My mother is white… My father is black. I always get the same condescending snotty response to that statement. “Oh your mother is white?” The look of barely concealed disgust lays close to the surface of their dark colored skin.  Their body language now already dismissing me as they realize that I'm not just a light colored African, I am half white. Their next sentence is always filled with pity and sympathy, “Oh I'm sorry I don't know what I would do if my mom was white.”  Because to them whites are the enemy. Whites put them behind bars, pull their families apart, ruin their lives. And I'm white. I'm not black to them, no I don't get that title, I am just as bad as a full blooded caucasian American to them.

My mother is white… My father is black. The same snotty and condescending comment, though this time obnoxious and racist more than anything. “ Oh! Your dad is black? Really?” Again I feel uncomfortable and dismissed as I know with this information I am now looked at like nothing more than a low life black girl who isn't worth anything to them. Them….. Them being my other half. Them being the ones who claim they are not still racist, but everyone knows on the inside, even if only subconsciously, they are. They who think that just because I'm a black female I’m a w**** because I have a good body. They who watch me and my people just a little bit closer than everyone else  every time we enter the store. All I am to them is black, it doesn't matter that my mother is a full blooded caucasian American.

Being a “Half Breed” is hard in America, where mixing ethnicities isn't all that acceptable even in the 21st century. Especially when you’re a mix of two of the most notoriously warring ethnicities in history. When you’re a mix that historically was illegal and still is in some places. When you’re half a slave and half a free being. They see my skin, my hair, my body, and they ask “what are you?” What am I supposed to say to that? I can't say white because I am clearly more than just white. I can't say black because then that's denying a part of myself, a part of my culture. I can't just say I’m mixed because that doesn't answer their question. So what am I? Who am I? This world runs on labels. What is my label? I wish I could label myself for others in order to avoid all the awkward questions about my origins and how being black and white works, I want to label myself for ME. It's hard to live in a world of labels with no label. There has been an internal battle within my heart, head and soul. I try to answer people's questions on what and who I am when I don't even know what or who I am.

That brings us to even worse issues, because if I choose one culture over the other it’s like I love one family more than the other, I only love half of myself. How does that work? How do I choose a culture to conform to when I feel uncomfortable with both. I am not accepted by any group, because I am too culturally white to fit in with the blacks, and I am too culturally black to fit in with the whites. This produces a problem for me, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, in my house, in my own family. Because truth be told, I know my family loves me, but I also know that I am different from both sides.

I was raised by a white woman, so ultimately I feel as if I know nothing about black culture. This presents itself as a problem for me when I visit my black family. I don't understand their culture even though I should. It makes me uncomfortable and I can't stand to be around them. I still am black though. There are still some African American cultural things that I know have been ingrained in me since the day I was conceived. Due to this, I don't fit in with my white family either. I feel too black to be around them. And I feel too white to be around my African family. I don't want to be around any of my family because I feel as if I don't fit in with any of them. How can I fit in if I’m not fully committed to one of the cultures and way of life? But how can I commit to two cultures? How can I be two people but still be one individual?

This is not just a problem for me. It is a problem for all who are “half breeds”. There are masses of people who don't know how to live. This needs to change, people need to be able to feel comfortable in their own skin, with their two different personalities and cultures. For this, society’s rules need to change. It needs to not be frowned upon to be a mix, it needs to be accepted and encouraged, not disapproved of and forbidden.