Iliana

November 7, 2017
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Growing up i never liked my name. I always thought it was ugly and weird. Everyone around me always had a very hard time to pronounce my name. And somehow i always had new versions of my name like ¨ Liliana (lilly-ah-nuh),  Liana (lee-ah-nuh), Llana (yah-nuh). And as well the misspellings how they always misspell my name And the list goes on. . The first time in first grade when it was my first day i remembered being super excited to meet all these new people. I asked every girl in my class their names and they were all beautiful names like ¨ Cynthia, Jasmine, Emily, Daisy, Delilah and so on. But when they asked me my name i was embarrassed because they had trouble pronouncing it and looked at me like i'm weird because i was turning red due to all the time they had to repeat my name and i hated hearing it. Soon my teacher had to call role but i guess she was familiar with my name as she called my name with no hesitation. It was a sigh of relief for me but the other girls were now looking at me as if i were unique due to my name. They thought i was different than everyone else, but i'm just like everyone else. Overtime my friends tried giving me nicknames like Ili or Ana but they never stuck around. I always felt icky when someone would call me by a nickname. It felt like they were touching me with a booger on their finger. I always asked my parents why couldn't they name me another name. Like ¨ Mayra, Carmen, Angelina, Giselle, Stella. I can go on forever about the names i wish i could've been named. I always ask them out of all the names why Iliana? And it's just always a stupid response like ¨ Because it's your aunt's name ¨. If its my aunt name then let it be HER name. I don't like having the same name as a family member because it's awkward when both of us are around and they call out our name and we don't know who it is that they're calling.
To this day i am now a sophomore and people still don't know how to pronounce my name all the way. Growing up i never thought about my name having any meaning to me because i never liked it, i never believed anyone when they said they liked my name. I mean when they said it was unique i believed them because i've never heard anyone else with a name like mine but me and my aunt.


I remember being younger and going to theme parks or to circuses or souvenir shops. I remember never finding my name on pencils, bracelets, shirts, keychains, frames, posters, etc i can go on.


It always made me sad and made me have less self love in myself. I don't really love myself for plenty of reasons. I've never felt special. But recently i decided to take the liberty to find out what my name means, i didn't think i'd find a meaning but luckily i did and my name has 3 meanings. In Hebrew my name means ¨”The Lord has responded¨


In Latin my name means ¨Sun.¨ In Greek my name means ¨Bright.¨


When i found out what it means it made me feel better about myself because i am a bright person and people tell me i shine on them like them like the sun. My parents tell me i'm the light of their life. It makes me feel good about myself and special. I grew to like my name because i realized it's special and unique and something i've never heard before. It makes me feel like i'm the only one who has the name but in reality other people have it to. I am Iliana, my name is Iliana. I am glad i no longer complain about my name it actually suits me and the meaning behind it.






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Sebby said...
Nov. 9 at 8:41 pm
You're amazing. The relatable aspect as well as the subject hits very close to home. Amazing literature and poetry Iliana❤
 
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