If i could ever see you again..
Author's note: Special thanks to all the HIMSians , my teachers , friends and my family for inspiring and... Show full author's note »
Darkness.. only darkness exist here...If I could ever see you again....
I Tiara Mcheels of Zagreb,Croatia am sitting and looking out of the beautiful crafted window from where then wonderful world can be seen. As I close my eyes, I can remember the rain, the bright light, wind blowing, big noise that comes closer and closer in a high speed and!.. I dont remember anything except that i was writhing in pain..
I am 24 of 5'6 tall with long blond curls bouncing at my back. I have only one sister, Chloe who is married to a young good looking business man a long time back. They have two kids, Helen,13 and Dann ,7. I live with Helen, a small girl who knows everything about me, my life.
It was all four months back, I was hurriedly going to the office I work in. Suddenly, I banged with a man I didn't know but he knew me. As we banged , “Hey, Tiara! Calm down.” the voice tried to make me cool but I didn't bother to even look at his face.I just picked up my bag and went on walking.While I reached too far a similar voice shouted,”ill call you!”. Still I didnt bother to turn around. I just kept on walking. All my thought were aiming gor was to reach the office as fast as I could. As I reached my office there was expected words to hear. “ tiara! You are late!”. All the spits came flying to my face. I looked all messed up and my boss was shouting at me like hell. “You really dont have any idea about how important this meeting is!”. Like every boss shouts at their assistant I was in the same state. “ Now, go and print out the reports well and dont forget to keep it on the conference room before the clients arrive!”. That was something obvious. I turned to my desk and rushed to the computer and my boss shouted again,”Dont make a mess anymore!”. I hurriedly typed all the files and documents very fast and then printed it all, kept all the paper in each pockets of the files. I managed to carry all the files and rushed to the conference room. I placed the files neatly in each desk, called the peon to get ready all the coffee and water to place in each of the desk. I hurriedly arranged all the chairs of the room. I closed all the windows and turned on the Air Conditioner and the projector, kept the stick on the main desk of boss, I finally stood infront of the white board and checked if everything went fine. I was glad things were on their place. Although I come late, too late actually but I do my works perfectly, I smiled to myself. When I finally saw a paper on the floor next to the door. I ran and picked up the paper to throw it but the door opened and the first man enetering stepped on my tiny finger. I yelled like I normally do. Then the man recognised and me and apologized for it. I saw my boss glaring at me strangely. I came to know that after the meeting I will b getting a splendid harsh scolding from my angry boss Mr.Fox. I actually hate him. I went out of the conference room and saw all the other staffs of the office smiling at me. They smile at me because they feel pity on me, my condition the was my boss treats me was even more worst than the wasy he treats to the peon. It was like hell. After few hours Mr.Fox and the other clients came out of the room. Boss softly told in my ears,”it was .. quite a success..”. He gulped and went to the washroom. I was happy as he didnt shout or got mad at me. The day was fine after that went fine.
I returned home and I told my days work to Helen. Then there was a call while helen was surfing on net. I answered , “Tiara speaking”. “Hey Tiara! Dont you remember me?”. It was the same voice I heard in the morning.i was surprised and answered again,”oh yes ofcourse! What was your name? Jack.. joe.. what was it? I bearly remember.” the speaker laughed at that moment. “ you barely remember me Tiara Mcheels. I am Ethan! Remember?”.
“ are you sure you know me? Because your load is going to finish until I remember you.”
the speaker laughed again,” Nah , it wont. I am Ethan Mosbey from San Marino..” silence....
then I went all startled,” Ethan Mosbey! I remember you.. how can I ever dare forget you. Now would u mind if I say I am quite busy at the moment?” I was angry. I didnt want to talk to him about anything.”Tiara its been years we havent--”. I disconnected the call. I got weak. There was his call again I couldnt receive the call but he texted....
I am sorry. Please forgive me. I know you are not that busy to not read my message. For the sake of the little thing please accept my call. I just want you to listen what I have got to say.. please.. just once... dont ignore me... “
There was a call again from Ethan.. I accepted the call... he spoke” hey Tiara I am sorry.. (my heart started falling down.) please.. Tiara..” I had no words except asking him.., “ Is it really you Ethan?”
“yes. Tiara I want you to forgive me...” “Its already all finished Ethan! Please.. I beg you not to interfere in my life again.. ( I was moaning) please.. ethan.. --” Helen disconnected the call saying angrily to Ethan , “you dont realise anything what happened Mr. Mosbey!!!”
I looked at her and cried hard. She was a mother to em while she was patting me on my back, “its all gonna end well aunt Tiara..”. “why is he back again, helen? Why? I dont understand anything!”
she softly anwered to my question, “please Tiara dont even bother to look back at your previous pages u had with him. It will only hurt you more..” I cried for a long time then and fell asleep on her laps. The next day I went to my office two hours earlier. I sat on the chair and tried to remember everything that had happen once upon a time in my life. When tiara mcheels was with ethan mosbey...
