“Why are you crying?” “Are you really crying?” “Oh my goodness you’re crying!” I have had all these sentences said to me the past few months. I have been crying at school a lot. Holding in emotions as complicated as sadness, is like a worm crawling in an apple. It will stay inside of the apple for awhile, but eventually it will wiggle its way out. When I least expect it, salty water flows from my eyes like the Niagara Falls.
I was driving home with my brother one day when this had first occurred. I couldn’t just turn off the faucets that were my tear ducts. The tears kept coming and and would not stop. I thought ‘Am I going crazy?’ and started laughing at how pathetic I was. We drove for 45 minutes, until I finally was able to pull myself together.
At school I was with my friends at the lockers and it happened again. I was having a perfectly fine conversation, and from the back of my head came this overwhelming dark, sad, feeling. I started to cry. Tears streamed down my face whilst I was still smiling and talking. “Are you alright? What’s wrong?” said my very confused friend. “I don’t know, sometimes this just happens.”
That is the truth. I did not know why I started crying in the midst of a conversation. With a smile on my face. The feelings just come out of nowhere. I feel as though my brain is filling up a pot and forgot to turn the water off, and the tears are just overflowing. Running down my cheeks. Or I am packing a suitcase with too many articles of clothing, and the zipper breaks at the airport.
I use these analogies to give examples of when there is too much of something. I have too much sadness. So much that, my mind cannot control when it shows itself. It only makes me wonder, is there anyone else this sad? It provokes thoughts such as, I should not be this sad. Nobody should have to be this sad.