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It was the first of march and I was just stopping cutting myself for the fifth time since the year began. Why? Because my mother's a drug addict, because she doesn’t know how to choose a right guy, because she rushes into relationships, because she trusts easily, because she wants a perfect husband and because every marriage she's been in has gone down the grain. When I first started school I had already started cutting myself not much but still my mom was at her three husband who was just like the rest of the guys she had been with and they all were addicted to drugs and went crazy when they didn’t have anymore. So If and when they went crazy I would be their rage bag someone they would take they anger on and guess who tired to stop them from hitting me, NO ONE. He throw me across the room punched my face saying I was worthless and a good for nothing girl just like my mother. I looked at my mother hoping and praying she would come to my recruit, but sadly she doesn’t all she does is sit on the chair that he stole from an old lady and nearly killed.

Later on my mom told me she would not be getting into any relationships with any guys that was when I was nine, she convinced me because she had gone one year with out being in a messed up relationship not that I would call those “relationships” but they sure are messed up. She bought a house and got a job as clerk at a small mall just a few miles from our house and I was now in fourth grade and it was going pretty good I got good grade and every time I got good grades my mom and I would go to a fast food restaurant and get a lot of food joke and make fun of ourselves and when people looked at us we would laugh even more. It made me happy to see my mother laughing again in so long I missed her smile, her hugs and her mind set on me not some weird smelling drugs.

Years past and it was still my mom and I just having much fun as possible knowing that it would change at any moment. By then my mom got a better job as manger at my favorite boutique. One afternoon me and my mom went to the park to get some fresh air which felt really good, my mom told me to go play on the swing set and I did as she said but after like playing on that swing set little kids started coming and I noticed I was getting really old for all this stuff. The kids were really little and needed help to get on the swings and as old as I was I helped them and played with some of them, they giggled and laughed so hard it made me cry a little cause they were making me laugh hard to and when I laugh to hard tears start coming out of my eyes just like my mom. After a while I thought of what she was doing and went to check up on her and I was SO shocked to see my mom sitting next to what seemed like a basketball player he was really tall and handsome like I hid behind a tree hoping he didn’t see me but then when I turned to take another peek I saw them walking toward the tree I was hiding behind. I had to think fast and very fast I told myself to run like the wind but what if... I had no time I got up behind that tree and run so fast I didn’t know I was that fast while running I thought to myself “why aren’t I on the track team?' but it was just a thought.

After that park visit my mind could not be at rest I kept on thinking and thinking unstop asking myself questions like why was she with him how do they know each other what were they doing I was so nervous to see my mom again at home I pretended to be asleep when she got home she came in my room and kissed my forehead good night closed the door and I then I heard her door close as well.

The next morning was like no other since my mom and I were together she seemed to be talking to some one and laughing really loud. I brushed my teeth combed my hair and got dressed up to go to school when my mom walked in and said that I was going to be staying at my aunt's place for a while so I better pack up some clothes for a week or two when I asked why she just answered with a weird looking smile and that's when I knew something was really going wrong I did as she said when to school and then there I had to deal with the bullying that my classmates gave me. They called my mom a drug face, a money beg-er, and a crack head. I ran in the rest room and locked myself in one of the stores and just thought positive and how my mom was happy and not using drug at the moment...

… but as I kept on thinking my eyes fulled up with tears and I begun to cry I got the little thing and the back of my book bag that I used to use to cut myself and cut myself just a little. Well that’s what I thought I cut myself like five times total or maybe was it six I think it was like seven yeah maybe. I came out of the restroom and went to the main office to call my aunt who by the way hates phones and to my surprise she picked up, I told her if she could come and pick me up early cause I wasn’t feeling well. She said she was at work and want going to pick me up till like 3pm and it was only 12 pm, so as bad as that sounded to me I went ahead and called my mom so that she unlike my aunt would come and get me and take me home where I would sit and enjoy my day. But when I called her she didn’t answer so I called her twice and the second time I called her she well this guy picked up and said that she wasn’t home at the moment and I asked why was he there if my mom wasn’t there…

… he was so rude saying its none of your little business. If I was big or older I would have thrown some word out there but I didn’t all I said was this is she daughter I don’t feel well and I need my mom to come pick me up then his voice change and he was all like oh I’m sorry okay ill come and pick you up if that’s okay because your mother went to go do her hair I’m taking her out to dinner. In my mind I was like okay sir that to much info but instead I said sure and hung up I sat down on a wooden chair in the main office and took out a book and started reading. After a while he came up to me in the main office and asked if I was the girl who called and I said yes.

