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Where The Mind Ends

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Chapter 2

I pulled into a Motel 6 and rented a room for two days. I payed with money from the doctor’s wallet.
“Enjoy your stay,” the clerk said, greedily counting my money. He handed me a key and I walked into my room. Then I decided to try and test my powers. I pictured the TV turning on and the shades closing. Both of these things happened. Thinking of dinner, I thought of a ham steak appearing on the table. I dug in. The TV was tuned to the news and as I mindlessly ate my dinner, something the on the TV caught my eye.
“This just in, crazed killer Iggy Greenwell is on the loose. If anybody knows where he is, please contact your local police.”
How did they know my name? Will they find me?
I put those thoughts aside and decided to go to bed. I decided to lie down for ten minutes, but I couldn’t. So I got up and walked to the kitchen for a snack. Thoughts in my head were filled with my mom’s mouthwatering chocolate chip cookies. Then my thoughts ran short.
Mom.
I still needed to find her. I nearly forgot. Then I jumped into the bed and suddenly my eyes became very heavy. Sleep came at last.
The next morning I went to the mall and got a coffee and a muffin from Dunkin Donuts. I paid using the money from the doctor’s wallet. As I ate my breakfast I organized my next plans. First was checking out the army surplus store. There I bought a jacket, boots, and camo pants. I also bought a basic supply kit which included one canteen for water, a roll of duct tape, a tarp, eight batteries, a flashlight, fast drying glue, a survival knife, and a MRE (meals ready to eat). Then I walked to the barber’s for a haircut and had them dye it black. From here I went back to the motel and changed into my new clothes. I stuffed my old things into my bag, checked out of the motel and cruised onto the interstate.
About 3 miles out I noticed a black pickup truck following me. Without any plans to go anywhere, I pulled off the next exit hoping to shake whoever was following. The pick up continued to follow even closer. I began to get worried when I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the man I the passenger side pull out a deadly looking weapon. Without thinking I sprayed the glue around the outside of the mace, taped the trigger down and timed my throw to hit the open sun roof of the pickup. The mace flew perfectly and then dropped into the sunroof and started spraying everywhere. The gunshot from the man’s weapon knocked him back into his seat. I sped up ahead and pulled off to the side of the road. I watched the driver jump out of his door hitting the ground like a ton of bricks.
As he hit the ground, a cloud of mace billowed from the truck. To my surprise the truck kept moving forward. The passenger popped his head out the sunroof. It looked as though he was carrying a shotgun times two. I began to quiver as my ears picked up the sound of a chamber being loaded. Then for no apparent reason I began to think a boa constrictor. A split second later I herd a horrifying scream. The truck veered off the side of the road. As it rolled by me I saw the passenger being suffocated by a very large snake. I faced forward with a satisfying grin plastered on my face.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 Next »


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

applesauceHater said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm
OMGEEEH!endings intense! One thing is that you should write a little more emotion and feelings. Like on the first page, you should say how he felt and how it hurt as he gasped for air when he was being choked. Or when he found out that guy was his father. You should have wrote how he was hurt, or confused, anger. Did he have mixed emotions. Did he feel anything towards the mom because of this? Or when he was strapped to the table in the second page, was he scared, nervous?But other than that(hop... (more »)
 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Thank you for the review. I am currently working on a follow up book for this series. I can't wait until I finish. Oh and BTW, I dont mind reading you work
 
kingofwritersThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

This story was good, but there are a LOT of ways you could've improved it. The plot seemed weak, and you didn't describe the mother telling everything to Iggy, so him learning about his powers kind of seemed like a minor event in the story compared to him renting a motel room. 

You also should've described what the characters looked like, and used higher vocabulary. The whole story seemed to go by really quickly, and it's because you didn't really take the time to describe your en... (more »)

 
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm
BTW you wote the same thing twice but im only in 7th grade so im still working on it.
 

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