Mr.Fox was surprised to see me early . He just started his work after giving me some files. I finished my works early and returned back to home. Everyday started passing the same was while everyday Ethan texted me. After a long busy week while I was on my way to office. Ethan was there on the way. The first thing he asked, “ Do you really hate me that hard Tiara?”.
“Why are you here Ethan?!” I shouted.
“ I am here for us. You, me and the … baby, tiara”.
“i cant see any us around Ethan and please dont join these three words together.. atleast not from you.”.
“Why are you hiding !??” Ethan shouted.
“I aint hiding! !! “ I didnt even look at his face. I couldnt.
“ Our child Tiara.. where is it?”
“ It? Anyways wherever it is.. its really happy , ethan mosbey.. I am late now.. I have to go..” I hurriedly went on my way like always but this time? There was tears flowing... After work I the evening while I was on my bed Ethan texted. “ how does the baby look like, Tiara?”
I was shivering but still I answered, “ it has your eyes , Ethan. Its a boy exactly like you.” I hate him the minute while I was replying but I didnt want to hurt him. I didnt want him to be broken because of me. I still somwhere felt like he shouldnt be hurt, ATLEAST HE SHOULDNT...
After half an hour Ethan called me and I couldnt reject. He asked if the baby knows about him and I told him the boy knew about his father.. Ethan cried that moment I guess because there was a different silence. He asked the boy's name and I told him, “its Christopher Mathews” “ but.. it should be christopher mosbey”
“Unless we are together his name wont be mosbey, Ethan. I am sorry . Take care.” I disconnected the call and I was crying al over again. Things seemed to be like it was once. I was crying.. Ethan was crying and maybe the boy is crying too. Its been six years hiding about everything. I ran from San marino to zagreb. No one in the world knows anyhting about our son. I am sorry my son for never giving you name.
Since then everything changed, Ethan started calling everyday. I realised how much I was wrong about him, the real Ethan.. I never got to know him. I was the reason for all what happened. Every single bit of silliness I thiought he had done was actually done by me. Days passed by talking with him and being more close.. being a part of him again but as people say, with happiness there is always a shadow, drops of bad too thatMakes all the happiness invisible.
We only didn’t laugh and talk but we argued and got mad at each other too when things turn bad. As he used to come in my home. Even that day he did like always. When he brought up the question once again like most of those days he used to.“Please Tiara, tell me once and for all so that even you won’t get irritate by my questions. Please, I beg you “He insisted me. That was the moment I was normally mad at him.
“For god sake, Ethan. Will you stop asking about it again and again? I’m going crazy.”
“Will you tell me?”
“No, Ethan! I don’t want anything to come around him that’ll hurt him”
“Why? Why me?” his face looked shocked “Why you! That’s the reason I have right now for your stupid question right now! He’s just 5 Ethan…”
“You don’t even have any idea of how old is he when he is actually 6!”
“What do you think I am? Huh?
Well, why I am discussing with a guy like you? Its just a waste of time.”
“Don’t Tiara, Don’t make me be this way anymore!”
“You know something? You left us in the midst of time (I cried)! Do you even remember that I had called you hundred, thousand times when I actually needed you? Well the reason in no! You didn’t even bother to turn back and give us hand, Ethan!”
“I needed you ETHAN!! (I was Crying) Damn it!!! I --- needed you!”. “I told you I was sorry for that.” “I was just a normal 18 years girl living my life, Ethan… I never expected you would do this to me… I never thought you would change me.”
“ I never wanted you to change Tiara..” “You always made me feel you wanted me to change…”
“Please be quiet. Things are all the same.”
“No Ethan! I am sorry to say No! Things change! Things have changed! And who knows things will change more!”.
“Tiara you’re making no sense.” “Neither do you, Ethan!”
“Please, Tiara Please! Just tell me where our child is!!”
“Do I have to repeat it once more?”
“I beg you, Damn it!”
“And I beg you too, Damn it!”
“I can’t believe you!! How can you be so stubborn? You are separating the kid from his father!! Don’t you feel guilty??!!”
“Do you even have any idea of what the hell are you talking about, GUILTY? And for you? No Ethan, Never! That’s a sin for me to have for you which will surely make me feel guilty, Ethan!.Wish I had a heart to give you another chance but I’m sorry to say there is a heartless women standing beside you shouting like hell!”
“I really can’t believe this…”
“That’s a relief that you can’t even do when I was expecting so much!!”
“What were you expecting from me?”
“It was just nothing!!”
“I should have never come searching for you with any hope at all! I just want to see him, just a little just, just a sweet words to share and make him realize how much I love him.”
“He is better off happy without you, Ethan?”.
“I need that kid however in any case! I won’t him to get his own name! He is one of the Mosbey’s, Tiara not the Mathew’s!”
“Whatever it is, I’m never gonna let him be in touch with you!”
