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Where The Mind Ends

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6

Chapter 5

“YOU’RE A FREAK!” James yelled. I let the bullet go straight through my head. I used the moment of shock to my advantage. I burned the guards who were holding me and then sent a fireball at James’ desk.
“How was that.” I yelled over the sound of burning wood. He tried to run to the door but I threw a ball of fire at him. He ducked and sprinted out the door and down the hall. I ran after him but more guards came and I had to burn all of them to escape. Unfortunately they grabbed me and brought me back to the burning office.
“Time to feel our pain.” Said one of the guards I burnt. He threw me at the burning desk and slammed the door shut. My clothes quickly caught on fire so I started to roll on the ground. I melded through the floor and ended up in a lab. There was a shattered window on the far left wall. I ran to the window and then went through it. I saw smoke rising from the forest and headed towards it. “It must be Iggy” I thought. I reached the “camp” and saw him sleeping in a make-shift lean-to. I woke him up and he must have thought I was someone else because he kicked me halfway across the forest floor.
“Sorry” he said, “I didn’t know it was you.”
“That’s ok” I managed to get out, picking myself off of the ground. I looked at my stomach and saw a red boot print swelling up on my left side. He helped me up and said we should take turns watching out while the other on sleeps. He offered to go first so I lied myself down and fell into a deep sleep.

Taking the first watch was really boring. Though its better boring than it is exiting if you’re in our situation. The night was uneventful so as soon as Mom woke up we left for a better shelter. We found a cave about ten miles away from our first site. So we set camp up there and made a good fire. We talked and I learned how she escaped the lab place and found me. I thought it was cool. She thought she got lucky. We both laughed at how we perceived the event and talked more over a cooked turkey. We lied down and tried to listen to each other but we knew we couldn’t pay attention for one second. I fell asleep so my mom took the watch for the night.
I woke up to a screetch louder than a bomb explosion. My mom was on the ground clenching her side in agony. She said to run but I couldn’t move.
The screetch came from right behind me. I turned slowly and saw the horror. The creature was one of the mutants form the lab. But this wasn’t just any old mutant.
That was my dead brother.
To be continued…
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

applesauceHater said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm:
OMGEEEH!endings intense! One thing is that you should write a little more emotion and feelings. Like on the first page, you should say how he felt and how it hurt as he gasped for air when he was being choked. Or when he found out that guy was his father. You should have wrote how he was hurt, or confused, anger. Did he have mixed emotions. Did he feel anything towards the mom because of this? Or when he was strapped to the table in the second page, was he scared, nervous?But other than that(hop... (more »)
 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm :
Thank you for the review. I am currently working on a follow up book for this series. I can't wait until I finish. Oh and BTW, I dont mind reading you work
 
kingofwritersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm :

This story was good, but there are a LOT of ways you could've improved it. The plot seemed weak, and you didn't describe the mother telling everything to Iggy, so him learning about his powers kind of seemed like a minor event in the story compared to him renting a motel room. 

You also should've described what the characters looked like, and used higher vocabulary. The whole story seemed to go by really quickly, and it's because you didn't really take the time to describe your en... (more »)

 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm :
BTW you wote the same thing twice but im only in 7th grade so im still working on it.
 
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