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At two years old I remember walking and running around like a bat out of Hell in my walker,pushing my legs off from the ground,bouncing myself up and down with laughter.I also remember watching 9/11 live on tv.After watching it for what seemed like forever Mom quickly swithched to a Disney movie marathon.At four years old Hoffman's Playland was my second home to me and my Pop (my father's father).At foure years old I lost my bestfirend,my Pop,but everyone just told me he was just a "little sick" when it was in fact the Big C.After he passed I felt like it was my fault because I pushed him to be more active and go out more.My dad was just as devastated as me when he passed except I didn't turn to alcohol for the pain.Over the years school and home life where the same,bullied on a daily basis at school and I'd come home to mom and dad fighting verbally and sometimes physically.After I turned twelve he started to go after both me and my mom.More siblings came along so when they'd fight there'd also be a bunch of cryng kids.I did my best to keep them away from it.With the constant toment home and school I started to cut myself,tried to kill myself at least thirteen times in my eighteen almost nineteen years of life.The only reason I couldn't do it was because I couldn't leave my siblings behind.I started to pop pills and drink.In the mean time mom was having mental break downs and dad be upstairs asleep,out for a ride or drinking at the kitchen.I just wanted to feel numb.
I'll keep the rest of this short.
I was bullied so bad I have nerve amage in my neck,shouders,and back.
I almost bled out to death before.
My little brother found me unconcious and unresponsive when I had OD'd on pills.
I wished my father dead and I've told them numerous times they're horrible parents.(Now he has Leukemia.Becareful what you wish for.).
I wouldn't go to school (after being to eight different ones) and I always had bad grades.
In the past four years I've spent at my current school I've recieved these honors;
-Artist of the year
-Artist of the month
-Student of the week (3 or 4 times)
-Essay contest winner (several times)
-Motto contest winner
-Equestrian of the month
-First place in hand horse handling and first in champions
-Headline performance for each school function
I have quite the reputation and I've made quite the mark at my school.Granted it's special ED and a school unlike most,I've exceled here more than anywhere else I've been.Do I wish I could tell you my life story?Yes,but do I have the space and time,no.I just want you all to know you're not alone and no matter what hapens you can change.I don't drink or do pills.I havent hurt myself in 5 years nor been hospitalized since.Have I hit rough patches?Yes.Have I wanted to give up?Yes but that's why it's called a rough patch,it's jut a small part of the road that isn't as smooth as the rest of the stretch.Never stop drving down the road.It's ok to take a pit stop but you eventualy have to reach your destination.Sometime you'll hit traffic or a road that's closed but you either have to wait and have patience or find a new road to drive on.