So a few weeks ago while I was in Prescott with a friend I decided to sneak out of the hotel we were staying in. I decided to skate and to see what downtown Prescott looked like at night. I quickly found a fire escape and decided to climb up and see everything. I was so blown away with how beautiful everything looked and how peaceful it sounded, but that was taken back when I realized how high up I was. I thought about the jump, I thought about what would happen, and I thought that it would be a solution to everything that was happening. The trip was supposed to be fun, but I wasn't having too much fun. I mean I got to see my family and my beatfriend was with me, but someone was missing. I planned this trip with a girl in mind and everything that was happening was supposed to be with her, but we had a falling out and sadly she wasn't there. I sat up there and contemplated the jump. I knew if I did people would be sad and there would be a lot of crying, but in that moment I didn't care. I was only thinking of myself, and I was being selfish. I felt so alone as I thought of what I was going to do, but I've always felt along and I guess that's what led me up there in the first place. I broke down and called a friend of mine but she didn't know why I called until just a few days ago. On the fire escape I cried quite a bit as I almost ended my own life. I decided against the jump because my friend unknowingly talked me out of it. I had problems as everyone does but a lot of them stem from the way I was raised, but I digress. I thought about all the people who loved me and I thought of my siblings and I realized that I'm the closest thing to a father the two little ones have and I can't take that away from them. I'm happy I decided against the jump and against the decision of ending my own life. So many good things have happened since that day and thinking of what I almost did brings me to tears as I almost made the worst decision ever. Everything is looking so much better than before, I'm finally going to counseling to get help and I'm getting out more and seeing the world through new lenses. That night made me think so much about everything that has been happening and it truly was an eye opening experience.
The Right Decision
April 9, 2018