I believe that music is a gateway away from the pain. I hurt day in a day out. Not physically but mentally and emotionally. I’m afraid to go home because of the abuse I go through. I’m afraid to go to school because I don’t want to get close to anyone. Anyone who starts to get close I push away before I can get hurt. I say I hate people when in reality I’m afraid of them. I get abused mentally, emotionally, and verbally. I try to fight back but it just gets worse. My moms argued that he’ll get better. She told me that he’s getting better. She's stated that he's working on it. She tells me to give him a chance! Well guess what? I’m tired. I’ve tried. I’ve given him a remarkable amount of chances its unreal. I’m done. I don’t care if he’s changed in your eyes. All I perceive is someone who complains about anything and everything we do. I gaze at someone who uses words to hurt us internally. I use my music to get away. I listen to music to make my own reality where I can’t get hurt. But after listening to his hurtful words for such a long time that even in my own mind, my own reality... I still get hurt. Only this time, it's on the outside. My inner pain is so horrible I give myself physical pain because it hurts less than the pain inside. I listen to music to get away. I write stories to get away. I try to run away and it never works. That's why I turn to music. Music I can turn up extremely loud it hurts. Music I can turn up extremely loud I can’t hear anything else. Music that gives me comfort when no one else can. Music that helps me from taking my pain out on everyone else. Music gives me meaning. I can daydream and not have to worry about anyone breaking it when I have my music playing. Music has become my life line. I need music so much that I freak out when I lose my headphones. I go crazy looking for them when I misplace them. I have to listen to at least one song a day or I can’t breath. I can’t last the day without music. I wouldn’t even be here today if it weren’t for music. Music is amazing. It opens doors and unlocks gates to other worlds. To new dimensions. This is why I believe that music is a gateway away from the pain.
I Believe That Music Is a Gateway Away from the Pain
November 7, 2017