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I Don't Know How to Respond

By , Grundy Center, IA

Life is strange. You can never quite get the hang of it, it’s such a peculiar little thing. Just when you think you’ve gotten it, somebody changes the rules on you, and you’re all confused just shrieking, “IT’S NOT FAIR WHAT HAPPENED WHY IS THIS AAHHH!” Life is difficult, too. It’s like somebody started a game and set it on the most difficult setting. On Steroids. In North Korea. In the winter. On Christmas Eve in a Walmart. Life, for me, is just plain mean. See, I’m a very dumb, bisexual, strange and odd young man that doesn’t quite understand much of anything. People are just difficult. People often say something to me or attempt to start a conversation of some extent and they leave me speechless or in an awkward position that I’m expected to respond but I don’t quite know how. Sometimes it can be an easy question or statement, “What’s your favorite color?” “Sea cucumber.”

For someone with anxiety, it’s also terrifying. Not only do I not understand how to respond or talk to people, I’m often scared to. I don’t know what the response will be, I’m too scared that it will be bad and that somebody will judge me for it. I’m scared I’ll be disowned or I’ll be cast out. I don’t have many friends because I don’t know how, and I’m too scared to try.

Life is also confusing. I don’t know what friends are supposed to do or how relationships work. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do for people, it’s all just this massive conundrum for me.

I never said this would be a long piece, it’s short for a reason. I don’t know how to write, either. That’s the worst of all.






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