I stood up and he led me to the car where he opened the door for me and closed it, we got home and I went right to my room and started to listen to music but after like 15 minutes of listening to my music my mp3 player battery was low and the changer of it was in the living room so I went to go get it just to find him drinking my mom's favorite wine he drunk like one-third of the whole bottle. He saw me open the kitchen closet and I guess thought I was trying to rob the place or something because he came at me running screaming stop right there and pushed me to the wall slapping me then picking me off the floor and slumming me to the wall, I begged him to please stop but he punched me so hard I passed out. The next thing I heard was my mom's voice shouting at him for drinking her wine. I thought about getting up but realized it might be dangerous not knowing if I broke something or not so I stayed in my bed just listening to my mom and that guy screaming at each other all night long then I finally went to sleep.

Two years past and my mom had had two drug husbands who made my life a living nightmare everyday I saw them and one boyfriend that made my mom very violent were she also started to abusing me for no reason. Sending me to clubs and trying to sell me to get some drugs but all that happened was BAD stuff, bad stuff I don’t want to ever remember EVER. My mother is a monster I thought she changed but I guess I was wrong. I cut myself like every hour it seemed I was so depressed I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to just disappear and never be seen again. My mom made me drop out of school and by the age of fifteen I knew how to use some of the drugs and I wont lie I used them to take the stress off but not as much as my mom. I hated myself for using them but then I stopped, instead every chance I got I packed my clothes in a suitcase.

It was one day till my 16th birthday and I was kinda of excited it was the day I would run always from my evil mother and her two drug boyfriends that didn’t even care about her. Even though they said they did I knew they were lying in her face, telling her they loved her so much and then hitting her the next minute she says she lost something. I started to put my plans in motion and dropped my suitcase outside of my window waiting for the right time to get out of that evil house. I looked for any money I could find and got it but as soon as I found the last dollar one of my mom's boyfriends found me and he was already high I tried to run but he caught me, he picked me up by my legs and my neck and throw me into my moms closet which she never used and then locked the door and just walked away like nothing happened. I was so scared I knew now I should have acted faster, I should have just ran away and never looked back. I shouted, screamed and lost my voice all I did was wonder if I was going to die in here and never be found, I lay my head down wondering if I’ll die in my sleep. When I woke up the door was opened and my mom was holding me I quickly stood up thanked my mom for opening the door but then I head her other boyfriend say “did u find her yet she has a meeting with that guy we met in that club”.

I knew what that might I ran to my room jumped out of the window got my suitcase and ran as fast as I could away from that house not looking back just running and running not stopping. As I approached a road I saw a bright car parked behind a tree I slowly walked away passing it hoping it wasn’t a cop and it wasn’t. I felt happy I felted good it was my birthday and I was free I had something to eat in my case and money I sat down enjoying the nice warm night that I didn’t see much smiling and singing a little song I made up called I am free. I stoop up again and continued walking away from the light so that no one would see me it was the best birthday I’ve ever had even though it wasn’t much. Three cars past by me but the fourth one came really close I moved away cause it was pretty close but it didn’t see me.

I kept on walking but a car from no where came and HIT me breaking my back and neck then letting me hit the pole that was next to me I felt my heart slow down I couldn’t feel my feet but then I heard someone get out of the car. It was the guy who locked me in my mom's closet, he had a smile on him face looking at me like I was worthless his mouth opened “you thought you were smart but your not just like your mother”. I heard another door open and it was...IT WAS... MY MOTHER, she spit on me and said I shouldn’t have run away. I slowly looked at her with nothing to say no tears to cry just a broken heart about to die. Her boyfriend then kicked my head also spit on my mouth and rode past my feet then the tears began, I couldn’t move it was my birthday I was spit on and left to die. As I saw the wheels ride and break my feet I knew I was going to die sad and alone. The car rode off really fast disappearing not looking back and my eyes slowly closed... .... …
till I couldn’t .. . … breathe... or .. . hear a heart.. beat.. any.. more.

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