have before.
“And, done!” April shouted
“Woo-hoo!” I yelled jumping up from my seat
I glanced down at my wrist.
“Anna? It says, Anna?” I gave her a confused look
“I know she means something to you. I don’t think she would want you to forget about her.”
I was speechless. I smiled and and a tear rolled down my cheek
“Thank you. This is amazing.” I grabbed her and pulled her against me tightly. I closed my eyes and another tear ran down my face onto her jean jacket.
“Wait, how do you even remember her?” I asked curiously
“Jess, she was all you would talk about. I want you to always remember how you changed my life and how Anna helped you do that. I hope I am half as good as a friend to you as she was.” April said
“Of course you are. I love you so much.” I said grabbing her hand
“I love you too.” She said squeezing my hand tightly
I looked down at Anna’s name on my wrist and looked up at the sky. I leaned my head on April’s shoulder.
She was all I needed.  I knew no matter where we were in this world, our hearts were always together. I knew Anna had been with me all along. I know she’ll be there with me wherever life decides to take me.
And the wrist is history! Haha, sorry. I had to end it like that.