My thoughts were turning very bad at that time. I didn’t even realize what stupid things I was telling him. Ethan’s hands were in my shoulder he calmly asked me, “Do you know how much I love him? The day I heard there is a kid of us. Since then I started searching you. I was like a mad horse!”
“That’s a true sentence, you have ever told! You was like a mad horse throwing his master on the way and running miles”
“I came searching you two all the way.”
“Who knows if the master is hurt badly or if someone else helped the master?”
“ Don’t make riddles, Tiara. I just want you to answer me! Is he fine? Is… he… happy?”
“Maybe he is, Ethan or maybe not… It’s a long way … you haven’t found him yet. You just found the person who helped him search his way nothing else…”
“Please answer me tonight or else… I’ll sue you!”....
I was all shock, shouting at him, “The hunger you have of your wealth is really never gonna end, Ethan! Never GONNA END!!! I can’t believe I love a greedy man like you!”. He left the house with a big bang on the door! I was crying, still shouting at him, still in pain, still hurt badly.
It was at the evening while he was calling me again and again. I was heartless. I didn’t answer any of his calls. Didn’t reply any of his messages and the biggest thing was. I didn’t want to look at him ever again, EVER!! One whole week passed badly. I didn’t go to my work. Sitting all the day in home. I couldn’t smile anymore. It had been 3 months only we had met again but we were still the same old Ethan and Tiara. Then… A day came… when I had to loose my everything…
I got a call from the child care center that my kid… my Christopher was dead. He had tumor years back and I was hiding it from all which killed him then. I was hurriedly going to the child care center when I … just … didn’t reach there.
The next day I was in the hospital. All I would hear was doctor speaking with my sister. I heard them…Doctor softly, “ I am sorry.. I couldn’t help her…”. Then I felt a warmth in my hand while my sister, Chloe spoke softly, “Thank you for your attention doctor…” I could feel a drop of water on my hand. It was dropping in every 5 seconds. Then there was a noise of a door closed.I then heard Helen crying and trying to console Chloe. I didn’t have any idea what was happening. Unless there was a noise of a door again. An unknown rough voice spoke, “Excuse me. I am here for the case..”
Then I felt Chloe and Helen leaving my hands and standing a little far. The man with the rough voice sat on a bench next to me. He didn’t speak for a few seconds. Then he interrupted the silence, “Miss.Tiara Mcheels?”
“Yes.” I slowly whispered as I could.
“I am sorry to inform you about your son and … as you are permanently… blind but I have to investigate…” That was the second my heart broke…
My tears were controlling itself not to flow. Was I really?? BLIND?? But…I couldn’t believe anything. The the man spoke again softly. “What exactly do you remember happened the last night, miss?”
I forced my to close as I spoke, “It’s raining…, there’s a bright light… Strong wind’s blowing, still I am walking, there’s a big noise coming closer & closer, I can hear horn’s, and!!! Nothing else but… all I can feel is I am in pain… my eyes are burning!!! I feel like there are a lot of glass pieces and I want to take them all out and see my son…” I could hear Chloe & Helen moaning. Then the man stood up as I heard pushing of the chair. He then softly ended our talk, “Thank you, miss for giving us your precious time.. Hope you’ll get going home soon…”
I neither could smile nor cry…
I was just opening and closing my eyes. I couldn’t see anything but darkness… After a month I was permitted to go back home. I was finally discharged when I was being held by Chloe to slowly stand up. There was a strange burning and paining at my back. I was kept on a wheel chair. Chloe, Helen and Dann took me home. Chloe stayed in my home for few days until I was fully aware of the road and staircases on the way. I used to walk with a black stick maybe but It was a hard one as I could feel it. Days were difficult to pass. I could do nothing but take support every single time.
Here I am telling my blind less story I had, standing in front of window from where the beautiful city could be seen..
Sore in my heart & my stubborn pride bent as I rise my soul, there is strain in my every nerve. When there is nothing to gain but for what’s its worth.
I will keep the little life I have till the unstoppable mourn stops, the mourn that has to removed, the mourn that has the wealthiest reason to come alive…
If I had known
If we had known
If you had know..
We would have been together once..
My silent tears speak to you, while they don’t even whisper…
My heartfelt thanks go to you, to give me sadness and laughter… I am sorry to let you down, I am sorry to leave you behind and I am sorry for who I am …
I was bad. I never meant to hurt you. If I had ever listened to you, you would see him, our child. He could have seen you and me. Probably, I could see you again, see us all together for once and forever.......
Please do forgive me, although you can never know the truth about your son and me but please, all I can do now is beg through my heart, beg through my soul….. To the only one I know who was bad and good all together was you Mr.Mosbey, I am sorry for being rude, I was bad. I never meant to hurt you. If I had ever listened to you, you would see him, our child. He could have seen you and me. Probably, I could see you again, see us all together for once and forever.......
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