Metalligirl

March 2, 2013
By CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments

Summary:

Wendy Walker's life wasn't never very fun to begin with- living in a girls' home with an insensitive, greedy guardian and flip-flop chucking orphans isn't ideal. But her life is turned upside down after discovering she has cancer and undergoing an experimental nanotechnology cancer treatment with unexpected side effects- the nanobots took over her body and turned her arm, leg, and side of her face into solid metal, complete with magnetic, robotic abilities! After narrowly escaping an examination clinic full of poking, prodding scientists, she stumbles across kids like her- a collection of freaks, accidents, and mutants who happen to be on their way to the Big Apple. When trouble arises with a power-hungry hypnotist, Wendy makes the transition to self-concious cyborg to hero of New York.


Claire B.

Metalligirl


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This book has 37 comments.


on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:49 am
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks for the comment- I think next time I post, it will be the rest. :)

on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:48 am
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks a lot! I tried to make my intro seem sort of heroic. :)

on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:46 am
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks, and sorry about the typos- I tend to type faster and sloppier when I'm excited about what I'm writing! :)

on Mar. 26 2013 at 10:23 am
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks a lot for the comment! Yeah, I tried to vary the personalities as much as I could- I've always pictured the girls' home keeper, Miss Turner, as a bony, middle aged lady who wears way too much make-up, rather than a frumpy Miss Hannigan... :)

on Mar. 25 2013 at 11:09 pm
Elphabalover72, North Ridge, California
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"People are going to bitch about me anyway so I might as well give them something to bitch about," Helena Bonham Carter.

I really love the emotion and the characters are well developed. You just have one misspelling. "Te," is supposed to be, "the."

on Mar. 25 2013 at 7:09 pm
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks! I was so excited to post the first chapter of my story that I didn't want to wait until the next day, so I ended up typing it out and posting it at around 1:00 in the morning. So that's my explanation for the typos. I'm glad you liked it anyway, though! :)

on Mar. 25 2013 at 4:37 pm
EternallyReading, Cedar Park, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I like where you're going with this. Usually I'm not a big fan of third person, but I think it really works here. There were a few places where you skipped some words, but overall it was grammar mistake free. I think you've done a great job on character development as well. Keep up the good work :)

on Mar. 25 2013 at 3:39 pm
bluearmadillo2000 BRONZE, St Albans, Other
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"An author is someone who, not content to bore the people he lives with, leaves his work to bore future generations as well."

What an amazing story! I hope you post the rest soon. I really like the way that it is more realistic than some orphan stories where they live in a dump with obviously evil people as your characters have a huge range of personalities!

on Mar. 20 2013 at 6:00 pm
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
This is very helpful; thanks for the comment! I'll keep all of this in mind. :)

on Mar. 20 2013 at 4:27 pm
lucybrown SILVER, Blacksburg, Virginia
7 articles 0 photos 112 comments

Favorite Quote:
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

First things first, but not necessarily in that order. ~ From Doctor Who

Wow, I really like this.  The idea you have here is very creative and intriguing.  I like your characters and the part on the bus where Tessa took Lea's doll from her was a very well written scene and it really brought out your character's personalities- it had a lot of great emotion in it as well.  I also like your dialogue- it's very realistic and powerful.  Some suggestions that I have:  I couldn't picture your characters very well.  You don't have to go all out describing every single thing about them but a few details here and there about what they look like can go a long way.  You also might want to think about adding more body language during dialogue (just an idea)  The last suggestion I have is the first paragraph seems a little unnecessary since at the ending you repeated a lot of what was said before (her getting in a fight with Tessa, seeing the lump) and I think that it would be just as good without that paragraph.  Just my opinion- dont feel like you have to change it.  Other than that, really great job.  It will be interesting to see where this story goes =)

on Mar. 19 2013 at 4:35 pm
SunGlassWolf13, Nooksack/Everson Wa, Washington
0 articles 1 photo 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I will not text, because if god wanted me to take 15 minutes to say, 'whats up?', he would have given me a studder". Bill Engvall

Great Work! Your setup is one of the best ive seen, and on top of that, your characters are interesting right from the get-go. Cant wait for the next part

on Mar. 12 2013 at 7:07 pm
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
Thanks! There'll be even more action and emotion when the 'metal' part comes into play! :)

on Mar. 12 2013 at 12:00 pm
Island-Star BRONZE, Toronto, Ohio
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This is really good! I like the action and emotion in the story. I want to read more! :)

on Mar. 9 2013 at 11:04 am
writesomethingalways PLATINUM, Pueblo West, Colorado
21 articles 7 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing." ~Benjamin Franklin

Awesome! Can't wait to see it! You're welcome!

on Mar. 8 2013 at 9:28 pm
CurlyGirl17 SILVER, Corydon, Indiana
6 articles 0 photos 95 comments
I'm so glad you like it! I'm thinking maybe next time I submit work it will be the rest of the story... I'm about halfway done writing it. Thanks for the comment! :)

on Mar. 7 2013 at 8:42 pm
writesomethingalways PLATINUM, Pueblo West, Colorado
21 articles 7 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing." ~Benjamin Franklin

I really like it so far! Do you have more chapters yet? Nice cliffhanger..... lol, I'm definitely anxious to see what happens next.

meggles said...
on Mar. 6 2013 at 4:54 pm
this is great! Can't wait to read the rest!!




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