I think it’s funny how fast things can change. I just can’t understand if I’m changing or he’s changing or was it all a disillusion. Maybe it was all fake, maybe he never cared. Which hurts, it hurts a lot. I guess heartbreak doesn’t always come from a boyfriend, not in my case at least. I miss our late night talks, and him being deep and dramatic yet funny at the same time. He’s not the cutest, not at all. When you love someone, when you fall in love with their personality, you start to fall in love with them. We loved our similarities, yet respect the differences. I’m not saying I fell in love with him, I didn’t. I fell in love with how he made me feel, how he cared, how he was there for me. That was the truth, at least it felt so real, I don’t know what happened. It wasn’t a fight, we just “grew apart”, I get the feeling something happened, I just don’t know what. I still feel the same way about him, but I know how he feels different. Maybe, just maybe he never felt that way at all.
He used to say things that just made me happy, it made me smile, made me feel good. It’s not that I lack that now or that I don’t have amazing friends, but a piece of me is kinda dead. He used to tell me that we “kept each other alive if one heart stops so does the other”, I would always say “okay”, and he would say “okay”. When I would have days I was really upset he once told me “we all have those days, it’s just more real for some than others”. I felt like we started something, had something going. He told me one night when we stayed up to talk that “things are getting there, or else I wouldn’t talk to you every day”. His exact words were “I need you if we ever stop talking there would be a pretty great reason”. He was in love with this girl, he had been for a long time. I would give him advice, the way he talked about her, I wished he would talk about me like that. I would type messages to him about how I cared but never send them. It turns out he not who I thought he was, I know he cared before, I just know it. I also know he doesn’t anymore, not at all.
He’s such a liar, and it hurts. All the time I tell myself not to think about him, not to care. I can’t. How can he just forget me? I give myself different ideas of why he doesn’t answer. I never tell myself he just doesn’t care. He’s a liar, a flat out liar, and I will never, never forgive him. He doesn’t care or need me like he says he does, he also has his phone. He told me he was grounded that he couldn’t text me, that he snuck his phone in the middle of the night just to say that. I talk to his friends, I see pictures and videos, he has his phone. He used to be the reason my days were good, now he’s the reason they're bad.
He and I had a song, as stupid as that sounds. “Blessings” By Big Sean. He sung it to me when I was upset, he showed he cares.