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Romeo and Juliet--A Parody

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CarrieAnn13
Romeo and Juliet--A Parody
Summary: Juliet Capulet is just your average teenage girl until a chance meeting at a community dance changes her life forever. She meets Romeo Montague, who immediately starts stalking her, claiming they are meant to be together. For Juliet, this is just too much; she calls the police. How did such a story inspire the great William Shakespeare? It's not how you think!





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JustAnotherOwl said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 7:04 pm

I read the first chapter...

I liked this. It was an interesting twist, creative and original. I loved that she actually liked Paris.

The sentences could be a bit choppy at times. If you maybe work on the flow of the story and I think it would be great!

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 7:12 pm
Thanks for taking the time to read my novel!  And thank you for the feedback; I'll keep that in mind. :)
 
MissDarkCross said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 7:56 pm

I liked it..but I don't like the fact of how people want to create a younger version of Romeo and juliet. I love William's work the way it is.

 

You could have  made more paragraphs..it makes your work more neat, so I believe.

Overall..pretty good.

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 7:59 pm
Thank you!  And what do you mean by 'a younger version of Romeo and Juliet'?
 
whitstar27 said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 10:42 pm
I liked the story. What a creative idea! I liked how it was different from the original story, yet in a way similar. I think that the ending could have been developed better, though.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 5:09 pm
Thanks for the feedback! :)
 
Annie.C said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 6:18 pm

I like how you grab the reader's attention and make us want to read the book.

I think you could make the sentences transition better though. Make it all run smoothly...

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 6:53 pm
Thank you for the feedback!
 
Shayne121 said...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I thought it was really good...I think that you could fine tune some things and give the work more detail to make it even better, but other than that it was really enjoyable.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 7:23 pm
What do you think I could 'fine tune'?
 
Megan.J.BThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I liked the ideas, and there were many times when I found myself almost laughing and yet, there was a very unhuman element to the story. Yes, there was comedy, but all other emotions were non-existant and the dialogue was fairly forced. I do regard comedy highly though, it's something not everyone has the ability to do :)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm
Why do you think the dialogue sounded forced?
 
Megan.J.BThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 10:44 am
Well, to me it doesn't sound natural, especially when Juliet is speaking. One thing that I do to fix this when I write is by saying the dialogue aloud. Dialogue, unforunately is very tricky that I think most teenage writers have difficulty with, including myself. :)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 1:09 pm
I think it's fairly realistic.  And yes, I did read it aloud; I do that with all my dialogue.
 
Megan.J.BThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm
I mean no offence, of course. If you like the way it sounds then I would keep it that way. You enjoying what you write is what matters most.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 7:09 pm
I know.  Thanks for your honest opinion, though.
 
MrPain said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 11:15 pm

I very much enjoyed this parody. Being able to make people laugh is a woefully under apriciated skill.

I also loved William Shakeseare in this story, I know very few writers that can pull of a good intrusive narrator.

As far as criticism goes, you have some formatting issues. It kind of took me out of the story when I had go back and look at the line "lover boy's on TV" before realizing it was supposed to be a text. Try using a different font or bolding/italisizing it when writi... (more »)

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 11:17 pm

MrPain, as much as I would love to fix the formatting issues, I can't.  Copying and pasting your work takes away any italics or bolds (and different fonts) that you originally had in your work.  This happened to me because this novel was my first submission.  Shakespeare's part was originally in italics and the texts were Arial Bold.  Alas, formatting issues.

Thanks for the feedback!

 
Danealle said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 3:08 pm

hahaha! I love this! The blending of modern day speech with old english was done nicely.

I just think it could flow a little better and some more detail. 

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 3:08 pm
Thanks for reading my parody! :)
 
IncorrectlyWired said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 12:04 pm
Okay, I was reading this in a library and had to try hard not to laugh out loud. It was a really funny take, and I loved that a time-travelling Shakespeare was inspired by something completely off. My only complaint would be, her reactions to his creepyness weren't quite strong enough in my opinion. Also, her boyfriend's reactions were almost non-existant, and some of the dialogue seemed dead/ forced. But overall, I loved this. It was really good.
 

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